Pictures of you

You were part of my dream last night. I think I was at church and I saw your face through a window-you were outside looking in. You had a huge smile on your face, of course. I got my phone and started taking pictures of you-maybe one through the window and then I went outside in the parking lot. You were posing with a group of people for a group photo and I took a couple pictures, trying to zoom in on you. I don't remember knowing anyone else in the group-I was just focused on you.

In these dreams, which I am very thankful for, it's so "normal" to see you. I don't seem to appreciate how valuable it is until I wake up. I mean, I don't take it for granted in the dream, but it is normal for me to see you. It is not normal for you not to be here anymore.

Something discouraging happened in Sunday School yesterday. Tom McP. was teaching (he is an amazing teacher/speaker by the way) and in passing, he mentioned how in heaven we won't recognize the person we were married to (don't care) or who our sons or daughters were. I have never heard that before. Part of me can understand that there will be no partiality where we won't prefer one person over another since our relationships with each other will be perfect, but that made me a little bit sad. I'm sure it's one of those things, like the concept of time and eternity, that won't make any sense to us until we are there. I just have to think about that concept for a while or research it a bit.

It's discouraging to me because that's one of the things that has kept me going through all of this-reuniting with you. I want to know it's you-not just see you there and be like, "Oh, you're nice" because everyone will be. Will something stand out about you? I don't think anyone will be better than anyone else there or they're not supposed to be anyway. But it seems like there should be something more there. I sure hope so.

I saw the movie, "Megan Leavy" over the weekend with Mrs. J. Even though a movie I see will seems to have nothing to do with you, I still take something away from every movie I've seen regarding you. This movie is about a girl who joins the Marines and forms a bond with a dog who is trained/she trains to sniff out bombs, land mines etc. There was a very powerful scene at the end where she goes back to adopt the dog who is retiring from service. They are walking down a long tunnel and when they emerge, they are in Yankee Stadium where tons of people are cheering for them and the lives they saved. I was sobbing all the way home from the movie (thankfully Mrs. J. and I drove separately), thinking of if that happened in heaven. When I get there, you are waiting for me in some tunnel and I don't know what's going on. You take me through it and we come out to a huge arena of people and they all clap for us because of all of the people who were saved as a result of your accident. Can you imagine the applause of heaven? Maybe you can-maybe you've already experienced it. I hope you have. And it's not like I am seeking glory for me. By having this thought it was almost like God telling me something-like that I did a good job raising you. That because of how I raised you, it helped you become the person you were who in turn affected so many lives. Affected lives for eternity-what an honor and a blessing. I don't think I will have an idea of your impact until I get to heaven. Thank you Lord!