Now and then

From Flying Free FB page

Now and then I talk to abuse victims who decided to stay despite active and unrepentant abuse, instead of leaving or setting healthy boundaries. Maybe the abusive party said "sorry" and cried. Maybe they tried really hard to "be nice" for an extended period of time. Sometimes, usually if their abuser's cycle is currently in an upswing and things seem to be "on the mend", I hear them talk about how their staying has "saved" the other person, believing that this absence of consequential boundaries will ultimately save another person from sin.

It sounds tragically romantic in a film script..."Self-sacrificing spouse submitted quietly amid patterns of abuse/adultery/appalling behaviors for X number of decades, and then magically everything changes."

Except that's not biblical, it's self-aggrandizing. And in real life, it just means the victim lives with a lifetime of being beaten, torn down, assaulted by words or fists or both.

That's not allowing God to transform a rebellious and abusive heart, it's standing as a buffer between the spouse and their consequences.

That's not encouraging gospel transformation, it's preventing the abuser's ultimate dependence on God. That's not living in wholeness, it's modeling an apathetic acceptance of dysfunction and raising children to expect abuse as "normal."

That's not how God defines loving others well. And it isn't the scriptural formula for inspiring abusers to embrace humble change.