Overwhelmed

This is a quote by A.W. Tozer:

Sometimes when we get overwhelmed
We forget how big God is.

That is a good way to describe how I am feeling these days. I'm off my routine and it's hard to remember what day it is with the kids being off of school still. The holidays messed me up too with the Mondays off, I missed trash day last week which really bothered me, etc. I am surprised how much I depend on my routines.

I have also been thinking a lot about Pastor questioning my Christianity, even after I explained my position. It actually angers me. I don't know how to deal with the disappointment of basically idolizing and idealizing someone for so long who is now letting me down by doubting my beliefs. How come he always takes Dad's side? Just because he's "the man"? What about all of the things he has done and hasn't done (I'm referring to Dad)? What about all of the stuff Pastor Saxe has done? Ashley Reid? I don't think (actually I know) that Christians aren't perfect. We are still human and have the pull of the sin nature to deal with. It's a process, and people struggle with different things at different times. I know that our behavior is the only way that people can see if we are truly saved or not, but I don't think God makes it so hard for people to know they are saved or not, like people who have been "saved" time and time again. What do people do who are saved on their deathbed? There is no time for observable fruit. God knows and I know that I am saved. That doesn't mean I'm still not going to mess up.

And then Dad is trying to help more which makes me question why he hasn't helped all of these years, especially when you guys were younger. I really could have used the help then. Even him being willing to pick up the pizza last night and taking out the trash makes a big difference. It would have made a bigger difference then. Him changing his ways makes me realize that I was right all those years and how they could have been much easier if he could have just cooperated instead of fighting me every step of the way. What I needed wasn't much-just a little support. And realizing that I was right all along. That it was mostly him.