Two systems

 From Dean Blankfield

The avoidant attacher lives with two systems fighting inside them.

One part craves closeness, the other sees it as danger.

Their body is wired to want connection, but their nervous system links it to loss of control.

When love feels real, anxiety and shame kick in.

Their body reads intimacy as threat, so they shut down or pull away.

They miss people when they're gone, but feel smothered when they return.

They swing between longing and fear, never fully at rest.

They regulate through distance because closeness feels too intense.

Pulling away gives short term relief but brings deep loneliness after.

They hold tight to independence to avoid feeling weak or exposed.

Underneath, there's still a quiet ache to be close to someone safe.

They want to be understood, but vulnerability feels too risky.

Their mind says they want connection, their body says it's unsafe.

They keep chasing calm through control, never realizing safety comes from connection.

Until they retrain their body to feel safe in closeness, love will always feel like too much.

The avoidant attacher lives with constant inner conflict.

They want love but get overwhelmed when it shows up.

They miss people but feel trapped when things get close.

They crave connection but need space to breathe.

They pull away to feel safe, then feel lonely once they do.

They tell themselves they're fine alone, but deep down they're not.

They want someone to understand them, yet shut down when someone tries.

Their mind says they want closeness, their body says run.

They keep searching for calm while running from the very thing that brings it.

Until they deal with that fear, love will never feel safe.