Taylor's Gift

I am reading a book called "Taylor's Gift" about a 13-year-old girl who was killed in a skiing accident and donated her organs. Her situation seemed similar to yours in that she was declared brain-dead. Here are some notes and thoughts so far from the book:

"You were hand-picked--chosen--for this burden." (another family who had lost a child told Taylor's parents this)

When Taylor's mom was contemplating suicide and told her Pastor about it:

Taylor's Mom: "The pain is too much, and I can't do this anymore."
Pastor: "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"
TM:  "I would much rather be with her than be here."
P: "What makes you think if you did that, you would see her?"
TM: I hadn't thought of that. I'd never thought about something like that before, because I've never, ever gone down that path. How does God feel about that? Would He turn me away?
Before I could respond, more texts came in from him. "What makes you think that if you did it, God would welcome you with open arms?" Then, "How selfish of you to leave Ryan and Peyton like this!" (her other kids)
Suddenly, the idea was more complicated that it had seemed a few minutes earlier. I thought about my response and was just getting ready to text him back when he sent me a real zinger. "Do you really think Taylor would be proud of you?"
His words took my breath away. I knew for a fact she wouldn't be happy with me. She would never be proud of me if I did that. (I love the italics font by the way).
It was my lowest moment ever. But through his texts, Father Alfonse helped me realize it was because I was focusing on myself--on my own pain. I'd never looked at it from Taylor's perspective. I hadn't considered her reaction at all. Neither had I thought about what it would do to Peyton and Ryan.
I certainly hadn't thought about what God would think.
I put the cap back on the bottle and set it on the nightstand. I knew then I could never do it. Ever. Father Alfonse was right. I was being selfish. We texted back and forth a few more times. He made me promise I wouldn't do anything.
"I promise I won't," I texted back. I meant it.

"This is all for Your glory!"

Story told to Taylor's mom: "A very long time ago, there lived some Buddhist monks. Their village had been decimated by war and enemies were attacking their culture. To protect themselves, they had to move their village. But part of their religious tradition included this huge Buddha made of mud that they loved and worshiped. They wanted to take it with them to the new village, but they were fearful because they knew if they moved the statue, it could crack and break. Yet they couldn't move on without their Buddha.
  So the whole village assembled, and the plan was to carefully work together to move this clay Buddha. But when they started to move it, the Buddha started to crack as they feared. Soon, the cracks got bigger and chunks of Buddha mud fell to the ground. But underneath the mud was gold."
  She placed both her hands on my shoulders and said, "You're going to have to crack before you can find your gold."
(Other parts of story in between)
Every time I felt as if I were going to break, or I couldn't hold it together, I'd think of her story, allow it to happen, and look for gold.

Finished this book last night-it was so good I couldn't put it down! There were a lot of other notes I jotted to include here:

"We were given the privilege of organ donation. It wasn't just a decision, it was a privilege."

Hebrews 11:1: Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Luke 18:27: But he said, "The things which are impossible with men are possible with God."

1 Peter 5:10:  But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.

One chapter in the book is called "Outlive Yourself", referring to organ donation

Ending of book: "I still haven't found the peace I'd been looking for, but I resolved that I probably never would. This wasn't the way our story was supposed to be written. The natural order of things is that children are supposed to outlive their parents, grow up, get married, and have their own children. However, though we were having to rewrite our story, that wasn't the end of Taylor. Through organ donation, Taylor had already outlived herself and continued to do so each day through Jeff, Patricia, Jonathon and now Ashley (her organ recipients).
  And with God's help, now we were learning how to live on without her."

From Taylor's dad explaining to his son Ryan: "Your life is like a book," I said. "When you're reading a good book, you just sail through the chapters and enjoy the ride. Then suddenly, something bad happens to the main character. Maybe there is one chapter that is really difficult, and you sort of struggle reading the book because that chapter is hard. You're not sure if you want to keep reading, or if you even want to know what happens next. But when you get to the end of the book, you love how the story turns out, and you recommend it to your friends. That's when you understand why the author put that hard chapter in there. It all makes sense once the story ends." I put my arm around him and said, "Your life is like that book, and God is writing the story. Just know that some day when He is almost finished writing, you'll be able to look back and say, 'I totally get why that chapter was there.'"
   That was also my hope.
   Someday, I wanted to look back and see the purpose in all of this. For now, each of us just had to keep moving through the difficult parts of the story.

From Taylor's mom in a chapter called, "New Beginnings" soon after they placed Taylor's headstone at her grave: "As the workers picked up the heavy granite stone and carefully laid it on the surface they'd prepared, I saw Taylor's image, and next to it the cross. I thought about Jesus dying on the cross. The Son of God had a purpose in death. Though many thought His death was an end, on the third day they discovered that Jesus' purpose was part of something much bigger. Something eternal.
   God created each of us for a purpose.
   I'd always known my purpose--it was to be a mother to my three kids...But when one of those kids was taken from me, I felt like my purpose had been taken too. Some people talk about empty-nest syndrome when their kids go off to college. For a long time I felt as if my nest had been kicked and the pieces had gone flying everywhere. But once I got over the initial shock of losing one of my babies, I saw there were two more who needed me more than ever. What I came to realize over my months of searching was that my purpose hadn't changed--I was still a mom of three. But Ryan and Peyton needed me in different ways than Taylor needs me."

From Todd and Tara (Taylor's parents) at real end of book:  "The title of this book is Taylor's Gift, but this isn't just Taylor's story, or even just our story. It's the story of... (donor recipients named here)It's the story of countless recipients who received organs because someone heard Taylor's story and registered to be an organ donor. It's also the story of the infinite number of gifts they will give to their
friends and family.
   Taylor's gift is a gift that keeps on giving.
   To others.
   To us.
   But the greatest gift we've received through this journey didn't come from Taylor. It came from God.
   The gift of hope.
   No matter how tragic our circumstances, God was always there for us.
   Whether we acknowledge Him or not, He was always there.
   And whether we heard Him or not, He was always present.
   He will be there for you too.
   Of course He will.
   You are His gift. You are His child."

To paraphrase a thought that was in this book, just don't know where to find it: Through it all, Taylor's heart never stopped beating.