There has been a lot of speculation, naturally, about why or how you crossed the center line on Wagner Rd. that caused your crash and ultimately your death. The police were unable to pinpoint exactly what happened, as I suspected. The phone records don't show any internet activity, texting or calling was going on anywhere near the time of the accident. Dad said you woke up that morning and said you had slept well so falling asleep at the wheel didn't sound right. Some think that you were changing a song on your phone which wouldn't have shown up on your phone activity. There are probably hundreds of things that you could have been doing. Jake Diuble thinks you could have even just sneezed and drifted towards the center. Others think that maybe an animal crossed your path that you tried to avoid, the list can go on and on as I said.
Last night in the support group at Ele's Place, the facilitator brought up the subject of closure and "having closure", etc. with what has happened. Nobody in the group said this made any sense or fit in what has happened with their loss of their child. I made a comment that we never found out for sure why you crossed the center line, and wondered if knowing would give us "closure." I don't think so. It doesn't change what happened and what the outcome was. Of course, I'm glad that alcohol or drugs wasn't a factor. I'm glad that there wasn't a record of you being on your phone at the exact time of the accident so you wouldn't be added into the statistics of all of the teens that text while driving and get in an accident.
Back to the group-one of the dads said that with their special needs daughter who died, there were a few things that could have caused her death. He's a doctor and he recommended just picking one thing that you believe it was and maybe the possible cause of death that you feel the most at peace with. I might want to elaborate on this more later, but I would like to think that God just took you at that moment. It makes me think of those bumper stickers that say something like "Warning-In case of Rapture, this car will be unmanned." That was part of His plan since the day you were conceived, my dear. He took your soul up to Heaven with Him, leaving behind your body behind to crash into that truck. There had to be an explanation though for us here-your car had to drift to the left, not to the right. It had to be where there was a hill so the truck couldn't veer out of the way. It had to be a truck to do the damage it did to your little car. And then God in his abundant love left your organs intact and let your body be revived at the scene so your perfectly healthy organs could be given to others. Any other scenario could have left you on life support indefinitely, in a wheelchair, etc. which God didn't want for you. He knew you would've wanted your life back exactly how it was or nothing at all. To die with dignity instead of living as just a fraction of what you were.
I would compare this to the story of Enoch who never died-whom God just took up with Him into the clouds and Elijah who went straight to Heaven in a chariot of fire. I am not saying you were as good as them or as faithful (sorry-have to be truthful), but I'm sure that's how it happens for lots of believers. When God is ready for you, He takes you. It doesn't have to make sense how it happened to us left on earth, God owes us no explanations. Ever. Some people have a stroke that comes out of nowhere. Some people slip in the shower and hit their head weird and die. Some people get hit in a minivan and the rest of their family is ok and only they die. "Freak accidents" that defy explanation happen all of the time-where the timing of this or that is just "right" (or "wrong") and could never happen that way again even if someone tried to recreate it.
Why do so many people focus on "why" anyway? Would any explanation help or make the pain of losing you any less? What answer would satisfy? Nothing! Here is your answer, "God decided it was time and we need to trust that." We didn't question God's decision to create you and to make you so wonderful. We didn't question why you were placed in our family to love, raise and enjoy. Like Job said, (and this is paraphrased greatly), will we accept good from the Lord and not bad? I found the passage: It's Job 2:10 and he is speaking to his wife I believe: "You are talking like a foolish woman. Should we accept good from God, and not trouble?" (I am going to check some of the conversation beforehand). And the thing with things that seem "bad" or "trouble" from God end up being good or for our good. Do we not think God knows what He is doing?
I think contemplating "why" makes it harder. For one thing, you will never find out why, at least not here. It also makes it seem like God owes you an explanation. Who are we to question God? Even in Heaven, people say the first thing they are going to ask God, is why this or why that. How rude! He is the Creator of the universe! Who are we to march up to Him in his face and demand answers? I think that attitude is making it harder for Dad to deal with this. He's taking it as a personal attack on him or you or something. He's so caught up in his own pain, that he is unavailable to the rest of us. It's a shame.
At one point and even now, I feel honored that God used you in this way. If he took someone in that way who was a jerk or not saved, what difference would it make to the world and to Heaven? He used this as an opportunity for ministry, for our little church and our pastor to use it as a ministry to bring a ton of people to Christ. He used it to heal wounds in our family like with Grammy and everyone. He used it to bring people together in the Saline community, like the water polo team and the swim team. To make people realize it is stupid to hold grudges-that it just wastes time and energy. And that nobody knows how much time they have on this earth and they have to be prepared for what comes next.
To quote from something on the Chadtough website: "So here while our hearts break we have to believe Our God, He know what He's doing. Everything is always, always about God."
Side note about Job: In Chapter 2, Job is afflicted with painful sores from head to toe after another conversation that God and Satan had regarding Job's faithfulness. By now, Job had lost his children and all of his wealth but Satan said that Job would surely turn his back on God if his own body was afflicted. After this happened, Job's wife said, "Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!" And that's when Job said what he did in 2:10.
Addendum: I am not sure what I think about this explanation the more that I have thought about it. Any regular type of thing could have happened to make you drift across the center line. I would like to think though that when God saw this happening, that he decided to take you right then and there and you didn't even feel or know what happened and just went right into His presence. This ties in a little bit to what the witness at the scene said, Susie Fay, who said she felt so much love in and around your car and that it felt surrounded by angels. (I'm going to double check her exact wording on that). (I checked-this is pretty much what she said).
Anyway, as I think I have said before, there are so many other ways that this could have ended up. If in truth, you were texting and driving, that is breaking the law and there could have been punishment for that. You could have hurt the other driver even more or even killed him. There could have been other injuries you had that were worse like your spleen or your broken legs. What if you never walked again? Let alone your brain injury. I know, know, know that you wouldn't have wanted to start all over with learning EVERYTHING if that was the case. I also just read about another "Hayden Strong" story (came across it on Facebook when I was trying to track down the Hayden T-shirts through Kings of Merch) who was in an auto accident and had to have both of his legs amputated. Everyone thinks death is the worst possible outcome, but how about a lifetime of suffering?
Yes, my sweet boy, even though some may say, "Where was God at this time?", He was definitely there. He is a good God and protects us from harm in His own way. Praise God! Thank you for taking care of my sweet boy!
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