Another accident

I just finished writing in one of my last posts about how unusual it is for someone to die in a car accident. Well, it happened to someone else. Someone you graduated with-Jacob R. It happened at two o'clock on a sunny Sunday afternoon, at the intersection of Bemis and Moon. A road we travel often-a road we traveled twice on, to church and back, that very day.

J. was heading southbound on Moon. The drunk driver was heading east on Bemis. ( I am sure that all of my directions are messed up). J. stopped at the stop sign and continued to go. The drunk driver didn't stop and crashed right into the driver's side of J.'s car. J. was killed instantly. His passengers were taken to the hospital in critical condition but were upgraded to stable, and I think one of them has been released.

I felt compelled to reach out to his parents. I haven't felt that before, with other kids' deaths since yours. I think I did with this one because he graduated with you and because it was a car accident. He was one of your friends on Facebook along with Jacob A., Jake D., Robby C., Enrico, etc. also.

I was scared to go. I didn't want them to get the wrong idea-like we were trying to get attention again or get more sympathy for your loss. I was more scared not to go though-not to reach out, not to help.

Dad and I decided to go over my lunch hour so it wouldn't interfere with dinner at Grandma's. Plus I didn't want her to know I was going in case she wanted to go too. She was acting weird about everything, like she was at the time of your accident. I can talk about that later.

Anyway, I was petrified to go. There were a lot of things I was afraid of-like what if they don't know who we are (they didn't at first), what if it didn't go well overall, etc. Well, it went really well. We had to figure out who his parents were at first. The visitation started at 1 and we were there shortly after, so it was a good time to go. We had to wait for someone else to talk to them first, but when we went up to them and told them who we were, the mom said she remembered reading about your accident at that time. She remembered her son mentioning it too.

He looked fine. I should have asked where his injuries were. It's weird how normal all of that seemed to me. Even though you don't want that to be your normal-it is. It's our normal. It's part of our story and your story. It's not normal for most people to be at a funeral home for their teenage son. It is for us though. It is for them. (I feel the need to look up the definition of normal. Be right back). Here it is (not too riveting): conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected; the usual, average, or typical state or condition.

Ok, not too helpful on the definition of normal. It's not usual for people to be at their son's visitation and funeral. It's not expected. But if it happens to you, does that make it normal? (I was going to do a separate post for "my normal"-still might). It's never expected. It doesn't really conform to a standard. Who's making the standard though? Are we? By what we've experienced? Then normal is very subjective.

What if someone experienced a lot of death as a child-like their parents or something? Then, if they lost a child, being in a funeral home might seem normal to them. If normal is usual, does that mean you're used to it? You've gone through it before?

Interesting-something to definitely think about. Because everyone's "normal" is different. For some people, it's "normal" for them to eat dinner at 5:00. For some people, it's "normal" for them to eat at 9:00. It depends on what you're used to, your "standard". There are general principles of "normal" I suppose. Like it would be weird to eat dinner at breakfast time for example. These are kind of stupid examples, but I'm just trying to figure it out. Definitely worth it's own post.

Anyway, it was nice talking to J.'s parents. We all hugged each other and when I hugged the dad, he started sobbing and wouldn't let go which made me start crying. Maybe he just needed someone else's strength. His wife didn't have any-probably no one else in that room had any to give him. Of course, Dad went overboard and I thought he talked too much about you. I wanted to make sure they knew we weren't trying to compare experiences, that we were there for them and him. I told him that later. You and J. did have a lot of similarities though-how fun you were, how you made friends with everyone. It was hard not to say something, but I felt it had to be about J., not you.

Right before we left, I was trying to catch up on my Bible reading. At like 12:50 pm (I get my lunch at 1), I read Psalm 46 which was not only very encouraging, but mentioned the God of Jacob two times. I printed that out for his parents and wrote our contact information for them on the bottom of that sheet. I think that I came across that today for a reason. Hopefully it's a comfort to them. I will include that on a post.

Anyway, I'm glad we went. Hopefully we can be of help to them. We have to be a comfort to others as we have been helped and comforted. I should look up that verse so I make sure I paraphrased it right. Love you!