Came across this article on Faithit website the other day. It's really good.
3 Incredible Truths Every Divorced Christian Needs to Know
by Brian Orme
Dear Divorced Christian,
That term still stings, doesn't it? It seems as if people everywhere want you to wear a large, scarlet letter "D" around your neck. Every form you complete asks if you are divorced or widowed, not just single or married. You are often scorned by the church because of your past. You feel as if you are a total and complete failure.
It's miserable to not fit in, especially at church. You don't really fit in with the singles, an eclectic group that spans many decades. And you don't fit in with the married groups, either, even though you once did. You don't fit in with the happy little families, all coming together to celebrate holidays and special events as a "complete" family.
Even if you did fit in, there are time constraints. If you have full-time custody of your children, you are so busy trying to juggle work and kid schedules and your many other responsibilities that you have no time to search out a new circle of friends. You have no time to consider a social life of your own. And, even if you could find friends and activities, there's no money for child care for an occasional evening of adult fellowship.
And then there are those well-meaning Christians who want you to know that you have failed Christ by your divorce. They tell you that God hates divorce. They tell you that if you remarry one day, you will forever be living in an adulterous relationship, surely condemned to eternal hell. They tell you that you must stand in the gap, praying for reconciliation with your ex-spouse. This is your only option - other than remaining single for the rest of your life.
You wonder how you will ever survive. You wonder if God can forgive you. You may even wonder if you really sinned. So many questions, and so many different answers.
I understand. I entered marriage with a covenant mindset, with plans for until death do we part. Divorce was not an option for me.
Until it was.
You see, sometimes hearts harden. Sometimes people turn their backs on God's perfect plan for their lives. Sometimes one party makes choices that forever change a covenant relationship. Maybe there's adultery. Maybe there's abandonment. Maybe there's abuse. Always there is sin.
Maybe, like me, you tried everything. You begged God, day and night, to save your marriage. You tried marriage counseling. You gave your all for years and years, and you never saw anything except continued adultery in return. You sought wise counsel from those who knew you best. You spent untold hours seeking wisdom from God when you finally walked away.
Maybe you weren't even a Christian when you went through your divorce. And yet now that you have given your life to Christ you find people telling you that you must remain single. You are struggling to reconcile the God who lovingly called you to him with the one other Christians are presenting to you. You can't seem to reach a place of understanding.
Or maybe you were the guilty party. Maybe you had an indiscretion. Maybe your selfishness pushed your spouse away. Maybe you were caught up in your career that you neglected your spouse until he/she couldn't take it any longer. Maybe it was your addiction that made life with you unbearable. You live with the constant shame and guilt that you destroyed your family.
I understand. I've lived through the hurt and the pain, the shame and the guilt. I was once the "perfect" Christian. And then my life shattered. My family crumbled under the pain and shame of divorce. Our ministry was stripped away.
I had nothing left but Jesus...but Jesus was more than I ever needed.
It has been a long, tough road, but God is in the process of redeeming every hurt and pain I have experienced. He has been exactly what I need on this journey, exactly when I needed it. He has been my Great I Am. He has been my peace and my provider. He has been my helper and friend. And he is the giver of new life, the one who can resurrect our lives from the death of divorce.
And here's what I want you to know:
1. God Hates Divorce
Oh, I know you cringe when you hear that! It's thrown in your face as if divorce is the unpardonable sin. But let's be honest: God does hate divorce...and so do you...and so do I.
As I began to look more deeply into Malachi 2:16, I found the context interesting. You see, the context is of the unfaithful spouse, the one who hurts his/her spouse deeply. It's about being cruel to your spouse, the one that we should love and protect more than any other. God hates the actions that often lead to divorce as we know it.
Since we are throwing around things that God hates, let's take a look at another passage:
There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community. (Proverbs 6:16-19).
Ouch! That stings! Let me just say that anyone who is throwing Malachi 2:16 at you needs to stop and take a look at Proverbs 6. We, as Christians, need to remember that there is none righteous, not even one (Romans 3:10). We need to remember that Christ died for our pride and our lies just as much as he died for our divorces. And, it's often the sins of Proverbs 6 that lead to divorce.
2. To Remarry...Or Not?
I am sure you have heard the arguments that you cannot remarry unless you want to live in adultery and risk your eternal soul. I, personally, have a real problem with that.
Let's start with interpretation of scripture. I am neither a Greek nor a Hebrew scholar. There are enough of those around that I can turn them to gain from their years of education and experience. However, not one of us was around to have full knowledge of what God intended when he gave the Holy Spirit inspired scripture to the authors. There are scholars who say remarriage is never an option. There are scholars who say remarriage is only an option in the case of adultery. And there are scholars who say remarriage is always allowed because of God's grace.
No matter what, any interpretation is exactly that: a human interpretation. Only the scripture itself is a divinely inspired Word of God. We have to be very cautious about taking a human interpretation and forcing it on others, lest we become like the Pharisees. Ultimately, your decision to remarry is between you and God. It is a decision that should be made in prayer and consultation with trusted biblical advisors. And, it is a decision that should only be made when you (and your future spouse) have taken plenty of time to heal from your past hurts and to become as much like Christ as possible.
Here's a quick thought for you: the lineage of Christ recorded in Matthew 1 lists a prostitute (Rahab, who eventually married Salmon (Solomon?), an adulterous couple (David, who married Bathsheba after having her husband murdered) and a widow (who married her kinsman-redeemer, Boaz). I find it very interesting that there are three women who were remarried in the direct lineage of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Can we say grace?
3. God is the Redeemer of All Things
Throughout scripture, we are given many promises to show us that there is always hope! Romans 8:28 tells us that all things work together for the good of those who love God. Zechariah 9:12 tells us that God will repay two blessings for each of our troubles. In John 11, Jesus proclaims that He is the resurrection and the life; He will take you from the death of divorce and breathe new life into you. And 1 Peter 5:10 says that the suffering won't last forever but one day He will have you put together and on your feet again.
When this journey began for me nearly six years ago, I wasn't sure I believed those promises. God had failed me, or so I thought. I had dedicated my life to Him, and the "blessing" I received was a husband who was unrepentant of his adultery. I was finished with God.
But He wasn't finished with me. He pursued me relentlessly and called me to get my security from Him. He gently reminded me that He has been with me all the days of my life and that He wasn't going to leave me now. He reminded me that He has great plans for me.
I was a broken, rejected mess. But God reminded me that He loves me, that I am His chosen child, His treasured possession. He told me that I am the apple of His eye (Psalm 17:8). He reminded me that I am His masterpiece, created to do good works (Ephesians 2:10). I was once called, and can never be disqualified because His call is irrevocable (Romans 11:29).
As I chose to surrender, He began to work in my heart and in my life. I have seen His provisions every step of the way. He has flooded me with His peace. He has given me a much deeper understanding of His love and His grace, a more intimate relationship with Him. He has taken my pain and given me a ministry. I truly believe with Job that the second half of my life will be more blessed than the first (Job 42:10).
And He wants to do the same for you. All you need to do is surrender, ask Him to do a mighty work in you so He can do a mighty work through you. Tell Him that you don't want this journey, but you will take it as long as your pain is not in vain.
I promise He will answer.
Your friend in Christ,
Divorced Dena
(Dena Johnson, blog is titled Dena's Devos)
Tuesday, May 30, 2017
More about love
Some more from the "love" series of Max Lucado's daily devotionals.
Love never celebrates misfortune. Never! Real love changes people. Didn't God's love change you? You know your love is real when you weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. Do you want to know what love is?
Romans 12:15: Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.
1 John 4:10: In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Love never celebrates misfortune. Never! Real love changes people. Didn't God's love change you? You know your love is real when you weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. Do you want to know what love is?
Romans 12:15: Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.
1 John 4:10: In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Sound like anybody we know?
Here's a quote I came across that reminded me of maybe why Dad acts the way he does. I didn't have an author written down for this quote.
Kids who never have any accountability for their actions will continue through life thinking nothing is their fault and everything is owed to them.
Kids who never have any accountability for their actions will continue through life thinking nothing is their fault and everything is owed to them.
Only One
I heard this song playing in Wal-Mart last night. It's the song that Stewie used to make the first memorial video of you the day after your accident. The song has since been deleted from your video due to copyright issues. Another note about this song is that Jack G. sent us a video of him playing this song on the piano that same week since it was from your video. Here are the lyrics. It took hearing this song last night as a clear message from you. Thank you! Love you!
Only One
by Kanye West, feat. Paul McCartney
As I lay me down to sleep
I hear her speak to me
Hello 'Mari, how ya doin?
I think the storm ran out of rain, the clouds are movin'
I know you're happy, cause I can see it
So tell the voice inside ya' head to believe it
I talked to God about you, he said he sent you an angel
And look at all that he gave you
You asked for one and you got two
You know I never left you
Cause every road that leads to heaven's right aside you
So I can say
Hello my only one
Just like the morning sun
You keep on rising till the sky knows your name
Hello my only one
Remember who you are
No you're not perfect but you're not your mistakes
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Oh the good outweighs the bad even on your worst day
Remember how I'd say, hey, hey, one day
You'll be the man you always knew you could be
And if you knew how proud I was
You'd never shed a tear, have a fear
No you wouldn't do that
And though I didn't pick the day to turn the page
I know it's not the end every time I see her face
And I hear you say
Hello my only one
Remember who you are
You got the world cause you got the love in your hands
And you're still my chosen one
So you can understand
One day you'll understand
So hear me out, hear me out
I won't go, I won't go
No goodbyes, no goodbyes
Just hello, just hello
And when you cry, I will cry
And when you smile, I will smile
And next time when I look in your eyes
We'll have wings and we'll fly
Hello my only one
Just like the morning sun
You keep on rising till the sky knows your name
And you're still my chosen one
Remember who you are
No you're not perfect but you're not your mistakes
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Tell Nori about me, tell Nori
I just want you to do me a favor
Tell Nori, about me, tell Nori about me
Tell Nori about me, tell Nori about me
Tell Nori about me, tell Nori about me
Tell Nori about me, tell Nori about me
Tell Nori about me...
Thursday, May 25, 2017
My soul still remembers
This is a passage from Lamentations. Not sure where I saw it, but decided to look it up.
Lamentations 3:20-25
My soul still remembers
And sinks within me.
This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
"The Lord is my portion," says my soul.
"Therefore I hope in Him!"
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.
Lamentations 3:20-25
My soul still remembers
And sinks within me.
This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
"The Lord is my portion," says my soul.
"Therefore I hope in Him!"
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.
Qualities needed in trials
This was on the Bible Gateway Verse of the Day. I love it when they have their own "titles."
James 1:19
Qualities Needed in Trials
So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;...
James 1:19
Qualities Needed in Trials
So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;...
Whatever He pleases
This was on Mrs. Collin's FB page today.
Psalm 115:3
But our God is in heaven;
He does whatever He pleases.
Psalm 115:3
But our God is in heaven;
He does whatever He pleases.
The storm
This was posted on Mrs. Nkanga's Facebook page-there wasn't an author or anything.
The storm that was sent to break you, is going to be the storm that God uses to make you.
The storm that was sent to break you, is going to be the storm that God uses to make you.
Hayden Dream #?
Losing count and losing title ideas for these. That's a good problem.
In this dream, we were in our neighborhood (which didn't look like our neighborhood), and some people were coming over for Memorial Day. We were in a small room with the Johnsons (Mrs., Ethan and Allie anyway and then me, Hope and Carter). The Johnsons were having their own conversation, but "little" you was there with us. Maybe 4- or 5-year-old you. You were doing something with a dollhouse and then you were giving us strawberries or raspberries or something. I pointed out to the Johnsons how cute you were, to make sure they noticed you.
That's all I can remember now. Thank you for that! Love you!
In this dream, we were in our neighborhood (which didn't look like our neighborhood), and some people were coming over for Memorial Day. We were in a small room with the Johnsons (Mrs., Ethan and Allie anyway and then me, Hope and Carter). The Johnsons were having their own conversation, but "little" you was there with us. Maybe 4- or 5-year-old you. You were doing something with a dollhouse and then you were giving us strawberries or raspberries or something. I pointed out to the Johnsons how cute you were, to make sure they noticed you.
That's all I can remember now. Thank you for that! Love you!
Tuesday, May 23, 2017
What we have
I've been reading the Max Lucado daily devotionals, and this one was about being thankful for what we have instead of focusing on what we don't have. It's really good.
You have a ticket to heaven no thief can take,
An eternal home no divorce can break.
Every sin of your life has been cast into the sea.
Every mistake you've made is nailed to the tree.
You are blood-bought and heaven-made.
A child of God - forever saved.
So be grateful, joyful - for isn't it true?
What you don't have is much less than what you do!
You have a ticket to heaven no thief can take,
An eternal home no divorce can break.
Every sin of your life has been cast into the sea.
Every mistake you've made is nailed to the tree.
You are blood-bought and heaven-made.
A child of God - forever saved.
So be grateful, joyful - for isn't it true?
What you don't have is much less than what you do!
Saw your name again
I don't know what to keep titling these posts-saw your name again, saw your name again again, etc.? Last night, I was looking on Facebook and noticed someone I went to high school with posted a video about some Motorsport guy named Nicky Hayden who died. It said he was The Kentucky Kid. Looks like he rode a dirtbike. Not sure how he died, but I always like seeing your name. Thanks for that!
Monday, May 22, 2017
Joy bombs
Here are some assorted quotes from the Bible Study book the ladies and I just finished.
1. Hope liberates.
Hope releases you from your past.
2. Hope motivates.
Hope helps you bounce back.
3. Hope initiates.
Hope sets you free to dream.
4. Hope activates.
Hope is the fuel that makes the world a better place.
-Ray Johnston, pastor and author
Hope, for the Christian, is not wishful thinking or mere blind optimism. It is a mode of knowing, a mode within which new things are possible, options are not shut down, and new creation can happen.
-N.T.
Hope can get sick and die. Sometimes hope is murdered with shocking quickness when the one thing on which we set our deepest hope is blown out of our lives, like a tent in the path of a hurricane. Other times hope dies slowly, sliced away in bits and pieces of disappointment; one thing after another that we had hoped for whittled away, like wood chips flying from a green branch before the knife of an indifferent whittler. Whether it slips slowly like drippings from a leaking valve or gets smashed on the rocks of reality, when hope dies inside of us, we are all but done for. -Lewis Smedes, author and professor
(God's people are those) whose lives are bordered on one side by a memory of God's acts, and on the other by hope in God's promises, and who along with whatever else is happening are able to say, at the center, "We are one happy people." -Eugene Peterson, pastor and author
Joy is a mystery because it can happen anywhere, anytime, even under the most unpromising circumstances, even in the midst of suffering, with tears in its eyes. Even nailed to a tree.
-Frederick Buechner, pastor and author
Psalm 139:14-16: I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
(Some of these are getting good as I look through them and deserve their own post. Trying to decide if I should keep them all together tho)
The chance to trust God when trusting isn't easy is wide open, the prospect for modeling hope for a hope-needy world is trending upward. And the possibility of cultivating a storm-proof faith is always going up. This is so because certain truths remain unchanged: God remains sovereign, grace beats sin, prayers get heard, the Bible endures, heaven's mercies spring up new every morning, the cross still testifies to the power of sacrificial love, the tomb is still empty, and the Kingdom that Jesus announced is still expanding without needing to be bailed out by human efforts. God is still in the business of redemption, specializing in bringing something very, very good out of something very, very bad. -John Ortberg, pastor and author
All persons, to one extent or another, hold basic assumptions (conscious or unconscious beliefs) about themselves, the external world, and the relationship between the two. The 3 fundamental assumptions are that one's personal world is basically benevolent, that life makes sense (order and meaning), and that one is worthy and in control. It is these core assumptions that are overturned by severe and especially random trauma, and it is the struggle to reconstruct these adaptive illusions that is at the core of the coping process. It is the confrontation with one's own survival - whether resulting from serious accidents, natural disasters, disease, or criminal attacks - that is the defining feature of the trauma. One is forced to recognize his or her deepest vulnerability. -Jerry M. Lewis, MD
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there. -Unknown
The purpose of rejoicing is not so we can feel better emotionally (though that will happen). The purpose of joy is to glorify God by demonstrating to an unbelieving world that our loving and faithful heavenly Father cares for us and provides for us all that we need. -Jerry Bridges, author
Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined choice to praise God in all things. -Kay Warren, author and speaker
Depth of sorrow is the sign of a healthy soul, not a sick soul. It does not have to be morbid or fatalistic. It is not something to embrace...Sorrow indicates that people who have suffered loss are living authentically in a world of misery, and it expresses the emotional anguish of people who feel pain for themselves or for others. Sorrow is noble and gracious. It enlarges the soul until the soul is capable of mourning and rejoicing simultaneously, if feeling the world's pain and hoping for the world's healing at the same time. However painful, sorrow is good for the soul. -Gerald Stittser, author
In Rabbinic literature, a sword represented mourning. The vivid imagery suggested a loss could strike deep at any time. During the first three days of mourning, the image of a sword was raised above a mourner's shoulder. Through day 7, the sword could approach the bereaved from the corner of the room. Those who suffered through loss of a loved one could expect the sword to pass him or her on the street until the end of day 30. And the sword was likely to strike any family member throughout the full year. This imagery reminds us that moments of mourning can hit us at any time - long after the loss has occurred.
A state of emotion always comes between the knowledge and the act...God intended that truth should move us to moral action. The mind receives ideas, mental pictures of things as they are. These excite the feelings and these in turn move the will to act in accordance with the truth...Be sure that human feelings can never be completely stifled. If they are forbidden their normal course, like a river they will cut a channel through the life and flow out to curse and to ruin and to destroy. -A.W. Tozer
Grief is derived from the Latin verb meaning to be burdened. For some, grief can feel like a heavy burden. Mourning is derived from the Latin verb meaning be anxious. Mourning is a process of remembering what was lost and provides a way for our bodies, minds, and hearts to metabolize loss.
Beware of spending too much time looking back at what you once were when God wants you to become something you have never been. -Oswald Chambers, evangelist and teacher
To better understand the difference between God taking pleasure in His people and taking pleasure in causing ruin, read Deuteronomy 28. God is so committed to our holiness that He will even allow destruction if it draws us back to Him.
The Old Testament teaches us that joy stems from God the Father. Jesus connects Himself to the same virtue in John 15:11 using possessive language. He says "My" joy, not "joy like mine." Paul speaks of joy in Galatians 5 as a fruit of the Spirit. The fact that joy is tied to all three persons of the Trinity underscores its importance in the life of a Christian.
A sacred echo is the repetitive nature of God's voice in your life. Often when God speaks, He will say the same thing again and again. See 1 Kings 19.
1. Hope liberates.
Hope releases you from your past.
2. Hope motivates.
Hope helps you bounce back.
3. Hope initiates.
Hope sets you free to dream.
4. Hope activates.
Hope is the fuel that makes the world a better place.
-Ray Johnston, pastor and author
Hope, for the Christian, is not wishful thinking or mere blind optimism. It is a mode of knowing, a mode within which new things are possible, options are not shut down, and new creation can happen.
-N.T.
Hope can get sick and die. Sometimes hope is murdered with shocking quickness when the one thing on which we set our deepest hope is blown out of our lives, like a tent in the path of a hurricane. Other times hope dies slowly, sliced away in bits and pieces of disappointment; one thing after another that we had hoped for whittled away, like wood chips flying from a green branch before the knife of an indifferent whittler. Whether it slips slowly like drippings from a leaking valve or gets smashed on the rocks of reality, when hope dies inside of us, we are all but done for. -Lewis Smedes, author and professor
(God's people are those) whose lives are bordered on one side by a memory of God's acts, and on the other by hope in God's promises, and who along with whatever else is happening are able to say, at the center, "We are one happy people." -Eugene Peterson, pastor and author
Joy is a mystery because it can happen anywhere, anytime, even under the most unpromising circumstances, even in the midst of suffering, with tears in its eyes. Even nailed to a tree.
-Frederick Buechner, pastor and author
Psalm 139:14-16: I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
(Some of these are getting good as I look through them and deserve their own post. Trying to decide if I should keep them all together tho)
The chance to trust God when trusting isn't easy is wide open, the prospect for modeling hope for a hope-needy world is trending upward. And the possibility of cultivating a storm-proof faith is always going up. This is so because certain truths remain unchanged: God remains sovereign, grace beats sin, prayers get heard, the Bible endures, heaven's mercies spring up new every morning, the cross still testifies to the power of sacrificial love, the tomb is still empty, and the Kingdom that Jesus announced is still expanding without needing to be bailed out by human efforts. God is still in the business of redemption, specializing in bringing something very, very good out of something very, very bad. -John Ortberg, pastor and author
All persons, to one extent or another, hold basic assumptions (conscious or unconscious beliefs) about themselves, the external world, and the relationship between the two. The 3 fundamental assumptions are that one's personal world is basically benevolent, that life makes sense (order and meaning), and that one is worthy and in control. It is these core assumptions that are overturned by severe and especially random trauma, and it is the struggle to reconstruct these adaptive illusions that is at the core of the coping process. It is the confrontation with one's own survival - whether resulting from serious accidents, natural disasters, disease, or criminal attacks - that is the defining feature of the trauma. One is forced to recognize his or her deepest vulnerability. -Jerry M. Lewis, MD
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there. -Unknown
The purpose of rejoicing is not so we can feel better emotionally (though that will happen). The purpose of joy is to glorify God by demonstrating to an unbelieving world that our loving and faithful heavenly Father cares for us and provides for us all that we need. -Jerry Bridges, author
Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined choice to praise God in all things. -Kay Warren, author and speaker
Depth of sorrow is the sign of a healthy soul, not a sick soul. It does not have to be morbid or fatalistic. It is not something to embrace...Sorrow indicates that people who have suffered loss are living authentically in a world of misery, and it expresses the emotional anguish of people who feel pain for themselves or for others. Sorrow is noble and gracious. It enlarges the soul until the soul is capable of mourning and rejoicing simultaneously, if feeling the world's pain and hoping for the world's healing at the same time. However painful, sorrow is good for the soul. -Gerald Stittser, author
In Rabbinic literature, a sword represented mourning. The vivid imagery suggested a loss could strike deep at any time. During the first three days of mourning, the image of a sword was raised above a mourner's shoulder. Through day 7, the sword could approach the bereaved from the corner of the room. Those who suffered through loss of a loved one could expect the sword to pass him or her on the street until the end of day 30. And the sword was likely to strike any family member throughout the full year. This imagery reminds us that moments of mourning can hit us at any time - long after the loss has occurred.
A state of emotion always comes between the knowledge and the act...God intended that truth should move us to moral action. The mind receives ideas, mental pictures of things as they are. These excite the feelings and these in turn move the will to act in accordance with the truth...Be sure that human feelings can never be completely stifled. If they are forbidden their normal course, like a river they will cut a channel through the life and flow out to curse and to ruin and to destroy. -A.W. Tozer
Grief is derived from the Latin verb meaning to be burdened. For some, grief can feel like a heavy burden. Mourning is derived from the Latin verb meaning be anxious. Mourning is a process of remembering what was lost and provides a way for our bodies, minds, and hearts to metabolize loss.
Beware of spending too much time looking back at what you once were when God wants you to become something you have never been. -Oswald Chambers, evangelist and teacher
To better understand the difference between God taking pleasure in His people and taking pleasure in causing ruin, read Deuteronomy 28. God is so committed to our holiness that He will even allow destruction if it draws us back to Him.
The Old Testament teaches us that joy stems from God the Father. Jesus connects Himself to the same virtue in John 15:11 using possessive language. He says "My" joy, not "joy like mine." Paul speaks of joy in Galatians 5 as a fruit of the Spirit. The fact that joy is tied to all three persons of the Trinity underscores its importance in the life of a Christian.
A sacred echo is the repetitive nature of God's voice in your life. Often when God speaks, He will say the same thing again and again. See 1 Kings 19.
Closest to your heart
I've seen this before, but I don't think I ever recorded it. It's by A.W. Tozer.
What's closest to your heart is what you talk about, and if God is close to your heart, you will talk about Him.
What's closest to your heart is what you talk about, and if God is close to your heart, you will talk about Him.
Relationships
I actually think this was from the Max Lucado daily devotional. The one I previously posted might have been from the Daily Bible Verse of the Day.
Love builds up relationships; selfishness erodes relationships.
Looking after your personal interests is proper life management. Doing so to the exclusion of the rest of the world is selfishness...Love isn't selfish.
Love is not rude. Rudeness snatches parking spaces. Rudeness mocks others. Rudeness interrupts. Christ, on the other hand, was courteous. He was patient, thoughtful and careful to treat people with respect.
Love builds up relationships; selfishness erodes relationships.
Looking after your personal interests is proper life management. Doing so to the exclusion of the rest of the world is selfishness...Love isn't selfish.
Love is not rude. Rudeness snatches parking spaces. Rudeness mocks others. Rudeness interrupts. Christ, on the other hand, was courteous. He was patient, thoughtful and careful to treat people with respect.
Sounds familiar
This poem is by Lyn Ragan. It's a common-themed poem, but I wanted to record it since it applies.
You left us without warning.
Not even a good-bye.
And I can't seem to stop
Asking the question, "why?"
I didn't see this coming,
It hit us by surprise.
And when you left for Heaven,
A small part of me died.
Your smile could brighten anyone's day,
No matter what they were going through,
And every day, for the rest of my life,
I'll be missing you.
You left us without warning.
Not even a good-bye.
And I can't seem to stop
Asking the question, "why?"
I didn't see this coming,
It hit us by surprise.
And when you left for Heaven,
A small part of me died.
Your smile could brighten anyone's day,
No matter what they were going through,
And every day, for the rest of my life,
I'll be missing you.
The strong one
Came across/thought of these today.
That's the problem with being the strong one,
No one offers you a hand. -M.T.
Have you ever let someone else be strong? -Olivia Newton-John
That's the problem with being the strong one,
No one offers you a hand. -M.T.
Have you ever let someone else be strong? -Olivia Newton-John
A blessing
I think this was on Max Lucado's daily devotional.
There is a blessing that God has for those who are willing to absorb the pain of offense and respond with kindness.
1 Peter 3:9: ...not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this that you may inherit blessing.
There is a blessing that God has for those who are willing to absorb the pain of offense and respond with kindness.
1 Peter 3:9: ...not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this that you may inherit blessing.
Friday, May 19, 2017
10 Most Common Signs
This was on the Healing Hugs website. The title of it is "10 Most Commons Signs From Your Deceased Loved Ones" and it's by Amanda Linette Meder. I never believed in this kind of stuff before very much, but there have been undeniable things that I have experienced since you died when I wasn't even looking for them. Thank you for those.
Through dreams, feeling sensations or simply hearing a meaningful song on the radio while having a stressful day, your deceased loved ones attempt to connect with you after their passing.
There are many reasons why they return to visit, and you don't have to be a medium or even go to one to experience the presence of a deceased loved on that you know personally.
In fact, it's incredibly common.
These direct methods of communication can occur anywhere and at anytime, though they are most common when you are alone and aware of your surroundings to take notice. You can receive a sign when you are fully awake, in twilight state of dreaming and waking or in dream state.
With the ability to connect people and their deceased loved ones, I've come up with a list of the most common methods and techniques that your loved ones have used to visit you.
1. Dream visitations
This is the most common way to be visited by those in Spirit (not sure why this is capitalized), both by deceased loved ones and Spirit Guides (whatever those are). While you may talk yourself out of a 'Spirit visitation' dream even if you've had one, these types of dreams are much different than regular dreams.
In Spirit visitation dreams, a deceased loved one often enters the dream and is surrounded by some sort of light. In the dream, while they may talk to you or ask you to deliver messages, they will usually offer some sort of comfort that they are okay, everything is peaceful and that they made it to the Other Side comfortably. (All these capitalized words are puzzling me).
2. Sensing their presence
Many people report sensing the presence of their loved one around them after their passing.
You might notice a shift when they are around - either a change in the energy or actual movement in the air. Perhaps at night, you notice pressure in the bed next to you, as if someone got into bed with you, or you might feel like someone is sitting next to you in the evenings while you read a book. This is a common type of visit. If you were very close with the person you feel is visiting and you were able to notice their presence while they were alive - you still have this ability after they have shifted from physical into Spirit form.
They are the same essence they were with body, and now, without body.
3. Feeling their touch
A hug, a brush of your hair, holding your hand, or a gentle touch on your back - these are some of the most comforting forms of connection that can happen.
Feeling their touch is most common to sense in the days directly following your deceased one's passing, however, some of those in Spirit do continue to visit, long after their passing, using the ability of perceived touch. This ability to touch can also manifest in feeling them not touch you, but an object near you, for instance, noticing someone sit or lay down in the bed next to you.
(Side note-this article is making me so happy that these things I've noticed are really you!)
4. Smelling their fragrance
(Side note-Hope says she experiences this randomly in her room/your room)
The ability to smell the fragrance from a deceased loved one or Spirit is called clairgustance.
These visits commonly reported as the fragrance of cigarette or cigar smoke, perfume, flowers, or cooking. If you smell cigar smoke, and no one smokes in your house, except your deceased grandfather - chances are, it's him and he's letting you know he's around, visiting, and saying hello.
5. Hearing their voice
This is called clairaudience. It is possible to hear the voice of your deceased loved one externally, as though they are actually speaking to you in human form, or internally, through thought or word transference. Internal clairaudience is the most common way to 'hear a voice,' as the hearing happens inside your mind. Why? Those in Spirit no longer have a voice box - so creating an external noise is very hard.
Do you talk to your husband, grandmother, or best friend on the Other Side, in your mind? (Yes!)
Take a moment, and wait to see if you can hear a response. Usually, you can.
6. Unexpected electrical activity
We all have energy and energy runs through all things, including electrical devices.
For those on the Other Side, not only is it fun to learn how to use energy to connect - many of those in Heaven learn that the energy in electrical devices is quite easy to manipulate.
For this reason, it is actually quite common for those in Spirit to manipulate TV, lights and toys to get your attention. They can turn things on and off, change channels, and make things move.
Songs on the radio, that are meaningful to you or your lost loved one, are a favorite way for those on the Other Side to deliver to you messages that you may need to hear - right at that exact moment, with electricity.
7. A phone call
The days after my father passed over, I received several phone calls, from unknown numbers, with nothing but static on the other line. While discussing this event with friends, they recounted similar experiences, in the days following the passing of their loved ones. Since a phone is an electrical object, manipulating the energy to make a phone call is not much different than other electrical activity. (Although) this sign could occur in the months or years following the crossing of a loved one, it seems to be most common in immediate days following the transition.
8. Receiving a symbolic message, sign, coincidence or synchronicity
Your deceased loved ones are often very eager to let you know they are part of your life and with you when you least expect it.
While many people can feel their deceased loved ones watching over them, sometimes, it's hard to be that perceptive, or be that sure that what we felt was really what we thought it was. So, those in Spirit will provide us with signs that we cannot ignore. Once you receive this type of sign, time and time again, you will know this is a message from the Other Side - and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!
The signs can and will come to you in a variety of ways, and the key is keep your eye open for synchronicities and anything out of the ordinary.
Wondering what to look for?
Small objects: Feathers, coins and stones
Spirit likes to place things in our path that were significant to them (or significant to us), over and over again. My father collected stones, and will often place new stones in the path of myself, my mother, and my sister when he visits. However, others see feathers, coins, and other small objects usually in their path.
Animals: Spirits use energy to be with us, and often, it is through the energy of (the) animal world - such as a butterfly, bird, ladybug, dragonfly, or other creature (how about toads) - for a very short amount of time. If an animal does something unusual - like land in front of you, stare at you through a window, or (crawl) in your path, this could be a sign.
A common sign from those of the Other Side, are usually animals that are colorful (the more colorful something is - the more noticeable it is to you). Keep an eye out for bluebirds, jays, and cardinals.
Flowers: Spirits can send us flowers in unexpected ways. If you receive a flower sign, it could be in the form of an unexpected bouquet or gift, or a flower that is blooming out of season.
A few months ago, I asked for a sign, specifically in the form of flowers, and three days later, I arrived at work with a bouquet on my desk. Upon asking around, no one had any idea where these flowers came from or how they got there. In another example, did your mother love bulb flowers, such as tulips or daffodils? Suddenly, you might notice one pop up in your yard. With a sign like this, it's worth taking notice. Learn more about Flower Signs here.
People: Your loved ones on the Other Side can and will use people to give you messages, and generally, the person delivering the message is not aware of it. Listen to those around you, the words they are speaking might be a direct message from the Spirit world to you! Also, those in Spirit may send meaningful people in your direction, such as teachers, life partners, and new best friends. (Like Nance?)
9. Movement
Sometimes, those in Spirit will move objects to get your attention. Does the same photograph keep falling? Is the same thing always being 'misplaced' or 'lost' while in your possession? Consider this method of communication, as it is most commonly sent to those whose attention it's hard to reach. Also, moving objects will often cause noise, which can startle your awareness too!
10. Seeing an apparition (flat photo, hologram, partial, full)
Believe it or not, seeing an apparition, while you are awake, with your eyes open, is one of the least common methods on this list. Though it's the most widely cited in popular media, due to its shock value, it's quite rare. Learn more about apparitions here.
But just because your deceased loved one isn't appearing to you in full ghost form yet, doesn't mean they haven't attempted to contact in one of the many other methods on this list.
Many people find that visits from their loved one are common and plenty in the days, weeks, and months following a loved one's passing, but they can continue for years. This happens when you have a child, soulmate, or life partner pass away early on and they stay with you until you both finish your soul path on this life. This is normal.
(My own comment: I loved this article! Love you too!)
Through dreams, feeling sensations or simply hearing a meaningful song on the radio while having a stressful day, your deceased loved ones attempt to connect with you after their passing.
There are many reasons why they return to visit, and you don't have to be a medium or even go to one to experience the presence of a deceased loved on that you know personally.
In fact, it's incredibly common.
These direct methods of communication can occur anywhere and at anytime, though they are most common when you are alone and aware of your surroundings to take notice. You can receive a sign when you are fully awake, in twilight state of dreaming and waking or in dream state.
With the ability to connect people and their deceased loved ones, I've come up with a list of the most common methods and techniques that your loved ones have used to visit you.
1. Dream visitations
This is the most common way to be visited by those in Spirit (not sure why this is capitalized), both by deceased loved ones and Spirit Guides (whatever those are). While you may talk yourself out of a 'Spirit visitation' dream even if you've had one, these types of dreams are much different than regular dreams.
In Spirit visitation dreams, a deceased loved one often enters the dream and is surrounded by some sort of light. In the dream, while they may talk to you or ask you to deliver messages, they will usually offer some sort of comfort that they are okay, everything is peaceful and that they made it to the Other Side comfortably. (All these capitalized words are puzzling me).
2. Sensing their presence
Many people report sensing the presence of their loved one around them after their passing.
You might notice a shift when they are around - either a change in the energy or actual movement in the air. Perhaps at night, you notice pressure in the bed next to you, as if someone got into bed with you, or you might feel like someone is sitting next to you in the evenings while you read a book. This is a common type of visit. If you were very close with the person you feel is visiting and you were able to notice their presence while they were alive - you still have this ability after they have shifted from physical into Spirit form.
They are the same essence they were with body, and now, without body.
3. Feeling their touch
A hug, a brush of your hair, holding your hand, or a gentle touch on your back - these are some of the most comforting forms of connection that can happen.
Feeling their touch is most common to sense in the days directly following your deceased one's passing, however, some of those in Spirit do continue to visit, long after their passing, using the ability of perceived touch. This ability to touch can also manifest in feeling them not touch you, but an object near you, for instance, noticing someone sit or lay down in the bed next to you.
(Side note-this article is making me so happy that these things I've noticed are really you!)
4. Smelling their fragrance
(Side note-Hope says she experiences this randomly in her room/your room)
The ability to smell the fragrance from a deceased loved one or Spirit is called clairgustance.
These visits commonly reported as the fragrance of cigarette or cigar smoke, perfume, flowers, or cooking. If you smell cigar smoke, and no one smokes in your house, except your deceased grandfather - chances are, it's him and he's letting you know he's around, visiting, and saying hello.
5. Hearing their voice
This is called clairaudience. It is possible to hear the voice of your deceased loved one externally, as though they are actually speaking to you in human form, or internally, through thought or word transference. Internal clairaudience is the most common way to 'hear a voice,' as the hearing happens inside your mind. Why? Those in Spirit no longer have a voice box - so creating an external noise is very hard.
Do you talk to your husband, grandmother, or best friend on the Other Side, in your mind? (Yes!)
Take a moment, and wait to see if you can hear a response. Usually, you can.
6. Unexpected electrical activity
We all have energy and energy runs through all things, including electrical devices.
For those on the Other Side, not only is it fun to learn how to use energy to connect - many of those in Heaven learn that the energy in electrical devices is quite easy to manipulate.
For this reason, it is actually quite common for those in Spirit to manipulate TV, lights and toys to get your attention. They can turn things on and off, change channels, and make things move.
Songs on the radio, that are meaningful to you or your lost loved one, are a favorite way for those on the Other Side to deliver to you messages that you may need to hear - right at that exact moment, with electricity.
7. A phone call
The days after my father passed over, I received several phone calls, from unknown numbers, with nothing but static on the other line. While discussing this event with friends, they recounted similar experiences, in the days following the passing of their loved ones. Since a phone is an electrical object, manipulating the energy to make a phone call is not much different than other electrical activity. (Although) this sign could occur in the months or years following the crossing of a loved one, it seems to be most common in immediate days following the transition.
8. Receiving a symbolic message, sign, coincidence or synchronicity
Your deceased loved ones are often very eager to let you know they are part of your life and with you when you least expect it.
While many people can feel their deceased loved ones watching over them, sometimes, it's hard to be that perceptive, or be that sure that what we felt was really what we thought it was. So, those in Spirit will provide us with signs that we cannot ignore. Once you receive this type of sign, time and time again, you will know this is a message from the Other Side - and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!
The signs can and will come to you in a variety of ways, and the key is keep your eye open for synchronicities and anything out of the ordinary.
Wondering what to look for?
Small objects: Feathers, coins and stones
Spirit likes to place things in our path that were significant to them (or significant to us), over and over again. My father collected stones, and will often place new stones in the path of myself, my mother, and my sister when he visits. However, others see feathers, coins, and other small objects usually in their path.
Animals: Spirits use energy to be with us, and often, it is through the energy of (the) animal world - such as a butterfly, bird, ladybug, dragonfly, or other creature (how about toads) - for a very short amount of time. If an animal does something unusual - like land in front of you, stare at you through a window, or (crawl) in your path, this could be a sign.
A common sign from those of the Other Side, are usually animals that are colorful (the more colorful something is - the more noticeable it is to you). Keep an eye out for bluebirds, jays, and cardinals.
Flowers: Spirits can send us flowers in unexpected ways. If you receive a flower sign, it could be in the form of an unexpected bouquet or gift, or a flower that is blooming out of season.
A few months ago, I asked for a sign, specifically in the form of flowers, and three days later, I arrived at work with a bouquet on my desk. Upon asking around, no one had any idea where these flowers came from or how they got there. In another example, did your mother love bulb flowers, such as tulips or daffodils? Suddenly, you might notice one pop up in your yard. With a sign like this, it's worth taking notice. Learn more about Flower Signs here.
People: Your loved ones on the Other Side can and will use people to give you messages, and generally, the person delivering the message is not aware of it. Listen to those around you, the words they are speaking might be a direct message from the Spirit world to you! Also, those in Spirit may send meaningful people in your direction, such as teachers, life partners, and new best friends. (Like Nance?)
9. Movement
Sometimes, those in Spirit will move objects to get your attention. Does the same photograph keep falling? Is the same thing always being 'misplaced' or 'lost' while in your possession? Consider this method of communication, as it is most commonly sent to those whose attention it's hard to reach. Also, moving objects will often cause noise, which can startle your awareness too!
10. Seeing an apparition (flat photo, hologram, partial, full)
Believe it or not, seeing an apparition, while you are awake, with your eyes open, is one of the least common methods on this list. Though it's the most widely cited in popular media, due to its shock value, it's quite rare. Learn more about apparitions here.
But just because your deceased loved one isn't appearing to you in full ghost form yet, doesn't mean they haven't attempted to contact in one of the many other methods on this list.
Many people find that visits from their loved one are common and plenty in the days, weeks, and months following a loved one's passing, but they can continue for years. This happens when you have a child, soulmate, or life partner pass away early on and they stay with you until you both finish your soul path on this life. This is normal.
(My own comment: I loved this article! Love you too!)
Thursday, May 18, 2017
Twice as bright
Tina C.'s daughter had this posted on her Facebook page.
A light twice as bright lives half as long.
A light twice as bright lives half as long.
Sightings
My blog list was building, so here are a few instances combined into one post.
My friend from high school, Janice S., posted a picture of a birthday cake she made for her sister. One of her friends, Rick Hayden, posted a comment about it.
Yesterday at Carter's track meet, I sat in front of some other people who have a son named Hayden (the other family is Mrs. Davis'). Anyway, they kept yelling, "Go, Hayden!" and so forth throughout the races. This boy is the son of someone I went to high school with, Steve C.
At Hope's sophomore awards ceremony today, I spotted several "Hayden's" in the program.
My friend from high school, Janice S., posted a picture of a birthday cake she made for her sister. One of her friends, Rick Hayden, posted a comment about it.
Yesterday at Carter's track meet, I sat in front of some other people who have a son named Hayden (the other family is Mrs. Davis'). Anyway, they kept yelling, "Go, Hayden!" and so forth throughout the races. This boy is the son of someone I went to high school with, Steve C.
At Hope's sophomore awards ceremony today, I spotted several "Hayden's" in the program.
True
My friend from high school (Kendra W.) posted this on Facebook today.
Life lesson one: If I have to stand up for myself to be understood, I can and I will.
Life lesson two: If I have to constantly stand up for myself in order to be heard then I am in an unhealthy environment. I'm not going to be aggressive in order to be heard. Life is too short to spend it in anger.
Life lesson one: If I have to stand up for myself to be understood, I can and I will.
Life lesson two: If I have to constantly stand up for myself in order to be heard then I am in an unhealthy environment. I'm not going to be aggressive in order to be heard. Life is too short to spend it in anger.
Tuesday, May 16, 2017
Readers are advised
Quote from C.S Lewis (I love him!)
Readers are advised to remember the devil is a liar.
Readers are advised to remember the devil is a liar.
As you crest the hill
I read an article about someone who took a photo of an accident scene. There was a light coming down and she could see two "orbs" in the light, and she thought it was the two women who died at the scene going up to heaven. I saw a similar article to this one time about a motorcyclist who died at the scene of an accident, and it looked like a white image of a person in the air.
Of course, this prompted me to look at the pictures of your accident. I didn't see anything, but maybe it was different because you were revived at the scene. I did take a closer look and confirmed that the reason I can't see your face on the stretcher is because you had a neck brace on. This thought struck me when I saw someone at DQ being taken away on a stretcher a few days ago, and she had a big neck brace on.
After viewing the photos again (it still amazes me how they got the photos, because there are so many accidents that happen that I search for news/photos and there's never anything), I read some of the reader comments below the article. I've read them before and even have recorded some of them, but I wanted to note this one, regarding how the road "shifts" in the other lane right at that point.
"Right as you crest the hill, you better not be driving straight, because you will go directly into the other lane."
This would be the truck's lane. I knew you were over the line on your side too because of the car that had to get out of your way, but you were trying to get back in your lane. You would have made it if it was just a normal distance back. But it wasn't because of the other lane shifting over. God bless you, sweet boy!
Of course, this prompted me to look at the pictures of your accident. I didn't see anything, but maybe it was different because you were revived at the scene. I did take a closer look and confirmed that the reason I can't see your face on the stretcher is because you had a neck brace on. This thought struck me when I saw someone at DQ being taken away on a stretcher a few days ago, and she had a big neck brace on.
After viewing the photos again (it still amazes me how they got the photos, because there are so many accidents that happen that I search for news/photos and there's never anything), I read some of the reader comments below the article. I've read them before and even have recorded some of them, but I wanted to note this one, regarding how the road "shifts" in the other lane right at that point.
"Right as you crest the hill, you better not be driving straight, because you will go directly into the other lane."
This would be the truck's lane. I knew you were over the line on your side too because of the car that had to get out of your way, but you were trying to get back in your lane. You would have made it if it was just a normal distance back. But it wasn't because of the other lane shifting over. God bless you, sweet boy!
Monday, May 15, 2017
Together
There was a post on Facebook over the weekend from one of Carter's friends' moms. They were at an event for another boy, whose name is Hayden. There were a lot of signs that said "Team Evans" so I was confused about what the event was for.
When I looked closer, there was a poster that said "I am the face of arthritis" and the boy's picture was on it and his name is "Hayden Evans." I sent a picture of it to Evan's mom, Lydia.
Just remembered-Carter's friend's name is Evan too.
When I looked closer, there was a poster that said "I am the face of arthritis" and the boy's picture was on it and his name is "Hayden Evans." I sent a picture of it to Evan's mom, Lydia.
Just remembered-Carter's friend's name is Evan too.
Sneaky
I was looking through some online articles this morning and came across the following title which I clicked on: "High school quarterback gunned down at graduation party in Baton Rouge." I happened to notice the name of the author: Michael Edison Hayden. You're getting creative, aren't you? Love you!
Lucas graduates
Lucas graduated this weekend and he wrote the following post on Facebook which I read the morning of Mother's Day.
Today was one of the best days of my life; I had the honor of graduating from (one of ) the most beautiful colleges in all the land, Purdue University, with a major in Professional Flight Technology and a minor in Economics. I had the privilege of doing so with some wonderful family and a beautiful girl by my side the whole way! But I wanted to takes this message to reach out to everyone who has ever been a family member, friend, neighbor, coach, teacher, instructor, teammate and other beautiful souls I've come in contact with. I am not the person I am today without every single one of you. Lastly, I wanted to give a shoutout to Hayden Smith. I really felt you by my side the whole way today man...always will miss you more than you know.
I love all of you! Thank you for your support!
(Now, how about that? Love you so much!)
Today was one of the best days of my life; I had the honor of graduating from (one of ) the most beautiful colleges in all the land, Purdue University, with a major in Professional Flight Technology and a minor in Economics. I had the privilege of doing so with some wonderful family and a beautiful girl by my side the whole way! But I wanted to takes this message to reach out to everyone who has ever been a family member, friend, neighbor, coach, teacher, instructor, teammate and other beautiful souls I've come in contact with. I am not the person I am today without every single one of you. Lastly, I wanted to give a shoutout to Hayden Smith. I really felt you by my side the whole way today man...always will miss you more than you know.
I love all of you! Thank you for your support!
(Now, how about that? Love you so much!)
Friday, May 12, 2017
Mother's Chorus
Here's another article for Mother's Day. It's a collective letter from many different mothers.
A Mother's Chorus: Grieving a Child on Mother's Day
Dear Friend,
I miss my child every day. This grief of mine will never leave me, and honestly, why should it? I love my child more than I ever could have imagined, and yes, I do mean present tense "love." It is excruciating knowing that my child will never return to my arms. However, a mother's love for her child doesn't require physical presence; this can be proven by the fact that most mothers love their children well before they are even born. I will love my child forever, and therefore, I will grieve my child forever. This is just how it goes.
I know it's difficult for some people to understand my ongoing grief, I guess because they want me to "get better" or return to "normal." However, I actually am normal. I'm just different now. I believe those who say they want to support me on difficult days like Mother's Day, but part of this is accepting me as a grieving mother who will always love her deceased child. Again, this is just how it goes.
My grief is like the weather. Somedays, it's calm, quiet, maybe even a little sunny. Other days it's a devastating storm that makes me feel angry, exhausted, raw, and empty. I wake up in the morning and wonder - "Am I even alive at all? And if so, how am I supposed to make it through this day?" This is why when you ask me how I feel about Mother's Day, all I can say is that depends. Of course, I'm going to try my best to cope with the day, but while you're hoping that your Mother's Day picnic doesn't get spoiled by actual rain, I'll be praying that the grief storms stay at bay.
Like many things in a grieving mother's life, Mother's Day is bittersweet to the nth degree. On the one hand, I feel immense joy because I was blessed with my child and I feel gratitude for every moment I was given with them. On the other hand, the pain of missing my child - my greatest happiness, my life's purpose, and my best friend - is intense.
Bereaved mothers live with so many of these confusing contrasts. They are like undercurrents that tug at and toss about our hearts and minds. I am a mother to a child who is not alive. Perhaps a child you've never met. You can't ask me about their school year, or how they're liking piano lessons, or whether they've chosen a major in college. In my mind, I've imagined my child doing all these things. People don't realize that I grieve each of my child's milestones, knowing they didn't get the opportunity to experience these special days.
Most people don't know how to validate my child's place in the world or my ongoing role as my child's mother. This is a difficult concept for others to grasp. Heck, sometimes even I grapple with the answers to the questions like "Do you have children?" and "How many?". I know many bereaved mothers, like me, long for these questions to have straightforward answers.
Sadly, mothers who have experienced the death of their only child may even wonder whether they get to call themselves a mother at all in broader society. So, in addition to the pain of grief, these mothers have to cope with a sense of being left out, forgotten, and ignored. Can you imagine how that might feel? I think it must be like being stabbed through the heart and when you turn to others for help they say "What blood?" "What knife?"
Then, for mothers who have surviving children, there is this gem of a comment - "Don't forget, you're lucky to have other children. Please let me assure you, a mother does not forget any of her children. This mother loves each and every one of her unique and special children in unique and special ways, but one of her children has died and so her love for this child looks a little untraditional. Mothers do not have a finite amount of love to be shifted, divided, and spread around depending on the number of children they have on this Earth. So please be careful with your comments, because it's difficult enough for grieving mothers who often feel torn between feeling joy and happiness for their living children and grief for the child who has died.
All that said, you asked me what it's like to grieve a child on Mother's Day, so here's what I have to say:
This day will forever be hard for me. I live with an emptiness that no one can fill; so I may be sad, I may be unsociable, and I may need to take a break to be by myself in a quiet place. Whatever shape my grief takes on this day, please allow me to feel the way I feel and please follow my lead.
Beyond that, acknowledge me as a mother. It makes me feel forgotten and as though my child has been forgotten when people act as though my child never existed, Also, I can sense that people feel uncomfortable talking about my child and I constantly feel like the elephant in the room,but it doesn't have to be this way. Honestly, I find it really comforting when someone talks about my child. I love hearing their name spoken out loud! I love hearing stories about them. Maybe you know a story I've never heard, or maybe I've heard it a hundred times before, but it doesn't really matter to me. Your acknowledgment alone is one of the greatest Mother's Day gifts you could give me.
I guess while I'm offering my two cents, I also have something to say to bereaved mothers. No one has it all figured out, but I've learned a few lessons along the way. If you're worried about Mother's Day, you're not alone. Try not to get overwhelmed or wrapped up in anxiety. You may actually find that the anticipation of the day is worse than the day itself. You may want to plan a whole day of activities just to stay busy, or you may feel like doing nothing at all. There is no "right" way to handle Mother's Day - but try to plan ahead a little. You may want to reach out to others who are struggling with this day and, if you can, it always helps to face the day with people who love and support you.
Whatever you do, believe you will make it through the day. With time, the grief storms will grow smaller and less frequent and you will find a little more balance and room to breathe. Believe you will be okay and have hope that in the future you will find yourself in a place where you can grieve and celebrate on Mother's Day all at the same time.
Let's take care of each other,
M
A Mother's Chorus: Grieving a Child on Mother's Day
Dear Friend,
I miss my child every day. This grief of mine will never leave me, and honestly, why should it? I love my child more than I ever could have imagined, and yes, I do mean present tense "love." It is excruciating knowing that my child will never return to my arms. However, a mother's love for her child doesn't require physical presence; this can be proven by the fact that most mothers love their children well before they are even born. I will love my child forever, and therefore, I will grieve my child forever. This is just how it goes.
I know it's difficult for some people to understand my ongoing grief, I guess because they want me to "get better" or return to "normal." However, I actually am normal. I'm just different now. I believe those who say they want to support me on difficult days like Mother's Day, but part of this is accepting me as a grieving mother who will always love her deceased child. Again, this is just how it goes.
My grief is like the weather. Somedays, it's calm, quiet, maybe even a little sunny. Other days it's a devastating storm that makes me feel angry, exhausted, raw, and empty. I wake up in the morning and wonder - "Am I even alive at all? And if so, how am I supposed to make it through this day?" This is why when you ask me how I feel about Mother's Day, all I can say is that depends. Of course, I'm going to try my best to cope with the day, but while you're hoping that your Mother's Day picnic doesn't get spoiled by actual rain, I'll be praying that the grief storms stay at bay.
Like many things in a grieving mother's life, Mother's Day is bittersweet to the nth degree. On the one hand, I feel immense joy because I was blessed with my child and I feel gratitude for every moment I was given with them. On the other hand, the pain of missing my child - my greatest happiness, my life's purpose, and my best friend - is intense.
Bereaved mothers live with so many of these confusing contrasts. They are like undercurrents that tug at and toss about our hearts and minds. I am a mother to a child who is not alive. Perhaps a child you've never met. You can't ask me about their school year, or how they're liking piano lessons, or whether they've chosen a major in college. In my mind, I've imagined my child doing all these things. People don't realize that I grieve each of my child's milestones, knowing they didn't get the opportunity to experience these special days.
Most people don't know how to validate my child's place in the world or my ongoing role as my child's mother. This is a difficult concept for others to grasp. Heck, sometimes even I grapple with the answers to the questions like "Do you have children?" and "How many?". I know many bereaved mothers, like me, long for these questions to have straightforward answers.
Sadly, mothers who have experienced the death of their only child may even wonder whether they get to call themselves a mother at all in broader society. So, in addition to the pain of grief, these mothers have to cope with a sense of being left out, forgotten, and ignored. Can you imagine how that might feel? I think it must be like being stabbed through the heart and when you turn to others for help they say "What blood?" "What knife?"
Then, for mothers who have surviving children, there is this gem of a comment - "Don't forget, you're lucky to have other children. Please let me assure you, a mother does not forget any of her children. This mother loves each and every one of her unique and special children in unique and special ways, but one of her children has died and so her love for this child looks a little untraditional. Mothers do not have a finite amount of love to be shifted, divided, and spread around depending on the number of children they have on this Earth. So please be careful with your comments, because it's difficult enough for grieving mothers who often feel torn between feeling joy and happiness for their living children and grief for the child who has died.
All that said, you asked me what it's like to grieve a child on Mother's Day, so here's what I have to say:
This day will forever be hard for me. I live with an emptiness that no one can fill; so I may be sad, I may be unsociable, and I may need to take a break to be by myself in a quiet place. Whatever shape my grief takes on this day, please allow me to feel the way I feel and please follow my lead.
Beyond that, acknowledge me as a mother. It makes me feel forgotten and as though my child has been forgotten when people act as though my child never existed, Also, I can sense that people feel uncomfortable talking about my child and I constantly feel like the elephant in the room,but it doesn't have to be this way. Honestly, I find it really comforting when someone talks about my child. I love hearing their name spoken out loud! I love hearing stories about them. Maybe you know a story I've never heard, or maybe I've heard it a hundred times before, but it doesn't really matter to me. Your acknowledgment alone is one of the greatest Mother's Day gifts you could give me.
I guess while I'm offering my two cents, I also have something to say to bereaved mothers. No one has it all figured out, but I've learned a few lessons along the way. If you're worried about Mother's Day, you're not alone. Try not to get overwhelmed or wrapped up in anxiety. You may actually find that the anticipation of the day is worse than the day itself. You may want to plan a whole day of activities just to stay busy, or you may feel like doing nothing at all. There is no "right" way to handle Mother's Day - but try to plan ahead a little. You may want to reach out to others who are struggling with this day and, if you can, it always helps to face the day with people who love and support you.
Whatever you do, believe you will make it through the day. With time, the grief storms will grow smaller and less frequent and you will find a little more balance and room to breathe. Believe you will be okay and have hope that in the future you will find yourself in a place where you can grieve and celebrate on Mother's Day all at the same time.
Let's take care of each other,
M
Another Mother's Day story
These stories are all over the place. Here's another one. It is by Clair McCarthy, M.D.
Being the Mother of a Child Who Died-On Mother's Day
I am the mother of a child who died. And that makes Mother's Day very hard.
Recently I was talking to a mother whose child had just died. "What about Mother's Day?" she asked, through tears. It was hard to know what to say, because it's a terrible day for those of us who have lost a child. Other days of the year you can maybe make it a few hours without thinking about your loss; other days of the year you can pretend that you are an ordinary person and that life is normal. But not on Mother's Day.
On Mother's Day it's in your face that your child is gone forever. On Mother's Day you can't pretend you are ordinary or that life is normal. All the hoopla, all the Hallmark hype, the handmade cards and flowers and family gatherings, make it almost excruciating.
Our town has a Mother's Day road race for which I am eternally grateful - especially because, in a demonstration of grace's existence, the start and finish are next to the cemetery where my son is buried. On my way I can visit his grave and say what I need to say and look yet again at the name we chose for him carved into stone. At the end of the race, they give all the mothers a flower; on my way home, I go back to the grave and lay my flower there. And then I move forward with the day.
See, that's the real challenge after losing a child: moving forward. It's almost impossible to envision in that moment of loss; how can life continue after something so horrible? But life does continue, whether we like it or not. There are chores to do and bills to pay; morning comes, again and again. So you pick yourself up and you live, but you are never the same.
At first, we are different because of our raw sadness. But over time, the sadness moves from our skin into our bones. It becomes less visible, but no less who we are. It changes into a wisdom, one we'd give up in a heartbeat to have our child back. We who have lost children understand life's fragility and beauty. We who have lost children understand that so many things just aren't important. All that is important is each other. Nothing else.
It can feel very lonely, being the parent of a child who died. Especially on Mother's Day or Father's Day. We feel so different from those around us, all those happy people with children the same age our child was, or would have been. But over the years, I've come to understand that I'm not alone at all.
There is a wonderful Buddhist story about a woman whose son gets sick and dies. She goes to the Buddha to ask him to bring her son back to life; I will, he says, if you bring me some mustard seed from the home of a family that has not known loss. She goes from house to house to house but can find no family that has not lost someone dear to them. She buries her son and goes to the Buddha and says: I understand now.
That is what I understand now. It doesn't make me miss my son any less, or Mother's Day any easier. But it helps me make sense of it; loss is part of life. There are no guarantees, ever. Our children, and all those we love, are gifts to us for however long we have them.
I understand now too that we are together in all of this, all of us, in joy and in loss. It's the connections we make with each other that matter - it's the connections we make that give life value and help us face each morning. As G.K. Chesterton wrote, "We are all in the same boat in a stormy sea, and we owe each other a terrible loyalty."
Years ago, I chose words to say each time I go to my son's grave. It makes it easier to have a ritual. And over the years, the words have come to mean more to me. They aren't just about grief anymore. They are about who I am, what I have learned, and what I can give,
"I will always love you," I say. "And I will always be your mother."
Being the Mother of a Child Who Died-On Mother's Day
I am the mother of a child who died. And that makes Mother's Day very hard.
Recently I was talking to a mother whose child had just died. "What about Mother's Day?" she asked, through tears. It was hard to know what to say, because it's a terrible day for those of us who have lost a child. Other days of the year you can maybe make it a few hours without thinking about your loss; other days of the year you can pretend that you are an ordinary person and that life is normal. But not on Mother's Day.
On Mother's Day it's in your face that your child is gone forever. On Mother's Day you can't pretend you are ordinary or that life is normal. All the hoopla, all the Hallmark hype, the handmade cards and flowers and family gatherings, make it almost excruciating.
Our town has a Mother's Day road race for which I am eternally grateful - especially because, in a demonstration of grace's existence, the start and finish are next to the cemetery where my son is buried. On my way I can visit his grave and say what I need to say and look yet again at the name we chose for him carved into stone. At the end of the race, they give all the mothers a flower; on my way home, I go back to the grave and lay my flower there. And then I move forward with the day.
See, that's the real challenge after losing a child: moving forward. It's almost impossible to envision in that moment of loss; how can life continue after something so horrible? But life does continue, whether we like it or not. There are chores to do and bills to pay; morning comes, again and again. So you pick yourself up and you live, but you are never the same.
At first, we are different because of our raw sadness. But over time, the sadness moves from our skin into our bones. It becomes less visible, but no less who we are. It changes into a wisdom, one we'd give up in a heartbeat to have our child back. We who have lost children understand life's fragility and beauty. We who have lost children understand that so many things just aren't important. All that is important is each other. Nothing else.
It can feel very lonely, being the parent of a child who died. Especially on Mother's Day or Father's Day. We feel so different from those around us, all those happy people with children the same age our child was, or would have been. But over the years, I've come to understand that I'm not alone at all.
There is a wonderful Buddhist story about a woman whose son gets sick and dies. She goes to the Buddha to ask him to bring her son back to life; I will, he says, if you bring me some mustard seed from the home of a family that has not known loss. She goes from house to house to house but can find no family that has not lost someone dear to them. She buries her son and goes to the Buddha and says: I understand now.
That is what I understand now. It doesn't make me miss my son any less, or Mother's Day any easier. But it helps me make sense of it; loss is part of life. There are no guarantees, ever. Our children, and all those we love, are gifts to us for however long we have them.
I understand now too that we are together in all of this, all of us, in joy and in loss. It's the connections we make with each other that matter - it's the connections we make that give life value and help us face each morning. As G.K. Chesterton wrote, "We are all in the same boat in a stormy sea, and we owe each other a terrible loyalty."
Years ago, I chose words to say each time I go to my son's grave. It makes it easier to have a ritual. And over the years, the words have come to mean more to me. They aren't just about grief anymore. They are about who I am, what I have learned, and what I can give,
"I will always love you," I say. "And I will always be your mother."
Those we love
Jeanette posted something for all of the mothers missing their children on Mother's Day. Here is the little poem/saying that went with it.
Those we love don't go away,
they walk beside us everyday.
Unseen, unheard, but always near.
Still loved, still missed (there needs to be something here)
Maybe, and oh, so dear (?)
Thank you for staying so near to me, Hayden. Love you!
Those we love don't go away,
they walk beside us everyday.
Unseen, unheard, but always near.
Still loved, still missed (there needs to be something here)
Maybe, and oh, so dear (?)
Thank you for staying so near to me, Hayden. Love you!
Sometimes it may seem
This is a quote from a story on Faithit about a young lady diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. Her name is Q May Chen.
I feel like sometimes it may seem like God has made you fall over, but maybe it's actually Him pushing you to achieve something more.
Romans 5:3-4: And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.
I feel like sometimes it may seem like God has made you fall over, but maybe it's actually Him pushing you to achieve something more.
Romans 5:3-4: And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.
Flowers
I think this was on Gretchen's Facebook page the other day. It's a quote from Anne Frank.
Dead people receive more flowers than living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude.
Dead people receive more flowers than living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude.
Long term
On Dave Ramsey's (financial guy) Facebook page.
Long term thinkers are the ones who win with money.
Long term thinkers are the ones who win with money.
Do not's
This was on Facebook the other day.
Don't promise when you're happy.
Do not reply when you're angry.
And do not decide when you're sad.
Don't promise when you're happy.
Do not reply when you're angry.
And do not decide when you're sad.
Hallmark
This was on the I Am a Mother to an Angel Facebook page. There are a lot of these types of things these days for Mother's Day. There are some parts of it I don't like, but I like the message. Here it is.
Dear (Mr.) Hallmark,
I am writing to you from heaven,
and though it must appear
a rather strange idea,
I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit
your stores to find a card,
as this day is for my mother,
and this day for her is hard.
There must be some mistake I thought,
every card you could imagine,
except I could not find a card
from a child who lives in heaven.
She's still a mother too,
no matter where I reside.
I had to leave, she understands,
but, oh, the tears she's cried.
I thought that if I wrote to you,
that you would come to know
that though I live in heaven now,
I still love my mother so.
She talks with me, and dreams with me,
we still share laughter too.
Memories our way of speaking now,
would you see what you could do?
My mother carries me in her heart,
her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me,
sometimes far into the night.
She plants flowers in my garden,
there my living memory dwells.
She writes to other grieving parents,
trying to ease their pain as well.
So you see, (Mr.) Hallmark.
though I no longer live on earth,
I must find a way
to remind her of her wondrous worth.
She needs to be honored
and remembered too,
just as the children of earth will do.
Thank you, (Mr.) Hallmark,
I know you'll do you best.
I have done all I can do,
to you I'll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her
how much she means to me,
until I can do it myself,
when she joins me in eternity.
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms, including those who've had to give one back.
Dear (Mr.) Hallmark,
I am writing to you from heaven,
and though it must appear
a rather strange idea,
I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit
your stores to find a card,
as this day is for my mother,
and this day for her is hard.
There must be some mistake I thought,
every card you could imagine,
except I could not find a card
from a child who lives in heaven.
She's still a mother too,
no matter where I reside.
I had to leave, she understands,
but, oh, the tears she's cried.
I thought that if I wrote to you,
that you would come to know
that though I live in heaven now,
I still love my mother so.
She talks with me, and dreams with me,
we still share laughter too.
Memories our way of speaking now,
would you see what you could do?
My mother carries me in her heart,
her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me,
sometimes far into the night.
She plants flowers in my garden,
there my living memory dwells.
She writes to other grieving parents,
trying to ease their pain as well.
So you see, (Mr.) Hallmark.
though I no longer live on earth,
I must find a way
to remind her of her wondrous worth.
She needs to be honored
and remembered too,
just as the children of earth will do.
Thank you, (Mr.) Hallmark,
I know you'll do you best.
I have done all I can do,
to you I'll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her
how much she means to me,
until I can do it myself,
when she joins me in eternity.
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms, including those who've had to give one back.
You did it again
I was going on Google to get to the BOAA website, and a story popped up with the following title: "'Sons of Guns' star Will Hayden gets life in prison." I'm not even totally sure what website that was on and the timing of it was amazing. Thanks! Love you boy!
Thursday, May 11, 2017
Don't decide
When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't. -Louis C.K.
Missing a piece
This video was posted on the Facebook page for Luminous Light Studio. Lexi Behrndt had a hand in making it. I wrote down the words from the video, so some of the punctuation and spacing may not be correct. Love you!
TODAY Parents' video
Comment from Luminous Light: The first time I saw this video, it wrecked me. The second time I saw this...it wrecked me again. Thank you, Lexi Behrndt, for making beauty from ashes. Thinking of all the moms who have a piece of them missing this Mother's Day.
To the mother with an aching heart,
on Mother's Day.
It feels like this burden is too heavy.
It feels like grief wants to swallow you whole.
We see you.
Maybe you only knew their heartbeat,
Maybe you held them in your arms.
Maybe it happened yesterday, or 30 years ago.
We know you don't forget.
We want you to know
that neither do we.
We see your pain,
and we see your tremendous, unbreakable, never-ending love.
A love that is stronger than pain,
stronger than disappointment,
stronger than even death.
Even though you might not feel like it,
Mother's Day belongs to you too.
Today, especially, we want you to know:
You are seen.
You matter.
You are still their mom.
You are never alone.
From one mother to another,
you are loved.
TODAY Parents' video
Comment from Luminous Light: The first time I saw this video, it wrecked me. The second time I saw this...it wrecked me again. Thank you, Lexi Behrndt, for making beauty from ashes. Thinking of all the moms who have a piece of them missing this Mother's Day.
To the mother with an aching heart,
on Mother's Day.
It feels like this burden is too heavy.
It feels like grief wants to swallow you whole.
We see you.
Maybe you only knew their heartbeat,
Maybe you held them in your arms.
Maybe it happened yesterday, or 30 years ago.
We know you don't forget.
We want you to know
that neither do we.
We see your pain,
and we see your tremendous, unbreakable, never-ending love.
A love that is stronger than pain,
stronger than disappointment,
stronger than even death.
Even though you might not feel like it,
Mother's Day belongs to you too.
Today, especially, we want you to know:
You are seen.
You matter.
You are still their mom.
You are never alone.
From one mother to another,
you are loved.
Wednesday, May 10, 2017
Because of you
Today, Riley (the Main Street manager) had his dog in the office. When he was talking to Grandfather, he mentioned that his wife had met his dog earlier today. When Grandfather asked where he saw Lisa, Riley told him she was at Carrigan Café. She said she was having coffee with his ex-wife (Grandma Joonie).
Riley told Grandfather as a joke that they were talking about him. He told Grandfather, "I don't know if anyone's told you this, but it's best to keep your wife and ex-wife apart." It was hilarious! All I could think was the reason why they are friends now is because of you! They've been buddies since the hospital! Unbelievable! Just another miracle you caused! Love you sweet boy!
Riley told Grandfather as a joke that they were talking about him. He told Grandfather, "I don't know if anyone's told you this, but it's best to keep your wife and ex-wife apart." It was hilarious! All I could think was the reason why they are friends now is because of you! They've been buddies since the hospital! Unbelievable! Just another miracle you caused! Love you sweet boy!
The Greatest Gift
I have often pondered this section of Scripture and wasn't sure what it meant exactly. I have learned about what love is NOT, thanks to Dad. I still have a lot to learn about this, but here it is.
1 Corinthians 13
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become a sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part will be done away.
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
(On the flip side, you taught me what love is-it endures even after death. Love you!)
1 Corinthians 13
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become a sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part will be done away.
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
(On the flip side, you taught me what love is-it endures even after death. Love you!)
Free from sin
Another Verse of the Day from Bible Gateway.
Romans 8:1-2
Free from Indwelling Sin
There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.
Romans 8:1-2
Free from Indwelling Sin
There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.
Sinning brother
This verse was on the Bible Gateway Verse of the Day.
Matthew 18:15
Dealing with a Sinning Brother
Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained yourself a brother.
Matthew 18:15
Dealing with a Sinning Brother
Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained yourself a brother.
Makin' me an "H"
You did it again yesterday-I was waiting at the traffic light yesterday to go home for lunch and I was watching a little plane fly across the sky with white smoke behind it. As it flew, it was crossing two parallel lines to make me an "H" as I watched. Thank you for that! Love you!
Tuesday, May 9, 2017
The unimaginable
This was on the Facebook page for Luminous Light Studio. It was from someone named CarlyRae. Apparently, last Sunday was Bereaved Mother's Day-the week before regular Mother's Day. This is from a video that had words at the bottom that I copied down, so some of the punctuation, etc. might be off.
The Bereaved Mother
She has experienced the unimaginable
and yet somehow
she is still able to walk
When her child died
no matter what age or gestation they were
life as she knew it came to an end.
Her heart shattered into a million pieces
and she was irrevocably changed
She is left feeling isolated
as people become frightened to talk to her.
Even her friends and her family struggle to find words.
She feels like the elephant in the room.
The victim.
The heartbreaking story.
She is wounded with no idea how to heal herself.
There is a desperate yearning to get back
to the way things were meant to be
before her life was split into two worlds
of before and after.
There is pressure from the world to move on.
To get over it.
To be grateful.
She will be called strong a thousand times over
but in reality she feels anything but that.
The whys and what ifs can make her feel crazy.
The hurt she feels is so deep it often becomes almost unspeakable.
So how does she keep going?
How does she get out of bed and face each day?
Franchesca Cox says,
"A mother is not defined by the number of children you can see,
but by the love she holds in her heart."
This is where she finds her courage.
This is where she finds her strength.
It transcends space and time.
and with that love
she puts one foot in front of the other
and learns to carry her hurt and her healing together as one,
allowing both to exist
and transform into beauty and wonder
And that's why she will rise
So do not remain silent,
reach out to her.
Speak her child's name
and recognize her for the beautiful mother that she is.
Give her the grace to fall apart
To be upset. To be hurt and to be angry.
For she is learning to live without a piece of her heart.
And that takes an infinite amount of courage.
Do not be afraid of her tears
You are allowing her to release them and that is a true gift.
We Bereaved Mothers, we live not only for ourselves now.
We live for our children who are no longer here.
We carry them in our hearts.
And that is where we will keep them forever.
The Bereaved Mother
She has experienced the unimaginable
and yet somehow
she is still able to walk
When her child died
no matter what age or gestation they were
life as she knew it came to an end.
Her heart shattered into a million pieces
and she was irrevocably changed
She is left feeling isolated
as people become frightened to talk to her.
Even her friends and her family struggle to find words.
She feels like the elephant in the room.
The victim.
The heartbreaking story.
She is wounded with no idea how to heal herself.
There is a desperate yearning to get back
to the way things were meant to be
before her life was split into two worlds
of before and after.
There is pressure from the world to move on.
To get over it.
To be grateful.
She will be called strong a thousand times over
but in reality she feels anything but that.
The whys and what ifs can make her feel crazy.
The hurt she feels is so deep it often becomes almost unspeakable.
So how does she keep going?
How does she get out of bed and face each day?
Franchesca Cox says,
"A mother is not defined by the number of children you can see,
but by the love she holds in her heart."
This is where she finds her courage.
This is where she finds her strength.
It transcends space and time.
and with that love
she puts one foot in front of the other
and learns to carry her hurt and her healing together as one,
allowing both to exist
and transform into beauty and wonder
And that's why she will rise
So do not remain silent,
reach out to her.
Speak her child's name
and recognize her for the beautiful mother that she is.
Give her the grace to fall apart
To be upset. To be hurt and to be angry.
For she is learning to live without a piece of her heart.
And that takes an infinite amount of courage.
Do not be afraid of her tears
You are allowing her to release them and that is a true gift.
We Bereaved Mothers, we live not only for ourselves now.
We live for our children who are no longer here.
We carry them in our hearts.
And that is where we will keep them forever.
Burying something valuable
This was a story on Facebook.
One of the richest and most powerful men in Brazil, Thane Chiquinho Scarpa, made waves when he announced plans to bury his million-dollar Bentley, so he could drive around his afterlife in style. He received lots of media attention, mostly negative and was severely criticized for the extravagant gesture and wasting of a precious commodity. Why wouldn't he donate the car to charity? How out of touch with reality is this guy? He still went ahead with the ceremony.
But there's a twist.
Moments before lowering the car in the ground prepared for the burial of his Bentley, he declared that he wouldn't bury his car and then revealed his genuine motive for the drama: Just to create awareness for organ donation.
"People condemn me because I wanted to bury a million dollar Bentley, in fact most people bury something a lot more valuable than my car," Scarpa said during a speech at the ceremony. "They bury hearts, livers, lungs, eyes, kidneys. This is absurd. So many people waiting for a transplant and you bury your healthy organs that could save so many lives!"
Worth a thought!
One of the richest and most powerful men in Brazil, Thane Chiquinho Scarpa, made waves when he announced plans to bury his million-dollar Bentley, so he could drive around his afterlife in style. He received lots of media attention, mostly negative and was severely criticized for the extravagant gesture and wasting of a precious commodity. Why wouldn't he donate the car to charity? How out of touch with reality is this guy? He still went ahead with the ceremony.
But there's a twist.
Moments before lowering the car in the ground prepared for the burial of his Bentley, he declared that he wouldn't bury his car and then revealed his genuine motive for the drama: Just to create awareness for organ donation.
"People condemn me because I wanted to bury a million dollar Bentley, in fact most people bury something a lot more valuable than my car," Scarpa said during a speech at the ceremony. "They bury hearts, livers, lungs, eyes, kidneys. This is absurd. So many people waiting for a transplant and you bury your healthy organs that could save so many lives!"
Worth a thought!
Fear did not win
This was on the Facebook page for the group Casting Crowns. It's a story about a woman who lost her husband to cancer at a young age. The whole story didn't apply to our situation, but here are some excerpts. It was signed by V.C.
We came to the conclusion that if just one person saw Jesus through us and was saved, the sacrifice was worth it all, all the while knowing that we might not get to know these results.
I am not alone. God has walked beside me each step of the way.
My fear faced my God and did not win.
We came to the conclusion that if just one person saw Jesus through us and was saved, the sacrifice was worth it all, all the while knowing that we might not get to know these results.
I am not alone. God has walked beside me each step of the way.
My fear faced my God and did not win.
Someone needs you
Mrs. Nkanga posted this the other day. I might have written it down before-it's a good reminder that it's not all about us.
God didn't add another day to your life because you needed it, he added it because someone out there needs you.
God didn't add another day to your life because you needed it, he added it because someone out there needs you.
Monday, May 8, 2017
It's Not About Forgetting
This is from Lexi Behrndt, from Scribbles & Crumbs. She said it was in a program for an event she spoke at for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep.
It's Not About Forgetting
It's not about forgetting
Or acting like the scars aren't there,
Or trying to remember your face.
Or the curve of your smile.
It's not about avoiding
The pain and the ache,
The memories I'll never hold,
The space between us.
It's about the light in your smile
Finding its way into mine.
And the fire in your eyes
Setting aflame my soul.
With love.
With compassion.
With goodness.
With hope.
It's about you.
Your legacy, your light
Your name, your memory,
And love that never dies.
You left me better.
You left me braver.
You left me kinder.
You left me with the best parts of you.
It's Not About Forgetting
It's not about forgetting
Or acting like the scars aren't there,
Or trying to remember your face.
Or the curve of your smile.
It's not about avoiding
The pain and the ache,
The memories I'll never hold,
The space between us.
It's about the light in your smile
Finding its way into mine.
And the fire in your eyes
Setting aflame my soul.
With love.
With compassion.
With goodness.
With hope.
It's about you.
Your legacy, your light
Your name, your memory,
And love that never dies.
You left me better.
You left me braver.
You left me kinder.
You left me with the best parts of you.
Ethan's tattoo
On Saturday I came home to find that Ethan was over visiting. It was great to see him, especially after all he's been going through recently.
He was in a chipper mood. He was wearing probably the same basketball shorts that he wore when he spent the night (the white ones). He had bare feet-I forgot that he had funny toes. I also forgot how funny he was to talk to.
Before he left (and I suspect probably the reason he was over in the first place) was to ask for something with Hayden's full signature on it. He meant right away. We asked Hope because she was doing Ellery's prom make-up. She pulled out one of her underbed storage bins and found the screenplay title page that you had signed. Ethan wouldn't say what he needed it for. (I hope he gives us that sheet back soon!)
Sunday morning, Hope showed me a snapchat picture of Ethan and he got a tattoo of your signature across his heart. Every time I think about it, it makes me tear up. What a sweet friendship you two had. Love you!
He was in a chipper mood. He was wearing probably the same basketball shorts that he wore when he spent the night (the white ones). He had bare feet-I forgot that he had funny toes. I also forgot how funny he was to talk to.
Before he left (and I suspect probably the reason he was over in the first place) was to ask for something with Hayden's full signature on it. He meant right away. We asked Hope because she was doing Ellery's prom make-up. She pulled out one of her underbed storage bins and found the screenplay title page that you had signed. Ethan wouldn't say what he needed it for. (I hope he gives us that sheet back soon!)
Sunday morning, Hope showed me a snapchat picture of Ethan and he got a tattoo of your signature across his heart. Every time I think about it, it makes me tear up. What a sweet friendship you two had. Love you!
Doing something right
Here are some thoughts from a message from Joyce Meyer.
More concerned with if the devil is not bothering me than if he was
If enemy is coming against you, you know you're doing something right
Romans 8:37: Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.
Before trouble comes
Better person
More experience with faithfulness of God, more skilled at trusting God
More concerned with if the devil is not bothering me than if he was
If enemy is coming against you, you know you're doing something right
Romans 8:37: Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.
Before trouble comes
Better person
More experience with faithfulness of God, more skilled at trusting God
Birthday present
For my birthday, I asked KTB to write out all of the dates/times/names, etc. that led him to us. Here it is.
September 2015: Received approximately five emails related to Hayden. The third message, "Your friend Jacob knows this person." It immediately caught my attention. I then read all the messages. My friend's name is Jake Alisa (vs. Hayden's friend-Jacob Aulisa)
6 months prior to accident: Rental Care Tire Incident: 09.14.14 10:16am High speed (85mph)blowout right front tire
Date of Accident: 03.14.15 Bill's Birthday: 02.14
Time of Accident: 10:18 am Hayden's Birthday: 10.18
Miles flown to Trauma Center: 16 Hayden's Cap Number: 16
Returned home: 06.16.15
Visit to accident site with Fire Rescue: 06.18.15
Last day of Physical Therapy: 8.21.15 at 1:30 pm*
Sudden death of physical therapist: 08.23.15 Funeral: 08.28.15 He taught me how to do the "eggbeater kick," was on the Master's swim team and a volunteer water polo coach. Luncheon in his memory: 10.18.15
Following my return home and getting back into the routine of things, I sought spiritual help from my Pastor. Besides trying to help me understand God's plan, he encouraged me to get involved in our Church golf tournament. I routinely shared the above events, dates and numbers with my pastor during our meetings. We often prayed for Hayden and the Smith Family. He suggested I pay it forward and reserve a Golf Tee in Hayden's memory. The only tee not yet reserved was the 16th. On 11.13.15, the day of the tournament, Fr. Dan (his last name was Smith) asked me to take a picture of the sign and send it to his Dad.
On 11.13.15 at 4:42 pm I blindly sent a message to Bill: "Paying it forward from The River Club Golf & Country Club in Sarasota/Bradenton Florida"
Bill called and spoke with me following an RV delivery in Tampa: 02.14.16
Share the same birthday: 04.23
Closed on my first house: 8.28
National Trauma Survivors Day: 05.18.16
My best friend Bill lived at 511 51st St
Met Bill Smith in person 09.24.16. Carter's Birthday: 01.24
Attended Church Christmas Concert with Bill: 12.18.16
Bill shared his dream about Hayden: 01.24.16
Celebrated Bill's Birthday at Weber's: 02.18.17
*Not only was this your date of death, 1:30 pm was your called time of death
September 2015: Received approximately five emails related to Hayden. The third message, "Your friend Jacob knows this person." It immediately caught my attention. I then read all the messages. My friend's name is Jake Alisa (vs. Hayden's friend-Jacob Aulisa)
6 months prior to accident: Rental Care Tire Incident: 09.14.14 10:16am High speed (85mph)blowout right front tire
Date of Accident: 03.14.15 Bill's Birthday: 02.14
Time of Accident: 10:18 am Hayden's Birthday: 10.18
Miles flown to Trauma Center: 16 Hayden's Cap Number: 16
Returned home: 06.16.15
Visit to accident site with Fire Rescue: 06.18.15
Last day of Physical Therapy: 8.21.15 at 1:30 pm*
Sudden death of physical therapist: 08.23.15 Funeral: 08.28.15 He taught me how to do the "eggbeater kick," was on the Master's swim team and a volunteer water polo coach. Luncheon in his memory: 10.18.15
Following my return home and getting back into the routine of things, I sought spiritual help from my Pastor. Besides trying to help me understand God's plan, he encouraged me to get involved in our Church golf tournament. I routinely shared the above events, dates and numbers with my pastor during our meetings. We often prayed for Hayden and the Smith Family. He suggested I pay it forward and reserve a Golf Tee in Hayden's memory. The only tee not yet reserved was the 16th. On 11.13.15, the day of the tournament, Fr. Dan (his last name was Smith) asked me to take a picture of the sign and send it to his Dad.
On 11.13.15 at 4:42 pm I blindly sent a message to Bill: "Paying it forward from The River Club Golf & Country Club in Sarasota/Bradenton Florida"
Bill called and spoke with me following an RV delivery in Tampa: 02.14.16
Share the same birthday: 04.23
Closed on my first house: 8.28
National Trauma Survivors Day: 05.18.16
My best friend Bill lived at 511 51st St
Met Bill Smith in person 09.24.16. Carter's Birthday: 01.24
Attended Church Christmas Concert with Bill: 12.18.16
Bill shared his dream about Hayden: 01.24.16
Celebrated Bill's Birthday at Weber's: 02.18.17
*Not only was this your date of death, 1:30 pm was your called time of death
Friday, May 5, 2017
More email
Related to the GoFundMe email I wrote about before, you got a follow-up one today. I love seeing your name anywhere I can! Love you!
What God does
I'm not sure where I saw this now, but I like it.
God binds, mends, heals and restores.
God binds, mends, heals and restores.
The smallest things
I thought this was cute:
Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart. -A.A. Milne
Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart. -A.A. Milne
Even If (other version)
This is the one I found by Kutless. I will have to listen to the song over my lunch break.
(Just listened to it-beautiful. This group also sings the song, "That's What Faith Can Do.")
Even If
Sometimes all we have to hold on to
Is what we know is true of who You are
So when the heartache hits like a hurricane
That could never change who You are
And we trust in who You are
Even if the healing doesn't come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn't come
Lord we know Your ways are not our ways
So we set our faith in who You are
Even though You reign high above us
You tenderly love us
We know your heart
And we rest in who You are
Even if the healing doesn't come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn't come
You're still the Great and Mighty One
We trust You always
You're working all things for our good
We'll sing your praise
Even if the healing doesn't come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn't come
You are God and we will bless You
As the Good and Faithful One
You are God and we will bless You
Even if the healing doesn't come
Even if the healing doesn't come
(Just listened to it-beautiful. This group also sings the song, "That's What Faith Can Do.")
Even If
This is a song by Mercy Me but I also found a version by another by Kutlass which I will have to listen to. There's an intro to it, then the lyrics.
"Even If" is a reminder to people in difficult situations that don't seem to go away. God is worthy long before any of those circumstances even show up. In fact, what Christ has done already on the cross is probably the only thing we need to get through those circumstances. It's a foundation that was built long before those difficulties came to be. This song is a declaration to God that even if He went silent and never said another word, He's still worthy to be praised and that He's our greatest hope in the midst of trail. -Bart
"Even If" is a reminder to people in difficult situations that don't seem to go away. God is worthy long before any of those circumstances even show up. In fact, what Christ has done already on the cross is probably the only thing we need to get through those circumstances. It's a foundation that was built long before those difficulties came to be. This song is a declaration to God that even if He went silent and never said another word, He's still worthy to be praised and that He's our greatest hope in the midst of trail. -Bart
Even If
by Mercy Me
They say sometimes you win some
Sometimes you lose some
And right now, right now I'm losing bad
I've stood on this stage night after night
Reminding the broken it'll be alright
But right now, oh right now I just can't
It's easy to sing
When there's nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I'm held to the flame
Like I am right now
I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone
They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Well good thing
A little faith is all I have, right now
But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul
I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt
Would all go away if You'd just say the word
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone
You've been faithful, You've been good
All of my days
Jesus, I will cling to You
Come what may
'Cause I know You're able
I know You can
I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, I know the hurt
Would all go away if You'd just say the word
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone
It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul
Thursday, May 4, 2017
The music
This article is called, "The music that helped me through the death of a loved one." It has a few different people's perspectives but it was written by Ben Allen.
"Ben"
In the months following the death of a loved one, grief bleeds into every facet of your life. It shapes how you see the world and lingers over all of your interactions...
(Music: The Antlers album Hospice, song Wake)
"Alexandra"
new stage of grief...an acceptance and an ability to treasure memories instead of feeling them as physical pain
"Jeff"
Real Death: Death is real. Someone is there and then they're not, and it's not for singing about. It's not for making into art.
"Nathan"
Grief isn't some simple, flat thing. It's a diamond-hard, sharp, and multifaceted. Happy memories that feel soured, the pain of the immediate absence, and the cutting realization of things that won't happen.
(Music: Time, As a Symptom, Joanna Newsome-Divers)
"Deb"
(Music: Great Expectations, Gaslight Anthem)
"Jess"
There is no way to get over this kind of loss. The wound scabs, but it never heals completely. I will always scratch it off.
"Ben"
In the months following the death of a loved one, grief bleeds into every facet of your life. It shapes how you see the world and lingers over all of your interactions...
(Music: The Antlers album Hospice, song Wake)
"Alexandra"
new stage of grief...an acceptance and an ability to treasure memories instead of feeling them as physical pain
"Jeff"
Real Death: Death is real. Someone is there and then they're not, and it's not for singing about. It's not for making into art.
"Nathan"
Grief isn't some simple, flat thing. It's a diamond-hard, sharp, and multifaceted. Happy memories that feel soured, the pain of the immediate absence, and the cutting realization of things that won't happen.
(Music: Time, As a Symptom, Joanna Newsome-Divers)
"Deb"
(Music: Great Expectations, Gaslight Anthem)
"Jess"
There is no way to get over this kind of loss. The wound scabs, but it never heals completely. I will always scratch it off.
Wednesday, May 3, 2017
In email
Yesterday there was an email in our inbox from GoFundMe that said, "Hayden, who's your favorite teacher?" They are having some kind of giveaway for favorite teachers. They probably addressed it to you because your Haiti fundraiser was linked to our email. I love to see your name anywhere I can. Love you!
The only way
Quote from A.W. Tozer
Jesus is not one of many ways to approach God, nor is He the best of several ways;
He is the only way.
Monday, May 1, 2017
Not the last word
This article was posted on Evan's girlfriend's mom's Facebook page the other day.
My son's gift of organ donation taught me death is not the last word.
by Eric Gregory, American Magazine
Organ donation might be the only pro-life issue that most citizens can agree on. People from across the political spectrum have received the life-saving gift of a transplant. In a country marked by deep divisions, the selfless acts of donating a loved one's organs to save the lives of total strangers can have its own redemptive power. I know this first hand.
In March 2008 my son Christopher died suddenly from a ruptured brain aneurysm. Chris was an otherwise strapping 19-year-old freshman at Loyola University New Orleans. He had his whole life ahead of him.
If you lose your parents, you are an orphan. Lose a spouse and you become a widow or widower. But the English language does not have a word for parents who lose a child; we seldom take the time to contemplate the devastation until it happens.
In the awful, bewildering hours after Christopher's death, my wife and I were asked to consider donating his organs. Thankfully, Chris had answered for us: Just the week before he innocently mentioned that he wished to be a donor. Our decision to donate was simply an affirmation of our son's generosity.
Three months later, still in agony over Christopher's death, we received a letter.
"I cannot possibly imagine the grief caused by your loss," it read. "Certainly there are no words anyone can say or write that could extinguish that pain. Nevertheless, you have shared with me the grandest gift I will ever receive-the gift of life."
The words in that letter carried with them the hope that first formed in our hearts while we looked at our son in the New Orleans hospital bed. Trying to come to grips with a future without him, we prayed that someday we would hear from one of Christopher's organ recipients and learn of their second chance at life.
A sense of relief and gratitude eventually replaced the anger, fear and sorrow that were overtaking our lives. Somehow, Chris' life had not really ended. It had only changed. The very first lessons I remember from C.C.D. was that the body dies, the soul lives forever. And in that letter-in the life of it's author-that lesson had become real.
Eventually we would meet the man who wrote to us. His name is Jorge, and he was very near death when he received the call that he was a match for Chris' lungs. Our families have grown very close in the years since. We would go on to establish contact with all of Christopher's organ recipients; each understood well the human cost of their transplant. They joy was only possible because of our sorrow. Their life mean Christopher's death.
But that does not mean it was a zero-sum game. Christopher's gift offered a second chance to five people. The impact those five have had on others is impossible to quantify. Some of his recipients paid his gift forward with great generosity, some with the humble sharing of their love and guiding mentorship. Each in his or her small way helped to bring about the kingdom of heaven on earth.
Organ donation represents humanity at its very best, not just as a scientific achievement but as a sincere expression of human kindness. The Jesuits have a word for it: magis, or more. Transplant surgeons and operating room staffs, often working beyond the limits of human endurance, develop new techniques that turn what was once science fiction just decades ago into a near-routine procedure today. Researchers study new ways to make more organs available for transplant. Men and women of the 58 procurement organizations in the United States work tirelessly to build the database of registered organ donors and offer support and comfort to recipients, donors and donor families in the wake of an often life-changing event.
Think also of the living donors who selflessly and quite literally give of themselves to offer the gift of life to another human being. Consider the families who say yes to donation-usually during the worst moments of their lives; families who pray, as we did, that their loved one's gift will make a difference in the life of a complete stranger. These are people who pray that their loved one's presence in this world will mean more than dates on a headstone. Magis, more.
I cannot speak for transplant recipients, and I do not presume to speak for all donor families. But I have known enough of them to understand that the sorrow we feel at the loss of our loved ones, especially in our children, is accompanied by a deep sense of gratitude in knowing that their love remains in this world. It is, ultimately, an Easter story. First, we suffer the death of our own loved ones and the loneliness and sorrow that accompanies that experience. But then we learn of a successful transplant. And with that knowledge comes the hope that death never has the last word.
The experience of losing Christopher, but knowing his death meant life for five others, changed me in ways I never thought possible. I learned that it's possible to see God in all things, even in tragedy. The more I learned about the science of organ transplantation, the more confident I have become in the existence of God. I learned that the butterfly effect is real, that something as seemingly inconsequential as checking a box while applying for a driver's license can have tremendous effect years later and miles away.
Most of all, in the face of all the division and distrust in the world today, I learned that how we treat each other matters. If the heart of a 19-year-old white boy beating inside the chest of a 65-year-old black man does not give us hope, then I do not know what hope is.
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