From HeartMend
Avoidant love isn't cold, it's conflicted. They crave connection just like anyone else, but closeness feels dangerous to them. Love activates their deepest fears, fear of rejection, fear of losing control, fear of being needed in ways they don't know how to meet.
So they protect themselves the only way they know how, by creating distance. When things start to feel real, they pull back. When they feel your absence, they come close again. It's not because they don't care, it's because love feels like both comfort and threat at the same time.
Their nervous system has learned to associate love with pain, so when you get too close, their instincts tell them to run. They seek freedom, not realizing that true freedom in love only exists through trust.
It's heartbreaking to love someone stuck in this pattern and watch them sabotage the very thing they've always wanted. But remember, their avoidance isn't about your worth; it's about their fear.
You can show them what safety looks like, but you can't convince them to stay. Healing this pattern requires them to stop running from love and start running toward themselves.
The Avoidant Love Pattern
They appear calm when you pull away.
They reach out once you've let go.
They downplay feelings to stay in control.
They confuse independence with safety.
They feel overwhelmed when loved deeply.
They mistake vulnerability for weakness.
They return when they believe it's safe again.
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