Monday discussion

I am mad at Dad right now because he bought a used car behind my back, which involved a decent-sized down payment and a three-year loan. I've been discussing it with different people, and the day I found out about it (which I think was last Thursday), I asked the Bible Study ladies for advice and prayer on how to handle it. (The weird thing about this is that he's acting like he's mad at me instead which makes no sense).

There were different opinions, of course, and I really had no plan as to how to interact with him when I got home that night. I ended up being nice and calm which even surprised me. He was only home for about 15 minutes after I got home from work but then when he came home later, the mood was still light although I did tell him I felt what he did was wrong. He defended himself by saying that I opened a credit card behind his back and only I could use it. I told him that I used it for things we needed, like utility bills, car payments, water polo, etc. I knew if he had access to it that he would run it up. I wish I didn't have it because now it's up to the $5500 limit. It did help at the time, but it's not like I used it for shoes or stupid stuff for myself. I used it for things the family needed when he wasn't bringing enough money home.

Anyway, I told the ladies this (about the calm demeanor I had) and they were impressed. I told them nobody wins in an argument (believe me, I know that too well). I actually was inspired by something Mrs. J. told us about how she responded kindly to an unbelievable family text that Mr. J. sent. Instead of flying off the handle, she responded with love and kindness and understanding.

We were following up on this situation at our dinner out Monday night, and discussing how it can throw someone off who has wronged you when you respond calmly. Mrs. J. mentioned a verse that I looked up from 1 Corinthians 7:15b-16: "But God has called you to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?" The passage actually refers to when the husband or the wife is not saved, which may apply in Mrs. J.'s case. I question that too in my situation sometimes about how he can act the way he does when he claims to be saved. He says the same thing to me, but there is so much that he does besides the way that he deals with me that is not Christian. The laziness, gluttony, unrepentant spirit, interest in worldly gain, disrespect of others, lack of interest in church, quick-temper, doing things simply for the approval of others, saying one thing and doing another, breaking promises or agreements, making excuses for everything and never taking responsibility for anything, the list goes on and on.

I mentioned a verse too about "heaping coals on their head", so I looked that up too. It's in Proverbs 25:22: "If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat; And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink; For so you will heap coals of fire on his head, And the Lord will reward you." It's sad to consider your husband as your enemy, but it can apply. This makes me think of something that I told Carter about how to deal with one of his teachers who wrongly accused him of something and often blames him for things that come up. I told him to pray for her and just to be extra nice. I think that kind of behavior is unexpected and makes the wrongdoer feel worse than if the victim retaliates. That's what Jesus did after all!

I just want you to know how much I love you, sweet boy! I love you so much.