Leaving

From Derek Hart

People talk about leaving a relationship like it's a solution.

It's not.

It's a trade.

And most people never slow down enough to feel the emotional pros and cons honestly.

So they leave chasing relief

and are shocked by what follows them.

Here's the part that no one wants to say out loud.

The emotional pros of leaving:

Leaving can bring immediate quiet.

No more explaining.

No more negotiating.

No more waiting to be met.

Your nervous system finally stops bracing.

You get space from the daily micro hurts.

From the disappointment.

From the loneliness that happens even when

someone is right there.

For many people, leaving feels like oxygen.

Like relief.

Like safety returning.

And sometimes, that relief is real and necessary.

But relief is not the same as healing.

The emotional cons of leaving:

Leaving does not just remove pain.

It removes attachment.

And attachment does not dissolve politely.

You lose the shared language.

The inside jokes.

The way your body recognized theirs as home.

You lose the future you were unconsciously rehearsing.

Even when a relationship is painful, it holds

identity.

When you leave, part of you goes quiet.

Another part panics.

Many people are shocked by how lonely freedom feels.

Not because leaving was wrong,

but because attachment doesn't care about logic.

Then there's the question most people avoid:

Did I leave because I was honoring myself

or because I didn't know how long to stay without

losing myself?

If that question isn't answered, it follows you.

It shows up in the next relationship.

In new disappointments.

In the same nervous system reactions with a 

different face.

The emotional pros of staying:

Staying gives you the chance to grow in real time.

Not in theory.

In contact.

You get to learn how you protect yourself.

How you shut down.

How you chase.

How you disappear.

Staying can build depth, resilience and repair

if both people are willing to slow down and face

the hard parts.

When repair happens, it rewires safety in a way no

new beginning can.

The emotional cons of staying:

Staying can slowly hollow you out

if you keep abandoning yourself.

If you're always waiting to be chosen.

Always explaining your pain.

Always hoping this time it will land.

Staying without repair teaches your nervous

system

that love means endurance.

That's not growth.

That's erosion.

The truth most people miss:

Leaving doesn't mean you failed.

Staying doesn't mean you're brave.

What matters is whether you're learning

or repeating.

Are you staying conscious

or staying afraid?

Are you leaving awake

or leaving to escape?

There is no clean choice.

Only honest ones.

Every relationship asks the  same question

eventually.

Can we grow without destroying ourselves 

or each other?

If the answer is no, leaving may be an act of care.

If the answer is yes, staying may be the bravest 

thing you ever do.

But don't confuse relief with resolution.

And don't confuse endurance with love.

The right decision isn't the one that feels good

fastest.

It's the one that leaves you more intact on the other side.