"I don't"

I got this book a while ago, but decided to re-read it since more of it applies now. The title of it is, When "I Do"Becomes "I Don't". It's by Laura Petherbridge.

The format of the book was mostly people asking questions and the author giving answers. Here are some thoughts that stood out to me. I have some other notes in the UM notebook too.

True repentance
Your husband's demanding attitude reflects a lack of true repentance...restoration has to begin with repentance. Someone who recognizes the magnitude of his offense is remorseful, humble, and sorrowful. If your husband was repentant, he'd be willing to accept consequences and work to regain your trust and prove he has changed.
  Repentance is the pivotal word in this situation. What does a truly repentant person look like? Let's use a different scenario to illustrate. Imagine my employer catches me stealing money. I'm sorry for the offense. I beg for a second chance, and he gives me one. Would you expect this employer to instantly trust me again with his bankbook or the combination to his safe? No, I would need to earn his trust again. Because of my poor choice, I must now demonstrate that I can be trusted. My dishonest behavior has put me in a position to prove, over a period of time, that I am sorry and can be honorable. To make urgent demands of my employer or become angry at his request is ludicrous.
   When a person breaks the marriage covenant and then uses control or demands immediate restitution, this reveals his or her true heart. A person who comprehends the magnitude of his offense is remorseful, humble, and sorrowful. A repentant hearts says things such as, "I know what I've done has made it hard for you to believe my words. I have destroyed the marriage vows, and my sinful choice has shattered your heart and dreams. I understand there are painful consequences to what I've done. I won't pressure you, but if you are willing to let me prove to you that I am truly sorry, I'll do whatever it takes."

Tolerating abuse
Your motive was right, but your method was wrong. Tolerating abuse isn't love. It's actually the opposite of love to allow an abuser to continue destructive behavior.
   When we love someone, we set healthy boundaries that allow the person to be responsible for his or her actions. By letting your husband continue to abuse you without consequences, you were helping to destroy the relationship. A strong marriage is built on trust, accountability, and unselfishness--not on enabling, manipulation, and control.

Forgiveness
...it's hard to fathom forgiving someone who inflicted a soul-deep wound. An unwillingness to forgive is often based on a misunderstanding of the word.
   Forgiveness doesn't mean pretending the offense didn't happen or was insignificant. The church has done a poor job explaining the difference between forgiveness and enabling. Many people assume that when you forgive it means the offending person should instantly be trusted or a relationship quickly resumed. It means you're willing to let go of the resentment and the desire to seek revenge. You give the offender and the circumstance over to God and lay them at the foot of the cross. You take your hands off and pray.

Reconciliation
In a noble attempt to preserve marriage, many family members, friends, and church leaders try to rush a separated couple into reuniting too quickly. However, until the toxic issues wreaking havoc in your home are resolved, reconciliation won't work.

"Protecting" the kids
You'll need to prove that your children are in danger and have evidences that exposing your child to atheistic or anti-Christian beliefs is harming them. Most courts won't even consider such a case.

Things people say
...I'm still flabbergasted by the things people say and do to those who are divorcing. Imagine you've just had open-heart surgery. A friend comes to visit and, upon approaching your bedside, gives you a hearty punch in the chest. Is this likely to happen? No, probably not. But that's exactly what people do to someone who's had a divorce. Their hurtful words and actions other people often inflict cause more heartache than the divorce itself. (skipped short paragraph in between)
  Why do people say and do hurtful things? It could be from ignorance, a need to fill the awkward silence, guilt, and fear of suffering the same pain. Or it could be insensitivity, tongues that move faster than brains, foolishness, a desire to preach, an inclination to hurt others, stupidity, or revenge.
   The bottom line is not everyone is going to be helpful, kind, or gentle with your wound, including Christians. The way to protect yourself is to lower your expectations and prepare for those who might not respond the way you wish they would.

Dear God,
No one seems to understand my pain. The reactions I'm receiving from people, even those who are supposed to love and support me, are hurtful. Lord, I need Your wisdom in how to respond. Show me if there are relationships I need to sever or put on hold. Help me to recognize that my friends may avoid me because they don't understand this pain. I need to accept that not everyone is going to be kind or helpful. Guide me to new friends who can help me walk through this season of life. Lord, You are acquainted with rejection; therefore, You know how to respond. Show me how to pray for those who have hurt me. Teach me how to forgive. I need You.

Thank You, Jesus, for never leaving me. Amen.

Give him a chance
Children of all ages hold out hope that their parents will reunite. However, your son's response tells me he's also struggling with abandonment. The teen years are hard enough without added anger, fear, and loss. Your child needs you, not your new boyfriend, even if this man is the greatest. Your child senses the danger of losing you. He needs your undivided attention and listening ear. Even though he may push you away as if you were a leper, your role as the stable parent is to stay available. He wants and deserves the assurance that, after God, he's the highest priority in your life. He won't be persuaded with words but actions.
   Try dating this man when your son is busy with friends or at his dad's place. If your son needs a healthy male influence, find a family at church where the dad is willing to pour some time and compassion into your son's life. This is less intimidating to the boy because there's no threat of this man taking away his mother. This friend may be able to help ease your son's fears about someday having a stepdad.
   Be careful not to make your son feel guilty because he isn't ready for your new relationship. And don't portray yourself as the martyr. In time, your son will mature and will feel more secure, and then you can attempt to reintroduce him to your boyfriend. It's a slow process that shouldn't be rushed.

When God says no
When God says no, it's for our good...Pastor Kevin Myers of Crossroads Community Church in Lawrenceville, Georgia, says, "As soon as you learn that obedience is gold, it's never too heavy." In other words, once we understand that God's commands are a priceless treasure and keep us from injury, we will embrace them..
   ...sex within marriage is delightful, but outside of marriage it causes decay. And the first relationship to disintegrate will be the most precious of all-the one with God.