More random notes

Notes from some other book about emotional/verbal abuse

Such assaults are shockingly evil and can so deeply traumatize partners they may not recover a full sense of self for years to come.

Refusing to respond or talk to the person with whom one is supposedly in a relationship, is seemingly the most extremely irrational behavior of all forms of verbal abuse
-demonstrates that the perpetrator has no relationship with the partner

Withholding seems to be the most toxic form of verbal abuse
-the partner may find out how her mate's day has gone and what his plans are only by listening to his conversations with other

abuser:  the person in the incident or incidents who perpetrates the abuse

abuse:  those behaviors that attempt to diminish or violate another person, including that person's interests, actions, creations and so forth

verbally abusive relationship:  a relationship of oppressor to oppressed in contradistinction to one in which two people are related in mutuality and interdependence

*Some therapists are directive, believing that they know what you should do, or how you should be - but your own insight is far more meaningful that someone else's *

The abuse of power in the "therapeutic" relationship is an outcome of therapy based in Reality I

Many women wrote that abuse took place in front of their therapist and their therapist said nothing about it. A number of women said they experienced abuse from their therapist! "You're equally responsible! - "It takes two!" - "Will you two just quit fighting!" is how the abuser chooses to respond

Even when an abuser has acknowledged his abusive behavior, he may find that it takes great effort and much time to stop it. And even when he seems to have stopped it, a verbally abused partner may be too traumatized to even entertain the idea of rebuilding the relationship with him.

The therapist would invite him to both accept that patriarchy had destroyed the relationship and to let go of it without blaming the partner.

Denial - partner is twice abused - once by the abuse and once by its denial
he is a person and his behavior is a choice
responsibility for abuse rests with the abuser
bad therapists - invested in privileging their "expert" knowledge over valuing the partner's experience