Nobody can help me

The more I talk to my parents and other people about "things", the more I realize that no one is equipped to help me with my problem of losing Hayden. My dad is pretty much unapproachable about the subject. I was talking to my mom about it yesterday and she said "I guess I didn't pray hard enough for a miracle." I said, "I don't think that's how it works or nobody would die." She agreed with that, but that's scary that she had that thought in the first place.

Pastor doesn't know how to help my aching soul. He refers to his grandma dying, but that is nothing like losing a child. He has a lot of book knowledge about the topic, but I think this caught him off guard too. Bill is not helpful to me at all.

Nance is helpful in that we experience the same feelings, but she still has all three of her children. The only person who I can say has been really helpful who hasn't lost a child is Rod. He lost his dad and he was bold enough to come right up and sit with me at the football thing and talk to me about his experiences and how important it is to take one day a time. That's very simple advice, but is a good reminder otherwise it's easy to get overwhelmed with everything I will miss without Hayden here, etc.

Of course, the other mothers who have lost children are very helpful, namely, Jeanette Brenner and Mary Ledford. There are still some things though that I have told them that they didn't know. Ele's Place is ok, but most of the stuff we talk about there makes me cry even more. I know I have a good, good Father who knows all and helps me through anything and everything, but I sometimes wish for someone else on this earth who could be there for me and be some sort of mentor or support who can tell me ways of looking at this that I have never thought of, from their own experience or just because they are really insightful and caring. Maybe that will come if I can track down some kind of Christian grief counselor. Lord, please help me with this! Give Hayden a kiss for me please!

Almost forgot-Todd Borek has been a great deal of help when I see him.