This was a short book from the Ele's Place, but very to-the-point and helpful
There Is Help For Your Grief
-only you can recover yourself
-"grief work"
Courage is not having the strength to go on; it's going on when you don't have the strength.
-you will never get over your loss but you can get through it
We Must Face It
admit to its presence
"When the world gave Jesus a cross, He accepted the worst thing that could ever happen to a man and transformed it into the greatest victory that has occurred in the world. He did not just bear the cross; He used it! And in so doing, He made it a symbol of glory and honor and victory with which we decorate our heroes."
-example of grain of sand inside of an oyster as a constant irritant, every year coated with film that becomes a pearl
Grief Is An Emotion
"Death is one messenger to whom we cannot talk back."
The Work of Mourning
-we work our way through the various stages of grief
The Manifestations of Grief
-we control grief or it will control us
-have to learn to live with the problem
Acceptance
"There is an old story of an oak tree and a reed which grew close to each other on the side of a hill. One day the wind came with hurricane force, threatening to destroy them both. The oak stiffened its branches and prepared to fight, but the reed only quivered in terror. After the storm had passed, the oak lay uprooted on its side while the reed, uninjured, soon stood as straight and tall as ever. When the dying oak asked the reed what made the difference, the reed replied: 'I bent with the wind; I accepted it.'"
Expression or Suppression
-only remedy for grief is to grieve
Tears and Talk
-tears are helpful
"Our tears can be crystallized into lenses through which we can better see God's purpose for us and our loved one. God washes our eyes with tears so that we may see the otherwise invisible land where tears shall be no more."
"It is impossible not to mourn, but to mourn excessively is forbidden."
-excessive grief is seldom a genuine way of showing devotion to our departed loved one
-story of dream of girl in heaven in a pageant. Her candle wouldn't stay lit because her dad's tears kept putting it out
"It is natural for us to be disturbed, heartbroken and concerned when a loved one is taken from us. But to despair over much and to be unwilling to recognize God and the eternal life he gives us is both unwise and unhealthy. The sun always rises to shine through the clouds after the darkest night, but constant tears and lamenting will prevent us from seeing the light."
Emancipation
-this chapter started with saying it's the third step, so I will have to notice what the second and first ones were
-learning how to free ourselves from the bondage of the physical existence and coexistence with the loved one (this sounds really sad)
explanation: we must go over and over the memories of our loved one until we are sufficiently emancipated and free to go on and assume new relationships
-have to develop a new perspective, accept idea of living with a memory
-have to truly sever the relationship to set our loved one free and set our own selves free
-world of reality without our loved one
Readjustment
-sooner get back on feet in general, the better but take time to heal
You will never get over your grief, but you can get through it.
Guilt Feelings
-wrong-doing (I don't have any regrets, thank God!)
-if only's
Anger
-have to blame something or someone we feel
-anger is danger without the "D"
-"safety valves", like exercising, doing things with friends, etc.
Ambivalence
-hatred or resentment towards deceased (doesn't apply either, thank God!)
Abnormal Grief
"It is impossible not to mourn; but to mourn excessively is forbidden." -The Talmud
-delayed reactions or change in conduct
-self-destruction
Religion and Grief
"Our faith will do much to determine how the traumatic experience of bereavement will affect us."
A person without faith has a greater handicap than one without feet.
"What we believe about the future, and how we anticipate a spiritual reunion with the departed, will determine the way we face up to sorrow and death. Those of us who have faith in God will find the mystery of death less perplexing because we believe that all of life and death are in the hands of God; this includes a belief in immortality and the conviction that we will be someday reunited with our loved ones."
-shouldn't come to faith after the fact as a soothing syrup or emotional anesthetic nor look upon religion as a means of safeguarding us from trouble
-religion already must be a part of our integral living (praise God I already had this!)
"However, religion in the life of one who has had experience in it can be a strong support in the time of sorrow; it can provide a light in the darkness of our disillusionment and despair; it can provide us with a source of power beyond human resources that will enable us to resolve a tragedy into a triumph and our sorrow into a sacrament."
"At a time like this we can sense the presence of God, as real and vital as breathing, and nearer than hands and feet. We will never know what it really means to walk with God in the deepest sense until we have walked with Him in the dark."
"God is the source of power and provides us with the strength for any situation."
"We, with God, can work this thing out together, for He will never leave us nor forsake us in our darkest hour."
-separation is still painful
"In a very real and effective way, our religion performs its most heroic feat as we stand beside the grave."
-God not punishing us by taking away our loved one
"They (the Biblical writers) saw the other side of the phenomenon, for they possessed the instrument of faith which enabled them to understand death."
"This doctrine (of resurrection) teaches us that death is not the end but is only a transition to another room in our Father's house. Our loved ones are not lost; rather, they have only gone before us. For them the experience is one of gain rather than of loss. They have been loosed and freed from the limitations of the flesh. They are 'absent from the body and present with the Lord.' (2 Corinthians 5:8)."
George MacDonald from The Hidden Life: "death has two sides to it--one sunny and one dark, as this round world of ours is every day half sunny and half dark. We on the dark side call the mystery death; while they on the other, looking down in glad light, await the glad birth with other tears than ours."
"Our Christian faith makes death 'glorious and triumphant for through its portals we enter into the presence of the living God.'"
-people do watch us to see how we handle it as Christians
"We may never understand the reason why our loved one was taken from us, but the fact that God had a reason should comfort us and is better than if we were able to find a dozen reasons."
-God's permissive will
Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.
-William James
"It would be easy for God to spare a life, but He performs a greater miracle when He changes our life attitude. When what seems to be a tragedy actually becomes a triumph, and when what is a farewell rite becomes a coronation, God has performed His great miracle of spiritual healing."
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