This article was life-changing for me to try to understand what Dad's problem is. I turned it into a little Bible study for myself and looked up/wrote out all of the Scripture references. It's written to a counselor or pastor, but it was very helpful and eye-opening to me.
5 Indicators of an Evil Heart
from crosswalk.com, by Leslie Vernick
As Christian counselors, pastors and people helpers we often have a hard time discerning between an evil heart and an ordinary sinner who messes up, who isn't perfect, and full of weakness and sin.
I think one of the reasons we don't "see" evil is because we find it so difficult to believe that evil individuals actually exist. We can't imagine someone deceiving us with no conscience, hurting others with no remorse, spinning outrageous fabrications to ruin someone's reputation, or pretending he or she is spiritually committed yet has no fear of God before his or her eyes.
The Bible clearly tells us that among God's people there are wolves that wear sheep's clothing (Jeremiah 23:14; Titus 1:10; Revelation 2:2). It's true that every human heart is inclined toward sin (Romans 3:23), and that includes evil (Genesis 8:21; James 1:4). We all miss God's mark of moral perfection. However, most ordinary sinners do not happily indulge evil urges, nor do we feel good about having them. We feel ashamed and guilty, rightly so (Romans 7:19-21). These things are not true of the evil heart.
Here are five indicators that you may be dealing with an evil heart rather than an ordinary sinful heart. If so, it requires a radically different treatment approach.
1. Evil hearts are experts at creating confusion and contention.
They twist the facts, mislead, lie, avoid taking responsibility, deny reality, make up stories, and withhold information.
2. Evil hearts are experts at fooling others with their smooth speech and flattering words.
But if you look at the fruit of their lives or the follow through of their words, you will find no real evidence of godly growth or change. It's all smoke and mirrors.
3. Evil hearts crave and demand control, and their highest authority is their own self-reference.
They reject feedback, real accountability, and make their own rules to live by. They use Scripture to their own advantage but ignore and reject passages that might require self-correction and repentance.
4.. Evil hearts play on the sympathies of good-willed people, often trumping the grace card.
They demand mercy for themselves but give none themselves. They demand warmth, forgiveness, and intimacy from those they have harmed with no empathy for the pain they have caused and no real intention of making amends or working hard to rebuild broken trust.
5. Evil hearts have no conscience, no remorse.
They do not struggle against sin or evil - they delight in it - all the while masquerading as someone of noble character.
Do you know someone like this?
If you are working with someone who exhibits these characteristics, it's important that you confront them head on. You must name evil for what it is. The longer you try to reason with them or show mercy towards them, the more you, as the Christian counselor, will become a pawn in his or her game.
They want you to believe that:
1. Their horrible actions should have no serious or painful consequences.
When they say "I'm sorry," they look to you as the pastor or Christian counselor to be their advocate for amnesty with the person he or she has harmed. They believe grace means they are immediately granted immunity from the relational fallout of their serious sin. They believe forgiveness entitled them to full reconciliation and will pressure you and their victim to comply.
The Bible warns us saying, "But when grace is shown to the wicked, they do not learn righteousness; even in the land of uprightness they go on doing evil and do not regard the majesty of the Lord." (Isaiah 26:10).
The Bible tells us that talking doesn't wake up evil people, but painful consequences might. Jesus didn't wake up the Pharisee's with his talk nor did God's counsel impact Cain.
In addition, the Bible shows us that when someone is truly sorry for the pain they have caused, he or she is eager to make amends to those they have harmed by their sin (see Zaccheus' response when he repented of his greed in Luke 19).
Tim Keller writes,
"If you have been the victim of a heinous crime. If you have suffered violence, and the perpetrator (or even the judge) says, 'Sorry, can't we just let it go?' You would say, 'No, that would be an injustice.' Your refusal would rightly have nothing to do with bitterness or vengeance. If you have been badly wronged, you know that saying sorry is never enough. Something else is required - some kind of costly payment must be made to put things right."
As Biblical counselors let's not collude with the evil one by turning our attention to the victim, requiring her to forgive, to forget, to trust again when there has been no evidence of inner change. Proverbs says, "Trusting in a treacherous man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth or a foot that slips." (Proverbs 25:19). It's foolishness.
The evil person will also try to get you to believe...
2. That if I talk like a gospel-believing Christian I am one, even if my actions don't line up with my talk.
Remember, Satan masquerades as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:13-15). He knows more true doctrine than you or I will ever know, but his heart is wicked. Why? Because although he knows the truth, he does not believe it or live it.
The Bible has some strong words for those whose actions don't match their talk (1 John 3:17,18; Jeremiah 7:8,10; James 1:22,26). John the Baptist said it best when he admonished the religious leaders, "Prove the way you live that you have repented of your sins and turned to God" (Luke 3:8). If week after week you hear the talk but there is no change in the walk, you have every reason to question someone's relationship with God.
Can an evil person really change?
Part of our maturity as spiritual leaders is that we have been trained to discern between good and evil. Why is that so important? It's important because evil usually pretends to be good, and without discernment we can be easily fooled (Hebrews 5:14).
When you confront evil, chances are good that the evil heart will stop counseling with you because the darkness hates the light (John 3:20) and the foolish and evil heart reject correction (Proverbs 9:7,8). But that outcome is far better than allowing the evil heart to believe you are on his or her side, or "he's not that bad" or "that he's really sorry" or "that he's changing" when, in fact, he is not.
Daniel says, "The wicked will continue to be wicked" (Daniel 12:10) which begs the question, do you think an evil person can really change?
My own notes: I can't even believe how much this article has changed my life. I will have to comment on that later-too emotional.
