This weekend was super crazy. We were stuck in East Lansing all day on Saturday for Hope's state tournament. It was fine, I just wish we knew ahead of time what the game schedule was. I don't know if we could have done anything differently since we are down one vehicle, but maybe we could have been mentally prepared for it.
Anyway, on the way home, it was pouring rain and the van was acting up as it doesn't like rain. It felt like it was chugging and having a hard time running and I was complaining because I couldn't understand why we could be having problems with both cars at the same time. We did make it home just fine and the van has been fine since it dried out.
I can't remember how this came about, but I was discussing with Dad the different issues with the cars and so forth and he basically said that he thinks that this is our lot in life-financial problems, marriage problems, losing you, etc. (I think we were discussing this on the way home and continued the conversation when we got home).
Basically Dad thinks we have it the hardest of anyone we know with all our problems and says he doesn't "love the struggle." There is so much wrong with that way of thinking. First of all, how can you even compare what we have gone through with anyone else and "rate" suffering?
Secondly, we are not owed a good life. I don't think though that God tags people and keeps them down. There are so many people in this world who are outrageously successful and they have nothing to do with God. I don't think success is a reward from God. We can thank God for if it happens, but it rains on the just and unjust, etc. What about the Carr family? Everything seems to be going great for them and they lost Chad.
Also, I don't know if he realizes how poor decisions can come into play with some of these problems. Poor decisions like job-hopping, not being wise with money, etc. As for marriage and family problems, how about not being nice, always being negative about things, trying to control everything, never thinking he's wrong, etc.
Something I have realized recently is that our lives are not about ourselves and our comfort, ease, pleasure, etc. Our lives as Christians are about God and what He wants and desires for our lives. Having a cushy, pain-free life never did anyone any good, because calamities are going to come along, guaranteed. Might as well be prepared for them. This is how the world is. But God can bring good out of the bad if we view it that way and don't just sit around and feel sorry for ourselves.
One more thing-that's ungrateful to discount all of the blessings we do have. We have had relatively few problems with our house in the past 15 years. We have three beautiful children, two of whom are still with us on this earth. We both have jobs, health insurance, decent health, the list can go on and on. A great church, A GREAT GOD WHO SAVED US FROM OUR SINS (which is the best of all), anyway-you get my point. What is the point of going through life living as though you're doomed? That doesn't help anybody. It actually hurts yourself and impedes progress.
Some of the issues that Dad has are not going to resolve on their own. I don't know how to deal with them, but I am sick of him making bad situations worse with his mean comments and cut-downs. It did help me to realize the other day that a lot of my unhappiness comes from him. The things that bother me most (aside from missing you, of course) are our marriage problems and financial problems which he has a huge part in. I don't know what I can do with that information, but it helps me to realize that for some reason.
Thanks for listening! Love you BOY!
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