Deactivation

 From Dean Blankfield

Deactivation happens when the avoidant attacher's attachment system gets triggered by too much emotional closeness.

Their nervous system links intimacy with danger. It can be triggered by affection, vulnerability, or even another person depending on them.

Their body reacts with discomfort, irritation, or the urge to escape.

They start to shut down to stop the feeling.

They might pull away, blame their partner, or focus on small flaws.

They often distract themselves with work, routine, or solitude to feel steady again.

It's not a conscious choice, it's how their system protects them from feeling trapped or exposed.

When they were young, emotional needs were often dismissed, criticized, or too heavy to handle.

So their body learned to turn off need and emotion to stay safe.

Deactivation helps them avoid the pain of rejection and the fear of being controlled.

But it also stops closeness from feeling safe.

The more someone gets close, the more their system wants to pull away.

Healing starts with awareness of his pattern as it happens.

Then learning to stay open, even when their body wants to shut down.