Getting Through What You're Going Through-Part 3 Notes (Stage 2-Sorrow) by Rick and Kay Warren

Getting Through Life's Losses
Getting Through What You're Going Through-Part 2

What I've Learned About Grief

1. Loss is unavoidable but grief is a choice.
    There is no life without change
    There is no change without loss
    There is no loss without pain, but grief is a choice

2. Grief is healthy
    When Jesus saw Lazarus' sister sobbing, and saw how all those with her were crying also, his
    heart was touched; and he was deeply moved...Then Jesus started crying. 'See how much he loved
    Lazarus!' they said. (John 11:33-36)

Unhealthy reactions
Repression:  Unconsciously trying to block out painful thoughts
Suppression: Consciously trying to block painful thoughts

3.  God grieves with me!
    The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)
  
4.  Grief is healed in community
     Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)
    When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow. (Romans 12:15_
    Comparing never comforts

5.  Grief takes time
     There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heaven...a time to weep
     and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. (Ecclesiastes 3:1,4)

Steps to Moving Forward
1.  List the losses I've never grieved
     Jesus said "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." (Matthew 5:4)
     Why don't we let ourselves grieve? Fear!
     Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with
     me. (Psalm 23:4)
    shadows-make things appear bigger than they are
 (I always thought of this verse as making light of death, that it was just the shadow of death, but    this makes it seem bigger than it is)
(On this topic, there have been so many losses I have never grieved-parents' divorce, parents' unloving treatment of me, my marital problems, financial problems. I just bypassed these things and lived with them as if there was nothing wrong with them. I need to deal with them and realize that these were wrong and sad and unfair!)

2.  Identify what I've really lost
     -grieve what was actually lost-stability, security, etc.

3.  Have the courage to lament
     A Lament:  a passionate expression of grief to God
     An act of worship that can include complaining to God
    God can handle your pain

4.  Ask Jesus to heal my broken heart
    The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who honor him. For he
    understands how weak we are. (Psalm 103: 13-14)
    Jesus: God has sent me to heal the brokenhearted... (Luke 4:18)

grief is key to spiritual growth
  not just death, many other losses
only healthy response to loss
painful
   Jesus grieved
weak men are afraid of showing their emotions
what makes you a human-grieving
God hates loneliness
who shows up, who doesn't
Don't get over grief, you get through it
  don't try to fix everybody, everything
Need to deal with losses in life or get stuck there
Lament
Grief is key to future blessings in life
unmourned losses-all still waiting there
**wherever there's a shadow, there's a light**
Best way to prepare for loved one's death is to prepare for your death