Hold things in

 From Dean Blankfield

Avoidant attachers do hold things in to avoid 

conflict or emotional discomfort.

Many grew up in environments where expressing

emotion led to shame, rejection, or chaos.

So their nervous system equates honesty,

especially emotional honesty,

with threat.

When they feel pressured, uncertain, or

uncomfortable, they suppress it to keep the

peace. They fear that expressing their needs or

doubts will create emotional intensity they cannot

regulate or that will upset their partner.

This suppression builds internal tension. Over

time, that tension turns into emotional exhaustion,

resentment, and detachment.

When they finally reach their limit, the only way

their system knows how to release that pressure is 

to withdraw or end the relationship.

And the tragic irony is that in trying to avoid

hurting their partner, they end up doing far more

damage through silence and abrupt disconnection.

Healing for avoidant attachers begins with learning

to stay present in discomfort instead of escaping

it. It means practicing small moments of honesty

even when their body wants to shut down. It 

means trusting that truth creates safety, not chaos.

And over time, each moment of honest expression

teaches the body that closeness is something 

they can survive and eventually trust.

Avoidant attachers hold everything in to 

avoid conflict or hurting the person they

care about. They bottle up their 

discomfort, doubts, and fears to 

keep the peace. 

But that silence builds pressure until their

only escape is to leave.

And in trying not to hurt the person they love,

they end up breaking them instead.