Meeting Ruby

As I said in a previous post, I was petrified of this meeting. It's because I had no idea what to expect. I didn't know how emotional it would be, if it would gross me out, I had no idea. I kept asking myself why were we doing this, what's the point, etc. It could have been setting myself up for a meltdown or something. When I asked Evan's mom about it, she said she felt like running away except there were cameras waiting to film the meeting. I could totally relate to her. I didn't want to cancel or change my mind though because it was all set up, even though there were several roadblocks that day with the hot water heater guy, etc.

On the drive up, I was fried after the events of the day and I kept thinking of what I wrote on my post from that day: I want out of this nightmare. I felt like I was totally on my own with my feelings, that no one could relate and I even felt that God was far away. I think because I was trying to deal with everything on my own instead of giving it over to Him.

When we got to the restaurant, they were waiting in the parking lot. We knew which vehicle was theirs because I texted her on the way since we were running late and she told me they were parked in a handicapped spot in a red truck. When we pulled up, they got out of the car. We went up to them and said hi and gave hugs. We walked into the restaurant and got a booth.

I don't remember what we started talking about right off the bat. I brought her a gift bag with Hayden bracelets, a few of your pictures and your obituary bookmark. They both put the bracelets right on. For some reason I was thinking Ruby would do most of the talking, but her husband JR was very talkative as well. I can't remember the exact order of the conversation, so I will just write down what I remembered.

They talked about how handsome you were. JR said it was almost scary how good-looking you were. One thing that stood out in the conversation is that JR said the doctors said that your liver was pristine. He said that's not a word you hear very often. That made me proud for some reason. We told them how healthy you were, how you worked out every day, watched what you ate, drank lots of water, etc.

They also told us because of Ruby's rare blood type (AB I think), she was at the bottom of the transplant list at the Cleveland Clinic because she could only accept certain blood types. I forgot what yours was (I have to look it up-just saw a white butterfly, thanks!) but it was compatible with hers. Hope told me later that you had a special type because after you gave blood once at the Red Cross, they kept bugging you about it. I think you have a Red Cross card in your wallet-I will check there. I thought it would be on your death certificate but it wasn't.

(Update-your blood type was AB positive. I texted Ruby this information and she said she is AB negative. Hope looked up blood types last night and AB is a blood type that people of any other blood type can accept but other AB's can only accept AB. That was the case with you I guess. You could have given to anyone, but you would only be able to accept AB from someone else. Apparently the positive/negative part doesn't matter. Interesting.)

I asked Ruby when she had her surgery and she said on August 23rd which was the day of your surgery. She said her surgery was at midnight and it lasted 8 hours. JR said he noticed a difference in her right away after the surgery because she was sitting up and she wasn't retaining water anymore. When I asked her what was wrong with her liver, she said she had cirrhosis, but the non-alcoholic kind. She was in a lot of pain and retained water and did not have a very good quality of life prior to the surgery. I think at one point she said there was a rejection scare but that was brought under control a few months after the surgery. They both said how strong your liver was because it's withstood all of the anti-rejection drugs. That's my boy!

We talked a lot about you and your acts of charity, etc. JR shook his head and said "Why do the good die young?" He and Ruby seem to have an amazing relationship. Good for them. (Dad threw this in my face on the way home after he yelled at me for a very stupid reason, but I will leave it at that).

They seem to have done very well for themselves. They had their own business selling RV parts, they have some rentals, etc. They kept talking about their house and JR said he was embarrassed at how big it was, but they planned ahead and made it wheelchair-accessible and have room for their kids to live there if needed. I forgot how many kids they had, but they have grandkids who are in between Hope and Carter's age. They invited us to come to their house sometime and swim. (Dad asked an awkward question if we could bring our moms along for that visit. I think it's rude to invite people to someone else's house. He's always about his mom. Hope said she overheard a phone conversation where it sounds like Grandma Elsie wanted to go to the meeting with them and Dad told her no and she was really mad. She is a piece of work. His obsession to include his mom in this almost ruined the whole experience for me. I asked him about in the car and he said he thought they would get along because they're similar in age. Is he trying to find friends for her or something? She just has to be in on everything. It's annoying. Sorry for that rant).

I think that's everything. Overall it went really well. Even though it was seemingly a very "unexciting" organ compared to the heart or lungs, it is still a part of you that is living on in someone else. Oh yeah-one more thing. At one point during dinner, Ruby said she had a question for us. She started tearing up and then we all did while we were waiting for her to ask the question. She said since the one-year anniversary of her surgery was coming up, and then she couldn't say it. I tried to help and asked if she wanted us to go somewhere with her (I was thinking she was going to ask us to go to church with her or something). Once she got it out, she asked if she could share Hayden's information on Facebook. Of course that was fine. It's funny, she ended up posting something the next day on the 11-month anniversary instead. I shared it but was surprised that I got no reactions all weekend. It was actually upsetting because I couldn't believe people wouldn't care about it. Yesterday though I posted my own picture with an explanation and got over 100 likes and some wonderful comments. I guess nobody could tell what it was from re-sharing Ruby's post. That made me feel a lot better.

Thank you for that experience and being willing to be an organ donor. Now I am not afraid about meeting anyone else in the future if the opportunity arises. And now our family has new friends in the Watts'. Love you so much!