Simple life

From Lexi Behrndt again.

All I really want is a simple life rich in love spent with the people I love & spent giving every bit of love I have. I've learned that all of these things can be accomplished, but rarely has life felt simple or normal...

(parts here about her son)

I've been taken off guard, laughed with gratefulness, & cried with the latter as well. I'm only two and a half years into this loving a child you can't hold thing, & I don't know if I'll ever have a handle on it. These days, I hold his memory a little more quietly, a little more sacredly.

It propels me to do the hard things. The fully living & trying to do so with love & grace. The healing, even though to get there is a messy road. The simplicity & forcing myself not to search for fulfillment in the places that don't satisfy. The good, hard, messy stuff that forces me to reconcile with myself every morning as I see the scars of trauma and so easily want to see myself as only the sum of them. The embracing of the truth-that I am wholly lovable, wholly enough, wholly just fine because I've been redeemed by the deepest love of God. These are the hard things. These are pieces of me-rich, vibrant, gritty pieces-that I never would have without (Hayden).

Maybe this is the common experience after the death of a loved one. Maybe this is something I should savor-that at least I know my boy is held still, years after his death, & held sacredly & with love by me...

Life is anything but normal and simple, but d..., if it isn't good.