Daily dependence

I have been stressing out about how the savings account just dwindles and dwindles. I opened it after I got my bonus to save some of it from Dad's crazy spending, but he's had two months without good commission checks or any, so it's had to be used for many mortgage payments and other expenses that we were short on. It gave me a great sense of security to have that cushion there and has allowed me to do some fun things, like get show tickets for me and my sisters/mom. Also, it's just nice to buy things and not have to worry if I have enough money. That's the longest my bonus has ever lasted and I am proud of myself for opening that account on my own. Dad figured out it existed when he saw that half of the checking account balance had gone down, but he seemed ok with it for some reason.

Anyway, I've been fretting about the balance going down, and praying for some direction on how to handle it. Dad says we will put some back, but sometimes (or never for that matter) does that happen. It seems like he indirectly has some control over it, because of his lack of income. He doesn't even appear grateful or respectful of it either; when I bring up the fact the I have been carrying us all these months, he gets really mad about it. The only time I mention it is when he talks about buying something expensive or unnecessary.

Something that Tammi Carr posted today gave me some new insight on this issue. She posted something from Jesus Calling (a devotional book) and it was talking about how God gives us peace when we ask for it or only when we need it. The author compared it to when the Israelites were given manna in the wilderness. They were only given enough for that day and then more was to come the next day. If they tried to save it for the next day, it got moldy.

God doesn't want us to rely on ourselves and feel secure from a cushy bank account. He wants us to depend on him daily--daily dependence. I've had this thought before when I stress about money-I have enough for what I need today or now. I worry too much about making it stretch for who knows how long. I mean, of course, you can't spend like there's no tomorrow, but you should be thankful for what you have to meet your needs today. I can't worry about next month's mortgage payment already. A lot can happen between now and then. We could get more money, so many things can happen.

My thing is I don't trust Dad and his ability to make an income. It especially gets me angry when I see other people in his same position who are able to do home improvements with no problem, travel, pay cash for insurance renewals, buy RV's etc. I don't get it. His excuse is that they've been in their positions for longer periods of time. I know-that's why he shouldn't have quit everywhere! He has to start over again and again! It's ridiculous. I just wish he could make a regular steady income that we could count on and budget from. Sure, it's good when things are good, obviously, but I would almost rather take less on a steady basis to be able to predict, save, plan for the future, etc. His job makes that impossible.

I trust God in these matters, but it's Dad who worries me with his undependable income and his erratic spending. I just have to look to the Lord each day and do what I can to make wise decisions. I can't control what he does. Thank you Lord! Love you boy!