There was a story on Facebook about some parents who were told that the baby they were carrying was going to be born with a brain. Almost immediately after being told that, the mother asked if they could carry the baby tomorrow to be able to donate her organs.
Here are some thoughts/phrases that stood out to me from the story:
full body ugly crying
I want to change it all so, so badly. But I can't. This is our reality. And there's no stopping it.
Friday, April 28, 2017
It's not real
I've often felt this way, like it's so hard to believe that you're really gone. I know it happened, I've accepted it as much as one can, but it just doesn't seem real. It's like a nightmare that I so wish I could wake up from.
Today I had the thought though, that in the span of eternity, this isn't real. It's temporary. It's a temporary separation. It goes without saying that I would give anything to have you back again, but this is not the end. We have an eternity waiting for us in heaven.
When we are there, and we look back on our experiences of earth (if that's even possible) this separation will be like the tiniest blip on the timeline of eternity. A millisecond even. It seems like forever now, but when we really see what forever is like, this will be like nothing. I am so thankful for that. This ISN'T real to a believer. This isn't how it ends. There is so much waiting for us. And I can't wait for it.
Today I had the thought though, that in the span of eternity, this isn't real. It's temporary. It's a temporary separation. It goes without saying that I would give anything to have you back again, but this is not the end. We have an eternity waiting for us in heaven.
When we are there, and we look back on our experiences of earth (if that's even possible) this separation will be like the tiniest blip on the timeline of eternity. A millisecond even. It seems like forever now, but when we really see what forever is like, this will be like nothing. I am so thankful for that. This ISN'T real to a believer. This isn't how it ends. There is so much waiting for us. And I can't wait for it.
Even a lifetime
This was at the end of today's Days of Praise devotional.
Even a lifetime of testing is more than balanced by an eternity of blessings. "The sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." (Romans 8:18).
Even a lifetime of testing is more than balanced by an eternity of blessings. "The sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." (Romans 8:18).
If You Came Back From Heaven
This song/video was on Healing Hugs. The video was a little cheesy, but I liked some of the words. It was neat to imagine how that would be. I imagined your car pulling up on the street in front of the house. I would just run out as fast as I could and probably knock you over with a giant hug. Love you!
If You Came Back From Heaven
by Lorrie Morgan
I wouldn't know what to say
I wouldn't know what to do
If you came back from heaven
And I would look at you
Would I fumble for the words
Would I be a little shy
Would I bust out with laughter
Or break right down and cry
Oh, if you came back from heaven
Would it be like it was then
Could we just pick up where we left off
And try it all again
Oh if you came back from heaven
It would freeze me in my tracks
And I hope God knows
If he let you go
I'd never send you back
Do your kisses feel the same
Do you still have the same touch
And will you whisper softly
That you've missed me so much
Have you heard all my prayers
When I laid down at night
And did you feel my body
When I held your pillow tight
Of if you came back from heaven
Would it be just like it was then
Could we just pick up where we left off
And try it all again
Oh if you came back from heaven
It would freeze me in my tracks
And I hope God know
If he let you go
I'd never send you back
And if God forbid
You leave this earth
Again while I see
I hope he knows
If you go
You'll be bringing me
Oh if you came back from heaven
Would it be like it was then
Could we just pick up where we left off
And try it all again
Oh if you came back from heaven
It would freeze me in my tracks
And I hope God knows
If he let you go
I'd never send you back
I hope God knows
If he let you go
I'd never send you
Back
(Side note: I know this song is not Biblically correct and this could never happen, but I just appreciate some of the thoughts of it. Love you!)
Beautiful, that's how mercy saw me
This is a song sung by Chonda Pierce and Karyn Williams. They sang at her concert and it was in a movie of hers too.
Mercy Saw Me
The years had left scars, the scars had left pain
How could He recognize me? I wasn't the same
I knew I should pay and I knew the price
But justice and law demanded my life
His tender heart heard my desperate cry
And He saw my past through merciful eyes
Beautiful! That's how Mercy saw me
Though I was broken and so lost
But Mercy looked past all my faults
The justice of God saw what I had done
But Mercy saw me through the Son
Not what I was but what I should be
That's how Mercy saw me
Wherever you go, you can't go too far
That His eyes of Mercy can't see where you are
Yes He loves you too much to leave you alone
No He won't leave you alone
Yes, you're the flesh of His flesh yes you are, yes you are
And you're bone of His bone
Yet His heart cries out for your heart today
See yourself through His eyes and then you can say:
Sin had stolen my dignity and all my self esteem
But I was made brand new again
When Mercy looked past me
Beautiful! That's how Mercy saw me
Though I was broken and so lost not too long ago
But Mercy looked past all my faults
The justice of God saw what I had done
But Mercy saw me through the Son
Not what I was, but what I could be that's how Mercy saw me
For nor what I was, but what I could be, that's how Jesus saw me
Mercy Saw Me
The years had left scars, the scars had left pain
How could He recognize me? I wasn't the same
I knew I should pay and I knew the price
But justice and law demanded my life
His tender heart heard my desperate cry
And He saw my past through merciful eyes
Beautiful! That's how Mercy saw me
Though I was broken and so lost
But Mercy looked past all my faults
The justice of God saw what I had done
But Mercy saw me through the Son
Not what I was but what I should be
That's how Mercy saw me
Wherever you go, you can't go too far
That His eyes of Mercy can't see where you are
Yes He loves you too much to leave you alone
No He won't leave you alone
Yes, you're the flesh of His flesh yes you are, yes you are
And you're bone of His bone
Yet His heart cries out for your heart today
See yourself through His eyes and then you can say:
Sin had stolen my dignity and all my self esteem
But I was made brand new again
When Mercy looked past me
Beautiful! That's how Mercy saw me
Though I was broken and so lost not too long ago
But Mercy looked past all my faults
The justice of God saw what I had done
But Mercy saw me through the Son
Not what I was, but what I could be that's how Mercy saw me
For nor what I was, but what I could be, that's how Jesus saw me
Evermore
This is a song from the new Beauty and the Beast movie. Hope told me that this made her think of you. Bonus-Josh Groban sings it too.
Evermore
by Dan Stevens
I was the one who had it all
I was the master of my fate
I never needed anybody in my life
I learned the truth too late
I'll never shake away the pain
I close my eyes but she's still there
I let her steal into my melancholy heart
It's more than I can bear
Now I know she'll never leave me
Even as she runs away
She will still torment me
Calm me, hurt me
Move me, come what may
Wasting in my lonely tower
Waiting by an open door
I'll fool myself, she'll walk right in
And be with me for evermore
I rage against the trials of love
I curse the fading of the light
Though she's already flown beyond my reach
She's never out of sight
Now I know she'll never leave me
Even as she fades from view
She will still inspire me
Be a part of everything I do
Wasting in my lonely tower
Waiting by an open door
I'll fool myself, she'll walk right in
And as the long, long nights begin
I'll think of all that might have been
Waiting here for evermore
Evermore
by Dan Stevens
I was the one who had it all
I was the master of my fate
I never needed anybody in my life
I learned the truth too late
I'll never shake away the pain
I close my eyes but she's still there
I let her steal into my melancholy heart
It's more than I can bear
Now I know she'll never leave me
Even as she runs away
She will still torment me
Calm me, hurt me
Move me, come what may
Wasting in my lonely tower
Waiting by an open door
I'll fool myself, she'll walk right in
And be with me for evermore
I rage against the trials of love
I curse the fading of the light
Though she's already flown beyond my reach
She's never out of sight
Now I know she'll never leave me
Even as she fades from view
She will still inspire me
Be a part of everything I do
Wasting in my lonely tower
Waiting by an open door
I'll fool myself, she'll walk right in
And as the long, long nights begin
I'll think of all that might have been
Waiting here for evermore
If anything happened
There was a little video online of Lydia Kimball speaking about when Evan signed up to be an organ donor. She said he left the Secretary of State and when they were discussing it in the car, Evan said something like, "If anything happened to me, I would want to help others."
This was a comfort to me for some reason. No one plans for something to happen to them, but if it does, it's nice to have such a plan in place. God bless you sweet boys for thinking of others. I bet you never thought anything would actually happen. Love you sweet boy!
This was a comfort to me for some reason. No one plans for something to happen to them, but if it does, it's nice to have such a plan in place. God bless you sweet boys for thinking of others. I bet you never thought anything would actually happen. Love you sweet boy!
Track meet
We were at Carter's first track meet yesterday (he did great by the way). Behind us someone kept yelling, "Go, Hayden! Go Hayden!" It was definitely noticeable and I couldn't decide if it was uncomfortable for like my dad or Jake. It was comforting to me in a way to hear your name spoken.
Later, we found out that it was Mrs. Davis' family sitting behind us, cheering on their son, Hayden. I knew she had a son named Hayden. I felt it was a sign from you to remind us that you were there with us. Thank you! Love you!
(I didn't know where else to record this, but Carter told me that someone parks a blue Sable just like yours in the Middle School parking lot during his track practices. He says it always reminds him of you).
Later, we found out that it was Mrs. Davis' family sitting behind us, cheering on their son, Hayden. I knew she had a son named Hayden. I felt it was a sign from you to remind us that you were there with us. Thank you! Love you!
(I didn't know where else to record this, but Carter told me that someone parks a blue Sable just like yours in the Middle School parking lot during his track practices. He says it always reminds him of you).
Thursday, April 27, 2017
Your worth
There was a little video on Facebook on a page called FaithReel the other day, with someone named Chad Prather explaining our worth as children of God using the illustration of a $20 bill how, no matter its past or what it's been used for, it still has the same worth of the $20.
I wanted to try to write down some of his exact wording, but I had a hard time with trying to pause the video, etc., because it just wanted to keep going and the words were a little but delayed. Anyway, I might try that again another time. Here is some explanation of it.
I wanted to try to write down some of his exact wording, but I had a hard time with trying to pause the video, etc., because it just wanted to keep going and the words were a little but delayed. Anyway, I might try that again another time. Here is some explanation of it.
What Are You Worth?
Every human being no matter what has been done to them, or they have done to themselves, has worth beyond measure. The inherent dignity, and worth of a child of God is in every human being and cannot be separated from them. Every human has made mistakes, and will make more. A person's past does not devalue them regardless of what's in it. Every person should realize nobody is perfect, repent, forgive others and forgive themselves, let go of the past, and just strive to do your best.
I figured out how to record the words of the video. Here they are:
There's a lot of you out there today who are dealing with issues of self-worth. You don't feel very good about yourself simply because the things you've been through, things that you've done, and the things that have been done to you.
Well, what if I offered you this $20 bill, would you take it? Chances are you would. But before I give it to you, I gotta offer a warning. Because while this $20 bill could be used for a lot of good, chances are it's seen a lot of bad. If this $20 bill could think and had a mind, it might have a bad conscience. Maybe it's been used to do drugs, maybe it's been used to buy drugs, maybe a drug deal went bad and somebody died over this. In fact, maybe it was used to fund a terrorist organization. Perhaps it's been used for impure things like the purchase of a prostitute.
Any number of things could have been done with this $20 bill. Do you still want it? Of course you do. Because no matter what's been done to it or with it, it's still worth $20. Maybe I can take it today and rip it and scar it, put marks on it that are simply unfair and unsightly. Still want it? Of course you do. Because an authority higher than us gave it its value and nothing can take it away.
Same with you. No matter what you've done you still have worth. It's built into you and you need to remember that. There are things that I wish I could go back in time and redo, undo, and just never do at all. But I can't. And even though I'm reminded every day by many folks and even by my own conscience and heart that I did them, I still have to remind myself there's something with greater authority than me and even bigger than my own actions gave me a self-worth. I'm gonna live by that. I'm going to choose to remind myself of that every day, and I hope you'll do the exact same thing. What this $20? No, it's mine because it's worth $20 and it's mine. Love y'all and God bless.
I figured out how to record the words of the video. Here they are:
There's a lot of you out there today who are dealing with issues of self-worth. You don't feel very good about yourself simply because the things you've been through, things that you've done, and the things that have been done to you.
Well, what if I offered you this $20 bill, would you take it? Chances are you would. But before I give it to you, I gotta offer a warning. Because while this $20 bill could be used for a lot of good, chances are it's seen a lot of bad. If this $20 bill could think and had a mind, it might have a bad conscience. Maybe it's been used to do drugs, maybe it's been used to buy drugs, maybe a drug deal went bad and somebody died over this. In fact, maybe it was used to fund a terrorist organization. Perhaps it's been used for impure things like the purchase of a prostitute.
Any number of things could have been done with this $20 bill. Do you still want it? Of course you do. Because no matter what's been done to it or with it, it's still worth $20. Maybe I can take it today and rip it and scar it, put marks on it that are simply unfair and unsightly. Still want it? Of course you do. Because an authority higher than us gave it its value and nothing can take it away.
Same with you. No matter what you've done you still have worth. It's built into you and you need to remember that. There are things that I wish I could go back in time and redo, undo, and just never do at all. But I can't. And even though I'm reminded every day by many folks and even by my own conscience and heart that I did them, I still have to remind myself there's something with greater authority than me and even bigger than my own actions gave me a self-worth. I'm gonna live by that. I'm going to choose to remind myself of that every day, and I hope you'll do the exact same thing. What this $20? No, it's mine because it's worth $20 and it's mine. Love y'all and God bless.
Didn't forget about Mikey
Yesterday, Mike shared something from Facebook that showed you two have been Facebook friends for 8 years. It's a little video that shows pictures of the two of you together and some comments, likes, etc.
It was really cute and I thought that was nice of you to reach out to him since you just visited Ethan in a dream a few nights ago. Gotta take care of your buddies! You are such a good friend. Please help them both as much as you can-they need you. Love you so much!
It was really cute and I thought that was nice of you to reach out to him since you just visited Ethan in a dream a few nights ago. Gotta take care of your buddies! You are such a good friend. Please help them both as much as you can-they need you. Love you so much!
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
Ruby's article
Angel posted this yesterday. It's an article that her mom wrote in something called the Ad-Visor.
Letter to the Editor
Title: Consider becoming an organ donor to save lives
To the Editor: April is Gift of Life Donor Month at Marshall United Methodist Church. And I am a liver transplant recipient.
In 2012, I was diagnosed with end stage non-alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver with a short lifespan of one to three years. From 2012-2014, I had very frequent blood tests and my health continued to decline. In 2014, one of my doctors suggested I go to Cleveland Clinic in Ohio to get tested for the transplant list.
In September 2014, I took his suggestion and I began the extensive testing required to be put on the list. As I waited for test results my health continued to fail and my liver was slowly shutting down. At that point, I didn't know if I would even make it on the list before dying.
In February 2015, they told me I had made the list, but it might be a year or two before they found a donor. I didn't think I would ever be able to get a liver in time to survive. Six months later on August 23, 2015 the Cleveland Clinic called and they had found a liver for me. In a rush, I headed to Cleveland, a four-hour trip, and was prepped for surgery immediately on arrival and surgery took 10 hours. It was long four weeks before I was released to go home but it was worth it.
Obviously my transplant was a success and God blessed me with decent health since then. I still do blood work once a month, and still have to follow the rules. I worry about rejection, and other issues but, so far, I have been blessed.
A few months after my transplant I received a letter from Gift of Life Michigan. Enclosed was a letter from my donor family. They wanted to know how I was doing since the transplant. I answered their letter and eventually my family met their family. I am so glad I answered that letter. Having them as my extended family has been a Godsend.
My donor, Hayden Smith, from Saline, MI was a 17-year-old young man. He not only was a child of God, but he was loving, caring, and giving. He was able to answer prayers for six other families.
Hayden left behind his dad and mom, William and Andrea along with his sister Hope and his brother Carter, his grandparents and a multitude of family and friends. This family now plays an important and emotional part in my life.
I would recommend to every recipient to make contact with the donor family. You will be blessed to have them in your life. You not only get a new lease on life you gain a new family.
Last November, I became an organ donor. I received such an awesome gift of life that I want to show my gratitude by giving back. Thanks to my donor family and the grace of God I now have the ability to give part of myself to hopefully save someone else's life.
Please consider signing up to be a donor today. You never know how many lives you will save.
Thank you and God Bless. I am #HaydenStrongForever.
Ruby Watts
Marshall
Letter to the Editor
Title: Consider becoming an organ donor to save lives
To the Editor: April is Gift of Life Donor Month at Marshall United Methodist Church. And I am a liver transplant recipient.
In 2012, I was diagnosed with end stage non-alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver with a short lifespan of one to three years. From 2012-2014, I had very frequent blood tests and my health continued to decline. In 2014, one of my doctors suggested I go to Cleveland Clinic in Ohio to get tested for the transplant list.
In September 2014, I took his suggestion and I began the extensive testing required to be put on the list. As I waited for test results my health continued to fail and my liver was slowly shutting down. At that point, I didn't know if I would even make it on the list before dying.
In February 2015, they told me I had made the list, but it might be a year or two before they found a donor. I didn't think I would ever be able to get a liver in time to survive. Six months later on August 23, 2015 the Cleveland Clinic called and they had found a liver for me. In a rush, I headed to Cleveland, a four-hour trip, and was prepped for surgery immediately on arrival and surgery took 10 hours. It was long four weeks before I was released to go home but it was worth it.
Obviously my transplant was a success and God blessed me with decent health since then. I still do blood work once a month, and still have to follow the rules. I worry about rejection, and other issues but, so far, I have been blessed.
A few months after my transplant I received a letter from Gift of Life Michigan. Enclosed was a letter from my donor family. They wanted to know how I was doing since the transplant. I answered their letter and eventually my family met their family. I am so glad I answered that letter. Having them as my extended family has been a Godsend.
My donor, Hayden Smith, from Saline, MI was a 17-year-old young man. He not only was a child of God, but he was loving, caring, and giving. He was able to answer prayers for six other families.
Hayden left behind his dad and mom, William and Andrea along with his sister Hope and his brother Carter, his grandparents and a multitude of family and friends. This family now plays an important and emotional part in my life.
I would recommend to every recipient to make contact with the donor family. You will be blessed to have them in your life. You not only get a new lease on life you gain a new family.
Last November, I became an organ donor. I received such an awesome gift of life that I want to show my gratitude by giving back. Thanks to my donor family and the grace of God I now have the ability to give part of myself to hopefully save someone else's life.
Please consider signing up to be a donor today. You never know how many lives you will save.
Thank you and God Bless. I am #HaydenStrongForever.
Ruby Watts
Marshall
One day
I'm thinking I have titled other posts with this, but oh well.
One day God will right every wrong. -Our Daily Bread
One day God will right every wrong. -Our Daily Bread
Ethan's Dream
Ethan is at a pivotal time in his life right now and dealing with some serious issues. Something significant happened to him on Sunday, and Mrs. Johnson told me that he had a dream about you that night.
He said you were 12 again and the neighborhood "gang" was hanging out-you, Ethan, Sarah, etc. He said he just got the feeling from you or a message that everything was going to be alright. Thank you for visiting Ethan in that way and encouraging him. I firmly believe that is really you. Please do what you can to help him through this difficult time and to get his life back on track. Love you boy!
(I don't want to ruin this post, but I shared this Hope and Carter in confidence and then I decided to tell Dad. I started to tell the story and right before I ended it, he interrupted to talk to Hope who came out with a new outfit on. When I threatened not to finish the story for him because he obviously didn't care much about it since he interrupted me, he said he would just ask Ethan or Mr. Johnson about it. I told him not to, because Mrs. Johnson told it to me in confidence and got special permission from Ethan since the events surrounding the dream are very private. Dad said he already had this situation going on with Hope that he had to finish. Hope took the blame for it, but I told Dad that he should have told me before I started the story that something else was going on.
Stories like this are sacred to me, and I couldn't believe how Dad was reacting. When I told him the end of it that Ethan felt like everything was going to be alright, he kind of just brushed it off. I guess I shouldn't have told him. I will have to remember that next time. I just wanted to remember that aspect of it even though it is unpleasant. Maybe I can learn from it. Love you!)
He said you were 12 again and the neighborhood "gang" was hanging out-you, Ethan, Sarah, etc. He said he just got the feeling from you or a message that everything was going to be alright. Thank you for visiting Ethan in that way and encouraging him. I firmly believe that is really you. Please do what you can to help him through this difficult time and to get his life back on track. Love you boy!
(I don't want to ruin this post, but I shared this Hope and Carter in confidence and then I decided to tell Dad. I started to tell the story and right before I ended it, he interrupted to talk to Hope who came out with a new outfit on. When I threatened not to finish the story for him because he obviously didn't care much about it since he interrupted me, he said he would just ask Ethan or Mr. Johnson about it. I told him not to, because Mrs. Johnson told it to me in confidence and got special permission from Ethan since the events surrounding the dream are very private. Dad said he already had this situation going on with Hope that he had to finish. Hope took the blame for it, but I told Dad that he should have told me before I started the story that something else was going on.
Stories like this are sacred to me, and I couldn't believe how Dad was reacting. When I told him the end of it that Ethan felt like everything was going to be alright, he kind of just brushed it off. I guess I shouldn't have told him. I will have to remember that next time. I just wanted to remember that aspect of it even though it is unpleasant. Maybe I can learn from it. Love you!)
Tuesday, April 25, 2017
Made to love
Lexi Behrndt posted this from someone named Jessica from the Ethan M. Lindberg Foundation.
Here's what I want to tell you today. You, my dear, beautiful friend, are full of beauty, full of hope, full of purpose. You are loved. You are cherished. Your story is hard and your story is painful. But through this story of pain can blossom trees of life, flowers of beauty, branches of help and hope.
Because you are made to love.
And you know how. You know the depth of love because you have known the depth of pain. You can see others with the compassion of a broken heart. As women, you have the ability to love and create in a way that only you can. So do it. Don't hide. Don't let shame make you small. Let your love make you big. Let your love make you strong. Like a tree that offers strength and shade to those who need it. Every act of love, no matter how small, matters. So use your love, that big bursting love in your heart. That love of a Mother's Heart. That love that is screaming to be used. Use it...even if you are sobbing while you are doing so. Use it.
Here's what I want to tell you today. You, my dear, beautiful friend, are full of beauty, full of hope, full of purpose. You are loved. You are cherished. Your story is hard and your story is painful. But through this story of pain can blossom trees of life, flowers of beauty, branches of help and hope.
Because you are made to love.
And you know how. You know the depth of love because you have known the depth of pain. You can see others with the compassion of a broken heart. As women, you have the ability to love and create in a way that only you can. So do it. Don't hide. Don't let shame make you small. Let your love make you big. Let your love make you strong. Like a tree that offers strength and shade to those who need it. Every act of love, no matter how small, matters. So use your love, that big bursting love in your heart. That love of a Mother's Heart. That love that is screaming to be used. Use it...even if you are sobbing while you are doing so. Use it.
With us all along
This was on the Healing Hugs Facebook page.
When we lose someone we love,
we discover that time does not heal everything.
After a while, the ache in our heart begins
to ease a bit, and we laugh again,
life goes on. And many times we reconnect
with those still physically with us in much
deeper more beautiful ways.
And eventually the good memories
outnumber the sad thoughts and
we begin to sense that what we thought was lost,
has actually been with us all along.
We can't explain it, touch it or prove it-
but there are moments we catch ourselves
smiling because we know it's true.
-Paul S. Boynton, Begin With Yes
When we lose someone we love,
we discover that time does not heal everything.
After a while, the ache in our heart begins
to ease a bit, and we laugh again,
life goes on. And many times we reconnect
with those still physically with us in much
deeper more beautiful ways.
And eventually the good memories
outnumber the sad thoughts and
we begin to sense that what we thought was lost,
has actually been with us all along.
We can't explain it, touch it or prove it-
but there are moments we catch ourselves
smiling because we know it's true.
-Paul S. Boynton, Begin With Yes
Monday, April 24, 2017
Sounds familiar
I'm reading a book my counselor recommended, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," By John Gottman. Unfortunately, the more I read it, the more I realize that mine and Dad's marriage doesn't have a chance. Everything is being done wrong.
Anyway, there was a chapter describing a husband and father that sounded familiar. Here it is:
"The other kind of husband and father is a very sad story. He responds to the loss of male entitlement with righteous indignation or a sense of victimization. He may become more authoritarian or withdraw into a lonely shell, protecting what little he has left. He does not give others very much honor and respect because he engaged in a search for the honor and respect he thinks is his due. He will not accept his wife's influence because he fears any further loss of power. And because he will not accept influence, he will not have very much influence. The consequence is that no one will much care about him while he lives nor mourn him when he dies."
Anyway, there was a chapter describing a husband and father that sounded familiar. Here it is:
"The other kind of husband and father is a very sad story. He responds to the loss of male entitlement with righteous indignation or a sense of victimization. He may become more authoritarian or withdraw into a lonely shell, protecting what little he has left. He does not give others very much honor and respect because he engaged in a search for the honor and respect he thinks is his due. He will not accept his wife's influence because he fears any further loss of power. And because he will not accept influence, he will not have very much influence. The consequence is that no one will much care about him while he lives nor mourn him when he dies."
Friday, April 21, 2017
Stars (The Shack Version)
Here is another song from "The Shack."
Stars (The Shack Version)
Skillet
You spoke a word and life began
Told oceans where to start and where to end
You set in motion time and space
But still you come and You call to me by name
But still you come and You call to me by name
If you can hold the stars in place
You can hold my heart the same
Whenever I fall away
Whenever I start to break
So here I am, lifting up my heart
To the One who holds the stars
The deepest depths, the darkest nights
Can't separate, can't keep me from your sight
I get so lost, forget my way
But still you love me and You don't forget my name
If you can hold the stars in place
You can hold my heart the same
Whenever I fall away
Whenever I start to break
So hear I am, lifting up my heart
If You can calm the raging sea
You can calm the storm in me
You're never too far away
You never show up too late
So here I am, lifting up my heart
To the One who holds the stars
Your love has called my name
What do I have to fear?
What do I have to fear?
Your love has called my name
What do I have to fear?
What do I have to fear?
If you can hold the stars in place
You can hold me heart the same
Whenever I fall away
Whenever I start to break
So here I am lifting up my heart
If you can calm the raging see
You can calm the storm in me
You're never too far away
You never show up too late
So here I am, lifting up my heart
To the One who holds the stars
You're the One who holds the stars
One year,seven months
Around the 20th or 21st of each month, I try to share something on Facebook in honor of the anniversary of your homegoing. Here is what I shared this month.
This is kind of a long story but here goes: In Christmas of 2015, our dear friends the Beard family (tagged Beth Lovelace Beard) sent us an oak tree sapling in honor of Hayden (tagged you). Since it was winter, I took it out of the box and put it in the garage, thinking it was wrapped in dirt. When spring came and I unwrapped it, I noticed it was just wrapped in plastic, not in dirt. I put it in a pot of dirt and set it outside but I was heartbroken to not see any activity. I asked my horticulturist friend Margi (tagged her) to take a look at it and see if it had a chance and she said she didn't notice any buds on it, but she recommended I keep watering it and see what happened.
The first picture is from July 2016 when I was so happy to see a little sprig growing off of one of the roots. I brought it inside for the winter, and the picture on the left taken yesterday shows the growth since then. I am so excited to plant this in our yard this year! Thank you Beard family! Sorry I almost ruined it!
This to me is a picture of healing. When all seems desolate and barren, a little bit of hope can sprout and, if we nurture that tiny sprig, it can take on a strength of its own and eventually overwhelm our souls with God's healing power. #haydenstrongforever
Here's a reply from Beth Beard: I am crying as I read this, Andrea, not because you almost killed the tree (LOL) but because of you faith, strength, and testimony through this most difficult season of your lives. Strength, endurance, healing and health are all symbolic of the oak tree. That is why I chose this type of tree in Hayden's honor and memory. Love you all!
Also, Tammi Carr was the first to like the post and she commented "Amen" with a heart.
(I had a note by my notes on this that while I was on Facebook, my friendship with Gretchen popped up and said we had two mutual friends-and I know we have more than this-you and Brenda).
This is kind of a long story but here goes: In Christmas of 2015, our dear friends the Beard family (tagged Beth Lovelace Beard) sent us an oak tree sapling in honor of Hayden (tagged you). Since it was winter, I took it out of the box and put it in the garage, thinking it was wrapped in dirt. When spring came and I unwrapped it, I noticed it was just wrapped in plastic, not in dirt. I put it in a pot of dirt and set it outside but I was heartbroken to not see any activity. I asked my horticulturist friend Margi (tagged her) to take a look at it and see if it had a chance and she said she didn't notice any buds on it, but she recommended I keep watering it and see what happened.
The first picture is from July 2016 when I was so happy to see a little sprig growing off of one of the roots. I brought it inside for the winter, and the picture on the left taken yesterday shows the growth since then. I am so excited to plant this in our yard this year! Thank you Beard family! Sorry I almost ruined it!
This to me is a picture of healing. When all seems desolate and barren, a little bit of hope can sprout and, if we nurture that tiny sprig, it can take on a strength of its own and eventually overwhelm our souls with God's healing power. #haydenstrongforever
Here's a reply from Beth Beard: I am crying as I read this, Andrea, not because you almost killed the tree (LOL) but because of you faith, strength, and testimony through this most difficult season of your lives. Strength, endurance, healing and health are all symbolic of the oak tree. That is why I chose this type of tree in Hayden's honor and memory. Love you all!
Also, Tammi Carr was the first to like the post and she commented "Amen" with a heart.
(I had a note by my notes on this that while I was on Facebook, my friendship with Gretchen popped up and said we had two mutual friends-and I know we have more than this-you and Brenda).
Shack quotes
Look out-I found a whole bunch of quotes from "The Shack"! My hand is tired from writing them all down! Some are thoughts, but most of them are quotes.
Never been fond of institutions, he is all about relationships
Love never forces anything or anyone into a relationship
"Don't go because you feel obligated. That won't get you any points around here. Go because it's what you want to do." -J
"I often find that getting head issues out of the way first makes the heart stuff easier to work on later...when you're ready." -Papa
"Will you at least consider this: when all you can see is your pain, perhaps then you lose sight of me?" -Papa
"Most birds were created to fly. Being grounded for them is a limitation within their ability to fly, not the other way around...you, on the other hand, were created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around. Living unloved is like clipping a bird's wings and removing its ability to fly. And if left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place." -Papa
"The problem is that many folks try to grasp some sense of who I am by taking the best version of themselves, projecting that to the nth degree, factoring in all the goodness they can perceive, which often isn't much, and then call that God. And while it may seem like a noble effort, the truth is that it falls pitifully short of who I really am. I'm not merely the best version of you that you can think of. I am far more than that, above and beyond all that you can ask or think." -Papa
"Relationships are never about power, and one way to avoid the will to power is to choose to limit oneself--to serve." -Sarayu
"I don't need to punish people for sin. Sin is its own punishment, devouring you from the inside out. It's not my purpose to punish it, it's my joy to cure it." -Papa
"The real underlying fear I your life, Mackenzie, is that you don't think that I am good. If you knew that I was good and that everything--the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives--is all covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me." -Papa
"Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved." -Sarayu
"You have (judged). You have judged them worthy of love, even if it cost you everything. That is how Jesus loves." -The Judge
"Give up being his judge and know Papa for who he is, Then you will be able to embrace his love in the midst of your pain, instead of pushing him away with your self-centered perception of how you think the universe should be." -The Judge
"The darkness hides the true size of fears and lies and regrets...The truth is they are more shadow than reality, so they seem bigger in the dark, when the light shines into the places they live inside you, you start to see them for what they are." -J
"Have you noticed that in your pain you assumed the worst of me?" -J
"Most roads don't lead anywhere...but I will travel any road to find you." -J
"Falsehood has an infinity of combinations, but truth only has one mode of being." -Jean Jacques Rousseau
"Just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me." -Papa
"Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors." -Papa
"It is not the nature of love to force a relationship, but it is the nature of love to open the way." -Papa
"Paradigms power perception and perceptions power emotions." -Sarayu
"The idea behind expectations requires that someone does not know the future or outcome and is trying to control behavior to get the desired result. Humans try to control behavior to get the desired result. Humans try to control behavior largely through expectations. I know you and know everything about you. Why would I have an expectation other than what I already know? That would be foolish. And because I have no expectations, you never disappoint me." -Papa
"I just don't want a piece of you and a piece of you life. Even if you were able, which you are not, to give me the biggest piece, that is not what I want. I want all of you and all of every part of your day." -Papa
"If anything matters, then everything matters." -Sarayu
Never been fond of institutions, he is all about relationships
Love never forces anything or anyone into a relationship
"Don't go because you feel obligated. That won't get you any points around here. Go because it's what you want to do." -J
"I often find that getting head issues out of the way first makes the heart stuff easier to work on later...when you're ready." -Papa
"Will you at least consider this: when all you can see is your pain, perhaps then you lose sight of me?" -Papa
"Most birds were created to fly. Being grounded for them is a limitation within their ability to fly, not the other way around...you, on the other hand, were created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around. Living unloved is like clipping a bird's wings and removing its ability to fly. And if left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place." -Papa
"The problem is that many folks try to grasp some sense of who I am by taking the best version of themselves, projecting that to the nth degree, factoring in all the goodness they can perceive, which often isn't much, and then call that God. And while it may seem like a noble effort, the truth is that it falls pitifully short of who I really am. I'm not merely the best version of you that you can think of. I am far more than that, above and beyond all that you can ask or think." -Papa
"Relationships are never about power, and one way to avoid the will to power is to choose to limit oneself--to serve." -Sarayu
"I don't need to punish people for sin. Sin is its own punishment, devouring you from the inside out. It's not my purpose to punish it, it's my joy to cure it." -Papa
"The real underlying fear I your life, Mackenzie, is that you don't think that I am good. If you knew that I was good and that everything--the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives--is all covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me." -Papa
"Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved." -Sarayu
"You have (judged). You have judged them worthy of love, even if it cost you everything. That is how Jesus loves." -The Judge
"Give up being his judge and know Papa for who he is, Then you will be able to embrace his love in the midst of your pain, instead of pushing him away with your self-centered perception of how you think the universe should be." -The Judge
"The darkness hides the true size of fears and lies and regrets...The truth is they are more shadow than reality, so they seem bigger in the dark, when the light shines into the places they live inside you, you start to see them for what they are." -J
"Have you noticed that in your pain you assumed the worst of me?" -J
"Most roads don't lead anywhere...but I will travel any road to find you." -J
"Falsehood has an infinity of combinations, but truth only has one mode of being." -Jean Jacques Rousseau
"Just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me." -Papa
"Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors." -Papa
"It is not the nature of love to force a relationship, but it is the nature of love to open the way." -Papa
"Paradigms power perception and perceptions power emotions." -Sarayu
"The idea behind expectations requires that someone does not know the future or outcome and is trying to control behavior to get the desired result. Humans try to control behavior to get the desired result. Humans try to control behavior largely through expectations. I know you and know everything about you. Why would I have an expectation other than what I already know? That would be foolish. And because I have no expectations, you never disappoint me." -Papa
"I just don't want a piece of you and a piece of you life. Even if you were able, which you are not, to give me the biggest piece, that is not what I want. I want all of you and all of every part of your day." -Papa
"If anything matters, then everything matters." -Sarayu
I'll think about you
Another song from "The Shack".
I'll Think About You
by We Are Messengers
I don't know where you're going but I'll meet you there
I can't blame you for leaving but it's still not fair
And when I don't know what to sing
I'll sing about you
Now I don't know what to do now that you're not here
I don't know how to love, don't know how to feel
But I don't want to believe
I'll be leaving you
I'll be leaving you
I'll be leaving you
If all I can do
To keep her here with me
I'll remember you
Won't you remember me
If all I can do
To keep her here with me
I'll remember you
Won't you remember me
And when I don't know what to think
I'll think about you
(On the side of the page I printed out with these lyrics, there are three pictures of some spinners that look like the spin piece from "Inception". I'm not sure why they are there. There are three of them in a row up-and-down and at the bottom it just says "foreverspin". That reminded me that Jake has one of those on your gravestone and he also put one in the pocket of your suit. Love you!)
The loveliest
Saw this quote the other day by Victoria Erickson.
The loveliest people are the ones who have been burnt and broken and torn at the seams, yet still send their open hearts into the world to mend with love again, and again, and again. You must allow yourself to feel your life while you are in it.
(The end of this quote reminds me of how I didn't want to take any anti-anxiety pills/medication that anyone offered me for your funeral. I wanted to be there fully and feel everything and remember as much as I could. I am so thankful for that decision).
The loveliest people are the ones who have been burnt and broken and torn at the seams, yet still send their open hearts into the world to mend with love again, and again, and again. You must allow yourself to feel your life while you are in it.
(The end of this quote reminds me of how I didn't want to take any anti-anxiety pills/medication that anyone offered me for your funeral. I wanted to be there fully and feel everything and remember as much as I could. I am so thankful for that decision).
The Shack
I never wrote about this movie-I thought I did. I read this book about 10 years ago when it came out. I went to see this movie with Mrs. Johnson because we saw the preview for it when we saw "La La Land." We also brought Tony along to see it.
Some of the scenes that stood out to me (may not be in order):
When Mack (the main character) was in a boat and black water started coming in, threatening to drown him/sink the boat and the character of Jesus came to him and when Mack looked at him and took his hand, he stepped out of the boat and walked on top of the very water that was threatening to overtake him. Reminded me of grief. Mack was reminded again and again in the movie that the only time he was able to walk on the water was when he kept his eyes on Jesus.
The scene where they buried his daughter was beautiful. They had never been able to find her body and they did in this one scene. They wrapped her body in beautiful linen and laid her in the coffin with flowers. The coffin was beautifully carved with butterflies. After they buried her, the character who played the Holy Spirit poured some tears on the top of the grave that she had collected earlier from Mack, and right after she did, a beautiful tree grew. (I keep trying to find out which song was playing in the movie during that scene, but I haven't had any luck with that yet). In one review of the movie, they note that the coffin was probably crafted by Jesus the carpenter. In the movie, he was working on something in his workshop.
The love that God has for His children was emphasized greatly throughout the whole movie. The character of God was often saying, "I'm especially fond of that one," but He means all of His children.
There was a scene with someone named Wisdom who encouraged Mack to be the judge of things even though he didn't know everything behind people's actions. God gives us free will and we decide how we treat each other. If we treat each other badly, that's displeasing to God, but he still loves us all the same. There was a scenario where Mack was told he had to decide to take one of his children to heaven and send one to hell. He couldn't make the choice, so he offered himself in their place. That is exactly what Jesus did for His children-He took our place. It was an amazing way to explain it.
There was a part in the movie where Mack was allowed to see his daughter, even though she couldn't see him. He was behind a waterfall which, now that I think about, was mentioned earlier in the movie. Anyway, it reminded me of the veil that separates us right now. His daughter was playing in a beautiful field with other children. It gave him such peace to see her. I thought of how much of a blast you are probably having right now. When he asked the character if she could see him, he was told no but that his daughter knew he was there.
In the end, Mack was given a choice to stay there or go back to earth. I had forgotten this from reading the book, but it turns out that on the way to the shack, Mack had been in a car accident. This reminded me of the movie "Miracles from Heaven" when the little girl was given a choice to stay in heaven or return to earth. I found it interesting that this movie depicted the same thing. I believe that you were given a choice after your accident, and you chose to stay there. Not because you didn't love us, but I think because of the kind of life you would have had with your injuries, etc. God is SO loving that he leaves so many choices with us. He doesn't want robots or slaves-he wants His children to choose to love Him.
Another part of the movie showed the character of God seeing everyone as different colors. In that scene, Mack confronted his alcoholic/abusive father who gave him a big hug and admitted that what he had done to Mack in his childhood was wrong. This was a picture of redemption in my mind-that the wrongs that have been done to us in this world will all be made right.
I am so glad I saw this movie. I know it was fictional and there are theological issues with it, but the message of love and purpose it gives is beautiful. Focus on the Family had some good things to say about it and someone named Julie Roys was quoted as saying, "I feel that in our zeal for theological correctness, we may be trampling on something beautiful."
Some of the scenes that stood out to me (may not be in order):
When Mack (the main character) was in a boat and black water started coming in, threatening to drown him/sink the boat and the character of Jesus came to him and when Mack looked at him and took his hand, he stepped out of the boat and walked on top of the very water that was threatening to overtake him. Reminded me of grief. Mack was reminded again and again in the movie that the only time he was able to walk on the water was when he kept his eyes on Jesus.
The scene where they buried his daughter was beautiful. They had never been able to find her body and they did in this one scene. They wrapped her body in beautiful linen and laid her in the coffin with flowers. The coffin was beautifully carved with butterflies. After they buried her, the character who played the Holy Spirit poured some tears on the top of the grave that she had collected earlier from Mack, and right after she did, a beautiful tree grew. (I keep trying to find out which song was playing in the movie during that scene, but I haven't had any luck with that yet). In one review of the movie, they note that the coffin was probably crafted by Jesus the carpenter. In the movie, he was working on something in his workshop.
The love that God has for His children was emphasized greatly throughout the whole movie. The character of God was often saying, "I'm especially fond of that one," but He means all of His children.
There was a scene with someone named Wisdom who encouraged Mack to be the judge of things even though he didn't know everything behind people's actions. God gives us free will and we decide how we treat each other. If we treat each other badly, that's displeasing to God, but he still loves us all the same. There was a scenario where Mack was told he had to decide to take one of his children to heaven and send one to hell. He couldn't make the choice, so he offered himself in their place. That is exactly what Jesus did for His children-He took our place. It was an amazing way to explain it.
There was a part in the movie where Mack was allowed to see his daughter, even though she couldn't see him. He was behind a waterfall which, now that I think about, was mentioned earlier in the movie. Anyway, it reminded me of the veil that separates us right now. His daughter was playing in a beautiful field with other children. It gave him such peace to see her. I thought of how much of a blast you are probably having right now. When he asked the character if she could see him, he was told no but that his daughter knew he was there.
In the end, Mack was given a choice to stay there or go back to earth. I had forgotten this from reading the book, but it turns out that on the way to the shack, Mack had been in a car accident. This reminded me of the movie "Miracles from Heaven" when the little girl was given a choice to stay in heaven or return to earth. I found it interesting that this movie depicted the same thing. I believe that you were given a choice after your accident, and you chose to stay there. Not because you didn't love us, but I think because of the kind of life you would have had with your injuries, etc. God is SO loving that he leaves so many choices with us. He doesn't want robots or slaves-he wants His children to choose to love Him.
Another part of the movie showed the character of God seeing everyone as different colors. In that scene, Mack confronted his alcoholic/abusive father who gave him a big hug and admitted that what he had done to Mack in his childhood was wrong. This was a picture of redemption in my mind-that the wrongs that have been done to us in this world will all be made right.
I am so glad I saw this movie. I know it was fictional and there are theological issues with it, but the message of love and purpose it gives is beautiful. Focus on the Family had some good things to say about it and someone named Julie Roys was quoted as saying, "I feel that in our zeal for theological correctness, we may be trampling on something beautiful."
Thursday, April 20, 2017
Love Goes On (one from "The Shack")
Love Goes On
By Kelly Clarkson and Aloe Blacc
If then was now
And I had you back somehow
I would hold you more
I should have told you more
If now was then
And we were together again
I would listen more
But now I miss you more
And never, I've been to a dark place
Stared loneliness in the face
At the lowest of my lows
There ain't nothin' so broken
Love can't heal, I feel
Every day I grow older
Time reveals, reveals
That nothing's really gone
We bring the past along
And love goes on
In my dreams
You would come to me
Through the door
Like before
When I wake
Every breath I take
Is for you
Now would do
Whatever to look upon your face
I wish I could change my place
Will this pain ever go?
There ain't nothin' so broken
Love can't heal, I feel
Every day I grow older
Time reveals, reveals
That nothing's really gone
We bring the past along
And love goes on
That nothing's really gone
We bring the past along
And love goes on
How do I fill this emptiness?
How do I fill this emptiness?
The heaviness I bear
This heaviness I bear
How do I go on giving my all
When part of me isn't there?
Yeah
Oh, baby
There ain't nothin' so broken
Love can't heal, I feel
Every day I grow older
Time reveals, reveals
That nothing's really gone
We bring the past along
And love goes on
That nothing's really gone
We bring the past along
And love goes on
Where Were You
This was also a song from "The Shack." It's by Francesca Battistelli.
Where Were You
Calling and calling, nobody home
It feels like I'm falling alone
Out on an island, there's a voice on the beach
Watching your plane pass over me
How could you miss me?
With my hands in the air
I thought you were listening
I thought you'd be there!
Where were you?
When I had no one to turn to
Where were you?
When my worst fears were coming true
Where were you?
I thought you'd come to my rescue
Where were you?
One set of footprints, on the path I'd been on
But you say you've been here all along, oh
If you really loved me, like nobody else
Why was I walking through hell
How could you miss me?
With my hands in the air
I thought you were listening
Oh, I thought you'd be there!
Where were you?
When I had no one to turn to
Where were you?
When my worst fears were coming true?
Where were you?
I thought you'd come to my rescue
When my prayers bounced off the ceiling
I was facing down my demons
When my legs gave up beneath me
And I fell into your arms
Where were you?
When I had no one to turn to
You carried me through
On your shoulders, black and blue
I never knew
The footprints in the sand were you
Were you
One set of footprints, on a path I'd been on
Now I know they were yours all along
Love Goes On
I was looking up songs from the soundtrack for "The Shack". None of them really stood out to me except the one when they were burying her daughter. Here is one with some good lyrics. **This is not the one from the movie-lyrics are still good though**
Love Goes On
by Hillsong Young & Free
We found love that never runs dry
From the depths
To the sky
Eyes fixed on the One who knows no end
You stand strong for all of time
In the joy
In the trial
You are the Beginning and the End
Your love goes on
Your love goes on
Ever our heart will seek
Jesus in everything
From sky to ocean deep
Your love goes on
Through every rise and fall
We are forever Yours
One thing we know is sure
Your love goes on and on
From dawn break into the night
You're here with us
You're on our side
Your arms are forever open wide
You stand strong for all of time
In the joy
In the trial
You are the Beginning and the End
Your love goes on
Your love goes on
Ever our heart will seek
Jesus in everything
From sky to ocean deep
Your love goes on
Through every rise and fall
We are forever Yours
One thing we know is sure
Your love goes on and on and on
Ever our heart will seek
Jesus in everything
From sky to ocean deep
Your love goes on
Through every rise and fall
We are forever Yours
One thing we know is sure
Your love goes on and on and on
Letting Go
I pretty much love everything that Toby Mac says.
Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.
Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.
Option B
This is a follow-up to an article that I read about Sheryl Sandburg.
"Let me not die while I am still alive."
"There is no end to grief...and there is no end to love." -Bono
I will always mourn for Option A.
"I want Option A."
"Option A is not available. So let's just kick the s... out of Option B."
"Let me not die while I am still alive."
"There is no end to grief...and there is no end to love." -Bono
I will always mourn for Option A.
"I want Option A."
"Option A is not available. So let's just kick the s... out of Option B."
Wednesday, April 19, 2017
It happened again
I periodically check some of the local funeral home websites for people I know who might have died. I checked the Robison-Bahnmiller one yesterday and I read an obituary for a youngish lady. As I was reading it, I noticed that her mom is insured at the office. Also, the pastor who is taking care of the service is Hayden Carruth, whose name I have come across before.
That makes it twice yesterday that I saw your name online. That is amazing to me. Thank you!
That makes it twice yesterday that I saw your name online. That is amazing to me. Thank you!
The last enemy destroyed
This was today's Verse of the Day on Bible Gateway.
1 Corinthians 15:20-22
The Last Enemy Destroyed
But now Christ is risen from the dead, and has become the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. For since by man came death, by Man also came the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive.
1 Corinthians 15:20-22
The Last Enemy Destroyed
But now Christ is risen from the dead, and has become the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. For since by man came death, by Man also came the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive.
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
You did it again
Another headline today with your name in it. I saw a picture along with it of the actor Hayden Christiansen who played Anakin in Star Wars and knew what it was. Here it is:
Title: This Wild Star Wars Theory Connects Snoke to Anakin Skywalker
Subtitle: Watch Hayden Christiansen Cleverly Mock His Worst Star Wars Line
Title: This Wild Star Wars Theory Connects Snoke to Anakin Skywalker
Subtitle: Watch Hayden Christiansen Cleverly Mock His Worst Star Wars Line
That Power
This song came on at Rydeon last night. It's kind of an old song so I think you would know it. When it was playing, I was imagining you dancing goofy to it. That morphed into imagining you dancing to it at your funeral, in the hospital around your room, around everyone in the waiting room, etc. It was amazing to imagine you having a different perspective on all of this. You were almost making fun of how everyone was so sad, because you are fine. It was like you knew a secret that no one else knew. It was wonderful and healing to me. Here are some of the lyrics, so I remember the song. It's by Will I Am.
And on, I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
And on, I can fly, I can fly, I can fly
And on, I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
And I'm loving every second
Minute, hour, bigger, better, stronger, power
I got that power
I got that power
I got that power
I also imagined you flying around. I know you can do that now. Love you so much! Thank you for that!
And on, I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
And on, I can fly, I can fly, I can fly
And on, I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
And I'm loving every second
Minute, hour, bigger, better, stronger, power
I got that power
I got that power
I got that power
I also imagined you flying around. I know you can do that now. Love you so much! Thank you for that!
Daily dependence
I have been stressing out about how the savings account just dwindles and dwindles. I opened it after I got my bonus to save some of it from Dad's crazy spending, but he's had two months without good commission checks or any, so it's had to be used for many mortgage payments and other expenses that we were short on. It gave me a great sense of security to have that cushion there and has allowed me to do some fun things, like get show tickets for me and my sisters/mom. Also, it's just nice to buy things and not have to worry if I have enough money. That's the longest my bonus has ever lasted and I am proud of myself for opening that account on my own. Dad figured out it existed when he saw that half of the checking account balance had gone down, but he seemed ok with it for some reason.
Anyway, I've been fretting about the balance going down, and praying for some direction on how to handle it. Dad says we will put some back, but sometimes (or never for that matter) does that happen. It seems like he indirectly has some control over it, because of his lack of income. He doesn't even appear grateful or respectful of it either; when I bring up the fact the I have been carrying us all these months, he gets really mad about it. The only time I mention it is when he talks about buying something expensive or unnecessary.
Something that Tammi Carr posted today gave me some new insight on this issue. She posted something from Jesus Calling (a devotional book) and it was talking about how God gives us peace when we ask for it or only when we need it. The author compared it to when the Israelites were given manna in the wilderness. They were only given enough for that day and then more was to come the next day. If they tried to save it for the next day, it got moldy.
God doesn't want us to rely on ourselves and feel secure from a cushy bank account. He wants us to depend on him daily--daily dependence. I've had this thought before when I stress about money-I have enough for what I need today or now. I worry too much about making it stretch for who knows how long. I mean, of course, you can't spend like there's no tomorrow, but you should be thankful for what you have to meet your needs today. I can't worry about next month's mortgage payment already. A lot can happen between now and then. We could get more money, so many things can happen.
My thing is I don't trust Dad and his ability to make an income. It especially gets me angry when I see other people in his same position who are able to do home improvements with no problem, travel, pay cash for insurance renewals, buy RV's etc. I don't get it. His excuse is that they've been in their positions for longer periods of time. I know-that's why he shouldn't have quit everywhere! He has to start over again and again! It's ridiculous. I just wish he could make a regular steady income that we could count on and budget from. Sure, it's good when things are good, obviously, but I would almost rather take less on a steady basis to be able to predict, save, plan for the future, etc. His job makes that impossible.
I trust God in these matters, but it's Dad who worries me with his undependable income and his erratic spending. I just have to look to the Lord each day and do what I can to make wise decisions. I can't control what he does. Thank you Lord! Love you boy!
Anyway, I've been fretting about the balance going down, and praying for some direction on how to handle it. Dad says we will put some back, but sometimes (or never for that matter) does that happen. It seems like he indirectly has some control over it, because of his lack of income. He doesn't even appear grateful or respectful of it either; when I bring up the fact the I have been carrying us all these months, he gets really mad about it. The only time I mention it is when he talks about buying something expensive or unnecessary.
Something that Tammi Carr posted today gave me some new insight on this issue. She posted something from Jesus Calling (a devotional book) and it was talking about how God gives us peace when we ask for it or only when we need it. The author compared it to when the Israelites were given manna in the wilderness. They were only given enough for that day and then more was to come the next day. If they tried to save it for the next day, it got moldy.
God doesn't want us to rely on ourselves and feel secure from a cushy bank account. He wants us to depend on him daily--daily dependence. I've had this thought before when I stress about money-I have enough for what I need today or now. I worry too much about making it stretch for who knows how long. I mean, of course, you can't spend like there's no tomorrow, but you should be thankful for what you have to meet your needs today. I can't worry about next month's mortgage payment already. A lot can happen between now and then. We could get more money, so many things can happen.
My thing is I don't trust Dad and his ability to make an income. It especially gets me angry when I see other people in his same position who are able to do home improvements with no problem, travel, pay cash for insurance renewals, buy RV's etc. I don't get it. His excuse is that they've been in their positions for longer periods of time. I know-that's why he shouldn't have quit everywhere! He has to start over again and again! It's ridiculous. I just wish he could make a regular steady income that we could count on and budget from. Sure, it's good when things are good, obviously, but I would almost rather take less on a steady basis to be able to predict, save, plan for the future, etc. His job makes that impossible.
I trust God in these matters, but it's Dad who worries me with his undependable income and his erratic spending. I just have to look to the Lord each day and do what I can to make wise decisions. I can't control what he does. Thank you Lord! Love you boy!
What He wants
I was watching a little video of Joyce Meyer that Honorine Nkanga posted and she said some interesting things about breaking it off with people who don't treat you right. I'm not sure if she meant your spouse, but that's how I took some of her advice.
He (God) wants you to be valued and treasured and treated fairly.
Paraphrase: Stop letting them treat you badly.
He (God) wants you to be valued and treasured and treated fairly.
Paraphrase: Stop letting them treat you badly.
We rise
This reminds me of a song called "We Rise." I will have to look that song up.
Anyway, here is a quote that ties in to the title.
"We rise by lifting others." Robert Ingersoll
Anyway, here is a quote that ties in to the title.
"We rise by lifting others." Robert Ingersoll
His way is perfect
I think I heard part of this verse in a song today, so I wanted to look it up. I've been thinking about it a lot since.
2 Samuel 22:31: As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.
Psalm 18:30: As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.
2 Samuel 22:31: As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.
Psalm 18:30: As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.
Monday, April 17, 2017
Life after death
This was an article about Sheryl Sandberg who lost her billionaire husband suddenly. There were a lot of parts I liked, so here are some excerpts. It was written by Belinda Luscombe and appeared in Time magazine.
"I think when tragedy occurs, it presents a choice," she (Sheryl) wrote. "You can give in to the void, the emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even breathe. Or you can try to find meaning. These past 30 days, I have spent many of my moments lost in that void."
Ask the bereaved how they are that day: How are you today?
"I think a lot of people wanted to reach out to her, but they didn't know how," says Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. "You know there's this whole question of, Are you reopening a wound or something? And of course, what she would say is, 'You're not reopening the wound. I mean, it's, like, open and gaping.'"
From Grant, a Wharton School professor: "Expressing emotion when you've gone through extreme pain is not weakness. It is humanity."
Keeping a journal is one of the activities she recommends to ease the grieving process.
There are three myths people cling to that make it harder to spring back from adversity. The first is that they're somehow responsible for what happened to them. The second is that sadness must carpet their lives from wall to wall. And the third is that they will never feel any better. ...the three p's: thinking about adversity as personal, pervasive and permanent.
Completely lost her self-confidence
She embraces joy in a way than she has before
Telling her kids he was gone: "nothing has come close to the pain of this moment. Even now when my mind wanders back, I shake my head and my throat constricts."
"I think when tragedy occurs, it presents a choice," she (Sheryl) wrote. "You can give in to the void, the emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even breathe. Or you can try to find meaning. These past 30 days, I have spent many of my moments lost in that void."
Ask the bereaved how they are that day: How are you today?
"I think a lot of people wanted to reach out to her, but they didn't know how," says Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. "You know there's this whole question of, Are you reopening a wound or something? And of course, what she would say is, 'You're not reopening the wound. I mean, it's, like, open and gaping.'"
From Grant, a Wharton School professor: "Expressing emotion when you've gone through extreme pain is not weakness. It is humanity."
Keeping a journal is one of the activities she recommends to ease the grieving process.
There are three myths people cling to that make it harder to spring back from adversity. The first is that they're somehow responsible for what happened to them. The second is that sadness must carpet their lives from wall to wall. And the third is that they will never feel any better. ...the three p's: thinking about adversity as personal, pervasive and permanent.
Completely lost her self-confidence
She embraces joy in a way than she has before
Telling her kids he was gone: "nothing has come close to the pain of this moment. Even now when my mind wanders back, I shake my head and my throat constricts."
Glorious Day
Yesterday was Easter and there was some extra-special music and messages. The ladies group sang an amazing version of "O Glorious Day." I knew when Betty Widgeon started it out and I realized what the song was, that I was going to be in trouble and the tears were going to flow. They did.
Any song like that gets to me, imagining that "one day" when Christ returns and I get to see your beautiful face again with His. The tears I shed yesterday though weren't tears of sorrow-they were tears of happiness and gratefulness that my Lord made a way for death not to be the final answer for His children. Praise His Holy Name!
Any song like that gets to me, imagining that "one day" when Christ returns and I get to see your beautiful face again with His. The tears I shed yesterday though weren't tears of sorrow-they were tears of happiness and gratefulness that my Lord made a way for death not to be the final answer for His children. Praise His Holy Name!
Power of God
This is the Verse of the Day on Bible Gateway today. It think this topic was discussed in church yesterday.
1 Corinthians 1:18
Christ the Power and Wisdom of God
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
1 Corinthians 1:18
Christ the Power and Wisdom of God
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
Reap in joy
This was part of my reading last night in the Psalms.
Psalm 126: 5-6
Those who sow in tears
Shall reap in joy.
He who continually goes forth weeping,
Bearing seed for sowing,
Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,
Bringing his sheaves with him.
Psalm 126: 5-6
Those who sow in tears
Shall reap in joy.
He who continually goes forth weeping,
Bearing seed for sowing,
Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,
Bringing his sheaves with him.
Friday, April 14, 2017
Faith's Reality
This is an interesting thought: Faith's Reality. This was today's Verse of the Day on Bible Gateway.
1 Corinthians 15:1, 3-4
The Risen Christ, Faith's Reality
Moreover, brethren, I declare to you the gospel which I preached to you, which also you received and in which you stand, For I delivered to you first of all that what I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures.
1 Corinthians 15:1, 3-4
The Risen Christ, Faith's Reality
Moreover, brethren, I declare to you the gospel which I preached to you, which also you received and in which you stand, For I delivered to you first of all that what I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures.
Thursday, April 13, 2017
Change the focus
I've had a really rough week for some reason and I kept getting pulled into some little funk. I was feeling sorry for myself and trying to change my attitude, etc.
I realized last night that it helps me a lot to take the focus off of myself and all that I am feeling and focus on others. It's not that my feelings don't count, it's just that I don't have to dwell on them all the time. They have their time and place, but they shouldn't distract me from other things that are going on in this world. Thank you for showing me that, Lord. Love you boy!
I realized last night that it helps me a lot to take the focus off of myself and all that I am feeling and focus on others. It's not that my feelings don't count, it's just that I don't have to dwell on them all the time. They have their time and place, but they shouldn't distract me from other things that are going on in this world. Thank you for showing me that, Lord. Love you boy!
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
Where are you God
This was on the Grief Bites blog for today. The title of it is above. I just have excerpts.
God isn't trying to punish or cause/allow hardship...He's trying to take His people to a greater level in life.
Earth isn't where we're supposed to find our greatest comfort or ease...that's the promise of Heaven. Earth is an accelerated, fierce training ground to fully prepare us for Heaven.
God successfully created the whole world and has kept it going since Day one...He knows what He's doing. He is God and we are not. So why is it so hard to rest in Him and trust His plans or His timing?
He would never allow (not cause, but allow) a challenging trial to enter your life unless He had a specific purpose or plan to see you through. He NEVER wastes a hurt!
He WILL be making up for all of your pain.
God isn't trying to punish or cause/allow hardship...He's trying to take His people to a greater level in life.
Earth isn't where we're supposed to find our greatest comfort or ease...that's the promise of Heaven. Earth is an accelerated, fierce training ground to fully prepare us for Heaven.
God successfully created the whole world and has kept it going since Day one...He knows what He's doing. He is God and we are not. So why is it so hard to rest in Him and trust His plans or His timing?
He would never allow (not cause, but allow) a challenging trial to enter your life unless He had a specific purpose or plan to see you through. He NEVER wastes a hurt!
He WILL be making up for all of your pain.
Your name
I keep seeing your name everywhere. Today on Cynthia Barnett's Facebook page she said, "Happy Birthday Tom Hayden!" I think he must be one of the Three Stooges because there was a picture of them with it.
I still think it's you
Last night the song To Where You Are came on Pandora. I was singing along to it and thinking about how I sang along to it at your service since it was one of the two songs on your tribute video.
Right after that, the song Forever Young came on. That was the other song from your tribute video. They were in reverse order of the video, but in a row meant something to me. Thank you!
Right after that, the song Forever Young came on. That was the other song from your tribute video. They were in reverse order of the video, but in a row meant something to me. Thank you!
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
Fear has two meanings
This was on a Facebook post for Back Towards Light
F.e.a.r. has two meanings: "Forget everything and run" or "Face everything and rise." The choice is yours.
The outworking of love
This was on the Verse of the Day for Bible Gateway.
1 John 3:16
The Outworking of Love
By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
1 John 3:16
The Outworking of Love
By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
Monday, April 10, 2017
In the headlines
Your name was in the news on Yahoo today (you've been doing that lately). It's not the greatest-sounding story but I always enjoy seeing your name:
"Former Sons of Guns Star Will Hayden Found Guilty of Sexual Assaults of 2 Girls: Reports"
"Former Sons of Guns Star Will Hayden Found Guilty of Sexual Assaults of 2 Girls: Reports"
Hannah's Prayer
I was reading this passage in my daily chronological Bible reading and I thought it applied to our situation.
1 Samuel 2:1-11
Hannah's Prayer
And Hannah prayed and said:
"My heart rejoices in the Lord;
My horn is exalted in the Lord.
I smile at my enemies,
Because I rejoice in Your salvation.
"No one is holy like the Lord,
For there is none besides You,
Nor is there any rock like our God.
"Talk no more so very proudly;
Let no arrogance come from your mouth,
For the Lord is the God of knowledge;
And by Him actions are weighed.
"The bows of the mighty men are broken,
And those who stumbled are girded with strength.
Those who were full have hired themselves out for bread,
And the hungry have ceased to hunger.
Even the barren have borne seven,
And she who has many children has become feeble.
"The Lord kills and makes alive;
He brings down to the grave and brings up.
The Lord makes poor and makes rich;
He brings low and lifts up.
He raises the poor from the dust
And lifts the beggar from the ash heap,
To set them among princes
And make them inherit the throne of glory.
"For the pillars of the earth are the Lord's,
And He will set the world upon them.
He will guard the feet of His saints,
But the wicked shall be silent in darkness.
"For by strength no man shall prevail.
The adversaries of the Lord shall be broken in pieces;
From heaven He will thunder against them.
The Lord will judge the ends of the earth.
"He will give strength to His king,
And exalt the horn of His anointed."
Then Elkanah went to his house at Ramah. But the child ministered to the Lord before Eli the priest.
1 Samuel 2:1-11
Hannah's Prayer
And Hannah prayed and said:
"My heart rejoices in the Lord;
My horn is exalted in the Lord.
I smile at my enemies,
Because I rejoice in Your salvation.
"No one is holy like the Lord,
For there is none besides You,
Nor is there any rock like our God.
"Talk no more so very proudly;
Let no arrogance come from your mouth,
For the Lord is the God of knowledge;
And by Him actions are weighed.
"The bows of the mighty men are broken,
And those who stumbled are girded with strength.
Those who were full have hired themselves out for bread,
And the hungry have ceased to hunger.
Even the barren have borne seven,
And she who has many children has become feeble.
"The Lord kills and makes alive;
He brings down to the grave and brings up.
The Lord makes poor and makes rich;
He brings low and lifts up.
He raises the poor from the dust
And lifts the beggar from the ash heap,
To set them among princes
And make them inherit the throne of glory.
"For the pillars of the earth are the Lord's,
And He will set the world upon them.
He will guard the feet of His saints,
But the wicked shall be silent in darkness.
"For by strength no man shall prevail.
The adversaries of the Lord shall be broken in pieces;
From heaven He will thunder against them.
The Lord will judge the ends of the earth.
"He will give strength to His king,
And exalt the horn of His anointed."
Then Elkanah went to his house at Ramah. But the child ministered to the Lord before Eli the priest.
My own quote
I was thinking about this yesterday and thought of a good way to phrase it. I don't think this exists anywhere else-I googled it.
God is good
no matter what He does,
because it's Who He is.
Background: We've been learning about this in our Bible study about joy and I even caught myself contemplating the concept when we were praying for Michael and how he began to heal right away. I texted "God is good" because of the favorable answer to prayer, but had to remember that He is good even when the outcome does not seem to be what we want. God is good all the time.
I was thinking about this how God is good no matter what our circumstances are. That doesn't change Who God is and His goodness. I remember that phrase "God is good" running through my head when I was looking at you, lying lifeless in your hospital bed. I knew it was true but I was trying to put the two concepts together.
This is very reassuring to me. People (me included) get mad or confused when what we want to happen and what seems "good" to us doesn't happen or happens to others. Healing doesn't happen, death comes, etc. What happens to us doesn't change Who God is. (Oooh-maybe another quote!) Praise His Holy Name!
Hayden dreams
I usually like to post these separately, but I have had a few and some of them I don't know what the date was or time frame. One of them I wasn't going to record and keep private, but I notice that I forget them then. Thank you for your visits! They mean EVERYTHING to me! Love you!
First one: We were in a classroom and you were getting dressed (not from being naked though or anything like that). From your clothes it looked like maybe your sophomore year because of a zip-up sweater you put on (same one you were wearing in a picture from John Aulisa's bday party). I took the time to stop and watch you because I realized I missed watching you get ready.
Same dream-you were younger and in front of me and a window. You were stretched over the window to cover the opening or something.
Second one: You were in a garage with other boys your age and you were talking around a boat or car or something. Your back was to me and I was headed to get Carter from somewhere, but before I left I patted your lower back "while I had the chance."
Third one: We were at a huge arena for a concert. There were a lot of people who we knew there. It was kind of an impromptu concert and you were in a group of boys who were going to perform (not sure if it was actual singing/playing or lip synching). While you were running around trying to get your group together, you were right by me in the audience and I wanted to shout out how good you looked, but something stopped me, like it didn't matter or something. You had a t-shirt on and shorts, so it was pretty casual. You guys ran down to perform and I had to tell other people that it was you on stage-I was so excited!
Your group performed some alternative rock song like you liked (I think the word "happy" was in it) and in the dream, I thought I should look up the lyrics to record on this blog. Now I am not even sure if that song exists.
Thank you for visiting me-this was a really hard week of break since we all knew we would have been spending extra time with you. Love and miss you so much!
First one: We were in a classroom and you were getting dressed (not from being naked though or anything like that). From your clothes it looked like maybe your sophomore year because of a zip-up sweater you put on (same one you were wearing in a picture from John Aulisa's bday party). I took the time to stop and watch you because I realized I missed watching you get ready.
Same dream-you were younger and in front of me and a window. You were stretched over the window to cover the opening or something.
Second one: You were in a garage with other boys your age and you were talking around a boat or car or something. Your back was to me and I was headed to get Carter from somewhere, but before I left I patted your lower back "while I had the chance."
Third one: We were at a huge arena for a concert. There were a lot of people who we knew there. It was kind of an impromptu concert and you were in a group of boys who were going to perform (not sure if it was actual singing/playing or lip synching). While you were running around trying to get your group together, you were right by me in the audience and I wanted to shout out how good you looked, but something stopped me, like it didn't matter or something. You had a t-shirt on and shorts, so it was pretty casual. You guys ran down to perform and I had to tell other people that it was you on stage-I was so excited!
Your group performed some alternative rock song like you liked (I think the word "happy" was in it) and in the dream, I thought I should look up the lyrics to record on this blog. Now I am not even sure if that song exists.
Thank you for visiting me-this was a really hard week of break since we all knew we would have been spending extra time with you. Love and miss you so much!
"H" in the sky
On Friday I took the day off work to do some stuff with the kids. We were getting ready to leave for lunch and I noticed some skywriting activity. Right above the garage there were two giant parallel lines. Whenever I see those, I always say "you have to cross those to make an H"(in my head).
I decided to back up to the edge of the driveway to see if there was a line in between further down since the two lines were behind some trees, and just as I did that, a cloud slowly blew across those two lines to make an "H". (Of course this verbal description isn't doing this explanation justice). The timing of that was amazing because when I got in the van and backed down the driveway, that "crossing" cloud was gone. Thank you for that!
I decided to back up to the edge of the driveway to see if there was a line in between further down since the two lines were behind some trees, and just as I did that, a cloud slowly blew across those two lines to make an "H". (Of course this verbal description isn't doing this explanation justice). The timing of that was amazing because when I got in the van and backed down the driveway, that "crossing" cloud was gone. Thank you for that!
Thursday, April 6, 2017
Exactly equal
I've been hanging out with Carter the past few nights this week, and I was thinking how the joy of spending time with him is exactly equal to the pull of missing you. It's amazing how two totally opposite feelings can be exactly equal. Not missing you more and enjoying him more-equal in every sense of the word.
It's an odd feeling. People accuse parents of having a "favorite" but I personally can't see how that's possible. One of my sons is with me, one is not. I want to be with Carter as much as I want to be with you. Not more, not less. Not by any amount. The feelings co-exist simultaneously. At the same time, I look forward to what I have ahead with him and miss what we did together. But one doesn't replace the other-they're separate relationships. Separate but equal.
(I don't mean to exclude Hope at all-I just haven't seen her much this week. And the mother-daughter relationship is different than the mother-son relationship.)
When you died, Carter told me at the hospital that now he could be my Hayden. Even at that moment, when everything was so fresh and so painful, the first thing I thought and told him was that he could never be my Hayden because he was my Carter. Thank God for that! Thank you, Lord, for giving me two amazing sons!
It's an odd feeling. People accuse parents of having a "favorite" but I personally can't see how that's possible. One of my sons is with me, one is not. I want to be with Carter as much as I want to be with you. Not more, not less. Not by any amount. The feelings co-exist simultaneously. At the same time, I look forward to what I have ahead with him and miss what we did together. But one doesn't replace the other-they're separate relationships. Separate but equal.
(I don't mean to exclude Hope at all-I just haven't seen her much this week. And the mother-daughter relationship is different than the mother-son relationship.)
When you died, Carter told me at the hospital that now he could be my Hayden. Even at that moment, when everything was so fresh and so painful, the first thing I thought and told him was that he could never be my Hayden because he was my Carter. Thank God for that! Thank you, Lord, for giving me two amazing sons!
Kind and Good is Motherhood
This was on Facebook today by a woman named Bunmi Laditan.
Why is motherhood so exhausting? Because you are not just taking care of children. Anyone can do that. Anyone can feed a child, clothe a child, give a kid a bath, and send them off to bed. That's not what makes motherhood hard. What make is utterly draining is the intensity of the love you feel for your child.
It's a love that keeps obsessive track of everything they've eaten since they were born, what they like and don't like, what they might like, what they like yesterday but won't touch today, what they need to eat, what they shouldn't eat, what you hope they'll eat...all of that data us constantly at your fingertips and adjusting.
It's a love that makes you obsessed with not just their bodies--how much water they've had, when the last time they peed and everything in between--it makes you in love with their soul. You're in love with you they are now, what they'll be in the future: who you know they can be, who you hope they will be,...and everything in between.
It's a huge love and it exists in a world where you know you can't always protect them and nurture them like a houseplant. And everything you do is to prepare them to walk away from you; it's a reality that breaks your heart but is also the best case scenario.
Motherhood is like a wave that's too big and keeps knocking you down to the wet sand as it crashes on top of you. You barely have enough time to stand again before another wall of water and bubbles hits you, and you do it because you're that in love with this little human who regularly wipes their boogery face on your shirt.
It's ridiculous and intense and...exhausting. And somehow we keep doing it which speaks not to how strong any of us are, but the strength of the love we feel. If that isn't magical, I don't know what is.
Why is motherhood so exhausting? Because you are not just taking care of children. Anyone can do that. Anyone can feed a child, clothe a child, give a kid a bath, and send them off to bed. That's not what makes motherhood hard. What make is utterly draining is the intensity of the love you feel for your child.
It's a love that keeps obsessive track of everything they've eaten since they were born, what they like and don't like, what they might like, what they like yesterday but won't touch today, what they need to eat, what they shouldn't eat, what you hope they'll eat...all of that data us constantly at your fingertips and adjusting.
It's a love that makes you obsessed with not just their bodies--how much water they've had, when the last time they peed and everything in between--it makes you in love with their soul. You're in love with you they are now, what they'll be in the future: who you know they can be, who you hope they will be,...and everything in between.
It's a huge love and it exists in a world where you know you can't always protect them and nurture them like a houseplant. And everything you do is to prepare them to walk away from you; it's a reality that breaks your heart but is also the best case scenario.
Motherhood is like a wave that's too big and keeps knocking you down to the wet sand as it crashes on top of you. You barely have enough time to stand again before another wall of water and bubbles hits you, and you do it because you're that in love with this little human who regularly wipes their boogery face on your shirt.
It's ridiculous and intense and...exhausting. And somehow we keep doing it which speaks not to how strong any of us are, but the strength of the love we feel. If that isn't magical, I don't know what is.
Wednesday, April 5, 2017
Quote catch-ups
Ended up with some random quotes that I wanted to make sure I recorded.
Don't force pieces that don't fit. -Toby Mac
Don't miss out on something that could be amazing just because it could also be difficult.-Toby Mac
You can't change someone who doesn't see an issue in their actions.
No Christian, if he is right with God, should ever need to hide anything in his life. -A.W. Tozer
Don't force pieces that don't fit. -Toby Mac
Don't miss out on something that could be amazing just because it could also be difficult.-Toby Mac
You can't change someone who doesn't see an issue in their actions.
No Christian, if he is right with God, should ever need to hide anything in his life. -A.W. Tozer
Monday, April 3, 2017
Genesis 22:1-14,"The Ultimate Sacrifice"
This is the story of Abraham and Isaac. Tim Goossen spoke on it when they were in town this weekend. It was very meaningful to me. I might record all of my notes or just what stood out to me.
Genesis 22:1-14
Abraham's Faith Confirmed
Now it came to pass after these things that God tested Abraham, and said to him, "Abraham!"
And he said, "Here I am."
Then He said, "Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you."
So Abraham rose early in the morning and saddled his donkey, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son; and he split the wood for the burnt offering, and arose and went to the place of which God had told him. Then on the third day Abraham lifted his eyes and saw the place afar off. And Abraham said to his young men, "Stay here with the donkey; the lad and I will go yonder and worship, and we will come back to you."
So Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering and laid it on Isaac his son; and he took the fire in his hand, and a knife, and the two of them went together. But Isaac spoke to Abraham his father and said, "My father!"
And he said, "Here I am, my son."
Then he said, "Look, the fire and the wood, but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?"
And Abraham said, "My son, God will provide for Himself the lamb for a burnt offering." So the two of them went together.
Then they came to the place of which God had told him. And Abraham built an altar there and placed the wood in order; and he bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar, upon the wood. And Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.
But the Angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, "Abraham, Abraham!"
So he said, "Here I am."
And He said, "Do not lay your hand on the lad, or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me."
Then Abraham lifted his eyes and looked, and there behind him was a ram caught in a thicket by its horns. So Abraham went and took the ram, and offered it up for a burnt offering instead of his son. And Abraham called the name of the place, The-Lord-Will-Provide; as it is said to this day, "In the Mount of the Lord it shall be provided."
Notes:
God wanted to be sure that He is/was still their greatest love even above Isaac
God's gifts to us can intervene with our love for Him
each trial preparing him for the next step
Abraham did not know this was a test
test-bring out the good in a child of God
v.2 extent of test
sacrifice only son
God telling Abraham to give up Isaac
his only son
whom thou lovest
first time "love" mentioned in the Bible so far
greatness of Abraham's love for his son
offer him a burnt offering-completely
v.3 Abraham's response
responded in obedience
quality of obedience-disciplined
rose up early
prepared obedience
so nothing to hinder
prompt obedience
decisive obedience
only individual can understand
Acts 21:10
ready to be bound-Paul
hindering Paul
God's clear command
even well-meaning Christians could hinder
v.5 meaning of test
we will worship (told servants)
worship implies sacrifice
Christ died for us
true worship--sacrifice
no easy worship
Malachi 1:13
what a weariness
unacceptable offerings
has to be a sacrifice
"we're going to come back"
trusted God to raise him from the dead
in Isaac, his descendants
God needs to be in the equation
act of faith, act of fellowship
v.6 went together
fellowship with Christ
fellowship of His sufferings
fellowship with other brethren going through same things
Isaac-picture of man
going to his death
mankind headed towards death
sacrifice needed
Isaac's question-where is the lamb?
God paid a much higher price
God will provide Himself
personal faith is needed
look to God for provision
v.9 came to place God had told them of
place known to Abraham
I love you very much son but I love God more
fear of the Lord
now I know that you fear God
Isaac-also picture of Christ
v.9 bound Isaac his son
stronger than Abraham
Isaac didn't defy his dad
altar-God's judgment
God's judgment is imminent
knife and fire-signs of judgment
hell is judgment for man
for believer-judgment is the cross
for Abraham-total surrender
v.11 outcome of test
not withhold only son
Abraham loves and fears God-proved this
God knew but wanted to prove to others
evidence of faith-works
evidences of love-sacrifice
God's provision-ram in the thicket
right in time
Christ died for us while we were yet sinners
not marred or sick-just caught by his horns
substitute-taking our place
vv.16-18
God confirms his covenant with Abraham
in thy seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed
learned about the Messiah
so all can hear the gospel
Is your all on the altar?
My own thoughts: ("Our" refers to "our family") I feel like you were our sacrifice to God. Even though it's a different scenario, and we were never "asked", we trusted God to take our life and what we have been given and do with it as He pleases. We dedicated you as a young child and you were baptized with the intention to serve the Lord.
That's not always (probably rarely) how we think it's going to be. We think, yes, we will go to church, tell others about Christ, maybe be a missionary, etc. But are we willing to do anything to spread the Gospel? Even give our own life or our children's lives? The answer is yes. We had the "love" part down for sure. We loved you and love you so much. It was a true sacrifice, and even though we didn't have a choice, our attitude toward what happened reflects how we view it.
Were you ripped from our lives unfairly and unjustly? Did God owe us a full life with you? As Pastor Goossen said, God owes us nothing, but He provides us with everything we need. He provides the comfort and healing to get through losing you, if we let Him.
This message made me think of the song, "For the Beauty of the Earth" that was sung at your service by Anna and Naomi. I have always loved their rendition and knew I wanted it sung at my funeral. "Lord of all, to Thee we raise-this our sacrifice of praise!" That's what you are-our sacrifice of praise! You were a gift to us from God. But the greatest gift was God giving us His only Son to die on the cross as punishment for our sins. He gave His Only Son. We have another son, thank God. Not that it makes up for losing you, but it's noteworthy. God gave His Only Son. Isaac was Abraham's only son. You were not my only son-I have another one to stay with me. And sweet Hopie. Of course, we would want you here, but God chose you for a higher purpose. God choose one of MY children for this-praise His Holy Name!
You weren't sickly or weak. You were healthy and in the prime of your life. All that was "wrong" with you is that you got in a car accident. You had a lot to offer this world and you touched so many lives. I miss you sweet boy but God loves you so much more than even I do, even though it feels like that's not possible. I love you and am so proud of you!
Genesis 22:1-14
Abraham's Faith Confirmed
Now it came to pass after these things that God tested Abraham, and said to him, "Abraham!"
And he said, "Here I am."
Then He said, "Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you."
So Abraham rose early in the morning and saddled his donkey, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son; and he split the wood for the burnt offering, and arose and went to the place of which God had told him. Then on the third day Abraham lifted his eyes and saw the place afar off. And Abraham said to his young men, "Stay here with the donkey; the lad and I will go yonder and worship, and we will come back to you."
So Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering and laid it on Isaac his son; and he took the fire in his hand, and a knife, and the two of them went together. But Isaac spoke to Abraham his father and said, "My father!"
And he said, "Here I am, my son."
Then he said, "Look, the fire and the wood, but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?"
And Abraham said, "My son, God will provide for Himself the lamb for a burnt offering." So the two of them went together.
Then they came to the place of which God had told him. And Abraham built an altar there and placed the wood in order; and he bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar, upon the wood. And Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.
But the Angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, "Abraham, Abraham!"
So he said, "Here I am."
And He said, "Do not lay your hand on the lad, or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me."
Then Abraham lifted his eyes and looked, and there behind him was a ram caught in a thicket by its horns. So Abraham went and took the ram, and offered it up for a burnt offering instead of his son. And Abraham called the name of the place, The-Lord-Will-Provide; as it is said to this day, "In the Mount of the Lord it shall be provided."
Notes:
God wanted to be sure that He is/was still their greatest love even above Isaac
God's gifts to us can intervene with our love for Him
each trial preparing him for the next step
Abraham did not know this was a test
test-bring out the good in a child of God
v.2 extent of test
sacrifice only son
God telling Abraham to give up Isaac
his only son
whom thou lovest
first time "love" mentioned in the Bible so far
greatness of Abraham's love for his son
offer him a burnt offering-completely
v.3 Abraham's response
responded in obedience
quality of obedience-disciplined
rose up early
prepared obedience
so nothing to hinder
prompt obedience
decisive obedience
only individual can understand
Acts 21:10
ready to be bound-Paul
hindering Paul
God's clear command
even well-meaning Christians could hinder
v.5 meaning of test
we will worship (told servants)
worship implies sacrifice
Christ died for us
true worship--sacrifice
no easy worship
Malachi 1:13
what a weariness
unacceptable offerings
has to be a sacrifice
"we're going to come back"
trusted God to raise him from the dead
in Isaac, his descendants
God needs to be in the equation
act of faith, act of fellowship
v.6 went together
fellowship with Christ
fellowship of His sufferings
fellowship with other brethren going through same things
Isaac-picture of man
going to his death
mankind headed towards death
sacrifice needed
Isaac's question-where is the lamb?
God paid a much higher price
God will provide Himself
personal faith is needed
look to God for provision
v.9 came to place God had told them of
place known to Abraham
I love you very much son but I love God more
fear of the Lord
now I know that you fear God
Isaac-also picture of Christ
v.9 bound Isaac his son
stronger than Abraham
Isaac didn't defy his dad
altar-God's judgment
God's judgment is imminent
knife and fire-signs of judgment
hell is judgment for man
for believer-judgment is the cross
for Abraham-total surrender
v.11 outcome of test
not withhold only son
Abraham loves and fears God-proved this
God knew but wanted to prove to others
evidence of faith-works
evidences of love-sacrifice
God's provision-ram in the thicket
right in time
Christ died for us while we were yet sinners
not marred or sick-just caught by his horns
substitute-taking our place
vv.16-18
God confirms his covenant with Abraham
in thy seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed
learned about the Messiah
so all can hear the gospel
Is your all on the altar?
My own thoughts: ("Our" refers to "our family") I feel like you were our sacrifice to God. Even though it's a different scenario, and we were never "asked", we trusted God to take our life and what we have been given and do with it as He pleases. We dedicated you as a young child and you were baptized with the intention to serve the Lord.
That's not always (probably rarely) how we think it's going to be. We think, yes, we will go to church, tell others about Christ, maybe be a missionary, etc. But are we willing to do anything to spread the Gospel? Even give our own life or our children's lives? The answer is yes. We had the "love" part down for sure. We loved you and love you so much. It was a true sacrifice, and even though we didn't have a choice, our attitude toward what happened reflects how we view it.
Were you ripped from our lives unfairly and unjustly? Did God owe us a full life with you? As Pastor Goossen said, God owes us nothing, but He provides us with everything we need. He provides the comfort and healing to get through losing you, if we let Him.
This message made me think of the song, "For the Beauty of the Earth" that was sung at your service by Anna and Naomi. I have always loved their rendition and knew I wanted it sung at my funeral. "Lord of all, to Thee we raise-this our sacrifice of praise!" That's what you are-our sacrifice of praise! You were a gift to us from God. But the greatest gift was God giving us His only Son to die on the cross as punishment for our sins. He gave His Only Son. We have another son, thank God. Not that it makes up for losing you, but it's noteworthy. God gave His Only Son. Isaac was Abraham's only son. You were not my only son-I have another one to stay with me. And sweet Hopie. Of course, we would want you here, but God chose you for a higher purpose. God choose one of MY children for this-praise His Holy Name!
You weren't sickly or weak. You were healthy and in the prime of your life. All that was "wrong" with you is that you got in a car accident. You had a lot to offer this world and you touched so many lives. I miss you sweet boy but God loves you so much more than even I do, even though it feels like that's not possible. I love you and am so proud of you!
Pain and Suffering
This is from the April 1, 2017 daily devotional from Days of Praise.
Pain and Suffering
"Now when Job's three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him...they lifted up their voice, and wept; and they rent every one his mantle, and sprinkled dust upon their heads toward heaven...And none spake a word unto him; for they saw that his grief was very great." (Job 2:11-13)
If God is sovereign and omnipotent, why does He permit "bad" to exist? Since pain and suffering exist, God seemingly must not be omnipotent, or not good, or both. Those who have been hurt by evil often conclude that if God cannot stop it, He does not deserve worship. Although this debate won't be settled in this short devotional, some Bible facts must be considered.
When Adam and Eve chose to embrace the lie of self-determination and reject the rule of the Creator over them. God pronounced a sentence of death on all life and the sentence of disorder on all functioning systems in the universe. Death, of course, is the source of all pain and suffering, and "thorns and thistles" represent the ultimate decay of function and order in everything else. Pain and suffering are the result of evil, not the cause (Genesis 3:17-19; Romans 8:22).
Satan reverses that truth and would have mankind believe that God is the source of evil and must be placated.
Since Job was suffering, and God was sovereign, the only solution seemed that Job had violated one of God's laws and therefore was suffering because he had sinned. Logic dictated that God was good and right, therefore Job was wrong and evil. The trouble was, of course, that human logic could not take into account the inscrutable omniscience of an omnipotent Creator. "All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies" (Psalm 25:10).
Pain and Suffering
"Now when Job's three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him...they lifted up their voice, and wept; and they rent every one his mantle, and sprinkled dust upon their heads toward heaven...And none spake a word unto him; for they saw that his grief was very great." (Job 2:11-13)
If God is sovereign and omnipotent, why does He permit "bad" to exist? Since pain and suffering exist, God seemingly must not be omnipotent, or not good, or both. Those who have been hurt by evil often conclude that if God cannot stop it, He does not deserve worship. Although this debate won't be settled in this short devotional, some Bible facts must be considered.
When Adam and Eve chose to embrace the lie of self-determination and reject the rule of the Creator over them. God pronounced a sentence of death on all life and the sentence of disorder on all functioning systems in the universe. Death, of course, is the source of all pain and suffering, and "thorns and thistles" represent the ultimate decay of function and order in everything else. Pain and suffering are the result of evil, not the cause (Genesis 3:17-19; Romans 8:22).
Satan reverses that truth and would have mankind believe that God is the source of evil and must be placated.
Since Job was suffering, and God was sovereign, the only solution seemed that Job had violated one of God's laws and therefore was suffering because he had sinned. Logic dictated that God was good and right, therefore Job was wrong and evil. The trouble was, of course, that human logic could not take into account the inscrutable omniscience of an omnipotent Creator. "All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies" (Psalm 25:10).
On that day
This is a post from Lexi Behrndt of Scribbles & Crumbs.
Someday, I'll no longer ache. The day when space no longer separates us, and our worlds will collide, and love will have the final say. The day that you'll be back in my arms, no more sorrow, and no more pain. The first day of forever. On that day, all the years of pain, all of the compartmentalization, all the excuses, all the cover ups when the tears won't stop flowing, all the days of barely being able to move under the weight of a shattered heart...All of those days will vanish. They'll fade away. Grief and pain will be no more when I once again see your face search for mine.
Enough is enough
I came across this article the other day on Faithit. It's excellent.
Dear Church: It's Time to Stop Enabling Abusive Men by Gary Thomas
The church is helping abusive men keep their wives trapped in hurtful marriages, but it has to stop. Because there are some things God hates MORE than divorce.
"If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters-yes, even their own life-such a person cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:26
What does it mean to "hate" someone we are elsewhere called to sacrificially love?
We are told to love even our enemies, yet Jesus here tells us to hate some of our closest family members. What could that mean?
Hatred is Semitic hyperbole. In essence, it means "love less than." There are times when our love and allegiance to God may be at odds with human loyalties; in those cases, love for God, His light and the way of truth must always prevail.
It's OK (actually, commendable) for me to love the Seattle Seahawks. But if my wife needs me to take her to the hospital in the middle of a game or needs me to pay her some attention, I have to act like I hate the Seahawks and not even consider my love for them in service to my wife.
Let's apply this principle in regards to how the church views marriage and divorce.
I recently spoke at a long-standing North American woman's conference and was overwhelmed by the quantity and horrific nature of things wives are having to put up with in their marriages. Between sessions, I was bombarded by heartfelt inquiries: "What does a wife do when her husband does this? Or that? Or keeps doing this?" It broke my heart. I felt like I needed to take a dozen showers that weekend.
This may sound like a rant, but please hang with me, as I think this conference was a divine appointment. I can't get this out of my mind.
One wife began our conversation with, "God hates divorce, right?"
"Yes," I said. "I believe he does."
"So I've just got to accept what's happening in my marriage, right?"
When she told me what was happening, I quickly corrected her. "If the cost of saving a marriage is destroying a woman, the cost is too high. God loves people more than he loves institutions."
Her husband is a persistent porn addict. He has neglected her sexually except to fulfill his own increasingly bent desires. He keeps dangling divorce over her head, which makes her feel like a failure as a Christian. He presented her with a list of five things he wanted to do that he saw done in porn, and if she wasn't willing, he was through with the marriage. She agreed to four of them, but just couldn't do the fifth. And she feels guilty.
God hates divorce, right?
This is monstrous and vile. This woman needs to be protected from such grotesque abuse, and if divorce is the only weapon to protect her, then the church should thank God such a weapon exists.
A young wife, barely in her 20's, held a baby in a blanket and looked at me with tears. Her husband has a huge temper problem. He's made her get out of the car on a highway with her baby, twice. "But both times he came back for us," she said in his defense when I looked absolutely appalled. They were separated and she was living with her parents. She wanted to know if she should take him back because his psychiatrist supposedly said there wasn't anything really wrong with him. Her husband doesn't think he has a problem, that, in fact, the problem is with her "lack of forgiveness."
They had been married only three years and she had already lived through more torment (I'm not telling the full story) than a woman should face in a lifetime. My thoughts weren't at all about how to "save" the marriage, but to ease her conscience and help her prepare for a new life-without him.
Church, God hates it when a woman is sexually degraded and forced to do things that disgust her. It should also make us want to vomit.
When a young man is so immature he puts his wife's and baby's life in danger on a highway (amongst other things), the thought that we're worried about the "appropriateness" of divorce shows that our loyalties are with human institutions, not the divine will.
As Kevin DeYoung so ably puts it, "Every divorce is the result of sin, but not every divorce is sinful."
Another woman told me about putting up with her husband's appalling behavior for over 40 years. I was invited to look in her face, see the struggle, see the heroic perseverance, but also be reminded that counsel has consequences. So when I talk to a young woman in her third year of marriage and it's clear she's married to a monster, and someone wants to "save" the marriage, I want them to realize they are likely sentencing her to four decades of abuse, because of a choice she made as a teenager. When these men aren't confronted, and aren't repentant, they don't change.
Jesus said what he said about divorce to protect women, not to imprison them. Divorce was a weapon foisted against women in the first century, not one they could use, and it almost always left them destitute if their family of origin couldn't or wouldn't step up.
How does it honor the concept of "Christian marriage" to enforce the continuance of an abusive, destructive relationship that is slowly squeezing all life and joy out of a woman's soul? Our focus has to be on urging men to love their wives like Christ loves the church, not on telling women to put up with husbands mistreating their wives like Satan mistreats us. We should confront and stop the work of Satan, not enable it.
Look, I hate divorce as much as anyone. I have been married for 31 years and cannot fathom leaving my wife. I have prayed for couples, counseled with couples, written blog posts and articles and books, and have traveled to 49 of the 50 states and nine different countries to strengthen marriages in the church. By all accounts, I believe I've been an ambassador for improving and growing marriages.
The danger of what I'm saying is clear and even a little scary to me, because no marriage is easy. Every marriage must overcome hurt, pain and sin. No husband is a saint, in the sense that every husband will need to be forgiven and will be troublesome and even hurtful at times to live with. I'm not talking about the common struggles of living with a common sinner, or every man and woman could pursue divorce. (There are men who live with abuse and could "biblically" pursue a divorce as well). Charging someone with "abuse" when it doesn't truly apply is almost as evil as committing abuse, so we need to be careful we don't bear "false witness" against a spouse to convince ourselves and others that we can legitimately pursue divorce to get out of a difficult marriage.
That's why I love how some churches will meet with a couple and hear them out to give them some objective feedback, helping them to distinguish between normal marital friction and abusive behavior. Some women need to hear, "No, this isn't normal. It's abuse. You don't have to put up with that." Others need to hear, "We think what you're facing are the normal difficulties of marriage and with counseling they can be overcome." There's no way a blog post (or even a book) can adequately anticipate all such questions.
I love marriage-even the struggles of marriage, which God can truly use to grow us and shape us-but I hate it when God's daughters are abused. And I will never defend a marriage over a woman's emotional, spiritual and physical health.
I went back to my hotel room after that woman's conference and almost felt like I had to vomit. I don't know how God stands it, having to witness such horrific behavior leveled at his daughters.
Enough is enough!
Jesus says there are "levels" of love, and times when one loyalty must rise over another. Our loyalty to marriage is good and noble and true. But when loyalty to a relational structure allows evil to continue, it is false loyalty, even an evil loyalty.
Christian leaders and friends, we have to see that some evil men are using their wives' Christian guilt and our teaching about the sanctity of marriage as a weapon to keep harming them. I can't help feeling that if more women started saying, "This is over," and were backed up by a church that enabled them to escape instead of enabling the abuse to continue, other men in the church, tempted toward the same behavior, might finally wake up and change their ways.
Christians are more likely to have one-income families, making some Christian wives feel even more vulnerable. We have to got to clean up our own house. We have got to say, "Enough is enough." We have got to put the fear of God in some terrible husbands' hearts, because they sure don't fear their wives, and their lack of respect is leading to ongoing deplorable behavior.
I want a man who was abusive to have to explain to a potential second wife why his saintly first wife left him. Let men realize that behavior has consequences, and that wives are supposed to be cherished, not used, not abused and never treated as sexual playthings. If a man wants the benefit and companionship of a good woman, let him earn it, and re-earn it, and let him know it can be lost.
Enough is enough.
I know I'm ranting. But I don't think it was an accident that I was constantly stopped at that woman's conference and forced to hear despicable story ("forced" isn't the right word. I could, of course, have walked away). I think God wanted me to see the breadth and depth of what is going on, and in this case, perhaps to be His voice.
Message received! We are called to love marriage, but when marriage enables evil, we should hate (love it less) in comparison to a woman's welfare.
(Gary Thomas-on teaching team at Second Baptist Church, Houston, Texas)
Dear Church: It's Time to Stop Enabling Abusive Men by Gary Thomas
The church is helping abusive men keep their wives trapped in hurtful marriages, but it has to stop. Because there are some things God hates MORE than divorce.
"If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters-yes, even their own life-such a person cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:26
What does it mean to "hate" someone we are elsewhere called to sacrificially love?
We are told to love even our enemies, yet Jesus here tells us to hate some of our closest family members. What could that mean?
Hatred is Semitic hyperbole. In essence, it means "love less than." There are times when our love and allegiance to God may be at odds with human loyalties; in those cases, love for God, His light and the way of truth must always prevail.
It's OK (actually, commendable) for me to love the Seattle Seahawks. But if my wife needs me to take her to the hospital in the middle of a game or needs me to pay her some attention, I have to act like I hate the Seahawks and not even consider my love for them in service to my wife.
Let's apply this principle in regards to how the church views marriage and divorce.
I recently spoke at a long-standing North American woman's conference and was overwhelmed by the quantity and horrific nature of things wives are having to put up with in their marriages. Between sessions, I was bombarded by heartfelt inquiries: "What does a wife do when her husband does this? Or that? Or keeps doing this?" It broke my heart. I felt like I needed to take a dozen showers that weekend.
This may sound like a rant, but please hang with me, as I think this conference was a divine appointment. I can't get this out of my mind.
One wife began our conversation with, "God hates divorce, right?"
"Yes," I said. "I believe he does."
"So I've just got to accept what's happening in my marriage, right?"
When she told me what was happening, I quickly corrected her. "If the cost of saving a marriage is destroying a woman, the cost is too high. God loves people more than he loves institutions."
Her husband is a persistent porn addict. He has neglected her sexually except to fulfill his own increasingly bent desires. He keeps dangling divorce over her head, which makes her feel like a failure as a Christian. He presented her with a list of five things he wanted to do that he saw done in porn, and if she wasn't willing, he was through with the marriage. She agreed to four of them, but just couldn't do the fifth. And she feels guilty.
God hates divorce, right?
This is monstrous and vile. This woman needs to be protected from such grotesque abuse, and if divorce is the only weapon to protect her, then the church should thank God such a weapon exists.
A young wife, barely in her 20's, held a baby in a blanket and looked at me with tears. Her husband has a huge temper problem. He's made her get out of the car on a highway with her baby, twice. "But both times he came back for us," she said in his defense when I looked absolutely appalled. They were separated and she was living with her parents. She wanted to know if she should take him back because his psychiatrist supposedly said there wasn't anything really wrong with him. Her husband doesn't think he has a problem, that, in fact, the problem is with her "lack of forgiveness."
They had been married only three years and she had already lived through more torment (I'm not telling the full story) than a woman should face in a lifetime. My thoughts weren't at all about how to "save" the marriage, but to ease her conscience and help her prepare for a new life-without him.
Church, God hates it when a woman is sexually degraded and forced to do things that disgust her. It should also make us want to vomit.
When a young man is so immature he puts his wife's and baby's life in danger on a highway (amongst other things), the thought that we're worried about the "appropriateness" of divorce shows that our loyalties are with human institutions, not the divine will.
As Kevin DeYoung so ably puts it, "Every divorce is the result of sin, but not every divorce is sinful."
Another woman told me about putting up with her husband's appalling behavior for over 40 years. I was invited to look in her face, see the struggle, see the heroic perseverance, but also be reminded that counsel has consequences. So when I talk to a young woman in her third year of marriage and it's clear she's married to a monster, and someone wants to "save" the marriage, I want them to realize they are likely sentencing her to four decades of abuse, because of a choice she made as a teenager. When these men aren't confronted, and aren't repentant, they don't change.
Jesus said what he said about divorce to protect women, not to imprison them. Divorce was a weapon foisted against women in the first century, not one they could use, and it almost always left them destitute if their family of origin couldn't or wouldn't step up.
How does it honor the concept of "Christian marriage" to enforce the continuance of an abusive, destructive relationship that is slowly squeezing all life and joy out of a woman's soul? Our focus has to be on urging men to love their wives like Christ loves the church, not on telling women to put up with husbands mistreating their wives like Satan mistreats us. We should confront and stop the work of Satan, not enable it.
Look, I hate divorce as much as anyone. I have been married for 31 years and cannot fathom leaving my wife. I have prayed for couples, counseled with couples, written blog posts and articles and books, and have traveled to 49 of the 50 states and nine different countries to strengthen marriages in the church. By all accounts, I believe I've been an ambassador for improving and growing marriages.
The danger of what I'm saying is clear and even a little scary to me, because no marriage is easy. Every marriage must overcome hurt, pain and sin. No husband is a saint, in the sense that every husband will need to be forgiven and will be troublesome and even hurtful at times to live with. I'm not talking about the common struggles of living with a common sinner, or every man and woman could pursue divorce. (There are men who live with abuse and could "biblically" pursue a divorce as well). Charging someone with "abuse" when it doesn't truly apply is almost as evil as committing abuse, so we need to be careful we don't bear "false witness" against a spouse to convince ourselves and others that we can legitimately pursue divorce to get out of a difficult marriage.
That's why I love how some churches will meet with a couple and hear them out to give them some objective feedback, helping them to distinguish between normal marital friction and abusive behavior. Some women need to hear, "No, this isn't normal. It's abuse. You don't have to put up with that." Others need to hear, "We think what you're facing are the normal difficulties of marriage and with counseling they can be overcome." There's no way a blog post (or even a book) can adequately anticipate all such questions.
I love marriage-even the struggles of marriage, which God can truly use to grow us and shape us-but I hate it when God's daughters are abused. And I will never defend a marriage over a woman's emotional, spiritual and physical health.
I went back to my hotel room after that woman's conference and almost felt like I had to vomit. I don't know how God stands it, having to witness such horrific behavior leveled at his daughters.
Enough is enough!
Jesus says there are "levels" of love, and times when one loyalty must rise over another. Our loyalty to marriage is good and noble and true. But when loyalty to a relational structure allows evil to continue, it is false loyalty, even an evil loyalty.
Christian leaders and friends, we have to see that some evil men are using their wives' Christian guilt and our teaching about the sanctity of marriage as a weapon to keep harming them. I can't help feeling that if more women started saying, "This is over," and were backed up by a church that enabled them to escape instead of enabling the abuse to continue, other men in the church, tempted toward the same behavior, might finally wake up and change their ways.
Christians are more likely to have one-income families, making some Christian wives feel even more vulnerable. We have to got to clean up our own house. We have got to say, "Enough is enough." We have got to put the fear of God in some terrible husbands' hearts, because they sure don't fear their wives, and their lack of respect is leading to ongoing deplorable behavior.
I want a man who was abusive to have to explain to a potential second wife why his saintly first wife left him. Let men realize that behavior has consequences, and that wives are supposed to be cherished, not used, not abused and never treated as sexual playthings. If a man wants the benefit and companionship of a good woman, let him earn it, and re-earn it, and let him know it can be lost.
Enough is enough.
I know I'm ranting. But I don't think it was an accident that I was constantly stopped at that woman's conference and forced to hear despicable story ("forced" isn't the right word. I could, of course, have walked away). I think God wanted me to see the breadth and depth of what is going on, and in this case, perhaps to be His voice.
Message received! We are called to love marriage, but when marriage enables evil, we should hate (love it less) in comparison to a woman's welfare.
(Gary Thomas-on teaching team at Second Baptist Church, Houston, Texas)
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