I included this quote under the post titled "Joy" but I felt like it needed more attention.
Grief is derived from the Latin verb meaning to be burdened. For some, grief can feel like a heavy burden. Mourning is derived from the Latin verb meaning be anxious. Mourning is a process of remembering what was lost and provides a way for our bodies, minds and hearts to metabolize loss.
Definition of metabolize: process, to change into a form that can be used by your body;
to process and use (substances)
Friday, March 31, 2017
We don't choose our sorrows
You do not choose the events that come your way nor the sorrows that interrupt your life. They will likely be a surprise to you, catching you off guard and unprepared. You may hold your head in your hands and lament your weak condition and wonder what you ought to do. To suffer, that is common to all. To suffer and still keep your composure, your faith, and your smile, that is remarkable. Pain will change you more profoundly than success or good fortune. Suffering shapes your perception of life, your values and priorities, and your goals and dreams. -Pastor Dave Crosby
Second guess
Don't ever second guess a strong feeling that you have. Trust your gut.
-Allison Dubois
Thursday, March 30, 2017
The one who falls
From Toby Mac today:
The one who falls and gets up is much stronger than the one who never fell.
Sometimes
From post by Luminous Light Studio.
Sometimes it's scary to live life onward when a piece of you wants to stay in the past. And sometimes life is beautiful when you allow yourself to keep going and living more vibrantly than before. While life can be scary and messy it is still so precious and sweet.
Sometimes it's scary to live life onward when a piece of you wants to stay in the past. And sometimes life is beautiful when you allow yourself to keep going and living more vibrantly than before. While life can be scary and messy it is still so precious and sweet.
Simple life
From Lexi Behrndt again.
All I really want is a simple life rich in love spent with the people I love & spent giving every bit of love I have. I've learned that all of these things can be accomplished, but rarely has life felt simple or normal...
(parts here about her son)
I've been taken off guard, laughed with gratefulness, & cried with the latter as well. I'm only two and a half years into this loving a child you can't hold thing, & I don't know if I'll ever have a handle on it. These days, I hold his memory a little more quietly, a little more sacredly.
It propels me to do the hard things. The fully living & trying to do so with love & grace. The healing, even though to get there is a messy road. The simplicity & forcing myself not to search for fulfillment in the places that don't satisfy. The good, hard, messy stuff that forces me to reconcile with myself every morning as I see the scars of trauma and so easily want to see myself as only the sum of them. The embracing of the truth-that I am wholly lovable, wholly enough, wholly just fine because I've been redeemed by the deepest love of God. These are the hard things. These are pieces of me-rich, vibrant, gritty pieces-that I never would have without (Hayden).
Maybe this is the common experience after the death of a loved one. Maybe this is something I should savor-that at least I know my boy is held still, years after his death, & held sacredly & with love by me...
Life is anything but normal and simple, but d..., if it isn't good.
All I really want is a simple life rich in love spent with the people I love & spent giving every bit of love I have. I've learned that all of these things can be accomplished, but rarely has life felt simple or normal...
(parts here about her son)
I've been taken off guard, laughed with gratefulness, & cried with the latter as well. I'm only two and a half years into this loving a child you can't hold thing, & I don't know if I'll ever have a handle on it. These days, I hold his memory a little more quietly, a little more sacredly.
It propels me to do the hard things. The fully living & trying to do so with love & grace. The healing, even though to get there is a messy road. The simplicity & forcing myself not to search for fulfillment in the places that don't satisfy. The good, hard, messy stuff that forces me to reconcile with myself every morning as I see the scars of trauma and so easily want to see myself as only the sum of them. The embracing of the truth-that I am wholly lovable, wholly enough, wholly just fine because I've been redeemed by the deepest love of God. These are the hard things. These are pieces of me-rich, vibrant, gritty pieces-that I never would have without (Hayden).
Maybe this is the common experience after the death of a loved one. Maybe this is something I should savor-that at least I know my boy is held still, years after his death, & held sacredly & with love by me...
Life is anything but normal and simple, but d..., if it isn't good.
Crack open
There are some Lexi Behrndt posts I needed to get caught up on. (I hope I spelled her name right).
When you start to crack open, don't waste a moment gathering your old self up into something like you knew before. Let your new self splash like sunlight into every dark place & laugh & cry & make sounds you never made & thank all that is holy for the gift, because now you have no choice but to let all your love spill out into the world. -@storypeople (?)
When you start to crack open, don't waste a moment gathering your old self up into something like you knew before. Let your new self splash like sunlight into every dark place & laugh & cry & make sounds you never made & thank all that is holy for the gift, because now you have no choice but to let all your love spill out into the world. -@storypeople (?)
Weakness
The weakness of so many modern Christians is that they feel too much at home in the world.
-A.W. Tozer
-A.W. Tozer
Vantage point
I thought the previous quote was from a Max Lucado devotional, but actually this is. I am not sure where the other quote came from.
...our family visited a castle. In the center of the garden was a maze-row after row of shoulder-high hedges-one dead end leading to another. By successfully navigating the labyrinth, you discovered the doors to a tall tower in the center of the garden. I just couldn't figure out which way to go. Then I heard a voice, "Hey, Dad, back up and turn right." Do you think I trusted her? I listened. It was my daughter calling from the tower. Her vantage point was better than mine. She was above the maze. She could see what I couldn't!
Don't you think we should do the same with God? "God is...higher than the heaven" (Job 22:12). The Psalmist says, "The Lord is high above all nations" (Psalm 113:4).
Can he not see what eludes us? Doesn't he want to get us out and bring us home? Of course he does!
(At bottom of page-name of series or book: Next Door Savior: Near enough to touch, Strong enough to trust)
Out of the Maze
...our family visited a castle. In the center of the garden was a maze-row after row of shoulder-high hedges-one dead end leading to another. By successfully navigating the labyrinth, you discovered the doors to a tall tower in the center of the garden. I just couldn't figure out which way to go. Then I heard a voice, "Hey, Dad, back up and turn right." Do you think I trusted her? I listened. It was my daughter calling from the tower. Her vantage point was better than mine. She was above the maze. She could see what I couldn't!
Don't you think we should do the same with God? "God is...higher than the heaven" (Job 22:12). The Psalmist says, "The Lord is high above all nations" (Psalm 113:4).
Can he not see what eludes us? Doesn't he want to get us out and bring us home? Of course he does!
(At bottom of page-name of series or book: Next Door Savior: Near enough to touch, Strong enough to trust)
Whatever may happen
I'm not sure where this came from-maybe from the daily devotional from Max Lucado.
Whatever may happen "to them who are the called according to his purpose" in this life, God is overseeing and protecting every moment so that "all things work together for good to them that love God." Romans 8:28
Whatever may happen "to them who are the called according to his purpose" in this life, God is overseeing and protecting every moment so that "all things work together for good to them that love God." Romans 8:28
New mother
This is something I have always felt guilty about or a failure about in regards to how I raised my children. This is encouraging though.
New mothers are often told that once they've fed, burped, and changed their baby they should leave their baby alone to self-soothe if they cry because all of their needs have been met. One day I hope all mothers will smile confidently and say, "I gave birth to a baby, not just a digestive system. My baby has a brain that needs to learn trust and a heart that needs love. I will meet all of my baby's needs, emotional, mental and physical. I'll respond to every cry because crying is communication, not manipulation." -Unknown
New mothers are often told that once they've fed, burped, and changed their baby they should leave their baby alone to self-soothe if they cry because all of their needs have been met. One day I hope all mothers will smile confidently and say, "I gave birth to a baby, not just a digestive system. My baby has a brain that needs to learn trust and a heart that needs love. I will meet all of my baby's needs, emotional, mental and physical. I'll respond to every cry because crying is communication, not manipulation." -Unknown
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
What feels good
I think this was on Dave Ramsey's Facebook page. See who this reminds you of:
Children do what feels good. Adults make a plan.
Who tells your story
Someone posted a little video of this song from the musical Hamilton, called Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story? I looked up the lyrics and they were a little weird but here are some good parts:
Who lives
Who dies
Who tells your story?
But when you're gone, who remembers your name?
Who keeps your flame?
Who lives
Who dies
Who tells your story?
But when you're gone, who remembers your name?
Who keeps your flame?
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
Joy
The Bible study ladies and I are studying about joy right now, so when I saw the following picture pop-up on my Facebook page (it was actually on Honorine Nkanga's page from In Touch Ministries), I knew I had to send it to them. Here is what it said:
Life doesn't have to be empty of sorrow to be full of JOY
Commentary underneath: As children of God, we are expected to be full of the joy that comes with knowing we are loved by Jesus. But that doesn't mean we never experience pain or sadness.
And then the next day, KTB commented on it/shared it in my messages. I don't know if he saw it from me or someone else, but it was nice to see it again.
This is from the Bible study book on joy. This session is called "Poke Holes in the Darkness"
The session started out with my favorite Bible verse:
Those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31
"Beware of spending too much time looking back at what you once were when God wants you to become something you have never been." -Oswald Chambers
Jesus said that when adversity knocks us off balance, it can reorient us to a more Godward, blessed life.
This reminds me of what I'm working on with my counselor: The impact of these negative words and images on our lives is profound, because they create a spiraling effect.
One of the most powerful ways to fight back with joy is to engage in less hurtful self-talk and more holy soul-talk.
Psalm 27:13-14
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the
goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and let your heart take courage;
yes, wait for the Lord.
Sometimes you have to poke holes in the darkness until it bleeds light.
Session Four: Discover Joy in the Mourning
Notable: Grief is derived from the Latin verb meaning to be burdened. For some, grief can feel like a heavy burden. Mourning is derived from the Latin verb meaning be anxious. Mourning is a process of remembering what was lost and provides a way for our bodies, minds, and hearts to metabolize loss. (This is profound-I might have to analyze this quote further by looking up metabolize, etc. This deserves its own post I think).
Grief is a God-given response to loss.
Matthew 5:4
Happy are those who mourn;
God will comfort them!
Quotable (because I love A.W. Tozer): "A state of emotion always comes between the knowledge and the act...God intended that truth should move us to moral action. The mind receives ideas, mental pictures of things as they are. These excite the feelings and these in turn move the will to act in accordance with the truth...Be sure that human feelings can never be completely stifled. If they are forbidden their normal course, like a river they will cut another channel through the life and flow out to curse and ruin and destroy."
Notable: In Rabbinic literature, a sword represented mourning. The vivid imagery suggested a loss could strike deep at any time. During the first three days of mourning, the image of a sword was raised above a mourner's shoulder. Through day 7, the sword could approach the bereaved from the corner of the room. Those who suffered through the loss of a loved one could expect the sword to pass him or her on the street until the end of day 30. And the sword was likely to strike any family member throughout the full year. This imagery reminds us that moments of mourning can hit us at any time-long after the loss has occurred.
Quotable: "Depth of sorrow is the sign of a healthy soul, not a sick soul. It does not have to be morbid or fatalistic. It is not something to escape but to embrace...Sorrow indicates that people who have suffered loss are living authentically in a world of misery, and it expresses the emotional anguish of people who feel pain for themselves or for others. Sorrow is noble and gracious. It enlarges the soul until the soul is capable of mourning and rejoicing simultaneously, of feeling the world's pain and hoping for the world's healing at the same time. However painful, sorrow is good for the soul." -Gerald Stittser, author
There was an exercise in this session to write a letter to God and then have Him write one back. I was amazed at how the letter back flowed. I shared it with the Bible study ladies.
Dear God,
Sometimes the grief seems...endless. I know it will be in a way, as long as I live (accidentally wrote "as long as I love" which applies too) to some degree. Help me to remember how close you are, closer than my breath. Thank you for that. You got me through this far, through some deep, dark places. You are there for me always.
Much love,
Andi
Dear Andi,
Thank you for being honest about your grief...I know it was harder than you ever thought, but there is purpose in this pain. I wouldn't put you through this for nothing. You have learned much from this loss as I shape you into the person who I created you to be. Keep learning, keep growing and keep making Hayden and me proud. I love you more than you will ever know.
Your Loving Father
Verses:
2 Corinthians 1:3:4: "Praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."
Isaiah 41:10: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 43:2: "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."
Romans 8:18: "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with that glory that will be revealed in us."
Psalm 126:5: "Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!"
1 Peter 5:6-7: "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
Psalm 22:24: "For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help."
(Not mourning session anymore):
Acts 27:25: "So keep your courage, men, for I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me."
Proverbs 29:18: "Where there is no vision, the people perish."
You're everywhere
Here are some "sightings" from the past few days:
Headline last week on annarbor.com: "With Ezekiel Ansah and D.J. Hayden, Lions look to..."
I noticed a headline online about a family who died in a plane crash on their way back from Disneyworld and their plan crashed over Hayden, Alabama.
On way home from Bible study last night, I was flipping channels on the radio and the last part of that song Good Grief was on by Bastille. It's so rare when I hear that song, but also very timely at the same time.
Headline last week on annarbor.com: "With Ezekiel Ansah and D.J. Hayden, Lions look to..."
I noticed a headline online about a family who died in a plane crash on their way back from Disneyworld and their plan crashed over Hayden, Alabama.
On way home from Bible study last night, I was flipping channels on the radio and the last part of that song Good Grief was on by Bastille. It's so rare when I hear that song, but also very timely at the same time.
The Office
Carter and I are going through the whole series of The Office (we're actually on round 2 of it). I remember we enjoyed that show together.
On Sunday, we were watching the episode where Michael Scott leaves. The office sings that song "9,986,000 Minutes" which is based on a song from the show Rent called "Seasons of Love" (they called the song on The Office "Seasons of Michael.")
Anyway, we watched it Sunday night and soon after that song came on my Pandora from Rent, because I have added many musical soundtracks to my Pandora so that's been popping up now and then. When I heard it though that night, I knew that was a sign from you, and I went into Carter's room and played the song. He said, "What are the odds of that?" You are the odds of that, my sweet boy. Love you!
On Sunday, we were watching the episode where Michael Scott leaves. The office sings that song "9,986,000 Minutes" which is based on a song from the show Rent called "Seasons of Love" (they called the song on The Office "Seasons of Michael.")
Anyway, we watched it Sunday night and soon after that song came on my Pandora from Rent, because I have added many musical soundtracks to my Pandora so that's been popping up now and then. When I heard it though that night, I knew that was a sign from you, and I went into Carter's room and played the song. He said, "What are the odds of that?" You are the odds of that, my sweet boy. Love you!
How Long
This was on the Getting Your Breath Back Facebook page. It's a quote from Elisabeth Kubler Ross who wrote a few amazing grief books.
Grief is not just a series of events, stages, or timelines. Our society places enormous pressure on us to get over a loss, to get through grief. But how long do you grieve for a husband of fifty years, a teenager killed in a car accident, a four-year-old child: a year? Five years? Forever? The loss happens in time, in fact in a moment, but its aftermath lasts a lifetime.
Grief is not just a series of events, stages, or timelines. Our society places enormous pressure on us to get over a loss, to get through grief. But how long do you grieve for a husband of fifty years, a teenager killed in a car accident, a four-year-old child: a year? Five years? Forever? The loss happens in time, in fact in a moment, but its aftermath lasts a lifetime.
Monday, March 27, 2017
No one lets me talk back
I've noticed in two different instances recently (and many others), how people will say nice things to me about Hayden or ask how we are doing, but when I try to answer, they cut me off. I don't know if it takes them a lot of courage to even mention something, so they don't care what I answer or what, but it's a little weird and annoying and a little frustrating, I guess.
I feel like I have a message to share with people, but they don't want to hear it. Maybe it's too hard for them to hear. They just want to tell me something and have it be one-sided, and not hear anything back.
I don't like to mention names, but the person at church was SM and he said he felt the need to pray for us last week and I started to tell how it was an anniversary date, etc. but he went on to say something else. Same thing happened with PP in the office last week. She asked how we were doing and I started to say something about healing, but then she continued with the conversation.
Maybe I am being picky or "too sensitive", although I am trying to give my own feelings some credit even though I haven't for some time and neither have a lot of other people. Like my counselor said, if something is upsetting to me, then it's important or at least has some validity.
It's such a weird position to be in-people want to let you know they care but a lot of times end up saying the wrong thing. And even though I know they don't mean it, it can still hurt sometimes.
I feel like I have a message to share with people, but they don't want to hear it. Maybe it's too hard for them to hear. They just want to tell me something and have it be one-sided, and not hear anything back.
I don't like to mention names, but the person at church was SM and he said he felt the need to pray for us last week and I started to tell how it was an anniversary date, etc. but he went on to say something else. Same thing happened with PP in the office last week. She asked how we were doing and I started to say something about healing, but then she continued with the conversation.
Maybe I am being picky or "too sensitive", although I am trying to give my own feelings some credit even though I haven't for some time and neither have a lot of other people. Like my counselor said, if something is upsetting to me, then it's important or at least has some validity.
It's such a weird position to be in-people want to let you know they care but a lot of times end up saying the wrong thing. And even though I know they don't mean it, it can still hurt sometimes.
You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)
I thought I wrote these words down somewhere, but I guess not. It's by Josh Groban.
You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When you heart's heavy
I...I will lift it for you
Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I...I will break it for you
Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved
Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside
I...I will be there to find you
Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I...I will shine to guide you
Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved
You are loved
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
Don't give up
Everyone needs to be heard
You are loved
Friday, March 24, 2017
Even now
Quote from new song by Casting Crowns:
Even now
He is breathing
on your dry bones
and there will
be dancing
Thursday, March 23, 2017
Stages version
The other day I wrote a post about you and Carrie ("Promposal") and I mentioned how the song All I Ask of You came on Pandora shortly after and the significance of that song. I was thinking of it in the shower the other night and thought how it would be cool if the Josh Groban version of that song came on while I was in the shower which was unlikely because Pandora only plays the Broadway version of that song.
Anyway, a little bit ago while I was at work, the Josh Groban version of that song came on. Thanks!
Anyway, a little bit ago while I was at work, the Josh Groban version of that song came on. Thanks!
An Angel's Hand
This poem seemed familiar, but I could find if I wrote it down anywhere. Here it is.
An Angel's Hand
by John F. Connor
An angel whispered in my ear
Believe in me and have no fear
Come with me and take my hand
I will take you to another land
A place of peace, a place of light
Don't be afraid just hold on tight
Your earth days are done but don't be sad
Remember all the times you had
Loved ones will join, don't despair
You have many in heaven waiting there
Your body dies, your soul is free
That's why you get to fly with me
So many Healing Hugs
I was trying to find a picture that said something about joy that I thought I saw on the Healing Hugs page, but it turns out it wasn't there. In the meantime, I came across a ton of good quotes. Here they are.
You left us without warning.
Not even a goodbye.
And I can't seem to stop
Asking the question, "Why?"
I didn't see this coming,
It hit us by surprise.
And when you left for Heaven,
A small part of me died.
Your smile could brighten anyone's day,
No matter what they were going through.
And every day for the rest of my life,
I'll be missing you.
-Lyn Ragan
When your loved one dies,
You don't get over
Your grief by forgetting,
You get through your grief
by remembering.
Love the people
God gave you
because He will
need them back
one day.
When you believe beyond what your eyes can see.
Signs from above show up to remind you
love never dies.
You're so wonderful to think of,
but so hard to live without.
My mind is still having trouble wrapping itself
around the fact that you're gone.
When your beautiful heart stopped beating, my
heart just broke in a million pieces, knowing
that here on earth, there will never be another
one like you...
You aren't just a memory.
You are not just a story...
You are our beloved,
You are our darling angel,
You are our world,
our light, our everything.
You are an extraordinary soul,
whom we dearly love and
miss every single minute
of our awakened hours.
Anyone can make you smile and cry,
it takes someone special to make
you smile when you already have
tears in your eyes.
Faith is the strength in which a shattered
world shall emerge into the light.
-Helen Keller
It's hard when you miss people.
But, you know, if you miss them,
that means you're lucky.
It means you had someone
special in your life, someone
worth missing.
(About Dad:)
You are going to come across people
in your life who will say all the right words
at all the right times.
But in the end, it's always their actions
you should judge them by. It's actions,
not words, that matter.
I look up at the sky
And I talk to you...
What I wouldn't give
To hear you talk back.
God answers our prayers not because we are good,
but because He is good. -A.W. Tozer
Mom-
I know you've loved me
as long as I've lived;
but I've loved you
my whole life.
You left us without warning.
Not even a goodbye.
And I can't seem to stop
Asking the question, "Why?"
I didn't see this coming,
It hit us by surprise.
And when you left for Heaven,
A small part of me died.
Your smile could brighten anyone's day,
No matter what they were going through.
And every day for the rest of my life,
I'll be missing you.
-Lyn Ragan
When your loved one dies,
You don't get over
Your grief by forgetting,
You get through your grief
by remembering.
Love the people
God gave you
because He will
need them back
one day.
When you believe beyond what your eyes can see.
Signs from above show up to remind you
love never dies.
You're so wonderful to think of,
but so hard to live without.
My mind is still having trouble wrapping itself
around the fact that you're gone.
When your beautiful heart stopped beating, my
heart just broke in a million pieces, knowing
that here on earth, there will never be another
one like you...
You aren't just a memory.
You are not just a story...
You are our beloved,
You are our darling angel,
You are our world,
our light, our everything.
You are an extraordinary soul,
whom we dearly love and
miss every single minute
of our awakened hours.
Anyone can make you smile and cry,
it takes someone special to make
you smile when you already have
tears in your eyes.
Faith is the strength in which a shattered
world shall emerge into the light.
-Helen Keller
It's hard when you miss people.
But, you know, if you miss them,
that means you're lucky.
It means you had someone
special in your life, someone
worth missing.
(About Dad:)
You are going to come across people
in your life who will say all the right words
at all the right times.
But in the end, it's always their actions
you should judge them by. It's actions,
not words, that matter.
I look up at the sky
And I talk to you...
What I wouldn't give
To hear you talk back.
God answers our prayers not because we are good,
but because He is good. -A.W. Tozer
Mom-
I know you've loved me
as long as I've lived;
but I've loved you
my whole life.
To Drink or Not to Drink?
This is an article that was referenced in a previous post titled Can A Christian Drink? It was so good that here is the whole thing.
To Drink or Not to Drink?
by John Caldwell
I decided many years ago totally to abstain from alcohol, and it is my opinion that all Christians would do well to make the same decision. I believe this issue is important because it relates to a broader, and thus even more significant subject-that of the modern church's ongoing move toward becoming more and more like the world.
My Bias
In the interest of full disclosure, I am biased. I hate alcohol-not the taste (although to be honest, I hate that too). The first funeral of a teenager that I conducted was of a young man killed by a drunk driver. I've had literally hundreds of counseling sessions with couples and spouses as their marriages teetered on the brink because of alcohol. I can't count the hours I've spent in jails and prisons visiting inmates whose loves have been forever negatively impacted because of crimes they committed while under the influence. Even more hours have been spent in emergency rooms, trauma units, and at hospital bedsides, while ministering to victims of alcohol.
The horror stories I could tell could fill a book: the teenaged girl losing her virginity while drinking, the college student brain damages after a fraternity initiation, the young minister involved in a terrible wreck after having just a couple of beers to relax, and scores of others.
Let me be blunt! I see absolutely no positive argument for something that will make you act like an idiot, smell like a brewery, fight like a fool, impair your motor functions, drain your bank account, give you a hangover, scare your kids, alienate your spouse, make you a danger to your fellow man, and has the potential to enslave you.
I wish I could tell you that all I know about this is from the vantage point of a pastor. Regrettably, I must admit that during my prodigal days drinking was very much a part of my social life, and for the same reason most people start drinking-peer pressure. I wanted to fit in.
I can also tell you the time I decided to quit. It was early one morning when I woke up in the middle of a street in front of a frat house across the street from the Southwest Missouri State University campus. I decided right there and then that drinking could get you killed. I was right.
The Bible's Counsel
Before we go any further let me state the obvious. I know that Jesus miraculously created wine as his first public miracle in Cana, and that a person could have consumed enough to get drunk. Yes, Paul told Timothy to drink a little wine for medicinal purposes. It is true that the Bible nowhere forbids the drinking of alcohol, only its abuse to the point of drunkenness. Paul said, "Don't be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life" (Ephesians 5:18)." It is also true that many people, including many Christians, drink only in moderation; a glass of wine with their dinner or a cold beer on a hot day. And I'm not suggesting that such will make you descend into the gutter.
But let's consider the whole counsel of God concerning the use of alcohol. Proverbs 23:29,30 says:
"Who has anguish? Who has sorrow? Who is always fighting? Who is always complaining? Who has unnecessary bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? It is the one who spends long hours in taverns, trying out new drinks."
There are six consequences listed in verse 29, all in the form of a rhetorical question, the first of which is, "Who has anguish?" The Hebrew word for anguish is an expression of despair and impending doom. It is no coincidence that 40 percent of suicide attempts are alcohol related. The wise man goes on to ask the source of sorrow, fighting, complaints, unnecessary bruises, bloodshot eyes; and makes it clear that the source is overindulgence of alcohol.
Most people in the ancient world drank alcohol. The Egyptians and Babylonians were manufacturing beer 3,000 years before Christ. But here's something you need to know. Alcohol use changed radically in AD 700 when Arab chemists discovered how to distill alcohol, which led to the ability to produce highly potent concentrations. Thus the wine and beer produced previous to that was, for the most part, very low in alcoholic content. You could get drunk, but you had to drink a lot to do so.
However, today, if you buy a bottle of whiskey, liquor, or even wine, the natural fermentation is bolstered by the addition of distilled alcohol. New wine in biblical days had very little alcoholic content, and even aged wine had a low amount compared to today's standards. Don't take my word for it. You can easily research it using the Internet.
So-called "adult beverages" are very much a part of American social life. However, the advertising industry doesn't sell intoxication, but fantasy; it doesn't sell reality, but fiction. Ads for alcoholic beverages tout happiness, wealth, prestige, sophistication, success, maturity, athletic ability, virility, creativity, and sexual satisfaction-but these are the very things alcohol abuse destroys. Proverbs 23:31,32 says, "Don't gaze at the wine, seeing how red it is, how it sparkles in the cup, how smoothly it goes down. For in the end it bites like a poisonous snake; it stings like a viper."
I haven't even mentioned that millions of Americans are in bondage to alcohol because of their addiction to it. But listen to the closing verses of Proverbs 23: "You will see hallucinations, and you will say crazy things. You will stagger like a sailor tossed at sea, clinging to a swaying mast. And you will say, 'They hit me, but I didn't feel it. I didn't even know it when they beat me up. When will I wake up so I can look for another drink?'" (vv. 33-35).
A Simple Question, A Larger Concern
Let me ask you a simple questions: Why should you drink? If you never take the first drink, you'll never become addicted. If you don't drink, even if you could handle it, you won't be a stumbling block to those who can't handle it (and I believe Paul said something about not causing your brother to stumble). And if you don't drink, you won't be supporting an industry that has caused untold heartache for millions of people.
Try a little experiment. Carefully read a city newspaper for the next seven days. Make note of all the stories of tragedy and heartache that somehow involve alcohol. Then, against that backdrop, try to defend its use. A quote often attributed to Abraham Lincoln is, "Alcohol has many defenders, but no defense."
At the beginning of this article I suggested that this topic is representative of the broader subject of the church becoming more and more conformed to the world. I have a number of preacher friends who are social drinkers. I know of several churches that have changed their policy manuals to allow for social drinking. I've even heard it defended as a tool for evangelism (I wish I had the space to deal with that one).But let's be honest. Is it is not simply an attempt to fit in with the world? What happened to "Don't become so adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking..."? (Romans 12:2)
America's No. 1 problem is not an illegal drug like cocaine, marijuana, meth, or heroine, as big as a problem as they are. The No. 1 problem drug is a lethal one-alcohol. It causes more deaths and more addictions than any other drug. More than 55 percent of highway deaths are alcohol related. There are more than 17 million alcoholics in America, and that number is rising. And it is impossible to quantify the death, disability, psychosis, and relational harm done by alcohol.
No, the Bible does not say, "Thou shalt not drink," and you may be able to handle it. But what about your children who are introduced to the use of alcohol by your example and who are not able to handle it? I can point to many parents who would give anything to be able to go back and become abstainers if only for the sake of their kids.
Taking all this into consideration, isn't it best to remember the words of Paul? "You say, 'I am allowed to do anything'-but not everything is good for you. You say, 'I am allowed to do anything'-but not everything is beneficial. Don't be concerned for your own good but for the good of others." (1 Corinthians 10:23,24).
To Drink or Not to Drink?
by John Caldwell
I decided many years ago totally to abstain from alcohol, and it is my opinion that all Christians would do well to make the same decision. I believe this issue is important because it relates to a broader, and thus even more significant subject-that of the modern church's ongoing move toward becoming more and more like the world.
My Bias
In the interest of full disclosure, I am biased. I hate alcohol-not the taste (although to be honest, I hate that too). The first funeral of a teenager that I conducted was of a young man killed by a drunk driver. I've had literally hundreds of counseling sessions with couples and spouses as their marriages teetered on the brink because of alcohol. I can't count the hours I've spent in jails and prisons visiting inmates whose loves have been forever negatively impacted because of crimes they committed while under the influence. Even more hours have been spent in emergency rooms, trauma units, and at hospital bedsides, while ministering to victims of alcohol.
The horror stories I could tell could fill a book: the teenaged girl losing her virginity while drinking, the college student brain damages after a fraternity initiation, the young minister involved in a terrible wreck after having just a couple of beers to relax, and scores of others.
Let me be blunt! I see absolutely no positive argument for something that will make you act like an idiot, smell like a brewery, fight like a fool, impair your motor functions, drain your bank account, give you a hangover, scare your kids, alienate your spouse, make you a danger to your fellow man, and has the potential to enslave you.
I wish I could tell you that all I know about this is from the vantage point of a pastor. Regrettably, I must admit that during my prodigal days drinking was very much a part of my social life, and for the same reason most people start drinking-peer pressure. I wanted to fit in.
I can also tell you the time I decided to quit. It was early one morning when I woke up in the middle of a street in front of a frat house across the street from the Southwest Missouri State University campus. I decided right there and then that drinking could get you killed. I was right.
The Bible's Counsel
Before we go any further let me state the obvious. I know that Jesus miraculously created wine as his first public miracle in Cana, and that a person could have consumed enough to get drunk. Yes, Paul told Timothy to drink a little wine for medicinal purposes. It is true that the Bible nowhere forbids the drinking of alcohol, only its abuse to the point of drunkenness. Paul said, "Don't be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life" (Ephesians 5:18)." It is also true that many people, including many Christians, drink only in moderation; a glass of wine with their dinner or a cold beer on a hot day. And I'm not suggesting that such will make you descend into the gutter.
But let's consider the whole counsel of God concerning the use of alcohol. Proverbs 23:29,30 says:
"Who has anguish? Who has sorrow? Who is always fighting? Who is always complaining? Who has unnecessary bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? It is the one who spends long hours in taverns, trying out new drinks."
There are six consequences listed in verse 29, all in the form of a rhetorical question, the first of which is, "Who has anguish?" The Hebrew word for anguish is an expression of despair and impending doom. It is no coincidence that 40 percent of suicide attempts are alcohol related. The wise man goes on to ask the source of sorrow, fighting, complaints, unnecessary bruises, bloodshot eyes; and makes it clear that the source is overindulgence of alcohol.
Most people in the ancient world drank alcohol. The Egyptians and Babylonians were manufacturing beer 3,000 years before Christ. But here's something you need to know. Alcohol use changed radically in AD 700 when Arab chemists discovered how to distill alcohol, which led to the ability to produce highly potent concentrations. Thus the wine and beer produced previous to that was, for the most part, very low in alcoholic content. You could get drunk, but you had to drink a lot to do so.
However, today, if you buy a bottle of whiskey, liquor, or even wine, the natural fermentation is bolstered by the addition of distilled alcohol. New wine in biblical days had very little alcoholic content, and even aged wine had a low amount compared to today's standards. Don't take my word for it. You can easily research it using the Internet.
So-called "adult beverages" are very much a part of American social life. However, the advertising industry doesn't sell intoxication, but fantasy; it doesn't sell reality, but fiction. Ads for alcoholic beverages tout happiness, wealth, prestige, sophistication, success, maturity, athletic ability, virility, creativity, and sexual satisfaction-but these are the very things alcohol abuse destroys. Proverbs 23:31,32 says, "Don't gaze at the wine, seeing how red it is, how it sparkles in the cup, how smoothly it goes down. For in the end it bites like a poisonous snake; it stings like a viper."
I haven't even mentioned that millions of Americans are in bondage to alcohol because of their addiction to it. But listen to the closing verses of Proverbs 23: "You will see hallucinations, and you will say crazy things. You will stagger like a sailor tossed at sea, clinging to a swaying mast. And you will say, 'They hit me, but I didn't feel it. I didn't even know it when they beat me up. When will I wake up so I can look for another drink?'" (vv. 33-35).
A Simple Question, A Larger Concern
Let me ask you a simple questions: Why should you drink? If you never take the first drink, you'll never become addicted. If you don't drink, even if you could handle it, you won't be a stumbling block to those who can't handle it (and I believe Paul said something about not causing your brother to stumble). And if you don't drink, you won't be supporting an industry that has caused untold heartache for millions of people.
Try a little experiment. Carefully read a city newspaper for the next seven days. Make note of all the stories of tragedy and heartache that somehow involve alcohol. Then, against that backdrop, try to defend its use. A quote often attributed to Abraham Lincoln is, "Alcohol has many defenders, but no defense."
At the beginning of this article I suggested that this topic is representative of the broader subject of the church becoming more and more conformed to the world. I have a number of preacher friends who are social drinkers. I know of several churches that have changed their policy manuals to allow for social drinking. I've even heard it defended as a tool for evangelism (I wish I had the space to deal with that one).But let's be honest. Is it is not simply an attempt to fit in with the world? What happened to "Don't become so adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking..."? (Romans 12:2)
America's No. 1 problem is not an illegal drug like cocaine, marijuana, meth, or heroine, as big as a problem as they are. The No. 1 problem drug is a lethal one-alcohol. It causes more deaths and more addictions than any other drug. More than 55 percent of highway deaths are alcohol related. There are more than 17 million alcoholics in America, and that number is rising. And it is impossible to quantify the death, disability, psychosis, and relational harm done by alcohol.
No, the Bible does not say, "Thou shalt not drink," and you may be able to handle it. But what about your children who are introduced to the use of alcohol by your example and who are not able to handle it? I can point to many parents who would give anything to be able to go back and become abstainers if only for the sake of their kids.
Taking all this into consideration, isn't it best to remember the words of Paul? "You say, 'I am allowed to do anything'-but not everything is good for you. You say, 'I am allowed to do anything'-but not everything is beneficial. Don't be concerned for your own good but for the good of others." (1 Corinthians 10:23,24).
Loving God Under Trials
This is the Bible Gateway Verse of the Day for March 23, 2017. I love when they include a heading.
James 1:12
Loving God Under Trials
Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.
James 1:12
Loving God Under Trials
Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.
What Really Happened
This story appeared on the Faithit website. The title of it is What Really Happened the Day I Watched Your Daughter Die. It's from a nurse's perspective. This so could be a story about you.
"We wouldn't tell you, but we fanned out her hair so that you wouldn't see the extent of swelling that had occurred. No parent should have to see their baby like that."
Reddit user homelesshippie wrote an open letter after breaking the news to a couple that their teenage daughter died in a car crash.
Her honest, soul-wrenching message is gripping the hearts of thousands across America. It paints the heroic picture of our nation's nurses who work tirelessly, serve selflessly and grieve with bleeding hearts right along side us during our darkest hours:
"You were devastated. Absolute shock. Your daughter was brought in this morning unresponsive. She was a DOA, but also only 18 so we gave her our best shot. We worked her over for a good 45 minutes. There was no coming back from a closed skull fracture like that. We wouldn't tell you, but we fanned out her hair so that you wouldn't see the extent of swelling that had occurred. No parent should have to see their baby like that.
And I had to stand next to my physician while he broke the news as best a way possible. Correction, there is no "best" way. It is empty, sucking and pulling, crashing and shattering news. You world has one less person in it now.
No, she probably didn't suffer. The car crash, that left one in critical condition and two others with moderate injuries, happened so fast that she could have blinked twice and it was over.
You fall to the nasty hospital floor, not caring for the bacteria that might be there. Your world just shattered. You are shattered. And I stand there with a grim face, my hands clasped in front of me. You clutch each other. You scream. You cry.
I don't change facial expression. I offer any help that I can. You decline and cling to each other harder. I stand awkwardly beside you. I pass you Kleenex. A glass of water. I stand in solitude support. I'm here as a column of supportive understanding to try to ease your pain and suffering in the most diplomatic, politically correct way that the hospital allows. I nod my head, I shake my head. I offer a pat on the back. Eventually I have to leave you. More family has arrived and I know that you're in good hands.
What you don't know is that I, too, am shattered.
I cry the whole way home. I looked up your daughter on Facebook. She was beautiful. Just graduated high school. She had a whole life and world ahead of her. It isn't fair.
I beat my steering wheel and rage when I get home and park. I throw my nursing bag across the kitchen. I drop to the floor, like you, and cry.
Though I'm too young for children even close to your daughter's age, I have a younger brother who is 18. He does just what your daughter was doing: riding around the back roads with friends late at night. It could have just as easily been him wrapped around that light pole dead in the road.
I am more sorry than you will ever know. Honestly, you can't know. But I do. And hopefully your daughter does, too. I never knew her, but I grieved for her just the same.
We nurses may not show it at times, are unable to show it-whether it be to save face, hospital policy, or to just be courageous and supportive-but we do care. Your hurts are our hurts. We grieve with you. So please, just know that your grief is felt. It is shared."
My note: This makes me think of your nurse at the hospital, Jennifer Mint. We received a nice note from her about the impact you made on her as she took care of you. Love you!
"We wouldn't tell you, but we fanned out her hair so that you wouldn't see the extent of swelling that had occurred. No parent should have to see their baby like that."
Reddit user homelesshippie wrote an open letter after breaking the news to a couple that their teenage daughter died in a car crash.
Her honest, soul-wrenching message is gripping the hearts of thousands across America. It paints the heroic picture of our nation's nurses who work tirelessly, serve selflessly and grieve with bleeding hearts right along side us during our darkest hours:
"You were devastated. Absolute shock. Your daughter was brought in this morning unresponsive. She was a DOA, but also only 18 so we gave her our best shot. We worked her over for a good 45 minutes. There was no coming back from a closed skull fracture like that. We wouldn't tell you, but we fanned out her hair so that you wouldn't see the extent of swelling that had occurred. No parent should have to see their baby like that.
And I had to stand next to my physician while he broke the news as best a way possible. Correction, there is no "best" way. It is empty, sucking and pulling, crashing and shattering news. You world has one less person in it now.
No, she probably didn't suffer. The car crash, that left one in critical condition and two others with moderate injuries, happened so fast that she could have blinked twice and it was over.
You fall to the nasty hospital floor, not caring for the bacteria that might be there. Your world just shattered. You are shattered. And I stand there with a grim face, my hands clasped in front of me. You clutch each other. You scream. You cry.
I don't change facial expression. I offer any help that I can. You decline and cling to each other harder. I stand awkwardly beside you. I pass you Kleenex. A glass of water. I stand in solitude support. I'm here as a column of supportive understanding to try to ease your pain and suffering in the most diplomatic, politically correct way that the hospital allows. I nod my head, I shake my head. I offer a pat on the back. Eventually I have to leave you. More family has arrived and I know that you're in good hands.
What you don't know is that I, too, am shattered.
I cry the whole way home. I looked up your daughter on Facebook. She was beautiful. Just graduated high school. She had a whole life and world ahead of her. It isn't fair.
I beat my steering wheel and rage when I get home and park. I throw my nursing bag across the kitchen. I drop to the floor, like you, and cry.
Though I'm too young for children even close to your daughter's age, I have a younger brother who is 18. He does just what your daughter was doing: riding around the back roads with friends late at night. It could have just as easily been him wrapped around that light pole dead in the road.
I am more sorry than you will ever know. Honestly, you can't know. But I do. And hopefully your daughter does, too. I never knew her, but I grieved for her just the same.
We nurses may not show it at times, are unable to show it-whether it be to save face, hospital policy, or to just be courageous and supportive-but we do care. Your hurts are our hurts. We grieve with you. So please, just know that your grief is felt. It is shared."
My note: This makes me think of your nurse at the hospital, Jennifer Mint. We received a nice note from her about the impact you made on her as she took care of you. Love you!
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
You'll get through this tract
I dug out this tract by Max Lucado to put in a get well card for Michael Bundas. He is in the hospital right now with an intestinal condition and not doing well. The Aulisas are driving out to see him this weekend, so we got him a card that we all signed and I put this tract in it.
This is the tract that I put in your thank you notes from your funeral. I realized I never wrote the words down of it (or at least I can't find if I did). Here it is.
This is the tract that I put in your thank you notes from your funeral. I realized I never wrote the words down of it (or at least I can't find if I did). Here it is.
You'll Get Through This
by Max Lucado
"See the hole in the skyline?"
I leaned forward and followed the finger of the driver. He was a rotund guy named Frank. Neck too big for his collar, hands too thick to wrap around the steering wheel. He pointed through the windshield at the forest of buildings called Lower Manhattan.
"The towers used to sit right there."
He could tell that I couldn't see the spot. "See the hole to the left of the one with the spire?
Three days ago that was the World Trade Center. I looked at it each day as I came over the bridge. It was a powerful sight. The first morning I entered the city and saw no towers, I called my wife and cried."
Three checkpoints later we parked the car and walked the final half-mile. A week earlier this road had been full of flannel suits, cell phones, and market quotes. But on this day the sidewalk was muddy, and the air was thick with smoke. I decided not to think about what I was inhaling.
I didn't expect the fires. In spite of the rain and truckloads of water, flames still danced. I didn't anticipate the adjoining damage. Neighboring buildings were devastated. Intact windows were rare.
Later that night I spoke with an officer who guarded the entrance to the Family Care Center. He was posted next to the plywood wall of photos-the wailing wall of sorts-on which relatives had tacked pictures and hopes. I asked him to describe the expressions on the faces of the people who had come to look at the pictures.
"Blank," he said. "Blank."
"They don't cry?"
"They don't cry."
"And you, have you cried?"
"Not yet, I just push it in."
Disbelief, for many, was the drug of choice.
We can relate. Calamities leave us off balance and confused. How would you describe your crisis? "The economy...the economy...the economy." "The divorce...divorce...divorce...divorce."
Do you recite your woes more naturally than you do heaven's strength? Are you assuming God isn't in this crisis?
He is.
God doesn't manufacture pain, but he certainly puts it to use. His ways are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:9). His judgments are unsearchable, and his paths are beyond tracing out (Romans 11:33). We can't always see what God is doing, but can't we assume he is up to something good?
You can't control the weather. You aren't in charge of the economy. You can't undo the tsunami or unwreck the car, but you can map out a strategy.
You'd prefer a miracle? You'd rather see the bread multiplied or the stormy sea turned glassy calm in a finger snap? God may do this. Then again, he may tell you, "I'm with you. I can use this for good. Now let's make a plan."
Remember, God is in this crisis. Ask him to give you an index card-sized plan, two or three steps you can take today. Seek counsel from someone who has faced a similar challenge. Ask friends to pray. Look for resources. Reach out to a support group. Most importantly, make a plan.
Don't let the crisis paralyze you. Don't let the sadness overwhelm you. Don't let the fear intimidate you. To do nothing is the wrong thing. To do something is the right thing. And to believe is the highest thing. Trust him to help you. Trust God to do what you can't.
If you have already accepted God's offer into his family through placing your faith in Jesus Christ, then you can have confidence in God's plan for your life in this crisis. The Bible promises that nothing "in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:39).
If you have not yet accepted God's offer, you can do so right now. Not because you've earned it. But because he loves you and because the gift of salvation is available to all who profess him as Lord.
Believe that God sent his Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross in your place for your sins. Believe that Jesus rose from the dead after three days, showing that God accepted him as your substitute. Believe Jesus' claim when he said, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6). Confess that you have sinned and ask God's forgiveness. Invite him into your life and ask for God's help to turn from your sin.
If you wholeheartedly believe these things and want to become a part of God's forever family, you can pray something like this:
"Dear God, I admit that I am a sinner and need your forgiveness. I accept Jesus Christ as my Savior, who gave his life for my sins. I entrust my life to you, Father God. Please come into my life and help me have a life that pleases you. Amen."
Side note: Some of the reasons why I chose this tract to send out in the thank you's is because Todd Borek told us that this situation was our own "9/11". Also, I don't know which came first, but we received a calendar and books with this same Max Lucado theme of "You'll Get Through This." Also, I love Max Lucado. Love you too, boy!
Hayden M. Smith Award
We were at Hope's water polo game last night, and I had a chance to snap a picture of the Hayden M. Smith award in the award case at the high school, because I wanted to write down what it said. The recipients so far have been Kyle Nouhan and Robbie Amori. Here it is.
"Recipient exemplifies qualities of leadership, being a supportive teammate, superb work ethic and great attitude."
I posted the picture of the award and wrote out the words on Facebook last night to honor the one year, seven-month anniversary of your homegoing. Love you!
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
Can A Christian Drink Alcohol?
I wrote about this a little yesterday, but it is so good, that I wanted to include the whole thing. People always have questions about this, and it's hard to explain sometimes.
Can A Christian Drink Alcohol?
by Barry Cameron
This blog, originally written in September 2012, continues to be one of the most popular and most shared.
On Monday night, news broke that Olympic gold medalist snowboarder, Shaun White, had been charged with vandalism and public intoxication. On my Facebook wall, I posted the following comment,"This just in...and the gold medal for character enhancement, once again, goes to alcohol."
For years, well-meaning Christians have debated the subject of drinking. Let me be clear by saying there isn't a single verse in the Bible that says a Christian cannot have a drink; although the Bible clearly warns about the destructive and addictive nature of alcohol (Proverbs 20:1; 21:17: 23:29-35; Ephesians 5:18) and is very clear that drunkenness is always wrong (Romans 13:13; Galatians 5:19-21; 1 Peter 4:3; Habbakuk 2:15; 1 Corinthians 5:11)-will look these up later
The Bible is also clear that mature Christians should avoid causing others to stumble by drinking (Romans 14:21), and that leaders ought to avoid drinking alcohol (Proverbs 31:4-7) and cannot be given to drunkenness (1 Timothy 3:3,8; Titus 1:7).
I have yet to hear from anyone who drinks how alcohol enhances anything or blesses anyone. Max Lucado said, "One thing for sure, I have never heard anyone say, 'A beer makes me feel more Christlike...Fact of the matter is this: People don't associate beer with Christian behavior.'" I've yet to see how it improves someone's testimony or makes anyone a more effective witness for Christ. Quite the contrary, like Shaun White mentioned above, or Richard Roberts, Oral Roberts' son, who was arrested in Tulsa, Oklahoma, driving under the influence, the result doesn't enhance your testimony. Rather, it takes away from what testimony you had.
Recently, a friend of mine, former mega-church Pastor, John Caldwell, wrote an article in Christian Standard magazine called To Drink or Not to Drink? Here's the link to his article. John's article explained why he has personally abstained from drinking alcohol and dealt with the bigger issue of the contemporary church becoming more and more like the world.
Not surprisingly, a number of people responded to John's article and some called him to task for taking such a strong stand against drinking. In response to the responses, my good friend, Ken Idelman, former President of Ozark Christian College and now Pastor of Crossroads Christian Church in Evansville, IN, wrote these words, which are among the very best I've ever read on this issue. I asked Ken for his permission to share them here.
"Okay, I am conscience bound to weigh in on this one...For a minute, forget about making a definitive case for or against "drinking" from the Bible. Here's the truth from logic and real life. No one starts out to be an alcoholic. Everyone begins with a defensive attitude saying, 'I'm just a social drinker and there is nothing wrong with it!' no one says, 'It is my ambition that someday I want to lose my job, my health, my self-respect, my marriage and my family. Someday I want to be dependent on alcohol to get me through my day.' yet this is the destination at which several millions of people have arrived. Why do you suppose that is? It is because alcohol is promoted and elevated as a normal/sophisticated activity in life...It is also expensive, addictive and enslaving. People get hooked by America's number one legal drug. And just like all illegal drugs, alcohol finds its way into the body, the bloodstream and the brain of the user/abuser.
I had two uncles whose lives were wrecked by alcohol. The exception you say? Hardly. It is not what they wanted when they dreamed of their futures when they were in their 20s. Praise God, they were wonderfully delivered in their 60s when the grace of God became real to them. And then can you imagine it?...They got their lives back by becoming total abstainers by the power of the Holy Spirit!
One of my most memorable conversations in the state penitentiary in Jefferson City, MO, was with a young man facing a 28-year prison sentence for the brutal sexual assault of his own 8-year-old daughter. I will never forget that image. The tears literally ran off his chin and splashed on his shoes as he gushed, 'I guess I did it. I don't know. I was drunk at the time.'
Listen, some of those who are defensive in response to Dr. Caldwell's thoughtful and courageous article will want to revise their text if, in a few years, they discover that they were able to handle their drinking just fine, but their son or daughter could not. Answer honestly. Could you live with the knowledge that your dangerous exercise of Christian liberty factored into your child's ruin? Or, if your loved one is killed some day in a head on collision by a driver under the influence who crossed the center line, will you still be defensive of drinking?
A good friend during my growing up years was the only child of social drinking parents. When his folks were away, he would go to the rathskeller (German for tavern) in the basement where he developed a taste for alcohol. I won't bore you with the details. He is 65 today. A broken life, broken health, broken marriages, a broken relationship with his only son, a broken relationship with his only grandchild, a broken career and a broken spirit that...Tragically...He tries daily to medicate with the alcohol that led him to this tragic destination.
Hey, thanks for indulging my rant. Like my friend John Caldwell, I confess to setting the bar high for Christian leadership (especially) when it comes to aesthetic holiness. Call me a 'right-wing fundamentalist.' Call me a 'throw back to the days of the tent evangelists.' Call me a 'simpleton.' Call me a 'minimalist.' but, if you do, go ahead and also call me a 'watchman on the wall' where the welfare of my family (children, in-laws, grandchildren) and my church family is concerned.
Personally, I've yet to have my first beer and have no desire to start now or to drink alcohol of any kind. At the same time, I don't judge those who believe they have the freedom in Christ to drink. But when asked, I always tell people I don't believe it's the best choice.
The bottom line is this: the question really isn't CAN A CHRISTIAN DRINK? Rather it is: SHOULD A CHRISTIAN DRINK?
Verses:
Proverbs 20:1: Wine is a mocker, Strong drink is a brawler, And whoever is led astray by it is not wise.
Proverbs 21:17: He who loves pleasure will be a poor man; He who loves wine and oil will not be rich.
Proverbs 23:29-35: Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has contentions? Who has complaints? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes? Those who linger long at the wine. Those who go in search of mixed wine. Do not look on the wine when it is red, When it sparkles in the cup, When it swirls around smoothly; At the last it bites like a serpent, And stings like a viper. Your eyes will see strange things, And your heart will utter perverse things. Yes, you will be like one who lies down in the midst of the sea, Or like one who lies at the top of the mast, saying: "They have struck me, but I was not hurt; They have beaten me, but I did not feel it. When shall I awake, that I may seek another drink?
Ephesians 5:18: And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit.
Romans 13:13: Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy.
Galatians 5:19-21: Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outburst of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries and the like: of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
1 Peter 4:3: For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles-when we walked in lewdness, lust, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries.
Habakkuk 2:15: Woe to him who gives drink to his neighbor, Pressing him to your bottle, Even to make him drink, That you may look on his nakedness!
1 Corinthians 5:11: But now I have written to you to not keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner-not even to eat with such a person.
Romans 14:21: It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by which your brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak.
Proverbs 31:4-7: It is not for kings, O Lemeul, It is not for kings to drink wine, Nor for princes intoxicating drink; Lest they drink and forget the law, And pervert the justice of all the afflicted. Give strong drink to him who is perishing, And wine to those who are bitter of heart. Let him drink and forget his poverty, And remember his misery no more.
1 Timothy 3:3,8: not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous;
Titus 1:7: For a bishop must be blameless, as a steward of God, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money.
Can A Christian Drink Alcohol?
by Barry Cameron
This blog, originally written in September 2012, continues to be one of the most popular and most shared.
On Monday night, news broke that Olympic gold medalist snowboarder, Shaun White, had been charged with vandalism and public intoxication. On my Facebook wall, I posted the following comment,"This just in...and the gold medal for character enhancement, once again, goes to alcohol."
For years, well-meaning Christians have debated the subject of drinking. Let me be clear by saying there isn't a single verse in the Bible that says a Christian cannot have a drink; although the Bible clearly warns about the destructive and addictive nature of alcohol (Proverbs 20:1; 21:17: 23:29-35; Ephesians 5:18) and is very clear that drunkenness is always wrong (Romans 13:13; Galatians 5:19-21; 1 Peter 4:3; Habbakuk 2:15; 1 Corinthians 5:11)-will look these up later
The Bible is also clear that mature Christians should avoid causing others to stumble by drinking (Romans 14:21), and that leaders ought to avoid drinking alcohol (Proverbs 31:4-7) and cannot be given to drunkenness (1 Timothy 3:3,8; Titus 1:7).
I have yet to hear from anyone who drinks how alcohol enhances anything or blesses anyone. Max Lucado said, "One thing for sure, I have never heard anyone say, 'A beer makes me feel more Christlike...Fact of the matter is this: People don't associate beer with Christian behavior.'" I've yet to see how it improves someone's testimony or makes anyone a more effective witness for Christ. Quite the contrary, like Shaun White mentioned above, or Richard Roberts, Oral Roberts' son, who was arrested in Tulsa, Oklahoma, driving under the influence, the result doesn't enhance your testimony. Rather, it takes away from what testimony you had.
Recently, a friend of mine, former mega-church Pastor, John Caldwell, wrote an article in Christian Standard magazine called To Drink or Not to Drink? Here's the link to his article. John's article explained why he has personally abstained from drinking alcohol and dealt with the bigger issue of the contemporary church becoming more and more like the world.
Not surprisingly, a number of people responded to John's article and some called him to task for taking such a strong stand against drinking. In response to the responses, my good friend, Ken Idelman, former President of Ozark Christian College and now Pastor of Crossroads Christian Church in Evansville, IN, wrote these words, which are among the very best I've ever read on this issue. I asked Ken for his permission to share them here.
"Okay, I am conscience bound to weigh in on this one...For a minute, forget about making a definitive case for or against "drinking" from the Bible. Here's the truth from logic and real life. No one starts out to be an alcoholic. Everyone begins with a defensive attitude saying, 'I'm just a social drinker and there is nothing wrong with it!' no one says, 'It is my ambition that someday I want to lose my job, my health, my self-respect, my marriage and my family. Someday I want to be dependent on alcohol to get me through my day.' yet this is the destination at which several millions of people have arrived. Why do you suppose that is? It is because alcohol is promoted and elevated as a normal/sophisticated activity in life...It is also expensive, addictive and enslaving. People get hooked by America's number one legal drug. And just like all illegal drugs, alcohol finds its way into the body, the bloodstream and the brain of the user/abuser.
I had two uncles whose lives were wrecked by alcohol. The exception you say? Hardly. It is not what they wanted when they dreamed of their futures when they were in their 20s. Praise God, they were wonderfully delivered in their 60s when the grace of God became real to them. And then can you imagine it?...They got their lives back by becoming total abstainers by the power of the Holy Spirit!
One of my most memorable conversations in the state penitentiary in Jefferson City, MO, was with a young man facing a 28-year prison sentence for the brutal sexual assault of his own 8-year-old daughter. I will never forget that image. The tears literally ran off his chin and splashed on his shoes as he gushed, 'I guess I did it. I don't know. I was drunk at the time.'
Listen, some of those who are defensive in response to Dr. Caldwell's thoughtful and courageous article will want to revise their text if, in a few years, they discover that they were able to handle their drinking just fine, but their son or daughter could not. Answer honestly. Could you live with the knowledge that your dangerous exercise of Christian liberty factored into your child's ruin? Or, if your loved one is killed some day in a head on collision by a driver under the influence who crossed the center line, will you still be defensive of drinking?
A good friend during my growing up years was the only child of social drinking parents. When his folks were away, he would go to the rathskeller (German for tavern) in the basement where he developed a taste for alcohol. I won't bore you with the details. He is 65 today. A broken life, broken health, broken marriages, a broken relationship with his only son, a broken relationship with his only grandchild, a broken career and a broken spirit that...Tragically...He tries daily to medicate with the alcohol that led him to this tragic destination.
Hey, thanks for indulging my rant. Like my friend John Caldwell, I confess to setting the bar high for Christian leadership (especially) when it comes to aesthetic holiness. Call me a 'right-wing fundamentalist.' Call me a 'throw back to the days of the tent evangelists.' Call me a 'simpleton.' Call me a 'minimalist.' but, if you do, go ahead and also call me a 'watchman on the wall' where the welfare of my family (children, in-laws, grandchildren) and my church family is concerned.
Personally, I've yet to have my first beer and have no desire to start now or to drink alcohol of any kind. At the same time, I don't judge those who believe they have the freedom in Christ to drink. But when asked, I always tell people I don't believe it's the best choice.
The bottom line is this: the question really isn't CAN A CHRISTIAN DRINK? Rather it is: SHOULD A CHRISTIAN DRINK?
Verses:
Proverbs 20:1: Wine is a mocker, Strong drink is a brawler, And whoever is led astray by it is not wise.
Proverbs 21:17: He who loves pleasure will be a poor man; He who loves wine and oil will not be rich.
Proverbs 23:29-35: Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has contentions? Who has complaints? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes? Those who linger long at the wine. Those who go in search of mixed wine. Do not look on the wine when it is red, When it sparkles in the cup, When it swirls around smoothly; At the last it bites like a serpent, And stings like a viper. Your eyes will see strange things, And your heart will utter perverse things. Yes, you will be like one who lies down in the midst of the sea, Or like one who lies at the top of the mast, saying: "They have struck me, but I was not hurt; They have beaten me, but I did not feel it. When shall I awake, that I may seek another drink?
Ephesians 5:18: And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit.
Romans 13:13: Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy.
Galatians 5:19-21: Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outburst of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries and the like: of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
1 Peter 4:3: For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles-when we walked in lewdness, lust, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries.
Habakkuk 2:15: Woe to him who gives drink to his neighbor, Pressing him to your bottle, Even to make him drink, That you may look on his nakedness!
1 Corinthians 5:11: But now I have written to you to not keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner-not even to eat with such a person.
Romans 14:21: It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by which your brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak.
Proverbs 31:4-7: It is not for kings, O Lemeul, It is not for kings to drink wine, Nor for princes intoxicating drink; Lest they drink and forget the law, And pervert the justice of all the afflicted. Give strong drink to him who is perishing, And wine to those who are bitter of heart. Let him drink and forget his poverty, And remember his misery no more.
1 Timothy 3:3,8: not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous;
Titus 1:7: For a bishop must be blameless, as a steward of God, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money.
Monday, March 20, 2017
Can vs. should
There was a good article online today titled, Can A Christian Drink? It was really good. I know this doesn't apply to you, but this part was interesting:
"Or, if your loved one is killed someday in a head on collision by a driver under the influence who crossed the center line, will you still be defensive of drinking?"
Question is not Can A Christian Drink Alcohol, but Should A Christian Drink Alcohol.
"Or, if your loved one is killed someday in a head on collision by a driver under the influence who crossed the center line, will you still be defensive of drinking?"
Question is not Can A Christian Drink Alcohol, but Should A Christian Drink Alcohol.
Missing piece
This is from Healing Hugs too. Not sure who said it though.
There'll always be a missing piece in my heart. I miss you, so much...
There'll always be a missing piece in my heart. I miss you, so much...
My mind, heart and soul
This is a quote from Healing Hugs by Lyn Ragan.
My mind still talks to you and my heart still looks for you. But my soul knows you're at peace.
My mind still talks to you and my heart still looks for you. But my soul knows you're at peace.
I Wish You Could
Mrs. Brattin posted an article on Facebook over the weekend from a firefighter's/policeman's point of view about what they have to deal with on their job. This part hit home with me. I tried to change it to male pronouns, but it didn't work, so I will leave it as a girl.
"I wish you could read my thoughts as I help extricate a teenage girl from the mangled remains of her automobile. What if this was my sister, my girlfriend, or a friend? What was her parents' reaction, when they opened the door to find a police officer standing there with HAT IN HAND?"
Worst day of my life, sweet boy.
"I wish you could read my thoughts as I help extricate a teenage girl from the mangled remains of her automobile. What if this was my sister, my girlfriend, or a friend? What was her parents' reaction, when they opened the door to find a police officer standing there with HAT IN HAND?"
Worst day of my life, sweet boy.
Promposal
Last night Carter and I were watching The Office episode where Michael Scott proposes to Holly. The rest of the office was watching, and they all clapped after she said yes.
It made me think of when you asked Carrie to the prom after her track meet and people in the crowd were cheering when she said yes. I remember it felt weird to you that you were in that position, but in a good way. I'm so glad that you had that experience.
I was thinking that that was the closest thing you would ever experience to a marriage proposal. I am thankful you had that experience, even though it didn't turn into a relationship with her after prom.
I was also remembering how Carrie lives/lived in Milan and that's where you're buried. I wonder if you went down Saline-Milan road to pick her up on your first date or for prom or if you went on the highway. I wonder if you passed the cemetery. I remember she lived on Daisy Lane in Milan. I just found that interesting. Love you!
More notes: You were going to ask her to prom on your "date" with her that Saturday night but you heard that someone else was thinking of asking her, so you had to hurry up and make the sign ("Will you run away to prom with me?") and get her flowers and candy and get to her track meet. We/you had heard that she wanted to go with you more than the other guy, but you wanted to make sure you asked first. I wonder if that picture of you and her at the track meet is still around. I think you texted it to me at the time. It was adorable. Love you!
(The song All I Ask Of You just came on Pandora after I wrote this. This song was on my Josh Groban Stages CD, and I imagined this being the case for you and Carrie after you told her that you wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend. When this came on when I was in the shower, before you asked her and after you found out she wasn't interested, I would cry and cry. Thanks for that reminder that you are close. Love you!)
It made me think of when you asked Carrie to the prom after her track meet and people in the crowd were cheering when she said yes. I remember it felt weird to you that you were in that position, but in a good way. I'm so glad that you had that experience.
I was thinking that that was the closest thing you would ever experience to a marriage proposal. I am thankful you had that experience, even though it didn't turn into a relationship with her after prom.
I was also remembering how Carrie lives/lived in Milan and that's where you're buried. I wonder if you went down Saline-Milan road to pick her up on your first date or for prom or if you went on the highway. I wonder if you passed the cemetery. I remember she lived on Daisy Lane in Milan. I just found that interesting. Love you!
More notes: You were going to ask her to prom on your "date" with her that Saturday night but you heard that someone else was thinking of asking her, so you had to hurry up and make the sign ("Will you run away to prom with me?") and get her flowers and candy and get to her track meet. We/you had heard that she wanted to go with you more than the other guy, but you wanted to make sure you asked first. I wonder if that picture of you and her at the track meet is still around. I think you texted it to me at the time. It was adorable. Love you!
(The song All I Ask Of You just came on Pandora after I wrote this. This song was on my Josh Groban Stages CD, and I imagined this being the case for you and Carrie after you told her that you wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend. When this came on when I was in the shower, before you asked her and after you found out she wasn't interested, I would cry and cry. Thanks for that reminder that you are close. Love you!)
Days in the Sun
We saw Beauty and the Beast this weekend at the new Emagine Theater where Country Market used to be (you would love the theater, by the way). This song was in it and it made me cry. (I don't think this song was in the cartoon version of the movie).The beast's mom died when he was young and this song showed him standing by her bed after she died and then went on from there. Here it is.
Days in the Sun
by Adam Mitchell
Days in the sun
When my life has barely begun
Not until my whole life is done
Will I ever leave you
Will I tremble again
To my dear one's gorgeous refrain
Will you now forever remain
Out of reach of my arms
Out of reach of my arms
All those days in the sun
What I'd give to relive just one
Undo what's done
And bring back the light
Oh, I could sing of the pain these dark days bring
The spell we're under
Still it's the wonder of us I sing of tonight
How in the midst of all this sorrow
Can so much hope and love endure
I was innocent and certain
Now I'm wiser but unsure
(Days in the past)
I can't go back into my childhood
(All those precious days)
That my father made secure
I can feel a change in me
I'm stronger now but still not free
Days in the sun
Will return, we must believe
As lovers do
That days in the sun will come shining through
Thursday, March 16, 2017
The Last Words You Said
This song came on Pandora today, so I decided to look up the lyrics. This lady was Christine in Phantom of the Opera for a while.
The Last Words You Said
by Sarah Brightman
(feat. Richard Marx)
Somewhere in time I know,
Darling you'll come back to me.
Roses will bloom again,
But Spring feels like eternity.
In your kiss it wasn't goodbye.
You are still the reason why.
I can hear you whispering in the silence of my room,
My heart still surrenders like the sun to the moon.
I can barely stand this aching, burning endlessly.
"Love me now forever,"
Were the last words you said to me.
And when the morning comes,
My hands still reach out for you.
Some things remain the same,
There is nothing I can do.
I can barely get through the day
Ever since you went away.
I can hear you whispering in the silence of my room,
My heart still surrenders like the sun to the moon.
I can barely stand this aching, burning endlessly.
"Love me now forever,"
Were your last words to me...
Heaven help us cross this endless sea
With starlight above to guide you to me.
Waves crashing on distant shores,
They're calling our names forever more.
And I still hear you whispering in the silence of my room,
My heart still surrenders like the sun to the moon.
I can barely stand this aching, burning endlessly.
"Love me now forever,"
Were the last words you said to me.
Were the last words you said to me.
I Dreamed A Dream
This song is on Pandora right now. It's from Les Mis which I think you liked.
I Dreamed A Dream
by Anne Hathaway (and others)
There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong
I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung
No wine untasted
But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame
He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came
And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed
Through The Years
That Kenny Rogers song I just wrote down made me think of this other song. I danced with my dad to this at my wedding, but the words apply to you and me too. Love you!
Through The Years
by Kenny Rogers
I can't remember when you weren't there
When I didn't care for anyone but you
I swear we've been through everything there is
Can't imagine anything we've missed
Can't imagine anything the two of us can't do
Through the years
You've never let me down
You turned my life around
The sweetest days I've found
I've found with you
Through the years
I've never been afraid
I've loved the life we've made
And I'm so glad I stayed
Right here with you
Through the years
I can't remember what I used to do
Who I trusted whom, I listened to before
I swear you've taught me everything I know
Can't imagine needing someone so
But through the years it seems to me
I need you more and more
Through the years
Through all the good and bad
I knew how much we had
I've always been so glad
To be with you
Through the years
It's better everyday
You've kissed my tears away
As long as it's okay
I'll stay with you
Through the years
Through the years
When everything went wrong
Together we were strong
I know that I belong
Right here with you
Through the years
I never had a doubt
We'd always work things out
I've learned what life's about
By loving you
Through the years
Through the years
You've never let me down
You turned my life around
The sweetest days I've found
I've found with you
Through the years
It's better everyday
You've kissed my tears away
As long as it's okay
I'll stay with you
Through the years
You decorated my life
This song came on Pandora the other night, and it stood out to me because it had never come on before and the words tied in with my interior design background. I think we could have sung this to each other. Love you!
You Decorated My Life
by Kenny Rogers
All my life was a paper
Once plain, pure and white
Till you moved with your pen
Changing moods now and then
Till the balance was right
Then you added some music
Every note was in place
And anybody could see
All the changes in me
By the look on my face
And you decorated my life
Created a world where dreams are apart
And you decorated my life
By painting your love all over my heart
You decorated my life
Like a rhyme with no reason
And an unfinished song
There was no harmony
Life meant nothing to me
Until you came along
And you brought out the colors
What a gentle surprise
Now I'm able to see
All the things life can be
Shining soft in your eyes
And you decorated my life
Created a world where dreams are apart
And you decorated my life
By painting your love all over my heart
You decorated my life
My Hiding Place
I haven't listened to this song yet, but came across the title the other day and looked up the lyrics.
You Are My Hiding Place
by Selah
You are my hiding place
You always fill my heart
Whenever I am afraid
I will trust in You
I will trust in You
Let the weak say
I am strong
In the strength of the Lord
You are my hiding place
You always fill my heart
With songs of deliverance
Whenever I am afraid
I will trust in You
I will trust in You
Let the weak say I am strong
In the strength of the Lord
I will trust in You
Too sensitive
This was from Healing Hugs as well.
I used to dislike being sensitive.
I thought it made me weak.
But take away that single trait,
and you take away the very essence
of who I am.
You take away my conscience,
my ability to empathize,
my intuition, my creativity,
my deep appreciation of the
little things, my vivid inner life,
my keen awareness to others'
pain and my passion for it all.
-Caitlin Japa
Soft and kind-hearted
I found a ton of quotes today on the Facebook page, Healing Hugs.
Soft and kind-hearted people are not fools.
They know what people did to them,
but they forgive again and again
because they have
beautiful hearts and souls.
Respect yourself enough to say,
"I deserve peace"
and walk away from people or things
that prevent you from attaining it.
-Jerico Silver
Message from Heaven
I am not gone.
I am simply enjoying the next stage
of my journey.
So please be happy for me
and trust that we shall meet again.
Watching over me
This made me feel like you could be saying this to me, even though the perspective of it seems to be if the mom died.
Mom,
I know you are always watching over me
and that your guiding hand will be forever be
on my shoulder.
Not a day goes by that I don't miss you.
You will always be loved.
Love you too sweet boy!
Compassion
This makes me glad that I helped that lady out with her payment.
Compassion is the ultimate expression of your highest self.
Appreciation
This quote made me think of Dad today.
Appreciation and gratitude go much further than complaint and criticism.
Figuring it out
I think I wrote a little about this before, but I read over the police report again (heart-wrenching) and the idea I had makes sense, even to Dad believe it or not. With the witness from Tippins' who said you were in his lane so far that he had to get over, that never made sense to me because it didn't match up with the way you hit the truck. The Tippins' guy had no reason to lie though.
I don't know why this never dawned on me, but I think I was telling you that I was watching a "Don't Text and Drive" video (heart-wrenching as well) and it showed someone drifting over the center line and swerving back. That would explain how you could have been in that lane but still hit the truck the way that you did-you were trying to get back over into your lane. That also explains how the "shift" on the truck's side came into play, because he was more in your lane than normal if he didn't notice that little "kink."
Of course, I could be wrong, but this helps me to put the pieces together in my mind to understand what might have happened. It makes me a little bit sad that you could have known what was going on at some point when you were trying to get back in your lane, but I'm sure the truck coming over the hill was a big surprise and it happened quickly.
The thought has crossed my mind that you could have had some medical episode, but with your health that just never made sense. Plus it worried me that Hope or Carter could have some latent condition too that could surface at any time. Some sort of medical episode could have occurred I guess, but you wouldn't have had any time or opportunity to react. Falling asleep at the wheel or being temporarily distracted seems likely-a more normal, every-day occurrence. I don't think it mattered that there was THC in your system, and we know there wasn't any alcohol. No texting, no talking on your phone, no internet use. You could have been changing a song though. Or maybe you even swerved around something in the road and didn't get back in your lane in time (but I don't think you would have done that with that other car coming).
I can't tell you how many times since your accident that I have observed drivers either ahead of me or who I am passing going the other way who come close to the center line. It's very easy to do. It's just inches. Inches. Love you boy!
I don't know why this never dawned on me, but I think I was telling you that I was watching a "Don't Text and Drive" video (heart-wrenching as well) and it showed someone drifting over the center line and swerving back. That would explain how you could have been in that lane but still hit the truck the way that you did-you were trying to get back over into your lane. That also explains how the "shift" on the truck's side came into play, because he was more in your lane than normal if he didn't notice that little "kink."
Of course, I could be wrong, but this helps me to put the pieces together in my mind to understand what might have happened. It makes me a little bit sad that you could have known what was going on at some point when you were trying to get back in your lane, but I'm sure the truck coming over the hill was a big surprise and it happened quickly.
The thought has crossed my mind that you could have had some medical episode, but with your health that just never made sense. Plus it worried me that Hope or Carter could have some latent condition too that could surface at any time. Some sort of medical episode could have occurred I guess, but you wouldn't have had any time or opportunity to react. Falling asleep at the wheel or being temporarily distracted seems likely-a more normal, every-day occurrence. I don't think it mattered that there was THC in your system, and we know there wasn't any alcohol. No texting, no talking on your phone, no internet use. You could have been changing a song though. Or maybe you even swerved around something in the road and didn't get back in your lane in time (but I don't think you would have done that with that other car coming).
I can't tell you how many times since your accident that I have observed drivers either ahead of me or who I am passing going the other way who come close to the center line. It's very easy to do. It's just inches. Inches. Love you boy!
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
Survived
This was on Cornelius' Facebook page today.
I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me.
I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me.
His authority
Quote from A.Z. Tozer which I've seen before.
While it looks like things are out of control, behind the scenes there is a God who hasn't surrendered His authority.
Tuesday, March 14, 2017
Mourning to joy
This verse was referenced on the Facebook page for Getting Your Breath Back.
Jeremiah 31:13
Then shall the virgin rejoice in the dance,
And the young men and the old, together;
For I will turn their mourning to joy,
Will comfort them,
And make them rejoice rather than sorrow.
Jeremiah 31:13
Then shall the virgin rejoice in the dance,
And the young men and the old, together;
For I will turn their mourning to joy,
Will comfort them,
And make them rejoice rather than sorrow.
Lemonade
On the Facebook page for Getting Your Breath Back, a scene from the TV show, This is Us was included. It was titled The Art of Making Lemonade. I'm not sure if I have to set this up-hopefully the dialogue will make it clear.
Dr.: Rebecca's vitals are good. She's gonna be asleep for a little while, but she's doing fine. We're monitoring her closely.
Jack: Okay
Dr.: We lost the third baby, Jack. I'm I'm very sorry. The, uh second baby is a girl, very strong. The third baby was a little boy, but the, uh, umbilical cord was cutting off his oxygen. He was stillborn. Nothing anybody could've done.
Jack: I'm sorry, I'm I'm not processing anything. My wife?
Dr.: Is fine. And she'll be awake pretty soon. You have two beautiful, healthy children, Jack. Boy and a girl. But we did lose the third child.
Jack: I need to be with my wife.
Dr.: And you will be. But she needs to sleep now. But soon. You just sit down. Sit. Sit. Ok if I keep you company a second?
Jack: Yeah
Dr.: Okay if I try to say something meaningful?
Jack: Yeah
Dr.: I lost my wife last year. Cancer. That's the reason I still work so much at my age. Just trying to pass the time. We were married 53 years. Five children, 11 grandkids. But we lost our very first child during the delivery. The reason I went into this field, truth be told. I have spent five decades delivering babies. More babies than I can count. But there is not a single day that goes by that I don't think of the child I lost, because of the path that that sent me on, that I have saved countless lives of other babies.
Jack: Yeah
Dr.: I like to think that maybe one day you'll be an old man like me talking a younger man's ear off, explaining to him how you took the sourest lemon that life has to offer and turned it into something resembling lemonade. If you can do that, then you will still be taking three babies home from this hospital. Just not maybe the way you planned. I don't know if that was meaningful or senile, but I thought it ought to be said. Your wife'll still be asleep for a little while. Go see your babies. They're excited to meet their father. I think maybe they got a good one.
Dr.: Rebecca's vitals are good. She's gonna be asleep for a little while, but she's doing fine. We're monitoring her closely.
Jack: Okay
Dr.: We lost the third baby, Jack. I'm I'm very sorry. The, uh second baby is a girl, very strong. The third baby was a little boy, but the, uh, umbilical cord was cutting off his oxygen. He was stillborn. Nothing anybody could've done.
Jack: I'm sorry, I'm I'm not processing anything. My wife?
Dr.: Is fine. And she'll be awake pretty soon. You have two beautiful, healthy children, Jack. Boy and a girl. But we did lose the third child.
Jack: I need to be with my wife.
Dr.: And you will be. But she needs to sleep now. But soon. You just sit down. Sit. Sit. Ok if I keep you company a second?
Jack: Yeah
Dr.: Okay if I try to say something meaningful?
Jack: Yeah
Dr.: I lost my wife last year. Cancer. That's the reason I still work so much at my age. Just trying to pass the time. We were married 53 years. Five children, 11 grandkids. But we lost our very first child during the delivery. The reason I went into this field, truth be told. I have spent five decades delivering babies. More babies than I can count. But there is not a single day that goes by that I don't think of the child I lost, because of the path that that sent me on, that I have saved countless lives of other babies.
Jack: Yeah
Dr.: I like to think that maybe one day you'll be an old man like me talking a younger man's ear off, explaining to him how you took the sourest lemon that life has to offer and turned it into something resembling lemonade. If you can do that, then you will still be taking three babies home from this hospital. Just not maybe the way you planned. I don't know if that was meaningful or senile, but I thought it ought to be said. Your wife'll still be asleep for a little while. Go see your babies. They're excited to meet their father. I think maybe they got a good one.
Discovery
Yesterday I was stressing out about my marriage more than usual. I could tell that I was going to start to be pressured for something and I didn't know how I was going to talk my way out of it this time. I'm not sure if I prayed about it or just wished for a solution, but God provided a very clear answer to my prayer. This made a huge impact on me.
For some reason, I have always felt like I have been on my own with my marriage problems (even without God). Since Dad is a Christian and I am a Christian, I have always felt like it's his word against mine. He says I'm verbally abusive, I say he's verbally abusive (and I've read the book). He and Pastor say that I am in the wrong. God loves all of us. What am I supposed to do?
The book that I read was basically saying (even though it's a secular book) that I can trust myself to know when something is wrong or someone is not behaving right. It's not that Dad is just doing what he is supposed to and I don't like being told what to do. He makes a mockery of everything-he either acts like everything is a joke or he's angry. The kids can see it. They both have asked him not to hang out in their rooms and he does it anyway, claiming that "he pays the mortgage" so he can do what he wants. And then he stayed mad at Hope almost all day Saturday because she called him out on it when she got home Friday night. He never apologizes for anything-he just waits until he stops being mad and then acts like nothing happened.
God gives a husband certain rights and responsibilities, but that doesn't mean he should take advantage of them. Technically, as saved people, we could still sin and get into heaven, but that doesn't mean it's ok to do that. I don't think God intended for one person to totally oppress another in marriage. We are equal in God's sight. I just realized for the first time last night that God is probably upset with the way Dad treats me. I know I retaliate too, but I feel like I'm fighting for what's right and good for our family. I am defending myself.
Here's a good example the other night-when he texted me that picture of that family of five kids who was looking to be adopted together and said, "What do you think?" I truly thought he was kidding. He wasn't. Sure it's good to be willing to do something like that, but it made me very mad that he had such a ridiculous idea with no basis to back up why we would EVER do that. And I get in trouble for not listening to him? I think he just does that stuff to get a reaction from me, which he did. Ridiculous! (It's worth saying again).
Another thing I hate is when he acts surprised when I am "mad" about something or just mad in general. But then when I tell him what my problem is, he acts like he doesn't care-which he doesn't. He acts so confused sometimes-like how could I ever have a problem with him?
Right now I am annoyed with him how he had no closings last month and he has no closings this month and he doesn't feel bad or care about it. He just keeps congratulating me for setting that money aside (which I had to do in secret so he wouldn't have access to all of it and blow through it). I keep telling him that's not why I did it-I just wanted to have a cushion and I didn't intend for it to be income replacement for him. And then in the meantime he goes and gets a loan from his 401k and gets that line of credit from the credit union and just does what he wants with it. He acted annoyed when I asked him if he could pay the Verizon bill out of his UM account which I cannot access. And then he has to keep using our money to pay customers for some reason. I don't get that. He turns it around and points out what money he made from a deal, but I don't care. That is money that we need and we cannot use for some reason.
I also don't appreciate how he can "work from home" all day which just means he can sleep all day and not shower when I have to get my butt out the door every single day. Why does he need so much sleep? Didn't he just sleep all night? And then when he gets home, he just sits in front of the TV. Sure, he shoveled yesterday, but I did too.
I need to realize that God can help me deal with him. The counseling is helping, the books are helping, my Bible study friends are helping. I just hate being alone with him because he gets on my case. When I go home for lunch, I just like to relax and have quiet time, not to have to answer for 10 billion things.
I need to realize the he can't be trusted. Even if it seems like he's "trying"-he's not. He's had so many chances. I have to be assertive-not passive, not aggressive. I don't have to get his food ready for him. I don't have to remind him of things. Those are all little favors that I chose to do over the years and he doesn't even appreciate. He even accused me of only making his food so I could control the portion sizes. I have to handle things the way that I see fit. He doesn't need to be involved in every little decision. I have to look out for the best interests of me and the kids. Help me, Lord-I'm only trying to do what's right.
A few more thoughts: I think I didn't share this with the Lord because I am ashamed. It's so painful that I almost can't speak of it or even pray about it. I know what's going on is wrong but I don't know how to fix it. According to some of the books I have been reading, the problem I have can't be fixed and I have tried. I guess I was thinking that He knows what's going on-He can see it and it's allowed to continue with the perpetrator claiming His name and my Pastor backing him up based on the false scenario he has created. I'm sure He is bothered by that as well. This is not the way He intended for marriage to be. Even when I don't feel strong, please uphold me, Lord.
For some reason, I have always felt like I have been on my own with my marriage problems (even without God). Since Dad is a Christian and I am a Christian, I have always felt like it's his word against mine. He says I'm verbally abusive, I say he's verbally abusive (and I've read the book). He and Pastor say that I am in the wrong. God loves all of us. What am I supposed to do?
The book that I read was basically saying (even though it's a secular book) that I can trust myself to know when something is wrong or someone is not behaving right. It's not that Dad is just doing what he is supposed to and I don't like being told what to do. He makes a mockery of everything-he either acts like everything is a joke or he's angry. The kids can see it. They both have asked him not to hang out in their rooms and he does it anyway, claiming that "he pays the mortgage" so he can do what he wants. And then he stayed mad at Hope almost all day Saturday because she called him out on it when she got home Friday night. He never apologizes for anything-he just waits until he stops being mad and then acts like nothing happened.
God gives a husband certain rights and responsibilities, but that doesn't mean he should take advantage of them. Technically, as saved people, we could still sin and get into heaven, but that doesn't mean it's ok to do that. I don't think God intended for one person to totally oppress another in marriage. We are equal in God's sight. I just realized for the first time last night that God is probably upset with the way Dad treats me. I know I retaliate too, but I feel like I'm fighting for what's right and good for our family. I am defending myself.
Here's a good example the other night-when he texted me that picture of that family of five kids who was looking to be adopted together and said, "What do you think?" I truly thought he was kidding. He wasn't. Sure it's good to be willing to do something like that, but it made me very mad that he had such a ridiculous idea with no basis to back up why we would EVER do that. And I get in trouble for not listening to him? I think he just does that stuff to get a reaction from me, which he did. Ridiculous! (It's worth saying again).
Another thing I hate is when he acts surprised when I am "mad" about something or just mad in general. But then when I tell him what my problem is, he acts like he doesn't care-which he doesn't. He acts so confused sometimes-like how could I ever have a problem with him?
Right now I am annoyed with him how he had no closings last month and he has no closings this month and he doesn't feel bad or care about it. He just keeps congratulating me for setting that money aside (which I had to do in secret so he wouldn't have access to all of it and blow through it). I keep telling him that's not why I did it-I just wanted to have a cushion and I didn't intend for it to be income replacement for him. And then in the meantime he goes and gets a loan from his 401k and gets that line of credit from the credit union and just does what he wants with it. He acted annoyed when I asked him if he could pay the Verizon bill out of his UM account which I cannot access. And then he has to keep using our money to pay customers for some reason. I don't get that. He turns it around and points out what money he made from a deal, but I don't care. That is money that we need and we cannot use for some reason.
I also don't appreciate how he can "work from home" all day which just means he can sleep all day and not shower when I have to get my butt out the door every single day. Why does he need so much sleep? Didn't he just sleep all night? And then when he gets home, he just sits in front of the TV. Sure, he shoveled yesterday, but I did too.
I need to realize that God can help me deal with him. The counseling is helping, the books are helping, my Bible study friends are helping. I just hate being alone with him because he gets on my case. When I go home for lunch, I just like to relax and have quiet time, not to have to answer for 10 billion things.
I need to realize the he can't be trusted. Even if it seems like he's "trying"-he's not. He's had so many chances. I have to be assertive-not passive, not aggressive. I don't have to get his food ready for him. I don't have to remind him of things. Those are all little favors that I chose to do over the years and he doesn't even appreciate. He even accused me of only making his food so I could control the portion sizes. I have to handle things the way that I see fit. He doesn't need to be involved in every little decision. I have to look out for the best interests of me and the kids. Help me, Lord-I'm only trying to do what's right.
A few more thoughts: I think I didn't share this with the Lord because I am ashamed. It's so painful that I almost can't speak of it or even pray about it. I know what's going on is wrong but I don't know how to fix it. According to some of the books I have been reading, the problem I have can't be fixed and I have tried. I guess I was thinking that He knows what's going on-He can see it and it's allowed to continue with the perpetrator claiming His name and my Pastor backing him up based on the false scenario he has created. I'm sure He is bothered by that as well. This is not the way He intended for marriage to be. Even when I don't feel strong, please uphold me, Lord.
Monday, March 13, 2017
Another theory
Today I was watching as much of a "Do Not Text and Drive" video that I could stomach, and it made me think of something I never considered in your accident. I wondered if when you crossed the center line and headed toward that car of the guy who worked at Tippins' if you noticed and tried to get back in your lane. That might better explain how you got back over and hit the truck the way you did--on the front corner if you didn't make it back over quick enough (which you didn't). At first I was thinking that there weren't any skid marks on the road, but there really wouldn't be if you didn't try to brake-if you just tried to steer back into your lane. It's possible you might not have even seen the truck coming over the hill-you just knew that you needed to get back over into your lane.
I have always questioned the other vehicle's story because how could you be so far over in the other lane but then only clip the front corner of the truck. Maybe you did try to get back over. Sweet boy. We all do it-I see people all the time drift too close to the center and then realign. Like I said, I should read the police report again.
When I think about it again though, it sounds like you were dramatically in the other lane. And I know the fact that the center line shifting a little on the other side has something to do with it. Blasted!
I have always questioned the other vehicle's story because how could you be so far over in the other lane but then only clip the front corner of the truck. Maybe you did try to get back over. Sweet boy. We all do it-I see people all the time drift too close to the center and then realign. Like I said, I should read the police report again.
When I think about it again though, it sounds like you were dramatically in the other lane. And I know the fact that the center line shifting a little on the other side has something to do with it. Blasted!
Healing Hugs
Sarah Curry (Tina's daughter) has been sharing a lot of posts from a Facebook page called Healing Hugs. Here's a good one from today.
A Message from Heaven
I have not left you. I am simply enjoying the next stage of my life so please, do not cry. Rejoice in the fact that I am happy, remember that I will always love you and smile because one day we shall meet again.
I looked up some more that I missed.
My life changed the day you passed away. All I can do now is send you love, until we're together again someday.
-Lyn Ragan
And sometimes
it hits me out of nowhere,
all of a sudden, this
overwhelming sadness
rushes over me and
I get discouraged and
I get upset and feel hurt.
And once again, I feel
numb to the world. But
I will always keep going.
I will never give up!
Grief
is standing
in a room
full of
people and
feeling completely
alone in the world.
-John Pete
You will lose someone you can't live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up. And you come through. It's like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly-that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp. -Anne Lamott
Sure of that
Quote from A.W. Tozer.
The Holy Spirit never enters a man and then lets him live like the world. You can be sure of that.
The Holy Spirit never enters a man and then lets him live like the world. You can be sure of that.
Broken parts
Quote from Steven Curtis Chapman's new book, Between Heaven and the Real World.
One of the amazing things about our God is how He can take even the broken parts of our stories and bring about something beautiful as we trust Him with them.
One of the amazing things about our God is how He can take even the broken parts of our stories and bring about something beautiful as we trust Him with them.
Sorrow is better
This is the verse on my daily Bible calendar today.
Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.
Ecclesiastes 7:3
By the way, there was another headline on annarbor.com with your name in it: "D.J. Hayden's contract will let him prove his potential to the Lions."
Also, Dad found a workbook of yours from church yesterday. It was when Dad led the youth group and you were working through the series, Changed Into His Image by Jim Berg. It's adorable! First of all, you wrote your name on the outside cover like this: Hayden (The Cool One). There are also all kind of cute notes and pictures you drew and the answers to some of the questions are so cute. I can't wait to look through it closer. Thanks for that! Love you!
Friday, March 10, 2017
Something will grow
Quote from Toby Mac today.
Something will grow from all you are going through. And it will be you.
Things That Never Die
On the Facebook page for Ruby Watts' granddaughter, there was a video of her choir performing and one of the songs was called Things That Never Die. I looked up the lyrics and they are from a Charles Dickens poem. The words are also in the song by Canadian Tenors called Watching Over Me which I don't believe I have been able to track down actual lyrics for again.
About an hour after I wrote the poem down, the actual song came on Pandora. Right after that, the George Michael song Careless Whisper which reminded me of the George Michael quote I just wrote about earlier and I just remembered now how that song was played by some weird saxophone player in some videos on YouTube that you thought were funny. They were funny. Here is the poem.
The pure, the bright, the beautiful
That stirred our hearts in youth,
The streams of love and truth,
The longing after something lost,
The spirit's yearning cry,
The striving after better hopes--
These things can never die.
The timid hand stretched forth to aid
A brother in his need,
A kindly word in grief's dark hour
That proves a friend indeed;
The plea for mercy softly breathed,
When justice threatens high,
The sorrow of a contrite heart--
These things shall never die.
Let nothing pass for every hand
Must find some work to do,
Lost not a chance to waken love,
Be firm and just and true.
So shall a light that cannot fade
Beam on them from on high,
And angel voices say to thee--
These things will never die.
About an hour after I wrote the poem down, the actual song came on Pandora. Right after that, the George Michael song Careless Whisper which reminded me of the George Michael quote I just wrote about earlier and I just remembered now how that song was played by some weird saxophone player in some videos on YouTube that you thought were funny. They were funny. Here is the poem.
The pure, the bright, the beautiful
That stirred our hearts in youth,
The streams of love and truth,
The longing after something lost,
The spirit's yearning cry,
The striving after better hopes--
These things can never die.
The timid hand stretched forth to aid
A brother in his need,
A kindly word in grief's dark hour
That proves a friend indeed;
The plea for mercy softly breathed,
When justice threatens high,
The sorrow of a contrite heart--
These things shall never die.
Let nothing pass for every hand
Must find some work to do,
Lost not a chance to waken love,
Be firm and just and true.
So shall a light that cannot fade
Beam on them from on high,
And angel voices say to thee--
These things will never die.
In the news and a plastic "H"
This has happened twice this week and I love it.
I check annarbor.com several times a day and this week there was a story about the former head of the CIA whose name is Michael Hayden. I read the article and it was awesome seeing the name "Hayden" over and over again. That has never happened before that I noticed.
It happened again today though. There was a headline in sports about the Lions signing a player named D.J. Hayden.
If you had something to do with that, thanks.
Thanks too for the little plastic "H" I found outside the other night after the windstorm. I let the dog out pretty late and I just happened to look at there and that little "H" was lying on the ground for me. Love you!
I check annarbor.com several times a day and this week there was a story about the former head of the CIA whose name is Michael Hayden. I read the article and it was awesome seeing the name "Hayden" over and over again. That has never happened before that I noticed.
It happened again today though. There was a headline in sports about the Lions signing a player named D.J. Hayden.
If you had something to do with that, thanks.
Thanks too for the little plastic "H" I found outside the other night after the windstorm. I let the dog out pretty late and I just happened to look at there and that little "H" was lying on the ground for me. Love you!
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