Liberating thought

Today I had a thought that really lifted my spirits. It involves my marriage. Dad has been a total jerk for a while (like for the past 21 years) and I'm tired of it. He's been sending me some links lately to some marriage podcasts which I am not interested in watching. I am more focused on my grief counseling right now, for obvious reasons. I think he should be too.
   He was trying to pressure me into marriage counseling a few weeks after your death, and I told him and Pastor that I just couldn't handle it at that time, for obvious reasons. When I went out to eat with Aunt Gretchen a few weeks ago, she was asking me why I put up with him, how he hasn't changed since high school, etc. I was actually surprised because she was totally on my side and saying I deserve to have someone who appreciates me, etc. She understood all of my issues with Grandma Elsie and agrees that she has put some really weird ideas into Dad's and Uncle Johnny's heads since they are exactly alike. I told her what Grandma Elsie put me through right after your accident, and Aunt Gretchen just shook her head. It felt good to have someone support me. She even said when they first met me they thought, how did Billy get a girl like that? She also wondered what is Dad's problem with me anyway.
   I told the kids this a few days after the dinner and they agreed with me. Carter asked me why I even stayed in the marriage. I told him that I didn't want to get kicked out of church, sin against God, etc. When I told Hope, she agreed that I deserved to be happy with someone nicer. (she even mentioned Mr. M.) I put that all on the back burner and had another terrible weekend with Dad home last week.
   For some reason today when I was entering notes on the blog from the Roses in December book (an excuse to use italics) I was thinking about how I should just tell Dad that I am not interested in working on our marriage anymore. The only way it would work I thought is if he became a totally different person which is unlikely-he can't even change just one little bit! I don't know how this will go over, but even considering it lifted a giant weight off my shoulders. It's so nice when he's out of town. Financially, I am holding all the cards right now since I make more than him, I carry the health insurance now and my name is also on the deed of the house.
  The reason why I am telling you this is because since you died, the nagging feeling I have had is what am I working through my grief to get to? 20 more years of misery with Dad? Of course there is Hope and Carter (you know that goes without saying), but why should I settle for him making me feel bad about myself every day of my life? It's not right. I know that divorce isn't Biblical, but neither is how he treats me, even though he turns it around and says that I am the one treating him badly.
  I don't know what will come of this, but it makes me feel better for today anyway. I will take it! Love you sweet boy!