I'm a Christian too

When I was reading that article about divorce, the above thought occurred to me. I'm always hearing from Pastor and Dad about what Christians should do and how they should behave, but I know too. I have a relationship with God and His Son, Jesus Christ. I listen to sermons, I read my Bible. I know what is Christ-like behavior and what is not.

I'm not some dummy who's like, "Oh, I'm not supposed to fight with my husband?" I am convicted by the Holy Spirit when I'm doing something wrong. I am ashamed of my marriage. So much so, that I can't even really pray about it. I ask God to help me "deal with Bill", but that's about it. There are things that I let Carter and Hope do that I know are wrong sometimes. I am very familiar with Biblical principles and commands. I know Pastor knows more than I do, but I at least know the basics. I know I'm not supposed to fight with my husband. But there are things that he is supposed to do too. He's not supposed to antagonize me. He's supposed to look out for my best interest, sometimes above his own. He's supposed to be kind, slow to anger, patient. So many things he is not. I know I'm not perfect either, and everyone likes to point the finger at the other person. But sometimes they're right to do so.

All that I am saying is that I recognize what is going on and that it is wrong. I have tried to stay silent, but I can't, especially when it comes to the kids. I am sick of talking about it with people, thinking about it, etc. It's a huge drain on my energy and on my joy. God gives us the freedom to make choices, and he is making bad choices that I have to deal with in my own way. If Pastor knew of even half of his behavior at home, I would think he would be very disappointed. But, then again, I mostly spelled everything out in that letter and Pastor didn't even seem to care about the issues. The issues have to be dealt with. They are a reflection of character issues. They can't be swept under the rug under the command that I just have to obey him. I don't think that this is what God intended for marriage-to bring so much misery. The Lord will see me through this though-I know that. Thank you Lord!