From CQC
In my life:
I've lived,
I've loved,
I've lost,
I've missed,
I've hurt,
I've trusted,
I've made mistakes
But most of all
I've learned.
I started this blog soon after the death of my beautiful 17-year-old son, Hayden, as a way to deal with my grief. I titled it "Dear Hayden" because at first I wrote as if I was writing to him. My use of the word "dear" ended up being twofold: "used as an affectionate or friendly form of address" and "regarded with deep affection; cherished by someone." Many posts are saved quotes, song lyrics, Bible verses, poems, etc. with credit given to the actual authors as much as possible. Enjoy~
Friday, February 26, 2021
Make me laugh
From CQC
I love those people who can make me laugh during those moments when I feel like I can't even smile.
Choose to shine
From CQC
I admire people who choose to shine even after all the storms they have been through.
Started to ask
From CQC
I started to ask God, "How are you going to fix it..." Then I realized, "...that's none of my business."
Followers
From CQC
The number of "followers" you have does not make you better than anyone else.
Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12.
Through this
From CQC
by Max Lucado
You'll get through this.
It won't be painless.
It won't be quick.
But God will use this mess for good.
Don't be foolish or naive.
But don't despair either.
With God's help, you will get through this.
Who sinned
From CQC
John 9:1-3
Now as Jesus passed by, He saw a man who was blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, saying, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him. I must work the works of Him who sent Me while it is day; the night is coming when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world."
A thousand times
From CQC
God's family isn't made up of people who push their way through good works or "living right," but people who simply say yes. Yes, Lord. A thousand times yes.
Grace upon grace
From CQC
Followers of Jesus are not proud, self-reliant or secretly judgmental people...they are chest-beating, repentant, head-down sinners--amazed at the glorious wonder of a loving God who extends grace upon grace to the undeserving.
Greatest calling
From CQC
God often uses our deepest pain as the launching pad for our greatest calling.
Our greatest efforts
From CQC
Our greatest efforts won't accomplish in a lifetime what God's grace will do in a moment.
~Judah Smith
Happened once
From CQC
Why do bad things happen to good people?
That only happened once,
and He volunteered.
~R.C. Sproul, Jr.
More than expected
From CQC
A person who feels appreciated will always do more than what is expected.
Unconditional love
From CQC
Unconditional love doesn't mean you have to unconditionally accept bad behaviors.
All your heart
From CQC
And if you've never felt your soul being torn apart,
you've never loved anyone with all your heart. ~Reginaldo Kilas
Catch you
From CQC
Being a Christian doesn't mean you won't fall
It means Jesus will catch you when you do
Leadership
From CQC
Leadership is not about being in charge. Leadership is about taking care of those in your charge.
~Simon Sinek
Something great
From CQC
The enemy always fights the hardest when he knows God has something great in store for you.
How you respond
From CQC
It's not what happens to you that matters.
It's how you respond to what happens to you that makes a difference. ~Ziglar
The warrior
From CQC
Fate whispers to the warrior
"You cannot withstand the storm"
And the warrior whispers back
"I am the storm"
Most beautiful
From CQC
"Mom, why do the best people die so soon?"
"When you're in a garden, which flowers do you pick first?"
"The most beautiful ones."
Sting
From CQC
O death, where is thy sting?
O grave, where is the victory?
The sting of death is sin;
and the strength of sin is the law.
But thanks be to God,
which giveth us the victory
through our Lord Jesus Christ.
~1 Corinthians 15:55-57
Thursday, February 25, 2021
Less you respond
From CQC
The less you respond to rude, argumentative people, the more peaceful your life will become.
Many waters
From CQC
Many waters cannot quench love, nor can the floods drown it. ~Song of Solomon 8:7a
One day
From CQC
One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.
Old self
From CDC
If you are renewed by grace, and were to meet your old self, I am sure you would be very anxious to get out of his company. ~Charles Spurgeon
Preparation
From CQC
Your emptiness is but the preparation for your being filled, and your casting down is but the making ready for your lifting up. ~Charles Spurgeon
Empties
From CQC
Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strengths.
~Charles Spurgeon
Have hope
From CQC
Don't you know that day dawns after night, showers displace drought, and spring and summer follow winter? Then, have hope! Hope forever, for God will not fail you! ~Charles Spurgeon
Track record
From CQC
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100%...and that's pretty good. ~Author unknown
No safer destination
From CQC
God has a plan for our children just as He does for each of us moms.
And the plan involves growing up and out and into God's will for their lives.
There is no safer destination for our children.
What a privilege we have to usher them there.
~13 Motherhood Quotes that Keep it Real for Every Mom website
Bitter or better
From CQC
You can come out bitter or you can come out better. There is purpose in your path. ~Joel Osteen
Damage
From CQC
Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed.
It means the damage no longer controls our life.
Do what's right
From CQC
Knowing what's right doesn't mean much unless you do what's right. ~Theodore Roosevelt
Magnificent reunion
From CQC
by Missy Caulk
Her parting was not the END of our relationship. "Lily Bear" is experiencing the joy of Christ's presence in a place so wonderful that Christ called it Paradise. And one day, we're told, in a magnificent reunion, we will ALL be together and with the Lord forever.
No joy we know on earth can be more than the FAINTEST SHADOW of the joy we find there.
No dreams of happiness, unrealized on earth, approach the bliss of one moment in the divine realm. No sorrow, no pain, no sickness, no death, no parting, no disappointments, no tears but those of joy, no broken hopes, no mislaid plans, no night, nor storm, nor shadows. There is only light and joy and love and peace and rest FOREVER.
Wednesday, February 24, 2021
Always always
From CQC
From Chadtough:
So here while our hearts break
We have to believe
Our God, He know what He's doing
Everything is always, always about God
Only in Heaven
From CQC
It's a completely unfixable, broken-beyond-repair situation until Heaven.
In Heaven, and only in Heaven, will this make sense. ~SCC
Backward
From CQC
Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward. ~Soren Kierkegaard
Value
From CQC
Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory. ~Dr. Seuss
Release
From CQC
Sometimes you don't feel the weight of something you've been carrying
until you feel the weight of its release.
No tolerance
From CQC
Sometimes those who don't socialize much aren't actually anti-social, they just have no tolerance for drama and fake people.
Balance
From CQC
Life is about balance.
Be kind, but don't let people abuse you.
Trust, but don't be deceived.
Be content, but never stop improving yourself.
Always
From CQC
Always kiss your children goodnight,
even if they're already asleep. ~H. Jackson Brown Jr.
Tuesday, February 23, 2021
Chad Carr memorial
Notes I had from Chad Carr memorial
Definition of heartbroken, heart breaking - "crushing grief"
Only way to survive grief is love
What was told to Chad by lady's son who "died" at age 4 and came back:
"It's the happiest place you'll ever go"
If only
From CQC
If only our eyes saw souls instead of bodies how very different our ideals of beauty would be.
Good keeping
From CQC
Those whom you laid in the grave with many tears are in good keeping: you will yet see them again with joy. Believe it, think it, rest on it. It is all true. ~Bishop Ryle
No fool
From CQC
He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep
to gain what he cannot lose. ~Jim Elliott
God's hands
From CQC
I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all.
But whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess. ~Martin Luther
A little harder
From CQC
Look for something positive in every day,
even if some days you have to look a little harder. ~Zig Ziglar
No point
From CQC
There is no point in stressing over something you can't change.
Move on and grow stronger.
Right
From CQC
Sometimes you find the right person at the wrong time.
Sometimes it's the wrong person at the right time.
But when you find the right person at the right time, in the right situation,
it's because you're meant to be together.
Fate has grabbed both of your hands.
Don't let go.
Your reaction
From CQC
Do not get upset with people or situations,
both are powerless without your reaction.
Stay in your heart
From CQC
At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.
Bibles in school
From CQC
Bibles aren't allowed in schools anymore but are encouraged in prisons. If kids were allowed to read it at school, they might not end up in prison.
Nothing compared
From CQC
I believe that the present suffering is nothing compared to the coming glory that is going to be revealed to us. The whole creation waits breathless with anticipation for the revelation of God's sons and daughters.
~Romans 8:18-19
Setbacks
From CQC
The circumstances and events that we see as setbacks are oftentimes the very things that launch us into periods of intense spiritual growth. ~Charles Stanley
Don't unpack
From CQC
You're human. Meltdowns happen. Just don't unpack and live there. Run to Jesus.
Valuable to God
From CQC
The enemy is only attacking you because you're valuable to God.
Thieves don't break into empty houses.
You are important!
Sail
From CQC
I'd rather go through the storm with Jesus than sail through life without Him. ~A.W. Tozer
As painful
From CQC
Growth is painful
Change is painful
But nothing is as painful as staying somewhere you don't belong. ~Zig Ziglar
Don't change
From CQC
If you constantly have to tell someone the same exact thing about how you feel and they don't change it...understand they don't respect you.
Monday, February 22, 2021
Enough
From CQC
Christ is enough. To have Him and nothing else is to be rich beyond conceiving. ~A.W. Tozer
View God
From CQC
The way you view God will eventually show up in the way you live your life. ~A.W. Tozer
Two kinds
There are two kinds of people in this world: givers and takers.
The takers eat better, but the givers sleep better.
Friday, February 19, 2021
What I needed
From CQC
Thank you Lord for not giving me what I thought I wanted and instead blessing me with what I needed!
You learn
From CQC
Experience: that most brutal of teachers.
But you learn, my God, do you learn.
~C.S. Lewis
Deliberate confidence
From CQC
Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time.
~Oswald Chambers
Ships
From CQC
A ship in a port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for. ~William G.T. Shedd
Choice
From CQC
Faith is a choice; not a feeling.
It means choosing to trust God even when life doesn't seem to make sense. ~Dave Willis
Shine
From CQC
Don't shine so others can see you.
Shine so that through you, others can see Him. ~C.S. Lewis
Lord is near
From CQC
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. ~Psalm 34:18
Whole verse:
The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.
Question disbelief
From CQC
Your life as a Christian should make non-believers question their disbelief in God.
Will be beauty
From CQC
There will be beauty
Where beauty was ash and stone
This much I know
~Casting Crowns
Handle
From CQC
God doesn't give us only what we can handle.
He helps us handle what we've been given.
Heavenly hurt
From CQC
Heavenly Hurt, it gives us -
We can find no scar,
But internal difference -
Where the Meanings, are -
~Emily Dickenson
Whole poem:
There's a certain Slant of light
There's a certain Slant of light,
Winter Afternoons -
That oppresses, like the Heft
Of Cathedral Tunes -
Heavenly Hurt, it gives us -
We can find no scar,
But internal difference -
Where the Meanings, are -
None may teach it - Any -
'Tis the seal Despair -
An Imperial affliction -
Sent us of the Air -
When it comes, the Landscape listens -
Shadows - hold their breath -
When it goes, 'tis like the Distance
On the look of Death -
Never free
From CQC
Those who bear the mark of pain are never really free, for they owe a debt to the ones who still suffer.
~Albert Schweitzer
Thursday, February 18, 2021
Overcoming
From CQC
Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it. ~Helen Keller
God's side
From CQC
Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God's side, for God is always right. ~Abraham Lincoln
The future
From CQC
The best thing about the future...is that it comes one day at a time. ~Abraham Lincoln
Complain or rejoice
From CQC
We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.
~Abraham Lincoln
(I think I changed this slightly for an FB anniversary post to say: We can complain that we lost Hayden or we can rejoice that we had Hayden)
Practicing mercy
Quote from KTB (used on chalkboard in past, so part of CQC)
Practicing mercy-
Kindness in excess of what is demanded by fairness.
(Previously:
Kindness in excess as what is demanded by fairness.)
Your story
From CQC
When you can tell your story and it doesn't make you cry you know that you have healed.
Produce the pearl
From CQC
A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear (that results) from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl. ~Stephen Hoeller
Character
From CQC
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. ~Helen Keller
One thing
From CQC
You can do 99 things for someone and all they'll remember is the one thing you didn't do.
Losing someone
From CQC
Losing someone who doesn't respect or appreciate you is actually a gain, not a loss.
You are
From CQC
Stop hating yourself for everything you aren't.
Start loving yourself for everything that you are.
Beyond measure
From CQC
Christ is enough. To have Him and nothing else is to be rich beyond measure. ~A.W. Tozer
Explanation of suffering
From CQC
Is it possible that some explanation for suffering exists of which we know nothing at all?
~Max Lucado
Grief never ends
From CQC
Grief never ends...
But it changes.
It's a passage, not a place to stay.
Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith.
It is the price of love.
Most heroic feat
From CQC
In a very real and effective way, our religion performs its most heroic feat as we stand beside the grave.
~Stanley P. Cornils, The Mourning After
Washes our eyes
From CQC
God washes our eyes with tears so that we may see the otherwise invisible land where tears shall be no more. ~Stanley P. Cornils, The Mourning After
Faith
From CQC
Faith is not about everything turning out okay.
Faith is about being okay no matter how things turn out.
Consume you
From CQC
Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad.
Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.
~Will Smith (the actor)
Great attitude
From CQC
A great attitude
becomes a great mood,
which becomes a great day,
which becomes a great life.
~Zig Ziglar
Because you're strong
From CQC
The enemy is not fighting you because you are weak.
He's fighting you because you're strong.
Stress
From CQC
Stress makes you believe that everything has to happen right now.
Faith reassures you that everything will happen in God's timing.
Faith and fear
From CQC
Faith and fear both demand you believe in something you cannot see.
You choose! ~Bob Proctor
That is faith
From CQC
To trust God in the light is nothing,
but to trust Him in the dark - that is faith.
~C.H.Spurgeon
Stupid people
From CQC
Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
~Mark Twain
No stronger person
From "CQC"
There is no stronger person than a grieving mother that wakes up and keeps going every morning.
Wednesday, February 17, 2021
Letting go
Letting Go
The angels gathered near your bed
So very close to you
For they knew the pain and suffering
That you were going through
I thought about so many things
As I held tightly to your hand
Oh, how I wished that you were strong
And happy once again
But your eyes were looking homeward
To that place beyond the sky
Where Jesus held His outstretched arms
It was time to say "goodbye"
I struggled with my selfish thoughts
For I wanted you to stay
So we could walk and talk again
Like we did - just yesterday
But Jesus knew the answer
And I knew He loved you so
So I gave to you life's greatest gift
The gift of letting go
Now my heart will carry memories
Of the love you gave to me
Until we meet again in Heaven
Where the best is yet to be
Their limitations
From "CQC"
When someone tells you it can't be done, it's more a reflection of their limitations, not yours.
In advance
From "CQC"
I have learned that faith means trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse.
~Phillip Yancey
Entrusts
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Forgiveness doesn't diminish justice; it just entrusts it to God. ~Max Lucado, You Will Get Through This
You are loved
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection" (and the Bible)
You are loved more than you will ever know by someone who died to know you. ~Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Don't matter
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter.
~Francis Chan
Love better than life
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection" (and the Bible)
Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify You. ~Psalm 63:3
Because your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips shall praise You.
Will provide
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection" (and the Bible)
God will provide. ~Philippians 4:19
And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
Rewards
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection" (and the Bible)
God rewards those who diligently seek Him. ~Hebrews 11:6
But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
Swim
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Sometimes God calms the storm.
Sometimes He calms the sailor.
But sometimes He makes us swim.
Think you're not
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.
The best kind
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
The best kind of people are the ones that come into your life, and make you see the sun where you once saw clouds. The people that believe in you so much, you start to believe in you too. The people that love you, simply for being you. The once in a lifetime kind of people...
The best things
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.
Just click
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Sometimes you meet a person and you just click - you're comfortable with them, like you've known them your whole life, and you don't have to pretend to be anyone or anything.
Mapped out
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
From the moment you were born, Heaven mapped out an incredible journey for you.
You have touched hearts, changed lives, and made a difference
Keep going...you are here for a reason.
How far
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
When you start doubting yourself, remember how far you have come.
Remember everything you have faced,
all the battles you have won,
and all the fears you have overcome.
Give up
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.
Worst battle
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
The worst battle you have to fight is between what you know and what you feel.
Forgiveness
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Forgiveness is the best form of love. It takes a strong person to say sorry and an even stronger person to forgive.
Not looking
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Sometimes what you're looking for comes when you're not looking at all.
An effort
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
When someone really cares about you, they make an effort, not an excuse.
A loyal person
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care.
Wise people
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Wise people are not always silent, but they know when to be.
In the end
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
In the end, you tried and you cared and sometimes, that is enough.
Look for
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
When it rains, look for rainbows. When it's dark, look for stars.
Envy
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you need.
Your business
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
What other people think of you is none of your business.
An answer
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
Tuesday, February 16, 2021
Never too late
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
It's never too late to be happy. But it's all up to you and no one else.
Weighs you down
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.
No idea
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
Peace with your past
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
Don't have to win
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.
Healing
Since I have so many quotes from this book on my blog, I decided to order the book. It's really good.
Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse by Shannon Thomas
Personality disorders are created during childhood and adolescence through a lack of healthy attachments to their primary caregivers.These attachments can be through extreme and repetitive over-indulgence where normal societal rules did not apply to the child and then as a teenager. It is the environment where caregivers chronically covered up for their youth. These individuals came to see others as only a source of making life easier for them. Having a one-sided relationship was the norm. The overindulged child and teenager learned that people are there not as a source of mutual enjoyment. Instead, they are to be used for their own gain. It is not "helicopter parenting," but rather it is a severe lack of boundaries - failing to remind the youth that he or she is one of millions of people in the world. The parental message was that the child and teen are unique, special, and beyond the rules that lowly, normal people must follow. This message wasn't delivered just once and the child became toxic. It encompassed the child's entire upbringing and bled into adulthood. Through the chronic choices of the now personality disordered adult, the lack of attachment patterns from childhood continue.
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Countless individuals seek out self-help books, seminars, counseling, and other opportunities to heal and grow from their upbringing. Why can't narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths do the same thing? They will not simply because they have so thoroughly convinced themselves there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. Nothing. They may give lip service to some of their supposed faults, but their actions do not back up the statements that they have issues to be dealt with and permanently fixed. Any self-awareness they may exhibit is short-lived at best, and true therapeutic work is never sustained. The bottom line: these individuals do not want to change. The way they live their lives works for them, and why wouldn't it? It's all about them. Everything seems to boomerang back to their needs, their wants, their time, their goals, their, their, their. It gets very old for survivors to always live in the shadows of their demands and their expectations.
There is a huge difference between having character defects that must be dealt with and exhibiting the qualities of a personality disordered person. At any given moment, do we all have the ability to be completely self-serving, act manipulatively, be snarky to a stranger, snap at our kids, slam doors in the middle of an adult temper tantrum, or seek our own self-preservation at the expense of someone else? Sure we do. No one would argue people can be real dirtbags at times. However, once the moment of our "toddler-esque" meltdown is over, we feel bad. We realize what jerks we were and are embarrassed that we took our inner annoyances out on other people. We apologize by telling them we're sorry, doing something nice for them, or we inwardly repent for being hostile toward others. We come back to our baseline of being normally empathetic human beings who can reflect on our ridiculous behaviors. Sociopaths and psychopaths cannot do that. They cannot, will not, and do not desire to be self-reflective. They will always blame others and will never, ever change. Why would they? In their own eyes, it's everyone else who is deeply flawed and require fixing.
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Religious organizations are notorious for the clustering of flying monkeys around an abusive person. All in the name of God, hidden abuse is shoved down even further. It is buried under a mound of lies and done so to protect the projection of a perfect religious image. I have witnessed some of the worst forms of flying monkeys while observing toxic churches and their leaders. Not only are people made into flying monkeys to support the gaslighting and smear campaigns against targets, guess who else is developed into a flying monkey? God. God of the Bible is the culture with which I am most familiar, and I can share with you without hesitation, psychological abusers are using God as a flying monkey. They do this by hurling accusations at the survivor about what God would want, what God thinks, and what God says about the survivor's attitude towards the toxic leader. Abusive church leadership must minimize God to a puppet that can be moved around at will, and it smells of blasphemy to me. It is most noticeable in denominations on either extreme of the legalistic or charismatic scale. Two sides of the teeter-totter. This is because in the legalistic church, God is coming to smite those individuals who dare defy His earthly leadership. How dare you, survivor, try to bring any abuse to light? There are rules to be followed and questioning leadership, especially male leadership, is not to be tolerated.
The ability of narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths to make flying monkeys out of a number of people should not be taken lightly. They even have the ability to manipulate counseling sessions and some therapists. Yes, therapists can become flying monkeys. Some know they are being used by toxic people. Since the therapists are toxic themselves, it works in favor of the abusers to further harm survivors. Aligning with the abuser against the target brings some level of entertainment for a toxic therapist. I believe this is rare, but I know this type of triangulation does occur. The vast majority of therapists who become flying monkeys, or tools for the abuser to utilize, are therapists who don't realize what they've encountered. The level of manipulation they are dealing with from the unrecognized psychological abuse blinds them to being valuable as therapists. There are many trained mental health professionals who struggle to initially recognize insidious relational abuse. As a therapist, it is hard at times to sort through the issues a couple or family presents. We even have the education and the discernment to help us. At the beginning of therapy, it is a challenge. Becoming a flying monkey to an abuser is a risk if therapists are not keenly aware of the signs and symptoms of hidden abuse.
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Realizing toxic people are not actually insecure is one of the hardest concepts for survivors because thinking toxic people struggle with insecurities is a form of justification for their bad behaviors.
Rather than taking the comments as they were intended, psychological abusers will either lash out or give the silent treatment. Perhaps even a combination of a few different forms of punishment will be utilized. This over-exaggeration often leaves survivors dumb-founded and initially they blame themselves for not choosing their words more carefully. The truth is there is no right way to deliver a correction, or talk about dissatisfaction with narcissists, sociopaths, or psychopaths. They will not take any concerns seriously, and will in fact turn the situation around on survivors. It becomes the survivor's fault for being so rude, disrespectful, and is upsetting them. Personality disordered people do not take too favorably to having their faults pointed out, regardless of how gently the topic is broached.
Intermittent reinforcement: conditioning the survivor to always be off-balance (survivor is left confused, walking on egg shells, and tightly hanging on to the abuser's ever-changing moods).
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Toxic people cannot sustain any length of relationship connection (i.e. the good old days). As mentioned before, their lack of healthy attachments while growing up, and their refusal to deal with their flaws, creates the perfect storm for their inability to have stable relationships.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Discard The target was acquired (Idealize phase), the target was emotionally harmed (Devalue phase), and now we begin the grand finale of rejecting the target (Discard phase). The reason this last phase differs from other relationship endings is because a survivor is left -not only with the loss of connection- but their entire personhood has been shredded as well. A survivor's body is often in need of physical healing because of the psychological abuse. Their self-image has been altered. Often times there are huge lifestyle losses that have come along while in the abuse. By the time the Discard phase occurs, a survivor's world is unsafe and in upheaval. Again, there is the spectrum of abusive behaviors and a spectrum of survivor responses. For the majority of survivors, encounters with psychological abusers have a life-altering result. The level of impact on a target's life will also be different depending on whether the abuse took place in a marriage or relationship at work, among peers, in a family, or at church. The closer the abuser is to the center of a survivor's daily life, the more damage that can be perpetrated.
The discard by the psychological abuser is often very evil and shaming. I have heard all sorts of different stories about how discards can take place, and they leave me grieving for the survivors. If you have been discarded by an abuser, I am sure you have your own set of battle scars. Road rash from having been tossed from a moving relationship vehicle. Perhaps you were the one to end the relationship. Believe me when I say that I know you did not escape easily. By the time survivors are compelled to leave their psychologically abusive relationships, they do not see any other viable option but to leave. They have tried anything and everything to keep their relationship going. No matter how hard they tried to fit the mold the abuser wanted, it was never enough. Never good enough, and always somehow wrong.
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Research shows it takes people many attempts to leave unhealthy relationships
Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse by Shannon Thomas
Personality disorders are created during childhood and adolescence through a lack of healthy attachments to their primary caregivers.These attachments can be through extreme and repetitive over-indulgence where normal societal rules did not apply to the child and then as a teenager. It is the environment where caregivers chronically covered up for their youth. These individuals came to see others as only a source of making life easier for them. Having a one-sided relationship was the norm. The overindulged child and teenager learned that people are there not as a source of mutual enjoyment. Instead, they are to be used for their own gain. It is not "helicopter parenting," but rather it is a severe lack of boundaries - failing to remind the youth that he or she is one of millions of people in the world. The parental message was that the child and teen are unique, special, and beyond the rules that lowly, normal people must follow. This message wasn't delivered just once and the child became toxic. It encompassed the child's entire upbringing and bled into adulthood. Through the chronic choices of the now personality disordered adult, the lack of attachment patterns from childhood continue.
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Countless individuals seek out self-help books, seminars, counseling, and other opportunities to heal and grow from their upbringing. Why can't narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths do the same thing? They will not simply because they have so thoroughly convinced themselves there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. Nothing. They may give lip service to some of their supposed faults, but their actions do not back up the statements that they have issues to be dealt with and permanently fixed. Any self-awareness they may exhibit is short-lived at best, and true therapeutic work is never sustained. The bottom line: these individuals do not want to change. The way they live their lives works for them, and why wouldn't it? It's all about them. Everything seems to boomerang back to their needs, their wants, their time, their goals, their, their, their. It gets very old for survivors to always live in the shadows of their demands and their expectations.
There is a huge difference between having character defects that must be dealt with and exhibiting the qualities of a personality disordered person. At any given moment, do we all have the ability to be completely self-serving, act manipulatively, be snarky to a stranger, snap at our kids, slam doors in the middle of an adult temper tantrum, or seek our own self-preservation at the expense of someone else? Sure we do. No one would argue people can be real dirtbags at times. However, once the moment of our "toddler-esque" meltdown is over, we feel bad. We realize what jerks we were and are embarrassed that we took our inner annoyances out on other people. We apologize by telling them we're sorry, doing something nice for them, or we inwardly repent for being hostile toward others. We come back to our baseline of being normally empathetic human beings who can reflect on our ridiculous behaviors. Sociopaths and psychopaths cannot do that. They cannot, will not, and do not desire to be self-reflective. They will always blame others and will never, ever change. Why would they? In their own eyes, it's everyone else who is deeply flawed and require fixing.
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Religious organizations are notorious for the clustering of flying monkeys around an abusive person. All in the name of God, hidden abuse is shoved down even further. It is buried under a mound of lies and done so to protect the projection of a perfect religious image. I have witnessed some of the worst forms of flying monkeys while observing toxic churches and their leaders. Not only are people made into flying monkeys to support the gaslighting and smear campaigns against targets, guess who else is developed into a flying monkey? God. God of the Bible is the culture with which I am most familiar, and I can share with you without hesitation, psychological abusers are using God as a flying monkey. They do this by hurling accusations at the survivor about what God would want, what God thinks, and what God says about the survivor's attitude towards the toxic leader. Abusive church leadership must minimize God to a puppet that can be moved around at will, and it smells of blasphemy to me. It is most noticeable in denominations on either extreme of the legalistic or charismatic scale. Two sides of the teeter-totter. This is because in the legalistic church, God is coming to smite those individuals who dare defy His earthly leadership. How dare you, survivor, try to bring any abuse to light? There are rules to be followed and questioning leadership, especially male leadership, is not to be tolerated.
The ability of narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths to make flying monkeys out of a number of people should not be taken lightly. They even have the ability to manipulate counseling sessions and some therapists. Yes, therapists can become flying monkeys. Some know they are being used by toxic people. Since the therapists are toxic themselves, it works in favor of the abusers to further harm survivors. Aligning with the abuser against the target brings some level of entertainment for a toxic therapist. I believe this is rare, but I know this type of triangulation does occur. The vast majority of therapists who become flying monkeys, or tools for the abuser to utilize, are therapists who don't realize what they've encountered. The level of manipulation they are dealing with from the unrecognized psychological abuse blinds them to being valuable as therapists. There are many trained mental health professionals who struggle to initially recognize insidious relational abuse. As a therapist, it is hard at times to sort through the issues a couple or family presents. We even have the education and the discernment to help us. At the beginning of therapy, it is a challenge. Becoming a flying monkey to an abuser is a risk if therapists are not keenly aware of the signs and symptoms of hidden abuse.
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Realizing toxic people are not actually insecure is one of the hardest concepts for survivors because thinking toxic people struggle with insecurities is a form of justification for their bad behaviors.
Rather than taking the comments as they were intended, psychological abusers will either lash out or give the silent treatment. Perhaps even a combination of a few different forms of punishment will be utilized. This over-exaggeration often leaves survivors dumb-founded and initially they blame themselves for not choosing their words more carefully. The truth is there is no right way to deliver a correction, or talk about dissatisfaction with narcissists, sociopaths, or psychopaths. They will not take any concerns seriously, and will in fact turn the situation around on survivors. It becomes the survivor's fault for being so rude, disrespectful, and is upsetting them. Personality disordered people do not take too favorably to having their faults pointed out, regardless of how gently the topic is broached.
Intermittent reinforcement: conditioning the survivor to always be off-balance (survivor is left confused, walking on egg shells, and tightly hanging on to the abuser's ever-changing moods).
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Toxic people cannot sustain any length of relationship connection (i.e. the good old days). As mentioned before, their lack of healthy attachments while growing up, and their refusal to deal with their flaws, creates the perfect storm for their inability to have stable relationships.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Discard The target was acquired (Idealize phase), the target was emotionally harmed (Devalue phase), and now we begin the grand finale of rejecting the target (Discard phase). The reason this last phase differs from other relationship endings is because a survivor is left -not only with the loss of connection- but their entire personhood has been shredded as well. A survivor's body is often in need of physical healing because of the psychological abuse. Their self-image has been altered. Often times there are huge lifestyle losses that have come along while in the abuse. By the time the Discard phase occurs, a survivor's world is unsafe and in upheaval. Again, there is the spectrum of abusive behaviors and a spectrum of survivor responses. For the majority of survivors, encounters with psychological abusers have a life-altering result. The level of impact on a target's life will also be different depending on whether the abuse took place in a marriage or relationship at work, among peers, in a family, or at church. The closer the abuser is to the center of a survivor's daily life, the more damage that can be perpetrated.
The discard by the psychological abuser is often very evil and shaming. I have heard all sorts of different stories about how discards can take place, and they leave me grieving for the survivors. If you have been discarded by an abuser, I am sure you have your own set of battle scars. Road rash from having been tossed from a moving relationship vehicle. Perhaps you were the one to end the relationship. Believe me when I say that I know you did not escape easily. By the time survivors are compelled to leave their psychologically abusive relationships, they do not see any other viable option but to leave. They have tried anything and everything to keep their relationship going. No matter how hard they tried to fit the mold the abuser wanted, it was never enough. Never good enough, and always somehow wrong.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Research shows it takes people many attempts to leave unhealthy relationships
Monday, February 15, 2021
Ten ways
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Ten Ways to Love
(I added full Bible verses)
1. Listen without interrupting (Proverbs 18:13)
He who answers a matter before he hears it, It is folly and shame to him.
2. Speak without accusing (James 1:19)
So then, my brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.
3. Give without sparing (Proverbs 21:26)
He covets greedily all day long, But the righteous gives and does not spare.
4. Pray without ceasing (Colossians 1:9)
For this reason, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will and spiritual understanding.
5. Answer without arguing (Proverbs 17:1)
Better is a dry morsel with quietness, Than a house full of feasting with strife,
6. Share without pretending (Ephesians 4:15)
but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head -Christ-
7. Enjoy without complaint (Philippians 2:14)
Do all things without complaining and disputing.
8. Trust without wavering (1 Corinthians 13:7)
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things
9. Forgive without punishing (Colossians 3:13)
bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so also you must do
10. Promise without forgetting (Proverbs 13:12)
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.
Happiness
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Happiness is not determined by what's happening around you,
but rather what's happening inside you.
I wish you enough
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
I Wish You Enough
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess
I wish you enough hellos to get you through your final goodbye
Big difference
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Sometimes I'm not angry,
I'm hurt,
and there's a big difference.
With themselves
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict.
Walk away; the battle they are fighting isn't with you,
it is with themselves.
Pick wisely
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
People inspire you, or they drain you - pick them wisely. ~Hans Hanson
Building cathedrals
Was in with "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
I'm pretty sure I posted this before, but definitely worth a repeat
The Invisible Mom - Building Cathedrals
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room when I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.
Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands: I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England...Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe.
I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription, "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."
In the days ahead I would read -no,devour- the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals, we have no record of their names.
These builders gave their whole lives for work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was so fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make everyday, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my child to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or monument to myself. I just want him to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Great job, MOM!
Friday, February 12, 2021
Encourager
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Be an encourager. The world has plenty of critics already. ~Dave Willis
Strength & dignity
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection" (and the Bible)
She's clothed with strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future. ~Proverbs 31:25
Believe those
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Don't believe those who tell you they love you.
Believe those who show you they do.
Now or never
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Sometimes there's no next time, no time outs, no second chances.
Sometimes it's now or never.
Good things
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Good things are coming down the road.
Just don't stop walking. ~Robert Warren Painters Jr.
Falling
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Sometimes, when things are falling apart, they may actually be falling into place.
Best feeling
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
The best feeling is when someone appreciates everything about you that someone else took for granted.
Camping
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Camping: Where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.
Beauty
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Beauty isn't about having a pretty face.
It is about having a pretty mind, a pretty heart, but most importantly a pretty soul.
What's right
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Sometimes people try to expose what's wrong with you because they can't handle what's right about you.
Kills
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Overthinking kills happiness.
Insecurities kill self-esteem.
Lies kill trust.
Roar
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.
Dancing in the rain
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.
It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Flaws & blessings
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
I have too many flaws to be perfect.
But I have too many blessings to be ungrateful.
Your life
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Your life as a Christian should make nonbelievers question their disbelief in God.
God's plans
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
God's plans will always be greater and more beautiful than all your disappointments.
Your name
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
The devil knows your name but calls you by your sin.
God knows your sin but calls you by your name.
~Ricardo Sanchez
Treat you
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
When someone loves you, they don't have to say it.
You can tell by the way they treat you.
Intimidated
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
People who are intimidated by you talk bad about you with hopes that others won't find you so appealing.
Good enough
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
You cannot be good enough for everybody,
but you will always be the BEST for the one who deserves you.
Think
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Think once before you act,
Twice before you speak,
and three times before you post on Facebook. ~Paul Carrick Brunson
Thursday, February 11, 2021
Miss yourself
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Do you ever just miss yourself? The person you were before life changed everything?
Do have
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
To be honest with you, I don't have the words to make you feel better, but I do have the arms to give you a hug, ears to listen to whatever you want to talk about, and I have a heart; a heart that's aching to see you smile again.
Someone's presence
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Do you ever just crave someone's presence? Like you would literally be happy just sitting next to them. It could be completely silent and it would just be magical to be there with them.
Never go back
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Everyone has gone through something that has changed them in a way that they could never go back to the person they once were.
All you need
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Sometimes all you need is for someone to be there even if they can't solve your problems. Just knowing there is someone who cares makes all the difference.
Three things
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Three things in life:
that, once gone, never come back: Time, Words, Opportunity
that can destroy a person: Anger, Pride, Unforgiveness
that make a person: Commitment, Sincerity, Hard Work
that you should never lose: Hope, Peace, Honesty
that are never certain: Fortune, Success, Dreams
that are the most valuable: Love, Family and Friends, Kindness
that are truly constant: Father, Son, Holy Spirit
C.S Lewis Quotes
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
C.S. Lewis:
Everything is good when it looks to Him and bad when it turns from Him.
No over told me that grief felt so like fear. ~A Grief Observed
To love at all is to be vulnerable.
Nothing that you have not given away will ever really be yours.
When we lose one blessing, another is often most unexpectedly given in its place.
Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen - not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
Each day we are becoming a creature of splendid glory or one of unthinkable horror.
The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career.
The truth is, of course, that what one regards as interruptions are precisely one's life.
There are only two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way."
When we Christians behave badly, or fail to behave well, we are making Christianity unbelievable to the outside world.
Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.
It is safe to tell the pure in heart that they shall see God for only the pure in heart want to.
All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever, in which every chapter is better than the ones before.
Love is something more stern and splendid than mere kindness.
God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.
You may forget that you are at every moment totally dependent on God.
When Christ died, he died for you individually just as much as if you had been the only person in the world.
God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain but without stain.
Faith in Christ is the only thing to save you from despair.
Of all bad men, religious bad men are the worst.
One road leads home and a thousand roads lead into the wilderness.
Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done.
Someday you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.
When all the suns and nebulae have passed away, each one of you will still be alive.
We're not doubting that God will do the best for us; we're wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.
God has infinite attention to spare for each one of us. You are as much alone with Him as if you were the only being He had ever created.
God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way.
The Son of God became a man to enable men to become sons of God.
Don't let your happiness depend on something you may lose.
Hey Mom
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
(might have posted this before but wanted to make sure. Was on Evan Kimball's FB page at one point)
Baseball in Heaven
by RSS Anderson
Hey Mom do you know they have baseball in heaven
I pitched for the "Angels" on my first day
Moses was a bit annoyed, I got caught "stealing"
He said they don't do that here
Hey Mom do you know they have dogs in heaven
I got one today his name is Jake
He follows me everywhere I go
And likes to lick my face
So Mom I guess what I am trying to say
Is that things really aren't so bad
I miss you and the family a lot at times
I miss the guy stuff I did with Dad
I do have some good news though
At night when you fall asleep,
God said I can talk to you in your dreams
So the times I show up and we laugh and play
They are as real as they actually seem
Promise you'll talk back to me okay
(I can hear you when you pray)
Hey Mom do you know they have baseball in heaven
Oh that's right I said that before
I hit a homer just a while ago
Abraham and Gabriel came in for a score
A camera man came close to get my picture
I had the biggest smile you've ever seen
I put my face close to the lens
It was huge and filled the screen
Do you know what I said?
Of course you do
I looked in it and said
"Hi Mom"
Surround yourself
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Surround yourself with people who know your worth.
You don't need too many people in your life,
just a few real ones who appreciate you for exactly who you are.
Wonderful way
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Time has a wonderful way of showing what really matters.
Strong enough
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Just because I am strong enough to handle pain doesn't mean I deserve it.
Need to be
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
God always leads us to where we need to be, not where we want to be.
Stop participating
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Sometimes the easiest way to solve a problem is to stop participating in the problem.
Believe them
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
When people treat you like they don't care, believe them. They don't!
Right for you
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
You'll know when a relationship is right for you.
It will enhance your life and not complicate it.
Some people
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
There are some people who could hear you speak a thousand words and still not understand you.
And there are others who will understand you without speaking a word.
Forget it enough
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Forget it enough to get over it,
remember it enough so it doesn't happen again.
Chased the sun
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
I chased the sun and found no strength until I turned and faced the darkness.
The canyons
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms,
You would never see the beauty of their carvings.
Close to my heart
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Even in my pain, I hold close to my heart the gift of my loved one's life.
Tears
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection" (and the Bible)
Tears are prayers too. They travel to God when we can't speak. ~Psalm 56:8
Actual verse:
"You number my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottle;
Are they not in Your book?"
Live by faith
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection" (and the Bible)
We live by faith not by sight. ~2 Corinthians 5:7
Actual verse:
"For we walk by faith, not by sight."
Trust Him
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
God parted a sea for an entire nation, trust Him to handle whatever it is you're worried about.
Default
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well have not lived at all, in which case you have failed by default. ~J.K. Rowling
A very few things
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
You only have to do a very few things right in your life, so long as you don't do too many things wrong.
~Warren Buffet
Failed
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
I've failed over and over again in my life, and that's why I succeed. ~Michael Jordan
Worst stuff
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
The worst stuff that you say sounds better than the best stuff that some other people say.
~Lena Dunham (Hannah Horvath)
Irreplaceable
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different. ~Coco Chanel
Be yourself
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Worth it
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know something is worth it. ~C. Joybell C.
Great things
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Great things aren't done by impulse but by a series of small things brought together.
~Vincent Van Gogh
Small crack
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
One small crack doesn't mean you're broken.
It means you were put to the test, and you didn't fall apart. ~Linda Poindexter
No power
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
Your past is just a story. And once you realize this, it has no power over you. ~Chuck Palahniuk
Flaws
From "Chalkboard Quote Collection"
I like flaws. I think they make things interesting. ~Sarah Dessen
Monday, February 8, 2021
There will be those
posted by Jenny Rhine
by Ruby Dhal
There will be those who love you recklessly. Their love will strip off your confidence, your warmth and your soft edges until there is nothing but regret and scars that will take a lifetime to heal. There will be those who love you selflessly. Their love will make you smile and laugh, and their presence will always fill you with bliss. And you will try and try but your heart won't beat for them, and one day you will walk away from them so they can find the love that they deserve. There will be those that love you half-heartedly. Their love will only reach you in chunks of friendship and kind gestures but--for them--you won't be the one. And you will have to let them go, no matter how much you want them to stay because, this time--you will need to find the love that you deserve. And then, there will be them. The one who will love you fiercely, but without any expectation. The one who will become your best friend, and your companion. They will feel like sunlight during spring, and they will show you how effortless love is. And you--you will love them back with your whole soul. You will breeze through life with their hand in yours and huge smiles on your faces, and love burning in both your hearts. And you will realize that this is what love should be. This is what love was always supposed to be.
Nothing in return
from 3 am Thoughts
She will no longer give all of herself and get nothing in return,
she will never put her heart in that position again. ~Reggie Nulan
Raised
from 3 am Thoughts
If you are dating someone try and find out how that person was raised. A lot of people weren't raised in love. They were raised on survival. That's why you see so many men/women not being able to love properly (hurting people). You'll find a lot of good looking people damaged inside because of their past, and you won't realize how damaged they are until you try to love them. If you think a person's past doesn't affect how they see life, you are sadly mistaken.
Real man
from 3 am Thoughts
A real man is gonna change his ways for a girl he really wants to spend the rest of his life with.
No one changes
from 3 am Thoughts
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There's only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to do it.
Grateful
from Scribbles & Crumbs (child loss author)
I could only be grateful when I
realized that I would rather have
known you for a moment than never at
all. I would rather endure this
inexplicable pain of outliving you than
to never have seen your face, spoken
your name. I would rather be yours,
and you be mine, regardless.
Regardless of the sorrow, the sleepless
nights, and the years I will walk this
earth, carrying you in my heart.
Friday, February 5, 2021
To my child
from "Old Collection", subcategory Letters from the heart
I forgot this existed. It's a letter I wrote to the baby I miscarried before I got pregnant with you...
To My Child
You were an answer to prayer
I don't know the moment you were conceived but I knew you were there right from the start
I was already confident of the answer to the pregnancy test before I even took it
Everyone was so excited
The first grandchild
The first great-grandchild
It was too good to be true-
and, alas, it truly was
When everyone at work found out, I got hugs and kisses from people I hardly knew cared that much
It felt so good
Somehow though, during the whole time, I was afraid to believe you were there
I tried to talk to you and imagine you really being there and it felt awkward
I didn't really feel a bond with you
Then I started getting sick
I thought it was morning sickness
Before that I did have some spotting - it petrified me
I was so afraid of losing you
Everyone convinced me not to worry about it
I still did
I finally got so scared that I gave it to Jesus
I told Him that if it was His will for you to go then so be it
I was tired of worrying about it
When I finally went to the doctor I was so nervous
I felt like I didn't belong there
When I took the urine test
I noticed that my strip wasn't pink like the other ladies'
And then Friday came
Friday, November 22, 1996
A day I will never forget
The nurse was kind of rude to me
And then there was the always awkward pelvic exam with the doctor
The only highlight was when he brought in the ultrasound machine
I was so excited
How was I to know that the first time I saw you would be the last time I saw you
I saw you!
So tiny
A real baby
But something was wrong
I didn't realize it but the doctor was anxiously searching for your heartbeat
It was so quiet for so long
Where was it?
Why weren't you moving?
I went from total elation to total despair when I heard the doctor's words, "I'm sorry."
Sorry for what?
What was going on?
I was pregnant when I came in and now I'm not?
Then I felt a wave of nausea and I had to lie down
What had happened?
How could you be dead when you hadn't even been born yet?
I heard the strains of the doctor's voice mumbling about some kind of procedure and then laying down a brochure on the counter
Then he left
What was going on?
Was he sure?
Don't you want to double check?
Is my baby really dead?
Don't I get some answers?
What was I supposed to tell everybody?
What was I supposed to do?
I didn't believe them
I hoped they were wrong
I didn't want to have you removed if you were still alive!
Where are you now?
Will you be in heaven?
You're not even all the way developed yet
If I see you there will you know who I am?
Will you know that I was going to be your mother?
That I was your mother?
That I am your mother?
I'm sorry you had to die
I hope I didn't cause it
I miss you
I wish you were still with me
But I know you're in good hands
You're in the best hands that there are
You won't ever have to sin or be hurt in or by this world
Your father nor I will ever raise our voice to you
We will never strike you in anger or belittle you
You won't ever have to experience feelings of rejection from your family
You will never feel what it's like to be caught in the middle of a divorced family
Now that I think about it, as your mother I couldn't wish for anything better
To be raised by the loving Hand of our Lord
To never experience the plague of sin
I do wish I had a chance to know you but since it had to be this way, I take comfort in the fact that you are with the Lord
I will remember your face always and look forward to seeing it again on that glorious day when we all go to live in Heaven for eternity
I will always love you, dear one, and you will always be my first child
With love from your mother