Up North

Whoa-the title itself just says so much. I am a little behind on this, but I'll try to catch up.

I guess I'll start when Dad got back from Orlando. That reminds me-I pretty much talked/texted K the whole weekend because I was alone. It was so fun. It was actually amazing. That is almost an understatement.

Back to Dad getting back. We were discussing having a joint session with Dave the counselor. Dad made a mistake with this and thought it meant there was some hope for our marriage. I mainly wanted the joint session so Dave could tell Dad that he can't save the marriage on his own-it has to be both of us. When Dad found this out (not the detail part of it) he basically wanted to give up and said I have the ability to divorce him without his consent and to just go ahead with it.

We started discussing a divorce in a rational manner, trying to figure out logistics, etc. We were even suggesting other people we could date. Ironically enough, Dad said I should date K. I don't remember when I had this discussion with K, but I wrote something out to tell him about the divorce and how Dad even said I should date him. (I might have written about it. I'm going to check. Just did-it's called "There." I also mentioned some of the above in that post. Oh well.) Side note-Dad was still willing to go Up North.

I'm trying to think of which night was which. I think it was Monday of that week because we had to go pick up Chelsea's car from the Bushes'. I had written the thing out for K. and then came back to the office after getting the car because I still needed to place the Sunday School order before I left town. That's when I called him and read "There".

The next night, Tuesday night, Dad was in a weird mood and got up and left. I took the opportunity to call K and partway through the phone call, K said the Dad was texting him. I remember this distinctly, before K hung up with me, he told me that "everything was going to be ok." Bottom line is, Dad told him that he knew we had been texting since we got back from Florida. I didn't know how much he knew or how he even knew. Trying to think now. He came home and he was super mad and said he wasn't going Up North. And then he said he wanted to call Grandma Joonie and the kids to tell them why he wasn't coming Up North-because of what he found out about me and K. (By the way, K denied having any feelings for me and that I misunderstood the friendship/relationship). I begged him not to call and was trying to convince him to just come Up North anyway. He insisted and we had a horrible conversation via speaker phone and upset all of them. This is the first the kids had heard of what was going on with me and K and it killed me for them to find out that way. They were all very mad that Dad called because they were having a nice vacation. During the phone call, my mom told Dad he shouldn't have called and asked him how he was going to get me Up North. She basically was telling him it was his responsibility to get me up there. I was thankful and proud of her for doing that for me. She also told him that we had problems before K and that it wasn't K's fault. Dad finally agreed to go Up North.

After all this, I wanted to call K. I just wanted to talk to him myself and clear the air if there were any misunderstandings. I just told Dad I was calling K and went into Carter's room and shut the door. It was kind of funny-I kept laughing about it. We had an amazing conversation. It was much longer than I thought it would be and he kept thinking of more things to talk about. At the end of the conversation, I asked him if I got a divorce if he would consider dating me. He said in a really cute voice, "I don't know." And then I said, "That wasn't a no!" It was cute. He told me that the person he had dated before his accident had been married the whole time and wasn't going to get a divorce. That explained to me why he was ok with texting me and not being weird about it being at weird times, etc. and having to hang up quickly sometimes. (He also said she and her kids stayed with him after his accident and that it was hard when they broke up because he never saw the kids again).

It was about midnight by then, and Dad and I were both jazzed up so we decided to leave for Up North when we were done packing. We left town at 2 am. It was a very awkward ride and Dad looked like he was going to explode. I was afraid to fall asleep because I didn't want him to fall asleep. He went from being kind of friendly to really angry the whole trip. I tried to stand my ground. He broke me down though when we were in Houghton. That stunk because then I was crying right before we saw the kids. We got to the Kamp at 12:30 pm. At some point, he banned me from talking to or texting K or he would spill the beans to church people early and ruin my chances of helping with Jon and Janette's wedding.

When we first got to the Kamp, I joked with the kids about how mom's a slut or how I had a boyfriend. Carter brushed it off, but Hope was so mad at me. That hurt. She didn't want to talk about it for a while. We finally worked it out after a while-I told her that I would stop liking him if she wanted me to and that she was more important to me than any man.

We were bickering on and off the rest of Wednesday. I was still sticking to the divorce and even contacted Kaisa about how she was able to file the papers. Dad and I went to bed angry that night. Thursday morning, I woke up to this unbelievable group text that Dad had sent out overnight to my mom, sisters, K, and the Wonderstruck ladies. I was horrified! He was basically pleading for them to pray for me not to go ahead with the divorce. I was livid! He didn't include his family on the text because they didn't know what was going on at all. At that point, he went inside the Kamp and I stayed in the bunkhouse. I wanted to call K and try to explain what was going on. He and I had a nice conversation. He's so understanding.

I went in the Kamp and everyone was sitting in the living room. Hope was mad at me that I was talking to K while I was supposed to be on my vacation with them. I basically went into the room and announced that K and I were just friends. After that, we had a family discussion that my mom lead to try to break down the problems Dad had been causing. He basically denied everything and kept pointing the finger at everyone else. My mom broke him down though and the kids shared a lot of things and I shared a lot of things, especially from the time of your accident. I surprised myself at how much anger and pain I still had about how I was treated at that time. After a while, Dad kind of broke down and asked if I would hold out on the divorce. I agreed at the time not to rush it when we got back to town, and everyone was relieved.

The rest of that day was weird. It was rainy so I hung out in the bunkhouse. That was where "so nice" came about. I talked to K a few more times on the phone-he was trying to help me figure out the clock radio. It was cute. We all went to eat and then we stopped at the store after. I kept feeling that Dad was smothering me though-he wouldn't leave me alone in the store, etc. I confessed to Hope that I was worried because I wasn't used to him being nice to me. I started getting really sad that the past 20 years didn't have to be as bad as they were if he was capable at that time of behaving better. We went to bed pretty angry again. (I was exhausted by the way because this was 2 nights in a row with no sleep. A third night in a row was to come).

Dad woke me up in the middle of the night all upset. He told me that the Lord revealed to him how horribly he had treated me over our entire marriage. It was hard to believe him at first, but all of the words he was saying were things that I knew had been happening all along. He said that I had done nothing wrong and that it was all him. He even said he would tell that to Pastor. We fell asleep for a little bit and thought we would wake up to see the sunrise, but slept through it.

Friday morning, we went into the Kamp and told my mom and Hope (after Annette left).Hope couldn't stop smiling. It was so cute. Then we told Carter when he woke up. We actually had the most perfect day together (all of us). We went to Copper Harbor for the day and had a lot of laughs in the car. That one day I thought, and have told many people, made up for a lot of bad years. I even thought to compare it to how one second in Heaven will wipe away all of the pain we experienced on earth. (I shared that thought with Pastor too.)

Everything went fine since then and we had a great ride home together, all 12 hours of it. There is more to tell from this week, but that's what happened Up North.

(Sidebar-on the way home we stopped at Touch of Finland and saw a portable sauna set up. It was so nice. We're planning on getting one at the end of the year. I would never have considered it if Dad and I weren't getting along. Praise God!)

Second sidebar-I told Dad I couldn't promise how everything would turn out after this. I still don't. Now that we're home, there have been some rough days. It doesn't help that this is your anniversary week either. Love you so much sweet boy!