Blessed

I was talking to Kimmy at dinner last week, and she was pointing out how when you go against God's laws and do what you want, He may not bless you or you can't expect Him to and that you may even be punished.

I don't think that God punishes and I know that sin has its own consequences. But if you look at my marriage now, has God blessed it? It's been horrible from the start. Is that some indicator of something since God has not blessed my marriage?

Bill said something bothersome last night-he said he admitted that he was mad at God for not helping us with our marriage, despite his years of prayers. What does that mean? Is God not hearing his prayers? Does God hear them and not answer them? Isn't it the same when someone is ill and people keep praying for healing, but it doesn't come? I always come back to Chuck Cartwright. He's not going to get any better. People prayed for Hayden and he still died.

In the case of our marriage, Bill is screwing up. You can't just do whatever you want and then pray about something and have it be different. Marriage is such a unique situation in that there are two people involved and that the actions of one impact the other. Someone can be a great person and a great spouse, but if the other person doesn't see it or they're bad, the marriage is not going to be good. And then you're responsible for this commitment you made to the other person. If they take advantage of it, they can act however they want and the spouse has to put up with it.

What else in life does that ever work-where you can do whatever you want, act however you want and there are no consequences?  I mean, there are consequences-an unhappy spouse and a bad marriage, but there seems to be no way out of it. You're "stuck" because you said you wouldn't leave. No matter what? That's not fair for one spouse to take advantage of that and make you do this, and make you do that, not because you want to. Why would you want to hold someone hostage?

An analogy could be a job. What if you had a job that you could never be fired from? Then you could do whatever you wanted, maybe not even do the work because there is no threat of being fired. That wouldn't make sense. That would probably never happen. You and the employer "agree" to certain things, but if that doesn't happen, employment ends. I don't think God set up marriage as an excuse to abuse.

On the subject of blessed, one of my kids died. We have been constantly plagued by financial problems. Add that to the horrible marriage, and what does that look like? I know I have many blessings, the greatest of which is salvation and my children, but overall...? It's a struggle. I know everyone struggles, but the struggle is normal for us. Inconsistent or nonexistent income, death of a child, marital heartache. Has God blessed this union? Is He trying to but we keep getting in the way?  I don't know.

Are we called to suffer for Christ? Ben also mentioned that in his email to Bill. I know that we can never outdo Christ in suffering, but is that what He wants for us? I know we can grow a lot through suffering, but is that our purpose? I think it's more than that.