Let her go

You have to stop being selfish, and let that woman be happy somewhere else. If you've been her main source of pain, and she's trying her best to leave or move on, stop trying to pull her back in, just because YOU'RE not ready to let HER and that convenience go. Your biggest fear is her REALIZING that she CAN do better and that she'll find someone who's going to do all the s... you should've done. Then she'll forget about YOU.