They knew

 They died knowing how 

much you loved them.

There was nothing more

you needed to do.

They knew.

Still alive

 Have you ever grieved someone who is still alive? A parent who will never show up the way you need.

A sibling who will never acknowledge what happened. You're not grieving their death. You're grieving the version of them you hoped for. That's anticipatory grief. And it hurts because you finally accepted they are not going to become who you needed them to be. Do you understand how heavy that is?

~Zenda Lee Williams

This comment

 From Melissa M Schlemmer

This comment often rubs people the wrong way because it's usually said to the one who is still standing after the loss of their child. I know it can be meant as a "you're so strong I don't know how you're doing it" comment but it doesn't always feel that way. For many moms it feels like a "you must not love your child as much as I do because here you are standing while I know I couldn't survive" remark. I'm not saying that's the intent...but that's often the interpretation.

With all that said.

You don't survive.

The person I was when he was alive is gone.

She took her last breath too.

She didn't walk out of there with me. I walked out as someone new.

Still unsure of who she is...but we're figuring it out.

What we give

Saw a video that said,

"What we give doesn't always

return, but what we give is

always who we are," and it

changed my whole

perspective. 

Next

 Just keep praying.

God will show you 

what to do next.

Worship

 Sometimes worship looks like

rocking your baby in the church

hallway during the sermon.

That still counts.

God honors that too -

because love offered in faith is never

overlooked.

Bigger than

 What God is preparing for you

is bigger n what you're 

praying for.