Not a pushover

 This is from The Sun Times News. Article by Steve Gwisdalla

(Favorite part is about giving)

Be Kind, But Not a Pushover

Hello, my friends. It is the time of year we look back and reflect on a year nearly complete. For most of us, it is also the time of year we offer to help the less fortunate. Perhaps it is a food donation to a local pantry. Perhaps a little something in a red kettle next to someone ringing a bell. Whatever it may be, acts of kindness are worthy, noble, and ever-more necessary to our society.

With all that being said, it is easy to become a target for those looking for easy marks to take advantage of. The old adage of  'nice guys finish last' comes to mind, but it is more than that. Nice can be faked. Nice can be temporary. Anyone can be nice when they want something. Being nice isn't what the Tribe of Up is about, my friends. Nice lasts only as long as necessary to achieve a desired outcome. Let me challenge all of you with something a little more...robust than simply being nice.

Be a good person.

You can be a good person and not be nice all of the time. A good person knows boundaries, practices empathy, is honest, and takes care of themselves before taking care of others. Why you may ask? If you do not take care of yourself first, or as the late Dr. Stephen Covey called, sharpening the saw, simply being nice will fade and burn out can happen. Find inner peace. Seek to understand before being understood. Good people know that they cannot truly help others build themselves up if their own foundation is faulty. In a previous article, I spoke of deposits and withdrawals. Giving to those in need is certainly from you, but at the end of the day and at the same time, it is also for you. Let me say that again. Acts of kindness are for you first. Otherwise, there is reliance on the feedback we receive to help to determine the value of the act. If the feedback isn't what we think it should be, the act feels lessoned and the aforementioned kindness burnout becomes a realistic possibility. If we are truly good people, we do good simply because the opportunity is there. While we certainly hope the act yields a deposit in other people's emotional bank accounts, it absolutely will add a deposit in ours. Once our account reaches a high enough level, we can give from the interest earned in our accounts, not the principal. Being nice is one thing. Making sure our emotional finances are in good order makes us good people. Advocating for more joy makes us kind people. 

On the contrary, saying yes to every request and burning your emotional candle at both ends just to please everyone is not the way a truly good person lives. Sometimes, we must say no. Sometimes, we need time to recharge, to rebuild our emotional finances a bit. Don't be a pushover. Be true to your values while helping those you choose to help for the reasons that matter to you. It has been my experience that I have never found happiness in the reactions or feedback I have received. Positive feedback is nice. It surely is better than the alternative. But when I do, or give, or act, it is for me. It is for the example I am trying to be for myself first. Only I know the bar I am trying to clear. Only I know how close I am to the person I want to be all the time. Admitting imperfection and admitting limits are a very real thing are tremendously important to avoid emotional burnout. Help where you can. Give what you can. Don't worry if statues aren't built in your honor as a result. By having a rock solid foundation, you will be well armored to go out into the world and be a great person, not a pushover.