There were two things I wrote down last night on this little piece of paper that is getting crammed and thought it would be helpful to have a journal next to my bed for such thoughts. I realized that I do have a notebook by the bed which I should use. Anyway, I remember one thing I wrote down and hopefully I will remember the other.
One thing I wrote down is how it bothered me for some reason when I found out months later that the Calimentes still went to Sleeping Bear Dunes the weekend of/right after your accident. You were supposed to go with them, you were supposed to leave with them that Thursday afternoon. I guess I just thought they wouldn't go at all after what happened. I found out they still went though when I was "Facebook stalking" and ended up on Robert's page one day. He didn't have much on there, but one thing I noticed was pictures of them at Sleeping Bear Dunes and the date was August 22nd or August 23rd.
Maybe they already paid for everything and thought they still should get away, especially because his brother and girlfriend were in the pictures who probably didn't know you very well. It was just weird to see Robert smiling and happy in a picture so soon after your accident in a place you were supposed to be with him. Oh well. I don't know what I would have done if I were them.
This reminds me of another Facebook picture that bothered me of Isaac and Beck (and I think one more person), posing in their driveway the day of your funeral. They were all dressed up in the suits and blue/gold ties that the team all wore. Anyway, they were in a funny, goofy pose and someone asked what they were all dressed up for and Beck's mom or Isaak's mom told them it was for their friend's funeral. It was just a little weird and a little disrespectful I thought. (Maybe I should stop looking at people's Facebook pictures around that time).
Side note: Right now, the song by Imagine Dragons, "I Bet My Life" is on Pandora. This song was one of the songs in the team video that the Calimentes put together for the banquet. I know they love you. I'm sorry. Now the song "Apologize" is on. Maybe they felt bad that they went later.
I will try to remember what else I wrote down last night or just check over lunchtime. Love you boy!
Something else that bugs me is when people point out that it's ok to spend more money than I wanted on your headstone because we don't have to pay for a wedding or other things for you. Actually the same person keeps on bringing this up. It's like saying, "Wow, we saved a lot of money by having you die!" I know that's not what the person means, but it hurts. Well, we sure wrote a big check to Borek Jennings. I would have rather spent that on college tuition, that's for sure. Thankfully that was all donated or came from the auto/life insurance. The emotional cost is immeasurable which goes without saying.
This is a very negative post. Sorry about that. That goes against your nature. Hopefully the other thing I wrote down is not this negative.
Yay-it wasn't mean! When I checked what else I wrote down last night, it was about how I put $10 of gas in your car the night before your accident. It was a stretch at the time, but I wanted you to have a little bit. I think after I put it in, I forgot that you had the morning clinic and I thought it might have been a waste since your car would be sitting all weekend. You always appreciated it though when I put gas in your car and I am sure I told you and I'm sure you were thankful. It's a little bit of a sad thought to me, because I have often thought of all the "what if's" but, can't do that. Love you!
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