Used to be

 From NarcCoach

I used to be that woman that said, "if he cheats, I'll 

leave" -- until he cheated and I stayed. No one

prepares you for trauma. No one tells you what a

trauma bond really is.

And the shame of that stays with you in a way

that's hard to explain. Because you judged women

who stayed before it happened to you. You had

the answer from the outside looking in. You were

so certain about what you would never tolerate --

until tolerance became survival and leaving felt

more terrifying than staying in something that was

slowly destroying you. That certainty disappears

the moment it becomes real.

Because a trauma bond isn't weakness. It isn't

stupidity. It isn't loving the wrong person too

much. It is a psychological response to cycles of

pain and comfort that rewire how your nervous 

system experiences love. The highs feel higher

because the lows were so devastating. The good

moments feel more precious because they're

surrounded by chaos. And leaving means grieving

someone who is simultaneously the source of your

pain and the only comfort you've ever known from 

them.

Nobody explains that part. Nobody tells you that

you can know something is wrong in your mind

completely - and still feel completely unable to

move your feet toward the door.

You won't leave because someone tells you to.

You won't leave because the logic is clear. You will

leave when the love you have for yourself finally --

finally --grows louder than the attachment you

have to him.

That's not a timeline anyone can give you. It's a

journey only you can walk.

But when you get there -- and you will get there --

you will never look back.

Healing starts the moment you choose yourself.

Even if it takes longer than you planned.

I used to be that woman that said 

"if he cheats I'll leave" until he cheated

and I stayed.

No one prepares you for trauma. No 

one tells you what a trauma bond 

really is. Trauma bonds are real. You

won't leave until you learn to love

yourself more than you love him.