Space

 From Blake Goldsmith

I know you need space.

Time to be in your own energy.

And I respect that.

Your solitude is sacred to you.

the same way connection is sacred to me.

I'm not here to take that from you.

But when I don't hear from you...

when I feel you drifting

something inside me panics.

My nervous system thinks love is leaving again.

Not because of you

but because my body was wired to expect

absence.

I never had consistent love.

It was always hot & cold.

My father wasn't really there.

And my mother taught me to be a "good girl:

who never needed too much.

I learned to smile when I was hurting,

chase love that felt just out of reach.

Now I attach quickly & try harder,

I lose myself trying to keep love from leaving.

I question myself.

I mistake distance for rejection.

So now I struggle to trust the warmth will stay.

When I met you

there was something familiar about the way you

didn't chase me.

A part of me was drawn to it

to the strength, to your fire,

but also to the feeling that I had to earn your

attention.

It felt like maybe this time

I could finally be enough to be chosen.

I didn't see it at first,

but I was replaying the same story

hoping I could rewrite the ending.

I know you've got 1000 things going on.

I just need  feel you sometimes.

And I know you're trying.

You're working, providing, holding a lot.

I'm not here to make that harder.

I just want to feel that I still matter.

When I criticize or complain,

it's not because you're not enough.

It's because I don't feel safe.

It's my wound speaking

the part of me that's terrified

you'll disappear like everyone else did.

I know it's not your job to fix that.

It's my work. And I'm doing it.

But please know:

when I feel you're really present with me,

even just for a moment,

my whole body exhales.

I don't need you to save me.

Just don't disappear when I'm scared.

Let me know we're okay.

Let me know I still matter.

Let me know I'm not too much.

Because I'm still learning

that love can be safe

and that I don't have to earn it.

And that's all I ever wanted

to be seen, held, and chosen

even when I'm messy.