One-year anniversary approaching

As the one-year anniversary approaches this weekend, I really didn't know what to expect when I thought about it. On one hand I was thinking like, what's the big deal, it's not like you can die again. I have been here for the 364 days since we lost you, what's the big deal about the 365th day, etc. (Apparently, there is no "other hand").

I realized yesterday though when I was in Dollar General and saw a Halloween display and realized it bothered me, that the significance of this time is recognizing the same events/activities going on now that were going on when we lost you. It was such a blur then and now there is some distance and clarity available to comprehend these things.

One thing that stood out was the Pep Rally uptown. This was going on the day of your accident last year. Hope and I had discussed going earlier in the week possibly. Turns out we ended up in the hospital the whole day and Ken Gilmore said a prayer for you and our family that night. (I didn't care about going/missing it-just wanted to clarify). That was last night for this year's pep rally.

Something else was Summerfest last weekend, because I know you and the kids went Friday night last year and we all went Saturday afternoon for the chicken dinner and that was the night that you and Hope went to the Mudhens game. Other things that are coming to mind are back-to-school stuff (Nance said this was stressing Jake out right now too), that's all I could think of actually. I have to stop doing that with my lead-ins. Oh yeah-Carter's football season, the boys' water polo season are a few other examples. Things that we participated in at the time last year but weren't even really "there" for-just going through the motions and trying to survive the tremendous blow we had just been given. The "new" normal.

As expected, this experience will be most unexpected as grief often plays out. It makes me a little annoyed with Pastor when he said not to make a big deal about the day when I didn't even know until recently what I was dealing with. If I don't know, how would he? And that's fine if he doesn't, but please respect whatever we tell you we are going through. The people issues that have come up since your accident have almost been more difficult to deal with than losing you. Now that is a tragedy all its own.