There's nothing there

Lately I have been watching/observing Dad, for some reason, while he's eating. Even when he's with all of us, it's like he's not there.

I first did this at Boston Market after we visited the Laws'. He was so focused on his food, it was weird. Like all he cared about was getting food into his mouth. I admit that we ate late that night because we met up there for Timbits, so didn't want to get too full beforehand. He just didn't seem happy at all to be with us. He wasn't engaged or adding anything to the conversation. He was just there. There but not there.

I was watching him again last night-another late dinner. He was just eating and then kind of staring off into space. He wasn't part of the conversation we were having at all. He would pipe up here and there with some not-funny one-liner but that's about it. He doesn't know the kids' friends names or care to know them. He has nothing to offer the conversation. He just gets mad about stuff when something bothers him, which is often.

And then he's talking about his work and how he's meeting with all of these realtors. That sounds like the very beginning stages of something. Why hasn't he been doing this already? Sure-he will get a referral, but that's a long process until a loan closes. I hope he has some other stuff going on. Winter is supposed to be the slow season and that's coming up. I thought summer was supposed to be good. Hasn't been too good. I'm getting a little concerned. Looks like we will have to live on my bonus again. And not make any headway with people we owe. Never changes.

What does he want? All of us to worship and adore him? He "wants" all of this stuff but does nothing on his part to try to get it. He just wants things to be handed to him. He wants all this "Christian" stuff, but does nothing to get it. I think he thinks he wants it, but he doesn't really want it. It's like an ideal to him and he "should" want it, but he doesn't. It's really weird.

And what was he mad about this morning? Who knows-I didn't want to know and start an argument.
He's exhausting and he has nothing to offer me.