I had a sleepless night on Saturday night. My shoulder really hurt-it felt like a pinched nerve and even though Dad rubbed it for quite some time, it didn't help. I was so frustrated because I was exhausted from the day (I also hadn't slept well Friday night for some reason) and I had a lot to do on Sunday, so that wasn't helping.
At one point, I heard this song in my head called, "Welcome Home" and it scared me because I've heard of people hearing heavenly music before they die. It was a song I hadn't thought about for a while. Dad sang it in church once with the choir (tells you how old it is) and the words are saying welcome home to someone coming to heaven. I literally thought that I was going to die that night-like maybe I was having a stroke or a heart attack or something.
I pleaded with God to let me live because of Hope and Carter. I couldn't leave them. I then felt bad about it, because why wouldn't I want to be with you in heaven? I do, but I realized later that you are fine there but Hope and Carter need me here.
I then wondered if, given the choice, if you would have asked to stay here too, that you didn't want to die either. That reminds me of our meeting with the Kimballs because they said they believe Evan was given a choice, to live life as a vegetable or to help 5 other people live with his organs. I asked them if they saw "Miracles from Heaven" because a similar situation happened in that movie which I already explained in another post. They believe he chose to give his organs to other people. That's a comfort.
I wanted to address this topic because I have often thought I would be ok with dying to be where you are, but I feel that pull to Hope and Carter. They've already lost so much. If it were just about me, it would be different. It's about them and what God wants me to do. Love you sweet boy!
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