Grateful and Grieving

Tammi Carr shared this link from Angela Miller who has the website, A Bed For My Heart. There are a lot of good parts to it in relation to Thanksgiving.

As bereaved parents we are forced to learn the art of holding infinite space for both/and (gratefulness and gratitude)--because this new life we didn't ask for is now a heartbreaking juxtaposition of contradictions. Our hearts hold both the blessings and the trials, the joy and the pain,...

We are grateful and we are grieving.

The former can't cure the latter, and the latter doesn't negate the former. Nor were they meant to. Yes, grieving parents are incredibly thankful for every single blessing in their life, and that also doesn't negate the truth of the sorrow in their heart.

The depth of my gratitude runs deeper than you know, for I know more than most how quickly my greatest blessings can be taken in an instant; I know the immeasurable pain of being robbed of my greatest joy.

Ask me about the empty chair beside me and I'll gratefully tell you all about the beautiful boy who should be sitting next to me, the one who taught me how to stretch my love far and wide enough to span the gap between heaven and earth. Ask me about the one who taught me how to gracefully keep my balance while juggling impossible juxtapositions of life and death, joy and sorrow, mothering the living and the dead. Ask me about the one who showed me how to love beyond all time and space, how to survive the unimaginable, how to live for the both of us.

Ask me about my greatest blessing and my deepest sorrow - ask me about my child.

Remember him with me. Invite him to the table this year too. I need to know that you remember he lived. Share his stories, his memory, his life, his love. And if you're open to blessing my aching heart even more, I invite you to say his name out loud with me. (Hayden) Often. (Hayden) And without hesitation. (Hayden)To hear his name is to hear the most beautiful sound there is. (Hayden) May it always be on the tip of your tongue like it is on mine. (Hayden) There is no greater gift. (Hayden)