When anxiety strikes

From Gary Roe

When anxiety strikes...

I recently woke up in the middle of the night in a panic - sweating, heart racing. I quickly got up and began pacing.

I had felt this before, many times. I was having an anxiety attack.

Over the years I've learned that I don't need a trigger to be hijacked by anxiety. Repetitive traumatic experiences early in life naturally raised my anxiety baseline. Competitive swimming growing up and all the way through college kept much of it in check. Later, all that buried anxiety began to surface.

I've had three seasons in my adult life that I label "high anxiety." Not surprisingly, these were times of great loss and emotional pain. With expert help, I managed to develop skills to deal with this unwelcome visitor.

When we experience something and can't fully process, those emotions can get stored away in our bodies. We add to them over time with when little things happen. We have anxiety but it's no big deal. We don't feel the need to process or even mention it. Our reservoir of anxiety slowly grows, one drop at a time.

Finally, our bodies decide that it's time to express it, and wham. A panic attack out of nowhere. Even in the middle of the night. Perhaps especially in the middle of the night. Our bodies flush excess adrenaline during the night, which can make us feel jittery and nervous. In grief, we usually have some extra adrenaline running around.

As I paced, I found myself smiling. "Yes, this feels familiar. I feel anxious, panicky. I've been working hard. Maybe my anxiety reservoir is overflowing. My body is releasing what it doesn't want to carry. I'll feel this anxiety, and then release it. This is good."

Within moments, my heart was calm again.

Victory.

After years of getting hijacked and even momentarily paralyzed by anxiety, I can smile. It was a long time coming, so pardon me if I celebrate.

Anxiety is a natural, and even healthy part of the grieving process. Our hearts have been hit. A strand -or two or three - of our relational life web has been severed. This is hard, and it can be traumatic.

When we learn to grieve well and in healthy ways, wellness tends to build over time. Breathe deeply. Now is not forever. This anxiety will pass...