BPD

Found these random notes from a book I read about Borderline Personality Disorder. They are arranged by page #, but can't track down info on the title at the moment. Still good information though.

p.44
When we're lonely, most of us can soothe ourselves by remembering the love others have for us. This is very comforting, even if these people are far away - sometimes even if they're no longer living. This ability is known as object constancy.

p.63
Some adults who enter into relationships with borderlines feel brainwashed by the BP's accusations and criticisms. Says Benham:  "The techniques of brainwashing are simple: isolate the victim, expose them to consistent messages, mix with sleep deprivation, add some form of abuse, get the person to doubt what they know and feel, keep them on their toes, wear them down, and stir well."

p.74
Each person is responsible for 50% of the relationship

p.75
If you love yourself, you won't let people abuse you. If you support and accept the behavior, you may be encouraging it to continue.

p.80
It is very stressful to be around someone who may severely berate you at any moment with no visible provocation.

p.82
One day, I realized that instead, I had abandoned myself.

p.87
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  -Eleanor Roosevelt

p.88
...it is still their decision how to act.

p.99
The lighthouse is not responsible for the ship's decisions.

p.92
With BPD, the cause of an argument is not necessarily the actual event but the borderline's interpretation of that event.

p.96
don't take it personally

p.100
Some non-BP's...let others take advantage of them because they felt they didn't deserve better.

You do not have to listen to anyone else tell you that you're an awful, terrible person. You have a choice.

p.101
Every day, we teach people how to treat us by showing them what we will and won't accept, what we refuse to confront, and what we let slide. We may believe that we can make another person's troublesome behavior disappear if we don't make a fuss. But the message we send is: "It worked. Do it again."

p.105
If you find yourself involved with a BP, you can bet that you have unfinished business with a parent.

p.106
You must understand that you do have the power to change your relationships and your life, but it is likely going to be frightening at first. The alternative is to live a fairly unhappy and unsatisfying life in which fear dictates your choices and your relationships.

Me: He took me away from me

p.112
If there appears to be little relationship between your actions and those of the person with BPD, you will see all the more clearly that the person's behavior is not about you.

p.116
splitting, overgeneralizations, illogical connections

p.118
Boundaries are rooted in our beliefs about what we deserve and don't deserve.

p.119
It's like the difference between giving someone a gift and being robbed.

p.120
People with healthy emotional limits understand and respect their own thoughts and feelings.

p.122
People with limits feel more in control of their lives because they realize they have a choice about the behavior they will tolerate.

p.129
....it was only when I started taking care of myself that I was really able to care for others.

p.136
Living with constant criticism and blame can be like dwelling in a smog-filled city: when you're living there, the smog is unnoticeable because you're in the middle of it.

p.140
The emptiness belongs to the person with BPD, and the only person who can fill it is the BP themselves.

p.142
...remind yourself that your version of reality is equally valid as anyone else's

p.146
...you need to return to the belief that you have a right to all of your opinions, thoughts, and feelings. Good or bad, right or wrong, they are a part of you.

p.162
When someone with BPD is highly emotionally aroused, do not expect them to act in a logical way. It isn't going to happen. Not because they're not willing to, but because they cannot.

p.163
Realize that extreme rage directed at you or your children is verbal and emotional abuse. Even if you think you can handle it, over time, it can erode your self-esteem and poison the relationship. When you try to swallow your feelings, they usually end up surfacing elsewhere in a way you didn't expect. This can leave you even more isolated in the long run.

p.180
...they may tell a child they are selfish for wanting to spend time with friends

p.181
Some BP's act toward children as if they are all good or all bad

p.192
Judges, lawyers, and activists tell us that while physical abuse can be verified and measured in court, emotional abuse cannot.

...judges may discount or ignore even what you believe to be extreme emotional abuse

p.194
Parenting is the toughest job in the world. Constant invalidation is part of it

Distortion Campaigns

Reduce Your Vulnerability

Consider Not Responding

Answer Questions Without Being Defensive

p.220
People who care about someone with BPD are usually in a great deal of pain. Staying in the relationship as it is seems unbearable. But leaving seems unthinkable or impossible...If you feel this way, you are not alone.

p.223
...it is important to be guided by your own values - not someone else's

p.226
But when BP's refused to take any responsibility for the couple's problems, no matter how hard non-BP's tried to rescue the relationship, the relationship usually ended.

And he can't destroy me because he does not define me. I do.

p.227
Invest in your own sanity for once.

p.229
There can be healing and hope