Not jealous

By Tawna Henshaw

I met a woman who doesn't feel jealous. At all.

I asked her why. Her answer destroyed everything

I knew about love.

I expected her to say:

"I trust him." "I don't care what he does."

"Jealousy is toxic."

Instead, she looked at me and said, "I used to be

jealous. Then one day I realized something. If I

have to constantly worry about another woman

taking my place...I'm already living like I'm 

replaceable."

She continued: "I don't compete with other

women, I don't check his phone. I don't compare

myself to his exes. I don't investigate every woman

who likes his photos." Then she paused. "That's 

not love. That's surveillance."

"So what if he finds someone more attractive?"

So what if someone flirts with him?"

"I can't control what other people do."

"I can only control what I accept."

And that's when I understood. Her confidence

wasn't based on controlling him.

It was based on trusting herself.

She said: "If someone wants to betray me, I won't

spend my life trying to prevent it. I'll simply leave

when they show me who they are." No begging.

No competition. No revenge.

Just a boundary.

That's when I realized why her relationships

looked different. She wasn't trying to keep

someone who wanted to leave. She wasn't afraid

of being alone. She wasn't measuring her worth

against every woman in the room.

She knew she could survive losing someone she

loved.

Maybe confidence in love isn't thinking: "They

could never choose someone else." Maybe it's

knowing: "If they do, I'll be okay." Because real

security isn't controlling someone else's choices.

It's knowing your own worth doesn't disappear

when someone chooses differently.

That woman I met...was me.