Other marriages

I don't know when this thought occurred to me-maybe after the meeting with Jennifer about how her and Jack's marriage problems stemmed from them being unequally yoked. I kept thinking that sounded like me and Dad - how I can't read the Bible around him, we have two totally different perspectives, etc. on everything. It never makes sense how two Christians could be at such odds with each other when we are supposed to be believing in the same things. Even you said that before, sweet boy.

I still think Dad is saved at a basic level. I just think we are at different levels in our sanctification. I then remembered when the Mayers told us when we were at their house for that 4th of July weekend a few years ago how they were having marital problems. How does that happen? He is definitely saved and she is the daughter of a pastor, which I know doesn't guarantee salvation, but she should be saved too-she made sure several times and I think she was even baptized more than once. What's happening there? Differences of opinion, I suppose. Not every wife is meek and mild like Naomi. Good for Matt on that one, I guess.

I also remember hearing how the Lewis' were getting counseling (from Dwayne-how does he know EVERYTHING?) Which one of them isn't saved? I think there is a problem when the husband isn't taking his wife's opinion into consideration. She has one, she is a person too. He can't always be right, right? Of course, everyone wants their own way. Maybe that's what's happening with the Mayers. He tries to control everything, but she wants some say as well. There has to be compromise still-I don't think marriage was created for the man to just give orders and the woman dutifully obeys them without question. What is the point of that? We are all still human, we make mistakes. We are not infallible. The man is not supposed to use that to his advantage to control everything. It's a misuse of power. The woman is supposed to help. It is her life too. She has a different perspective than the man. Not that she should run things, but she should be a large part of decision-making. It's like a checks- and-balances thing.

This isn't a Christian marriage, but look at the D's. She does everything he wants at the expense of other relationships. She can never go to family dinner, she can only do what he wants on the weekends, etc. Sure they have a "happy marriage" in everyone else's eyes, and Bill often uses them as the epitome of what everyone else should strive for, but does it count when only one of the spouses is happy? When there is no compromise on the man's side? When someone is given a hard time for staying out too late on a Friday night? When excuses after excuses are given for someone not coming to family events? There may be peace in their home, but is fake peace real peace? When someone just keeps their mouth shut all the time and goes along with whatever the other person wants like a doormat? When other family relationships are sacrificed for that one? I don't think that's how marriage should work either.

What about the Worrells? They seemed so happy and then they snuck off and got a divorce. Part of me understands why they did it that way-so nobody would talk them out of it. Why are we getting in trouble for asking for help? Isn't that better than doing what they did? At least I'm sticking it out or trying to. When we emailed Pastor about our plans a few months ago to end our marriage, we were chastised for hurting the church family by leaving, the pastor's family, etc. Offer me some help, please. There is something wrong here. I know the ramifications of a divorce and the affect on others. That's not what I want but what am I supposed to do? Live in misery for the rest of my days? It's hard! It's depressing and sad and discouraging and lonely. I need help! Dad needs help!

I was thinking recently about some of the things that Dad has been doing to work on our marriage, but he is just doing good deeds in general and not asking me what I would want him to do-like how to take out the trash properly, how he got that gift card for my mom which wasn't necessary, etc. It reminds me of Cain and Abel, when Abel gave his sacrifice to God but it wasn't acceptable - Abel just decided what he wanted to give, not what God asked. It's kind of like trying to do a bunch of good works to get into Heaven but not going the one way that God requires. None of the good works mean anything if you're not coming to God the right way. Dad needs to communicate with me about what he needs to do to improve our marriage and actually take the advice. He doesn't need to pay my mom back for family dinners, for example. What he did was nice in and of itself, but it makes the situation awkward, like we owe my mom something for doing that. That is a gift she gives us. He is interfering with our relationship. He barely goes anyway. (Part of me is glad that she got that money back after she had to pay the whole dinner bill from the weekend but he should have made it like making up for Christmas or something, not for the family dinners.)Once again, he doesn't know this because he refuses to include me in any decisions. It's so weird.