Pearls before swine

 By Todd Coconato

You Need To Hear This...Don't Cast Pearls Before Swine

There are times when the Lord presses something on your heart so strongly that you almost feel it before you think it. You need to hear this...not everything God has given you is meant for everyone.

Not every person in your life is ready for the depth of what He has placed in your spirit. Jesus said, "Do not cast your pearls before swine," and even though that sounds intense at first, it is actually tender wisdom from a Father who wants to protect you. Pearls don't look dramatic. They are quiet....steady...formed through pressure and hidden process. They are valuable because they cost something. The things God has been building in you, the things you've prayed over, wept over, waited for, and fought through...those are your pearls.

And in today's world, you really see how important this warning is. Everyone has a platform. Everyone has an opinion. People judge quickly...comment quickly...misunderstand quickly. There are people who watch your life without truly seeing you. Some don't want to understand what God is doing in you...they just want something to talk about. Some only show up to criticize or compare.

When Jesus said not to cast your pearls before swine, He wasn't calling people names. He was saying,"Be careful who you trust with the holy things." Some folks simply don't have the spiritual capacity or maturity to handle what God has given you. That doesn't make them bad...it just makes your pearls too precious for careless hands.

Maybe you've been trying to open your heart to people who don't value what you carry. Maybe you've been explaining your calling to people who aren't walking with the Lord at that depth. Maybe you've been sharing dreams with folks who barely believe for their own future. You need to hear this...you are not required to hand over the treasures God gave you to people who don't recognize their worth.

Protect what is sacred. Guard your anointing. It's not pride...it's wisdom. There is a difference between being open and being unprotected. God never asked you to be transparent with people who are committed to misunderstanding you.

This matter even more right now because the spiritual atmosphere is intense. The battle is real. The world feels noisy. People are easily triggered by truth. And here you are, carrying revelation...carrying discernment...carrying a sense of what God is doing in this hour. But not every ear can hear it. Not every heart is ready for it. And not every person is safe.

The Holy Spirit will show you who can handle your pearls. He will highlight the ones who will cherish what you share...who will pray with you...who will carry the burden with you instead of picking it apart.

So here is the word for today. Be kind. Be loving. Be generous. But be wise. Stop explaining yourself to people who only show up to argue. Stop trying to convince people who have already made up their minds. Stop setting yourself up for unnecessary hurt by giving sacred things to people who don't know what to do with them. Instead, pour your pearls into the Kingdom. Into the hungry. Into the faithful. Into those who walk in honor and humility. Those are the ones who will value what God has placed inside you.

You need to hear this...your pearls are precious. Treat them like they are.

Born again

 born again.

in english, we say, "i am born again."

in poetry, we say, "some people are so

poor that they have only been born once.

but to know a second birth is to be rich

in such a way that death will not have

the final say over my existence."

~ullie-kaye

Nothing to do

A gentle reminder that the

way people treat you, has 

everything to do with their

character and nothing to do

with your worth

A difference

 There is a difference

between giving up

and

knowing when you

have had

enough.

Clarity

 God wants you to 

hear this today...

Someone is thinking

about you with a  

clarity they didn't 

have before.

Repeated actions

From Issues of Life

Before she broke up with me, she said:

"I'm not here to control you. I'm here to build with

you. I wanted a partnership, a connection where

both of us feel safe, valued, and respected. You

have every right to live your life, make your

choices, follow your path...but the choices you

kept making kept showing me exactly where I 

stood in your life -- and it wasn't where I deserved

to be.

I've told you what hurts me, what makes me feel 

unsafe, what crosses the boundaries I've set with

love and care. I've been honest, I've

communicated, I've tried to be clear -- but you kept

doing the same things anyway.

At some point, repeated actions stop being

mistakes and start showing who a person truly is.

And I can't keep loving someone who won't stand

with me, who won't meet me in this life we were

trying to build. I can't keep giving my heart to

someone who won't protect it as fiercely as I

protect theirs."

Before she broke up with me she said:

"I'm not here to control you. I'm here

to build with you. You have every

right to live your life...but your

choices keep showing me exactly

where I stand in it. I've told you what

hurts me, what makes me feel unsafe,

what crosses a boundary but you still

do it anyway.

At some point it stops being a mistake

and starts being who you are. And I

can't keep loving someone who won't

stay on my side."

Silent treatment

The silent treatment:

1.  Silent treatment is emotional punishment disguised as "needing space."

2.  Silent treatment is withdrawing love to control your reactions.

3.  Silent treatment is manipulation that forces you to chase clarity.

4.  Silent treatment is a power play meant to create insecurity.

5.  Silent treatment is refusing communication to avoid accountability.

6.  Silent treatment is blocking healing by shutting down dialogue completely.

7.  Silent treatment is making you beg for basic human connection.

8.  Silent treatment is emotional abandonment used to regain dominance. 

What do you do

 "What do you do when the person you

love doesn't love you back?" she asked.

"You keep loving them," I said. "Because

love is like a disease. You don't get to

decide when to stop. You don't get to

make that choice."

Power

there is power

between

the two of us

an electricity

we could power a city with

if only we knew how

there is something

between us

you and I

some kind 

of magic

Go silent

 People who go silent when something

upsets or hurts them, are often

experiencing a coping mechanism called

emotional withdrawal. It's not that they

have nothing to say, it's that their system

learned that silence is safer than being

misunderstood. Instead of expressing anger

or frustration, they hold it in.

High place

 God didn't design marriage

to be an idol or the source

of your peace, rest, and stability.

That's why it hurts so bad when

your spouse lets you down. You've 

had them lifted up in a high place

that they never belonged.

In return

I didn't even realize

that I was lying

when I told you

"I will love you,

unconditionally..."

Because, I did

have a condition.

I expected

to be loved in return.

~E.V.

Allowed

 If God allowed the 

separation, He has a reason

for the season, even this

Thanksgiving.

Real

 From Soulful Videos

we slept together,

showered skin to skin,

created soul ties,

said i love you,

kissed with morning breath,

talked about our past, present, future,

our dreams,

cried in each other's arms.

so no,

i cannot thug this out.

it's not just a physical connection,

it's the emotional bond,

the intimacy shared,

the vulnerability exposed.

you can't just walk away from that,

not without feeling the weight of it.

it's not something you can turn off,

not something you can ignore.

this was real.

and it hurts more than people think.

Purest things

 One of the purest things is

someone trying to fix themselves so

they can love you exactly how you

deserve to be loved.

Avoided

 The person who avoided their own

feelings was never going to know

how to hold yours. You were asking

for something they didn't know how

to give, even though they cared.

~Dean Blankfield

Not happy

 Only people who are not

happy with themselves are

mean to others. Always 

remember that. 

Busy solitude

 The happiest of all

lives is a busy solitude.

~Voltaire, Correspondence

Love right

"It's okay, I didn't know how to love

you right either. The only difference

is that while you gave up, I never

wanted to stop trying to learn how."

~Moriah Pearson

All of it

 I'm thankful

for all of it.

The highs.

The lows.

The blessings.

The lessons.

The setbacks.

The comebacks.

Everything.

by TobyMac

Softening the heart

 Before you start

your day, God wants

to remind you...He's

softening the heart

of someone who

needed divine

correction.

Loves best

 A wife loves her husband best

when she cherishes God most.

Different person

 ALICE IN WONDERLAND

Lewis Carroll

"It's no use going back to yesterday,

because I was a different person then."

Lighthouses

Lighthouses aren't loud.

They don't argue with the sailors.

They don't ban the ships with

stains from coming through.

They don't grab them by their

masts and turn them around.

They don't claim to own the waters.

They simply shine

in the right direction.

Be a lighthouse.

~ullie kaye

Can love

You can love God and still suffer.

You can love God and still question

where He's been lately.

You can love God and still be

a long griever.

A deep feeler.

A slow healer.

You can love God and still be

disappointed at the chapter

you are walking through.

You can love God and still

struggle to find gratitude

on the day where everybody

else makes it look so easy.

~ullie-kaye

Come back

 Posted recently, but worth repeating...

"I think that maybe I would always let

you come back," she said, softly. "Not

that I'd stay here waiting, exactly. But, if

you came, told me you loved me, and

asked me to be yours...I'm not sure if

there's anything in the world I wouldn't 

drop for you."

-Or anyone

Tired

 When a woman starts getting quiet, unbothered,

and letting you do whatever you want, that's the

moment she's tired.

Not tired of loving you, but tired of hurting over

the same actions.

She's drained from repeating herself, exhausted

from giving chances, and done begging for the

bare minimum.

Her silence isn't peace, it's her heart protecting

what's left of it.

And once a woman reaches that point, she's not

sulling away to punish you, she's pulling away to

save herself.

Knocks harder

When God comes knocking

on your door and you choose

not to listen - 

don't be surprised if He knocks

a little harder.

Sometimes He runs after our

hearts through illness, loss or

anything else that brings us down

to rock bottom and forces us to

rely on Him.

Because when God knocks on

your door once, twice, or even

three times and you still do not

answer, He will find another way.

If a soft wind isn't enough,

you may get a storm.

This is a measure of His love

that we do not always understand.

~ullie-kaye

Wait

 From J.I. Packer, Knowing God

"Wait on the Lord" -- is a constant refrain

in the Psalms, and it is a necessary word,

for God often keeps us waiting.

He is not in such a hurry as we are, and it is

not his way to give more light on the future

than we need for action in the present -- or to

guide us more than one step at a time.

When in doubt -- do nothing -- but continue

to wait on God. When action is needed,

light will come.

Second chance

 From Ancestral healing

A second chance isn't a free pass.

It's someone looking at the mess you made, the

tears they cried, the trust you smashed, and still

deciding you're worth one more try. That's not

normal. That's sacred. That's the kind of

forgiveness most people never get in a lifetime.

If somebody hands you that, you don't just say

"thank you" and go back to your old ways.

You get on your knees (not literally, but close) and

you do the hardest thing you'll ever do: you look at 

exactly how you broke them and you swear, on 

everything you have, never to do it again.

This time you don't talk about change.

You become it.

You show up early, you answer the text, you keep

the promise even when it's not convenient, you sit

with the discomfort instead of running from it.

Every single day you prove, with actions, not

words, that their crazy faith in you wasn't wasted.

Because second chances are made of glass.

One lazy lie, one old habit, one "I'll fix it later," and

it shatters for good. And when it does, it's not

because they stopped loving you. It's because 

they finally ran out of hope to give.

So if you're lucky enough to be standing in the

ruins and they still reach out for your hand, grab it like

it's the last lifeboat on earth.

Then spend the rest of your life making sure they

never regret it.

A mess

We're a mess

you and I

but the truth is,

you captivate me in ways

no soul ever will.

~perry poetry

The enemy

The enemy wants you

quiet, insecure, and

second-guessing

because he knows what

happens when a woman

fully believes who

she is in Christ.

The enemy isn't fighting you because you're weak,

he's fighting you because of the woman you

become when you stand in your true identity.

He wants you quiet.

He wants you insecure.

He wants you second-guessing every God-given

thing about you.

Why?

Because a woman who knows who she is in Christ

becomes a threat to darkness.

A woman who believes Heaven's truth about her

becomes unstoppable.

A woman who refuses to shrink becomes a 

weapon in the hand of God.

So straighten your crown.

Silence the lies.

And step into the confidence that was already paid

for by Jesus.

Space

 From Blake Goldsmith

I know you need space.

Time to be in your own energy.

And I respect that.

Your solitude is sacred to you.

the same way connection is sacred to me.

I'm not here to take that from you.

But when I don't hear from you...

when I feel you drifting

something inside me panics.

My nervous system thinks love is leaving again.

Not because of you

but because my body was wired to expect

absence.

I never had consistent love.

It was always hot & cold.

My father wasn't really there.

And my mother taught me to be a "good girl:

who never needed too much.

I learned to smile when I was hurting,

chase love that felt just out of reach.

Now I attach quickly & try harder,

I lose myself trying to keep love from leaving.

I question myself.

I mistake distance for rejection.

So now I struggle to trust the warmth will stay.

When I met you

there was something familiar about the way you

didn't chase me.

A part of me was drawn to it

to the strength, to your fire,

but also to the feeling that I had to earn your

attention.

It felt like maybe this time

I could finally be enough to be chosen.

I didn't see it at first,

but I was replaying the same story

hoping I could rewrite the ending.

I know you've got 1000 things going on.

I just need  feel you sometimes.

And I know you're trying.

You're working, providing, holding a lot.

I'm not here to make that harder.

I just want to feel that I still matter.

When I criticize or complain,

it's not because you're not enough.

It's because I don't feel safe.

It's my wound speaking

the part of me that's terrified

you'll disappear like everyone else did.

I know it's not your job to fix that.

It's my work. And I'm doing it.

But please know:

when I feel you're really present with me,

even just for a moment,

my whole body exhales.

I don't need you to save me.

Just don't disappear when I'm scared.

Let me know we're okay.

Let me know I still matter.

Let me know I'm not too much.

Because I'm still learning

that love can be safe

and that I don't have to earn it.

And that's all I ever wanted

to be seen, held, and chosen

even when I'm messy.

Your job

It's your job to 

love people.

It's God's job

to change 

their hearts.

Look for

Until you have given up yourself to Him you will not have a real self.

Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead.

Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ, and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.

~C.S. Lewis

As worship

 From Marriage Revolution

When you see loving

your spouse as

worship to God,

everything changes.

When the way you speak, serve, forgive, pursue, and show patience becomes an offering to God, not a reaction to your spouse's behavior, your marriage takes on a different posture.

Worship shifts the motivation.

Not "Do they deserve this?" but "God, you deserve my obedience."

This is where consistency grows...

where resentment gives way to grace...

where ordinary moments become holy opportunities.

Loving your spouse well isn't about marriage skills, it's about seeing Christ in every choice you make.

Act heartless

 Every time I tried to act heartless,

a small voice inside me whispered...

"This isn't who you are."

Silent treatment

The silent treatment is a form of abuse that says:

I'll ignore your existence as punishment,

and I'll decide when you're spoken to again.

Waiting on nothing

 Once you realize that

you're waiting on nothing.

It's easier to let go.

Disorienting

Healing is disorienting.

One day you're laughing and

glowing...the next you're triggered

and in a spiral. And somehow,

that's still progress.

~Truly Healed Women

Bare bones

Bare Bones.

Hope is not always soft and lovely.

She is not always cascading rivers

and sunlit skies, dancing.

Hope knows there is work to be done.

There are roads to be traveled and 

turns to be made.

She is bare bones and deep waters.

She is weary and weak.

She is barely a glimmer.

She shakes when she speaks.

This is where hope lives.

Smothered in sweat, full of war and

on the verge of crumbling into the sea.

Yet there she is - 

quietly breathing.

~ullie-kaye

If you wish

If you wish to be a warrior,

prepare to get broken,

if you wish to be an explorer,

prepare to get lost,

and if you wish to be a lover,

prepare to be both.

~Daniel Saint

All of you

"Give me all of you! I don't want so much

of your time, so much of your talents and

money, and so much of your work.

I want you. All of you.

I have not come to torment or frustrate the

natural man or woman, but to KILL IT!

No half measures will do.

Hand it over to me, the whole outfit, all of your

desires, all of your wants and wishes and dreams.

Turn them all over to me, give yourself to me

and I will make of you a new self - in My image.

Give me yourself and in exchange I will give

you Myself. My will, shall become your will.

My heart, shall become your heart."

~C.S. Lewis

Changing you

If God does not work

the miracle to change your

circumstances, trust that

He is performing a

greater miracle in 

changing you.

~Sarah Walton

Unequally yoked

By Tam Watts

There's a Cost of Unequally Yoked Connections...

See...Being unequally yoked doesn't always mean sinner vs. saint.

Sometimes it's disciplined vs. distracted.

Faithful vs. flaky.

Focused vs. comfortable...

Purposeful vs. emotional.

And if you don't learn to discern the difference, you'll be connected in relationships calling them loyal when they're really delay.

Unequally yoked called chemistry confirmation.

Calling trauma bonds a soul mate.

And you'll convince yourself it's love when really, it's warfare.

Choosing to be unequally yoked will cost you more than you can ever imagine.

It will cost you time...years you can't get back.

It will cost you money...funding what God never approved.

It will cost you peace...because confusion becomes the new normal.

Wholeness because you'll keep breaking yourself to fix someone else.

Discernment because you can miss God's voice while trying to hear theirs.

See...the enemy doesn't just send attacks, he sends attachments that are on assignment.

He'll make you think you're rescuing someone when really, you're the one being hunted.

He'll make you think you're planting seeds of faith when really, they are growing weeds in your garden.

And here's what I learned the hard way...

Your light doesn't always transfer.

Sometimes it just gets dimmer without you even knowing it.

Because while you're trying to save them, they're draining your oil.

And by the time you realize it you're too tired, too confused, and too spiritually exhausted to think clearly...because the enemy doesn't mind if you go to church to find peace, as long as you're comfortable keep war at home.

Look at the Bible..

Samson was anointed but when he connected with Delilah he lost strength and was distracted from his mission.

Solomon had wisdom...but foreign wives turned his heart away from God and messed up his bloodline.

Every story proves the same truth...every wrong connection leads to destruction.

You can be powerful, prayerful, and still pick the wrong person if you're not careful...

You can speak in tongues and still sleep next to someone sent to test you...

You can quote Scripture and still ignore who was sent to hurt you.

So be careful who you align with.

The enemy knows your type.

He knows what looks safe to you but is poison to you.

So before you connect...pray

Before you commit...discern.

Before you call it connection...make sure it's God approved.

Because the price of peace

is too high to waste on people who were never assigned to your purpose.

Let that sink in.

My girl

and one day...

you'll wake up & realize

God never took anything from you.

He just saw things and said,

"NOT with my girl"

Venom

 From She's of Love

When people are rude/offend/attack/hurt you, they have unhealed trauma, they are full of venom and that venom is pouring out. The important thing is that you don't allow them to poison you too. Answer evil with good, don't answer evil with evil. If you get caught up in a conflict, if you offend/attack/hurt the other person, then you can know that you have already allowed another person to contaminate you.

Don't let a man behaving in a toxic way ruin your day. Do not allow a man full of venom to fill you with venom. It can't stop a man from spreading his venom, but you can keep that venom from getting inside you. Guard your heart!

No matter how good/generous/polite you are, in life you will have to deal with people who will treat you in a disrespectful/kindless way, who will hurt you. And each time you will have a choice between filling yourself with venom, acting unbalanced, making a scandal, offending yourself or responding in a balanced way. You have a choice between taking the bait or not. Every time someone offends you, trips you up, attacks you, be aware: "Now I'm being baited. And it's my choice if I bite or not." Most people take the bait. And most of the time it's the same bait day after day, year after year, but they keep biting.

Choose your battles wisely. If you get caught up in any conflict, if you let yourself be challenged by anyone, consuming your energy with things and people that don't matter, you won't have energy for the battles that really matter.

~Joel Osteen

That energy

 Hate on her all you want, animals run

to her, kids smile at her, strangers tell 

her their stories, people feel safe around

her, and if I've learned anything it's

that energy doesn't lie.

~Positive Vibes

That place

 From J.M Barrie

Peter Pan

You know that place between

sleep and awake, that place where you

still remember dreaming? That's where

I'll always love you. That's where I'll

be waiting.

One drop

 Not one drop of my self-worth

depends on your acceptance of me.

Second chances

 If you're dating a woman that's divorced after a 

long marriage.

Don't expect second chances. She won't ever

need you.

She stopped needing people a long time ago.

But she sure as hell wants you. She just doesn't

have time to teach a man how to treat her.

Remember she walked away from a lifetime and 

the father of her children.

Makes her

 Her home doesn't make her.

Her career doesn't make her.

Her look doesn't make her.

Her beauty doesn't make her.

Her Heavenly Father makes her.

Reappraised

I sold my love to you so cheaply because

you convinced me that was the most

I would ever get for it.

I got it reappraised.

Turns out

you can't

afford it.

~Kristina Mahr

First

 Wait until you realize the

Red Sea didn't part until

Moses stepped forward.

God didn't move the obstacle

until the obedience came first.

Disappearing

 She covered for his bad 

choices.

She swallowed what should've

ended it.

He thought her silence meant

safety.

It was actually the sound of 

her disappearing.

Just redeems

 Job didn't get his old life

back; he got a new one.

God didn't restore what

he lost; He rewrote the

ending and gave him

more than he had before.

God doesn't always explain

our pain; sometimes,

He just redeems it.

Your EI

People will admire your emotional intelligence until

it's time for them to swim in it. They will appreciate

your empathy, understanding, or validation until

your emotional intelligence demands accountability,

difficult conversations, or sitting with emotions they

want to suppress.

The moment your emotional intelligence disrupts

someone's avoidance, denial, or self-centeredness,

they may push back. Not everyone is ready to foster

honesty, accountability, and depth in relationships.

Fiercely

 Love fiercely. Because this all ends.

Don't confuse

"Love didn't hurt you. Someone 

who doesn't know how to love

hurt you. Don't confuse the two."

Discards

 When somebody discards you, it

can feel like you were thrown in the 

garbage, like you have no value, like

you were never special in any way.

But be grateful that it doesn't make

sense to you. Because it shouldn't.

Someone going from loving you to 

treating you like you're worthless

will never make sense...and the fact

that your heart can't understand it

means it's still good.

Isn't being difficult

 Sometimes your partner isn't

being difficult. They're being ten

years old and terrified they're

about to lose love again.

Choose you

I know it's a hard lesson

to learn, but the truth is 

you cannot love yourself

and love someone who hurts

you at the same time.

Please choose you.

~Stephanie Bennett-Henry 

Last message

 From The Last Page

(But Not the Last Meeting)

And after that last message, I told myself wouldn't

reach out to you again. Not because I stopped caring.

Not because I didn't miss you. But because deep down,

I realized - you didn't want me to. I had already said

everything I needed to say. I had already cried. I sent

words that came from the deepest parts of me, hoping

they'd mean something to you, hoping they'd be enough.

But silence became your answer, and I knew then - I

couldn't keep chasing someone who wouldn't even turn

around. I couldn't keep offering my heart to someone

who had already walked away.

I wanted to fight. God knows, I did. But how do you

fight for something that doesn't want to be saved? So

I stayed quiet. I let the silence do what my words no

longer could. And even though it hurt, even though

everything in me still aches for what we had, I forced

myself to stop. But please don't mistake that silence for

not caring - because it's the hardest thing I've ever

had to do.

Show up

 You cannot 

have a healthy

relationship if

you refuse to

let them show

up for you.

~@jason.vanruler

Attachment

 "Trauma bonding" is the

confusing attachment we

feel toward people who

hurt us -- but we need to

remember that it's not 

"love" or a "choice."

It's the kind of instinctive

bond that a kid -- or a 

person of any age -- who

has been starved of 

connection and forced to be

dependent forms.

~Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle

Without permission

 From TobyMac

God heard the 

conversations 

behind your

back, that's why

He changed

your circle without

your permission.

Something better

 Sometimes two 

people need to fall apart to realize

how bad they need to fall back together...

It's not always about

fixing what's broken, but instead

starting over and creating 

something better.

Coming back stronger.

Unbreakable

Sometimes the two people who are

truly meant for each other will face

the hardest battles. Not because they

are wrong for each other, but because

the world will test everything real. 

Love like that doesn't come easy; it's

built through pain, distance, 

misunderstandings, growth. But if

they can hold on through the chaos, if

they choose each other over and over

again, they'll find something most

people only dream of - a love that

didn't just survive the storm, but 

became unbreakable because of it.

She used to be mine

My "anthem" as of late...

"She Used To Be Mine" 

It's not simple to say

Most days I don't recognize me

That these shoes and this apron

That place and its patrons

Have taken more than I gave them

It's not easy to know

I'm not anything like I used to be

Although it's true

I was never attention's sweet center

I still remember that girl

She's imperfect but she tries

She is good but she lies

She is hard on herself

She is broken and won't ask for help

She is messy but she's kind

She is lonely most of the time

She is all of this mixed up

And baked in a beautiful pie

She is gone but she used to be mine

It's not what I asked for

Sometimes life just slips in through a back door

And carves out a person

And makes you believe it's all true

And now I've got you

And you're not what I asked for

If I'm honest I know I would give it all back

For a chance to start over

And rewrite an ending or two

For the girl that I knew

Who'll be reckless just enough

Who'll get hurt

But who learns how to toughen up when she's bruised

And gets used by a man who can't love

And then she'll get stuck

And be scared of the life that's inside her

Growing stronger each day

'Til it finally reminds her

To fight just a little

To bring back the fire in her eyes

That's been gone

But used to be mine

Used to be mine

She is messy but she's kind

She is lonely most of the time

She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie

She is gone but she used to be mine

~Sara Bareilles

Meant for you

You asked for a sign from God and here it is --

Nothing meant for you will ever pass you by. Not the

opportunity, not the moment, not the person. What's

written for you doesn't need chasing -- it will find you

when you're ready. You haven't missed your chance;

you're being prepared for it. God's timing isn't late, it's

intentional. He's aligning you what you've prayed for with

the person you're becoming, ensuring that when it 

arrives, it can stay.

Every delay carries purpose. Every detour is protection.

Even the seasons that feel quiet are filled with blessings

you can't yet see. You don't need to force what's divine.

It will meet you in clarity, not confusion; in peace, not

pressure. So take a breath, stay faithful, and keep 

becoming. What's meant for you will always recognize

you, and when it does, you'll understand why it had to

take its time.

~Rebecca Simon

Power

 From Georgios Charpantidis

Avoidant attachment is about power.

Every time an avoidant pretends they don't like you - they get the power of being desired

without desiring (being chased without chasing).

Every time an avoidant withdraws, asks for "space" or stone-walls you -- the avoidant gets the

power to control the relationship through distance. The avoidant decides when to communicate and 

when to withdraw.

Every time an avoidant complains that you are being too needy or clingy, the avoidant conditions

you to expect less and ask for nothing in the relationship.

What each of these behaviors tell you:

The avoidant needs to be in control - making all the decisions while indirectly and quietly conditioning you to feel ashamed about your needs, boundaries, and expectations

The result?

Erasure and submission. Through manipulation and control-tactics -- you become a tool without a voice. A slave without needs -- and a victim that's waiting to be saved.

To enforce this dynamic and make sure that you never leave -- the avoidant uses intermittent reinforcement and breadcrumbing to keep you like a dog on a leash. 

Like an animal/dog experiment -- the avoidant throws you a bone every time that you're starving/just to keep you around.

Like a vampire that feeds his vassal with his own blood -- the avoidant controls you in a trauma bond or parasitic enmeshment that weaponizes your natural biological need for intimacy and turns it into a tool to control you.

Like a narcissist -- you are turned into supply.

The avoidant gets validation, time, energy and money because he knows how to take advantage of the

very same "neediness" that he loves to complain about.

The end-game? To condition you to self-abandon and become addicted like a pigeon to their breadcrumbs.

Which is why an avoidant is not much different in behavior and relating from a leech that needs a host to feed on.

But "tell me again" how different that is from narcissism.

Repeatedly disappoint

 You can't repeatedly disappoint a woman

and expect her energy to still crave you.

Each disappointment chips away at her trust

and feelings for you.

Over time, her excitement and passion will 

fade, replaced by doubt and frustration. If

you want to keep her, you need to be

consistent, reliable, and show her that you

genuinely care.

Only then can you maintain that connection

and keep her energy focused on you. 
Don't break her heart.

Love her the way she deserves.

~Malika tv

People pleasing

I wish I'd known earlier

that people pleasing is a

form of emotional

unavailability, too.

It's difficult for anyone to get to know the real you

if you downplay your feelings, needs, limits, and wants in

your relationships.

Crown

 Once upon a time

I put a crown on a clown 

and my life turned into a circus.

Hate to say

I hate to say it, but I

miss you, a simple,

devastating truth. I'm so

angry you gave up on us,

but I'm even more mad that 

I'd still take you back if you

asked. It's not fair that

you get to be okay while 

I'm still here, trying to

forget someone who feels

unforgettable. I wish I could

hate you enough to move on,

but all I can do is learn to 

forgive - you for leaving, 

and myself for still wishing

you hadn't.

Never understand

 I can move on. But I'll never

understand how you looked at me

and still thought I deserved that.

~Truly Healed Women

Sacrificed

 Bro, she sacrificed her 

mental health just to

stay with you a little

longer. Don't ever

question her loyalty.

Take time

 Some prayers take time.

Some answers don't look like I expected.

But God is always on time.

I don't have to rush.

~lettersofannawin

Tolerated

 I outgrew the version of me that tolerated you.

That wasn't love -- it was survival.

And I'm done surviving.

Shattered

 When a secure person breaks up with

you, it's clear. There's closure and you

know what's happening.

When an avoidant breaks up with you,

it's unclear, vague, and full of silence.

Both breakups hurt, but one leaves you

grounded. The other leaves you

shattered.

Secure people handle endings with clarity because they can face emotional discomfort directly.

They value honesty and closure, even when it's painful.

Their communication stays consistent, and their actions match their words.

Avoidant people, on the other hand, often disconnect to protect themselves from emotional intensity.

When the relationship ends, they withdraw rather then explain.

It's not that they plan to be unclear, it's that emotional confrontation feels overwhelming, so they

leave space, silence, or mixed messages instead.

That's why breakups with avoidant partners feel confusing and incomplete.

You're left trying to make sense of something they were too shut down to articulate.

~Dean Blankfield

Rained

 it rained in my head for months but now, look at all the flowers

Fade

 From Real Vibes

Avoidant people don't ghost you.

They fade.

They text less.

They call shorter.

They start using words like "busy," "tired," or

"overwhelmed"

every time you try to connect.

And at first.

you don't notice it.

Because they don't leave all at once --

they leave gradually,

while keeping one foot in the door

so you won't walk away first.

They crave closeness

but fear what it demands.

So they build walls

and expect you to feel safe outside of them.

Now you're left questioning everything:

Did I say too much?

Did I ask for too much?

Was I the trigger?

But the truth?

It wasn't you.

It was their fear of love that required presence,

consistency and vulnerability --

and your love asked for all three.

Like a clown

Don't blame a clown for acting like a clown,

ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

God knows

 "God knows quite well how

hard we find it to love Him

more than anyone or anything

else, and He won't be angry

with us as long as we are 

trying. And he will help us."

~C.S. Lewis

One breath

 Take one breath at a time.

When your mind runs wild,

God offers rest.

You don't earn peace...

you receive it.

~lettersofannawin

Floating

Healing is like floating in the middle of the ocean.

Unpredictable and uncontrollable.

Some days it's calm, some days it's violent.

Sometimes it storms, then suddenly the sun

breaks through again. And there I am...

still floating. Not sinking, but not

quite at shore either.

~Truly Healed Women

Inexcusable

 To be a Christian means

to forgive the inexcusable

because God has forgiven

the inexcusable in you.

~C.S. Lewis

Magical turn

And, in a magical turn of events,

I chose me.

And nothing was the same after that.

Loyal

 I'm loyal, because it's

IN ME, not because I 

NEED YOU.

What are we

 From Positive Vibes Only

What are we? Lovers?

No, I don't think so, because lovers desire each other and need each other at every moment.

Friends with benefits?

No, I don't think so, because friends with benefits look for any excuse to be together.

Boyfriend/girlfriend?

Not really, because they send each other sweet messages, sing songs, miss each other, and seek each other out to spend the day together.

Beautiful moments?

Yes, that's what we are, just that, moments full of desire and longing, with a little lust and a touch of passion. We seek each other, we satisfy each other, and we find each other again until a new desire pricks our skins and stirs our souls.

So what are we?

We are what you and I want to be, in the moment, in the place, and in the darkness of that room far from the hustle and bustle of people, on the other side of our reality. That's who we are.

Stolen moments of happiness, that's what we are,

"almost something," that's what we are.

Reconnection

 From unspoken thoughts

Some people come back when both hearts are finally ready.

Sometimes reconnection is not about returning to what was. It's about meeting again as two people who have grown.

You both see things differently now.

The anger has faded, the wounds have closed.

And what's left is a quiet kind of peace.

Not meant

 Lately, I've been including this in my prayer:

"If I'm not meant to have it, Lord,

please remove the desire from 

my heart to want it, and help me

find peace in its absence."

Reciprocity

 Love is never wasted,

For its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

~C.S. Lewis

Too bright

You can pour all the love in your heart,

but it will never heal someone still attached

to their pain. Your light will always feel too

bright for those who have made peace with

their darkness.

~@AdeifeAdeyeye

Survival patterns

 From Dean Blankfield

Both the anxious and avoidant attachers are driven by

unconscious survival patterns, not from cruelty 

or intention to harm.

Their behaviors come from early attachment

experiences that shaped how their nervous systems

respond to closeness and distance.

The anxious attacher learned that love could

disappear at any moment, so they reach, cling,

and seek reassurance to stay safe.

The avoidant attacher learned that closeness

could bring overwhelm, criticism, or shame, so

they pull back to feel safe.

Both are acting from fear.

The anxious one is trying to protect connection.

The avoidant one is trying to protect independence.

But because their strategies oppose each other,

each partner's attempt to feel safe triggers the

other's deepest wound and ends up hurting the

person they care for the most.

The truth is that...

The anxious attacher and the

avoidant attacher aren't consciously

trying to hurt each other.

They're both just trying to stay safe.

But the mechanisms they use to stay

safe, ends up doing the one thing

they're trying not to do - hurt each

other.

Deserve more

 you can know you

deserve more from someone,

but still be afraid

to let them go,

because it's the most

you've ever had.

~thought catalog

Rebuild

 It's not that you're afraid of love.

You're afraid of the damage it

might do. Because you remember

what it took to rebuild.

~Truly Healed Women

Being patient

Everyone is so emotionally

intelligent nowadays they

completely miss the part

where love sometimes means

being patient with someone

who's still figuring things out

Never give up

 Never give up on 

something that you

can't go a day

without thinking

about.

Just forgot

it's ok.

You just forgot who you

are.

Welcome back.

Being lifted

 You are being 

lifted out of what

once tried to 

drown you

Own internal struggle

When you finally learn that a person's

behavior has more to do with their own

internal struggle than it ever did with 

you...you learn grace.

My red flag

 my biggest red flag?

i stay.

i'll always stay.

i love too deep, even when it

kills me.

i stay until there's nothing left of

me to ruin.

~Kamali

Never deserved

 Stop wasting your energy on someone by trying to

understand how they could walk away so easily;

and instead start realizing that the kind of person

who leaves without a conscience is the same kind

of person who never deserved to stay.

~Mark Smith

Can't go back

You can't go back to the way things were. You can't

just go back to being friends with someone you gave

your heart to. That's not how it works. You change

after you've been in love. You change after you've 

had your heart broken. Pain changes people. It turns

lovers into strangers. And it makes the softest hearts

turn cold. Facts.

~r.m.drake

Where valued

 They said, "Go where you are valued," so I ran to God.

Rejecting

Some people aren't rejecting you, they are

rejecting the work they have to put in to be

in your energy.

Your energy asks for honesty, presence,

accountability, and it exposes where people

aren't willing to meet themselves.

Meet your needs

 The reason they couldn't meet your needs is

because them meeting your needs would have

required them to face their own flaws.

~Mark Smith

Scared not heartless

 From HeartMend  

As You Learn about Avoidants, You Start to See:

"They need space" often means they don't know how to regulate closeness.

"They don't talk about feelings" often means they were never taught it was safe to.

"They seem detached" often means they care more than they can handle.

"They came back" often means they finally felt the loss they kept avoiding.

Avoidants aren't heartless -- they're scared. They learned somewhere along the way that love equals loss, and closeness equals danger. For them, connection brings up memories of being let down, abandoned, or misunderstood. So they build emotional distance as a form of protection. What looks like indifference is really self-preservation.

But let's be honest, knowing that doesn't make it any easier to love them. It doesn't make it any less painful when they pull away right when things start to feel safe. It doesn't make it less confusing when you're pouring out effort and getting silence in return. Because even if you understand where their behavior comes from, it still hurts to be on the receiving end of it.

You start questioning yourself. You replay conversations, wondering what you said wrong. You start adjusting, softening, explaining, waiting, hoping your patience will make them stay. But no matter how much you give, they keep pulling away, and you end up feeling unseen, unappreciated, and emotionally drained.

And the truth is, that's not because you weren't enough. It's because they aren't emotionally ready to receive the kind of love you offer. They haven't yet learned that true safety comes from allowing love in, not running from it. And no amount of your love can teach them that, that's their work to do.

So if you're exhausted, it's okay. If you're angry, that's okay too. You were loving someone through their fear while neglecting your own need for stability. You were trying to heal both of you at the same time, and that's an impossible weight to carry alone.

Healing from an avoidant relationship means forgiving yourself for thinking you could love them enough to make them feel safe. It means grieving the version of them you saw underneath the fear, while accepting that they may never become that person. It means realizing that you didn't fail them, you just outgrew their emotional limits. 

And most importantly, it means turning all the energy you used to pour into fixing them back into yourself. Rebuilding your self-trust. Reconnecting to your calm. Learning that love isn't meant to feel like guessing games or emotional distance, it's meant to feel like consistency, care, and peace.

Understanding the avoidant helps you make sense of what happened, but healing helps you make peace with it. You stop trying to be their safe place and start becoming your own. Because real love doesn't hide behind fear, it shows up, it communicates, and it stays.

Mixed signals

 From Tam Letham

For the sake of your mental health, take mixed signals as a NO.

Because clarity never comes with confusion, and real love never comes with anxiety. Someone who truly wants you will never make you guess how they feel. They'll make it known through consistency, effort, and presence. You won't have to decode messages or question intentions. Peace will come naturally.

Mixed signals are not mystery, they're manipulation or indecision. And both will drain you. You deserve certainty, not confusion; emotional safety, not guessing games. When someone wants you, they show up. When they don't, you feel it. It's really that simple.

Stop trying to convince yourself that inconsistency is a sign of love. It's not. It's a sign of someone keeping you around for convenience, not commitment. And every time you excuse their behavior, you teach them that your peace is negotiable.

The truth is, people who care make things clear. They don't play with your emotions, they protect them. They communicate instead of confuse. They build instead of break.

So for your sanity, stop waiting for mixed signals to turn into love. 

Real love doesn't leave you anxious. It brings peace, effort, and certainty.

If you have to wonder, it's already your answer.

For the sake of your mental health,

take mixed signals as a NO.

Because clarity doesn't come with

confusion. Love doesn't come with

anxiety. And someone who truly

wants you will never make you guess

how they feel.

Two systems

 From Dean Blankfield

The avoidant attacher lives with two systems fighting inside them.

One part craves closeness, the other sees it as danger.

Their body is wired to want connection, but their nervous system links it to loss of control.

When love feels real, anxiety and shame kick in.

Their body reads intimacy as threat, so they shut down or pull away.

They miss people when they're gone, but feel smothered when they return.

They swing between longing and fear, never fully at rest.

They regulate through distance because closeness feels too intense.

Pulling away gives short term relief but brings deep loneliness after.

They hold tight to independence to avoid feeling weak or exposed.

Underneath, there's still a quiet ache to be close to someone safe.

They want to be understood, but vulnerability feels too risky.

Their mind says they want connection, their body says it's unsafe.

They keep chasing calm through control, never realizing safety comes from connection.

Until they retrain their body to feel safe in closeness, love will always feel like too much.

The avoidant attacher lives with constant inner conflict.

They want love but get overwhelmed when it shows up.

They miss people but feel trapped when things get close.

They crave connection but need space to breathe.

They pull away to feel safe, then feel lonely once they do.

They tell themselves they're fine alone, but deep down they're not.

They want someone to understand them, yet shut down when someone tries.

Their mind says they want closeness, their body says run.

They keep searching for calm while running from the very thing that brings it.

Until they deal with that fear, love will never feel safe.

LDR

 From Malika TV (sent this to R)

I never understood long-distance relationships or how people could live without their loved one nearby. I used to think love was something that thrived on touch, seeing each other every day, on sharing meals, laughter, and the ordinary little moments that make life feel full. I didn't understand how anyone could endure the aching absence, the quiet of nights spent alone, the longing that stretches across cities, countries, or even continents. To me, love without presence seemed like a puzzle missing its most important pieces.

Then I fell in love, and everything I thought I knew about connection, about intimacy, and about longing was turned upside down. Suddenly, distance became more than just a measurement of space -- it became a teacher, a challenge, a reminder of how strong the bond between two hearts can truly be. I realized that love isn't only about physical closeness. Love is in the patience of waiting for a message, in the joy of hearing a familiar voice over a call, in the small gestures that bridge the miles -- a late-night text, a shared song, a picture that says "I'm thinking of you." Love is about carrying someone in your heart so fully that the emptiness of their absence becomes almost bearable, because you know they are carrying you in theirs.

And through all the waiting, through all the moments of longing and doubt, I came to understand a truth I had never grasped before: "To love means to know how to wait, even when the distance feels like eternity."

It's a love that grows stronger in patience, deeper in longing, and more resilient with every mile that separates you. It is not easy. It is not always joyful. But it is real, profound, and unforgettable -- proof that true love doesn't need proximity; it only needs devotion, trust, and the courage to wait.

I never understood

long-distance relationships or

how people can live without

their loved one nearby.

Then I fell in love, and this is

my conclusion:

"To love means to know how

to wait, even when the

distance feels like eternity."